Parents Didn't make State, how to handle

[MaryA]

Gosh, if my daughter had switched to Xcel because she wasn't able to get a 34.5 as a level 5 (new 4) she wouldn't have been able to be level 6 state beam champ and wouldn't be a level 8 now.

 

[gymmomtoo]

My oldest dd, oh those many years ago, was the only level 6 of her team not to make it to State. She was crushed, to say the least! Don't know that I have much advice to offer other than hugging her and letting her be upset for awhile. She DID go to the meet to cheer on her teammates--and I would encourage that. Gymnastics is a team sport as well as an individual one--it's important to be a good teammate even when you're feeling down. (btw, my daughter was allowed to move up to level 7 the following year and she did very well--qualified to State for level 7 her very first meet!)

 

[Quadqueen]

yeah, I definitely don't think she needs to move to XCel only because she didn't qualify for states..

 

[beamer]

Azgymmiemom and MaryA have got it right.

My DD did not make the qualifying score for the state meet her first (old) L5 year...there were a few too many bent-arm kips and gasp-inducing handspring vaults that year.

She was pretty mortified.

We did not go to the state meet to watch/cheer on teammates. In retrospect, we should have. I think this would have been healthier than wallowing at home.

Also: no need to encourage her to move to XCEL. She will tell you if she ever gets the inclination to make such a move -- whether that is to feel better about her gymnastics through better scores (a sketchy business to begin with), or to have more free time for school and socializing.

 

[rjb123]

I try to remind DD as much as possible that she is more than just a gymnast. She is an artist, she is a great student, a wonderful friend, a sweet daughter a child of God. Gymnastics is just a part of her. A wonderful part, but just a part. And how she does in that one aspect doesn't change HER. We love her and think she is wonderful, gymnastics or not.
I also have asked her point blank "would you still love gymnastics if you never, ever, ever won another medal, placed in another meet ever?". The answer has always been "yes". So I tell her that is the most important thing- that she loves gymnastics no matter what. Because in the end, that is what it is really all about- loving what you do- not the medals etc. That said, there were some sad faces at meets from time to time, but in the end, with some gentle reminders and a lot of love she has worked through the tough stuff. And, imho working through that "tough stuff" is what makes a real champion in life.

 

[gymdog]

Gosh, if my daughter had switched to Xcel because she wasn't able to get a 34.5 as a level 5 (new 4) she wouldn't have been able to be level 6 state beam champ and wouldn't be a level 8 now.

Why do you perceive your daughter's path in gymnastics to be better than trying Xcel? Also, we have had many girls from (the predecessor of Xcel) to the level system. It sounds like a viable option, especially since she seems to be stronger on one event. Xcel will let her develop her skills in that event faster while still progressing stronger on the others. It might be her path to level 8. If the coaches have suggested Xcel would be a good fit, I would strongly suggest at least giving it a try. It's a great OPTION for some kids to find their path to the higher level.

And score inquiries generally have to be within a tenth.

Edit: every gym does Xcel differently so it's hard for me to say whether it would provide the hours she wants. In my gym we have a group that would definitely challenge her skill level as described. But of course some gyms don't have it at all. That's why my original post said to look into it, make some friendships, try a practice. It's worth a TRY. Sometimes the kids don't want to try it because they don't know the girls, and because the parents almost universally perceive it as a "lesser" path, rather than a better fit.

 

[gymdog]

She will tell you if she ever gets the inclination to make such a move -- whether that is to feel better about her gymnastics through better scores (a sketchy business to begin with)

So I guess this is where the problem mentioned in my edit comes in.

I highly encourage you to be open to Xcel if you support your daughter in going as far in gymnastics as she can, doing it for her enjoyment and physical development in the long term.

 

[beamer]

Gymdog: I appreciate your points. Xcel should not be viewed as a "lesser" track than JO.

Unfortunately, where we live, it is...in the "viewing" and in the reality. I actually started to write about my experience with my own DD as it relates to Xcel, but then my post got too complicated. But now I will explain. Here, Xcel is the track for the kids who can't really cut in it JO. There are some exceptions -- primarily the JO kids who move to Xcel who want to stay with gymnastics but do not want to continue to make the huge time commitments that JO requires. But these girls are the exception, rather than the rule.

I have actually mentioned to my DD that maybe Xcel might be the right place for her. She cries. Seriously. Because she views this as my statement of a lack of faith in her ability to get the JO job done. Here, JO is the harder, more respected track and she wants to stick with that until she can stick it (no pun intended) no longer! So, if the OP lives in an area where Xcel is viewed as it is here in my area, her suggestion to her daughter to go the Xcel route might be seen as a vote of no confidence. I am speaking from experience.

 

[LizzieLac]

Gymdog: I appreciate your points. Xcel should not be viewed as a "lesser" track than JO.

