Parents Did I ruin my daughters opportunity at a good gym?

[Momofsmallbutmighty]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

 

[raenndrops]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

Wait until the season is over. Ask them to evaluate her. They might not even remember you.
And even if they do, as long as they aren't elitist, they should be willing to re-evaluate her.

 

[Coach Kate]

She is still so so young. Are you happy with your current gym? Is she going to be competing this season? It really wouldn't be a big deal in the long run to do a year or even a couple years at a gym that is good but maybe not the best it could be as long as the basics are solid. At that point it would be so reasonable to say you are hoping for more serious progressions, long term goals, etc and are wondering if that gym might be a good fit for your daughter.

 

[Cmom]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

Why do you feel this gym is the best gym in the area? Were you rude when you said you felt she wasn't fairly evaluated? That probably wasn't an ideal thing to say but I doubt they would hold your comment against your daughter permanently, unless you were very rude.

I am finding that best gyms seem to move kids a little more slowly. They spend a lot of time focusing on the basics and shaping. If your daughter came from a weaker program she may not have been close to where they wanted her for team, even though she may have looked great to you.

 

[Momofsmallbutmighty]

She is still so so young. Are you happy with your current gym? Is she going to be competing this season? It really wouldn't be a big deal in the long run to do a year or even a couple years at a gym that is good but maybe not the best it could be as long as the basics are solid. At that point it would be so reasonable to say you are hoping for more serious progressions, long term goals, etc and are wondering if that gym might be a good fit for your daughter.

Honestly no I’m not super happy with her current gym. She is competing this year, but not doing great. The low scores don’t bother me though and I would expect as much, but she seems to be losing skills she had before we started at our current gym. Everyone loves her at the gym and they are super nice, but I’ve been concerned about the coaching for a while, but was really trying to just let the coaches do their thing. Unfortunately it’s becoming more and more clear that something isn’t working and not just for my daughter but a good amount of her team too. The basics are what I’m worried about at her current gym. At this point I would rather she goes back onto pre-team and fix her skills that she’s losing at a better gym than continue to compete, but develop bad habits that will hurt her long term.

 

[Momofsmallbutmighty]

Why do you feel this gym is the best gym in the area? Were you rude when you said you felt she wasn't fairly evaluated? That probably wasn't an ideal thing to say but I doubt they would hold your comment against your daughter permanently, unless you were very rude.

I am finding that best gyms seem to move kids a little more slowly. They spend a lot of time focusing on the basics and shaping. If your daughter came from a weaker program she may not have been close to where they wanted her for team, even though she may have looked great to you.

This gym consistently places first in competitions, produces college athletes, and has national qualifiers. While none of that really matters at her age I know a solid foundation does and I’m concerned she’s actually losing the foundation our old gym built at the new gym. I wouldn’t say I was extremely rude, but I did point out that she was put into a class of crying 2 year olds and told she wasn’t allowed to demonstrate skills she had when she asked to show the coach. There may have been some other things I mentioned, but nothing mean more just explaining what I saw and stating that if the only option was that class then we would find training elsewhere. Personally I know that could come across rude and accusatory although I do try to be polite even when I disagree with someone.

Hindsight on this whole thing is 20/20 unfortunately. I definitely know I let my mama bear step in before the more logical side. I completely agree that taking the time to develop solid form and shape is more important and now that we are at a gym that doesn’t seem to do that I really just want to get my daughter to the right place.

 

[Sebastian12]

If this best gym goes crazy about you wanting to come back in a year, then maybe it is not what it seems, indicating an unhealthy culture. When evaluating gyms, I’ve learned to dig deeper. Three things I look at beyond the basics: 1) what is the drop out rate from L3 to L4, then L4 to L6 - high rate indicates possible burn out/unhealthy culture/lack of ability to work with all athletes; 2) are the level 9&10s home grown or mostly from other gyms; 3) who does their social media feature a variety of levels and girls- not doing so may indicate favoritism.