Unfortunately, where we live, it is...in the "viewing" and in the reality. I actually started to write about my experience with my own DD as it relates to Xcel, but then my post got too complicated. But now I will explain. Here, Xcel is the track for the kids who can't really cut in it JO. There are some exceptions -- primarily the JO kids who move to Xcel who want to stay with gymnastics but do not want to continue to make the huge time commitments that JO requires. But these girls are the exception, rather than the rule.

I have actually mentioned to my DD that maybe Xcel might be the right place for her. She cries. Seriously. Because she views this as my statement of a lack of faith in her ability to get the JO job done. Here, JO is the harder, more respected track and she wants to stick with that until she can stick it (no pun intended) no longer! So, if the OP lives in an area where Xcel is viewed as it is here in my area, her suggestion to her daughter to go the Xcel route might be seen as a vote of no confidence. I am speaking from experience.

Ditto in my state.

 

[gymdog]

This is the first season the Xcel program has even existed...it was created to address what the issues were with it's various predecessors in different regions. I encourage everyone to change their attitude along with the program. Don't propagate misinformation. If a child is struggling and a group has become negative (described in the OP's post), it is worth a try. Nowhere did I say that she must go to Xcel and never come back. I am saying it could be a very positive place in her gymnastics development RIGHT NOW. It provides an alternative. In fact, it might even not be too late to make the state meet for the appropriate Xcel placement!

 

[Muddlethru]

We had a girl in L5 that missed the state qualifying score by .3. Two days before the meet, our coaches told her she'd be competing. Unfortunately, I do not know what the coaches did. In any event, my daughter who is currently an L9 had her lowest scores ever as an L4. She was not even able to do her mill circle until the state meet and scored mostly in the 7 on bars entire L4 season. At L5, her highest scoring event was bars. In addition, she won meet after meet thereafter. I'd support your daughter as long as she wants to do gymnastics and hold judgment on how far she can go.

 

[LuckyMommy]

Thanks all for your support and great ideas. We are planning a party with non-gym friends on the weekend of State, and DD1 has asked to go and cheer on some of her friends since the venue is close to us. This is what her Team and coaches expect of anyone not going to State if the meet is local.

On petitioning for a higher score, they told me that 0.2 was not within the range where they could adjust. Our team does not do additional meets to try to qualify. So.... we have about 6 or 7 more practices to get through, and the focus is definitely on State at all times with pep talks at the end of practice. At which point DD1 looks close to tears. She is having trouble sleeping some nights, but was happy after practice later last night and said that her bars routine is really improving. We talked about how those skills feed into L5. DD1 is a super hard worker and just never stops trying, so it breaks my heart. But this is part of life.

I'd love for her to switch to Xcel but the girls are her level are in middle school and she doesn't know any of them. The question may answer itself if she does not make it to L5 next spring. She is adamant about not wanting to repeat L4 again because DD2, who is nearly 4 years younger, is going to compete L4 next year. It's already bothering her that her little DD2 is right on her heels. Right now DD1 wants to go for L5, which means adding 3 more hours of practice a week (5 days a week, 3 hours each time). As parents, we can try to steer her but we aren't going to pull her out as long as she keeps up her schoolwork.

Thanks again for the replies, it really helps.
LuckyMommy

 

[beamer]

Xcel is essentially just a new name for the Prep Op program. It is a less difficult track than JO.

My concern on this forum is that it seems like whenever someone writes in with a question about how to help a child who is getting 6s on her beam routine, or who is struggling with a skill, or who can't qualify to states -- whatever it is that is causing scoring problems -- someone writes that this child should be referred to the Xcel program.

For those girls who are sick of the hours in the gym, or who want a less rigorous track or who get older and want to socialize with their friends more...heck, yeah. Suggest Xcel.

The OP wants to know how to make her DD feel better now that she has not qualified to the state meet (by a very slim margin!). My point is that maybe now is not the time to suggest a move to Xcel. Scores are not everything.

 

[SignHere]

I can feel for you, ESP since her younger sister qualified and she did not.

I am going to disagree with the majority here. This is not something you can fix and nothing you say or do will make your DD 1 feel better about not qualifying. But she does need to go to the state meet and support her sister.

She will survive this. She will be stronger for it.

She also will survive being in the same level as the younger sister, and possibly, the younger sister passing her by.

I have 2 DDs in gymnastics - DD 1 is 4 years older than DD 2. This season , DD2 moved past DD1 (skipped 2 levels). This has been very hard for DD1, and the coach spoke to me about it before he made the decision to move DD 2. But it was right to move the younger daughter, and we couldn't hold her back. She was ready to move up.

DD1 has been very proud of little sister moving up to Level 7 and will be competing level 6 herself this year.

 

[gymdog]

Xcel is essentially just a new name for the Prep Op program. It is a less difficult track than JO.

Not necessarily. The only thing you can say for sure is that the level system tops out at a higher level if you get there. There's no way you can compare a level 3 and a Xcel Platinum gymnast and say the level 3 (or 4 or 5) is automatically better because they're in the level system. This is the problem with how people view Xcel. If it keeps the kid progressing for a year and not having to repeat a level, then it has a good role.

Also - there was no nationalized prep-op system before this, and many places didn't have as many levels or progressive requirements. I am well aware of what Xcel is.

 

[iwannacoach]

If she loves gymnastics, don't let her quit over this. Hard work and determination WILL show in time. I think the kids that don't win easily at first turn into the hardest workers. They are driven by their passion! My dd missed her (old) level 4 state qualifying score by .075!! (Coaches cut off, not the state cut off) and he still wouldn't let her go. She was heartbroken. But, she just kept working. Now she's getting ready to compete L8, and started her L7 season last year with over 36aa at her very first optional meet.........

We went to that state meet (the one she didn't qualify for) to cheer on her teammates that did. My dd's choice. I don't know if your dd would want to go or if she'd rather avoid it. Just follow her lead.

It's just my opinion, but I think you 'nailed it' when you used the word passion.

With that in mind, the only intervention I would favor is to point out that dwelling on what she's done is a waste of energy, and *that* energy would be best used if directed at working toward what she wants to do. I also think it's a mistake to soften the blow any further than giving her a shoulder to cry on, a hug, and telling her you're proud of her and behind her all the way. Meaning that you pay, drive, provide the best nutrition possible, and help her manage time so her school work stays caught up. If she says she wants to put in a few hours at open gym, or work some strength and flexibility at home...... you're all for it.

Why?????

Because she's your darling daughter and she wants something that you can't give her. This is her passion and struggle, and she just may have a chance to get what she wants on her own. Looking out for her emotional side beyond preserving her sanity, will numb her sense of purpose and resolve and will make it more likely she'll fail to meet the standards she already (likely) has in place.

In my humble opinion as a parent, coach, and caring person, the best chance she has of building self esteem is to pursue her passion with every bit energy you can responsibly allow her. At least she'll get the message that her goals are important enough that you'll bend to *her will* as far as your ethos will allow.

Supporting a child's pursuit does include the risk of failure as defined by the child, but sitting on the fence and laying out the safety net will almost assure it.

 

[MaryA]

Yes, IWC is right. As parents, we want to wave a magic wand and fix things like this when they happen to our kid. But how much better when they can "fix" it themselves? In the end, that goes a lot further towards helping them grow into determined and self-motivated adults! (But I bet most of us parents would still fix it if we could.)

 

[Granny Smith]

I would just let your dd know that 1 meet doesn't define who you are. Your true character is how you react to this situation. Instead of focusing on moving to L5, she might want to focus more on mastering those L4 skills and possibly repeating L4. There is nothing wrong with repeating and that should be stressed to her. Some kids just need that confidence boost of doing a level a 2nd time, especially someone who struggled and didn't qualify to States. If she is able to master those skills and progress to the L5 skills, then possibly consider moving to L5.

I would also praise your DD1 for supporting her sister and tell her how much that matters to you and her to her sister. Again, this is all part of character building. She may surprise you and want to go to L4 States to support her teammates. You dd will get through this.

 

[profmom]

Agreed with IWC, MaryA, and Granny Smith. Yes it's disappointing, but don't dwell on it and encourage her to let it go. DD was, I think, the only girl in her entire gym not to make states last season, and she was briefly sad about it, but we tried to be pretty matter-of-fact. By the time the meet came, she was able to wish her teammates good luck with sincerity and enthusiasm. Your DD can still have a great and successful year moving at her own pace.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Not necessarily. I]There's no way you can compare a level 3 and a Xcel Platinum gymnast and say the level 3 (or 4 or 5) is automatically better because they're in the level system. This is the problem with how people view Xcel. If it keeps the kid progressing for a year and not having to repeat a level, then it has a good role.

Gymdog, our state did not have a good Xcel program...it was one level often used instead of L6. However, Kipper competed in a non-sanctioned program with levels similar to the Xcel format. She was able to compete (old) L5 skills where she had them and L4 skills where she didn't. We transitioned to a USA gym where she will compete L4. I am now discovering advantages and disadvantages to the path she took: Advantages: She competed the FHS vault for a year already, she has a much stronger vault than most first year L4's. She is very confident on beam b/c she is competing basically the same skills as well. The disadvantages: Since there was no "pain" for not having a kip, there was almost zero training time dedicated to learning it. She was not required to learn skills she didn't like, including straddle jumps and the back extension roll. This became big holes in her "tool" bag she had to learn this summer.

I can see GREAT potential in the revamped Xcel program, Hopefully lots of gyms will recognize the appropriate way to use it for those "in-between" JO levels.