 

[Dahlialover]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

If your child was still in rec when you wrote that unnecessary email, then there is a very good chance no one is going to remember! Rec kids come and go and no one cares. Rec staff also come and go, so the person you wrote that email to may not even work there now! Just set up a new evaluation and, when you do, change your email address on file, so when they email you, it doesn’t form a thread that includes the email you sent previously.

I wouldn’t worry to much about this. Crazy gym moms are a dime a dozen, and you have to be pretty wild to be memorable.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

Something is not adding up. Why would a club put a five year old in with two year olds?

Are you exaggerating a bit? We generally don't like when parents discuss other children.
To be honest, if you did - there is a chance you have be flagged as potentially problematic.

However it doesn't stop you from being honest and asking again... the worst they can do is say they have no space and let her prove herself in a rec class.

 

[Sebastian12]

Something is not adding up. Why would a club put a five year old in with two year olds?

Are you exaggerating a bit? We generally don't like when parents discuss other children.
To be honest, if you did - there is a chance you have be flagged as potentially problematic.

However it doesn't stop you from being honest and asking again... the worst they can do is say they have no space and let her prove herself in a rec class.

No they won’t put 2 with 5s. I don’t know any sports class would do independent 2s as many are not potty trained. I think she meant 3s. And yes 3-5 is a reasonable range for “minis”- youngest independent rec and at many gyms, rec levels are based on age rather than skills, and there is no such a thing called “pre team tracked”. Many gyms also arbitrarily create so many confusing rec levels to maximize profits. If they can milk you as a cash cow for as long as they can, heck ya! The OP needs to talk to the team coach if possible, not the rec coach- specifically ask about the trajectories to team and if they have multiple, which team, and the skills needed for that team. Our team coach pulls kids out from the minis to put on team directly, it may not be linear way from rec - advanced rec - pre team - team. Good luck.

 

[NutterButter]

I’m seeing alot of complaining about gyms not being right for your DD but you haven’t mentioned that you’ve asked the gyms ‘why’ they are making certain recommendations for your child. The gym that put her with what you perceive as two year olds (and I question the accuracy of this but whatever)…why? The gym saying she would automatically repeat bronze…why? Scores being low…why?

Your DD is 5? That’s very young for competing. Some 5 year olds are physically ready for that but may need another year for emotional development. Others will be the exact opposite. Could this be in play when the gym put her with the ‘2 year olds’? Is it possible that maturity is in play with lower scores? Are the scores really even low?

Something isn’t adding up to me. You’ve basically said that two gyms want to keep her at a lower level than you feel is necessary (one by keeping her with preschoolers and the other by suggesting she will be bronze for two years). I’m sensing a potential mismatch between parental expectations and reality at worst or at best a general misunderstanding on how the sport works.

My advice - let things go until the end of competition season. Ask questions then. Reevaluate based on all the info you have then make a decision. You may have burned a bridge with the other gym but it’s entirely possible as another person suggested that since it was all on the rec side, no one will remember.

 

[TumbleTwist]

I’m seeing alot of complaining about gyms not being right for your DD but you haven’t mentioned that you’ve asked the gyms ‘why’ they are making certain recommendations for your child. The gym that put her with what you perceive as two year olds (and I question the accuracy of this but whatever)…why? The gym saying she would automatically repeat bronze…why? Scores being low…why?

Your DD is 5? That’s very young for competing. Some 5 year olds are physically ready for that but may need another year for emotional development. Others will be the exact opposite. Could this be in play when the gym put her with the ‘2 year olds’? Is it possible that maturity is in play with lower scores? Are the scores really even low?

Something isn’t adding up to me. You’ve basically said that two gyms want to keep her at a lower level than you feel is necessary (one by keeping her with preschoolers and the other by suggesting she will be bronze for two years). I’m sensing a potential mismatch between parental expectations and reality at worst or at best a general misunderstanding on how the sport works.

My advice - let things go until the end of competition season. Ask questions then. Reevaluate based on all the info you have then make a decision. You may have burned a bridge with the other gym but it’s entirely possible as another person suggested that since it was all on the rec side, no one will remember.

oh interesting. I did not realize this was the same poster as the "repeating bronze" post. In that post she is questioning why they would have her repeat bronze even though "my daughter definitely is not the weakest member of her team" But in the same paragraph she states "She also seems to progress very slowly and I had to spend hours helping her with her beam routine because she didn’t know it from going to practice three days a week." So I'm a bit confused. Is she doing well in Bronze, or isn't she? Is she one of the strongest on the team, or is she struggling to learn simple routines even though she's in the gym 3 days a week? It sounds to me like they want her to repeat bronze because of where her skills are at (and possibly maturity), not because she is "so small".

I'm also having trouble following, because in the "repeating bronze" post, mom says that her current gym "was supposed to be the best place to be in the area since the better gym we were going to go to disbanded their team right before we moved", but in this post she says the first gym she tried (and pulled her out of) is "the best gym in the area", and is considering going back to that one.

So something's not adding up here.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Is this the same daughter that was repeating bronze? I'm going to assume this is a different daughter, because if a 5-year-old is repeating a level, that would mean she started competing at 4 years old, which I find implausible.

At any rate, at 5 years old I wouldn't even worry about competitive prospects of any particular gym. The first step to becoming a great gymnast is to fall in love with the sport enough to want to stick with it for the long haul, and for a 5 year old that just means she should be somewhere she's having fun. Maybe she'll stick with the sport, maybe she won't. Maybe she'll get really good at it, maybe she won't. But worrying about those long term goals at age 5 does more harm than good.

 

[NutterButter]

My understanding is that OP's DD will be repeating bronze next year based on a comment the coach made awhile ago. She was on preteam as a 4 year old and this is her first year competing.

 

[Cmom]

Honestly no I’m not super happy with her current gym. She is competing this year, but not doing great. The low scores don’t bother me though and I would expect as much, but she seems to be losing skills she had before we started at our current gym. Everyone loves her at the gym and they are super nice, but I’ve been concerned about the coaching for a while, but was really trying to just let the coaches do their thing. Unfortunately it’s becoming more and more clear that something isn’t working and not just for my daughter but a good amount of her team too. The basics are what I’m worried about at her current gym. At this point I would rather she goes back onto pre-team and fix her skills that she’s losing at a better gym than continue to compete, but develop bad habits that will hurt her long term.

If she was in preteam at age 3, she was probably being prepped for a competitive level that more serious gyms might not even compete.

At my daughter's gym preteam starts at 5-6 years old and they are prepping for level 4. If a 5 year old came with 2 years of experience in preteam it may not matter at all, and may be a disadvantage if they were not primarily focused on flexibility, shaping, lines, straight legs.

The girls on my daughter's preteam are not put there because of skills. They are selected for strength, flexibility, body type, and coordination. A girl with more skills but who lacks these other attributes would be passed up. If they are a gym
that only takes girls that can plausibly make it to 10, they may have decided your daughter isn't their type. They may be incorrect in their assessment, but they may have made their judgement on something you can't control. A more inclusive gym may be the best option for her.

 

[Dahlialover]

If I understand, the first gym put her in a preschool class (ages 3-5) and another gym put her in Bronze. You may not have realized that gyms only move students up to preteam at specific times of year and that the preschool program may have been the most advanced program available at that time, but it wasn’t necessarily going to last very long.

It’s quite possible that your daughter will go to preteam at the better gym, not team, and that’s a good thing. Parents often think that bronze is superior to pre-team but that is not true. I actually think it is developmentally inappropriate for 5-year-olds to compete. The only reason for a 5-year-old to compete is to profit the gym. It’s dumb in every other regard. Your child should be learning fundamentals and not trying to memorize routines, when she is obviously not developmentally ready for that task. See what the other gym has to offer and take it or leave it. If your daughter is really good at gymnastics, it doesn’t matter what program she does at age 5 and if she is average at gymnastics it REALLY doesn’t matter what program she does at age 5.