Parents Dilemma...

[msl529]

New circumstances, same old dilemma...

DD has had scoliosis for over 3 years. So far, she has gotten by w/ only needing to wear a back brace after gym/school & overnight (12 hrs or so on average).

We went to her new Orthopedist/Scoli specialist yesterday (we had to get her established w/ a new practice, since we have moved).

We were lucky to find a really good children's hospital that is also a teaching facility/research center nearby. She will be completely covered for her care and back braces financially, as this place is also a foundation/charity org. This really helps, those back braces cost about 3 grand each, and we have not had them covered in the past.

Apparently, this center conducted a big research study which showed that back- brace treatment for moderate scoli curves like hers, are not really effective unless they are worn for at least 16 hours a day. They want her in it for 16-18 hours a day. This is all of course for a good reason, which is that we are trying to avoid her needing surgery in the future.

Upon hearing the news, she was in tears, as this means she needs to get at least 8 hours of brace-time in during the day. So, it's either wear it to school and still do gym, or quit gym (or any other afternoon activities/sports) and wear it after school/all night.

DD has had big fears about having to wear this thing at school. She knows LOTS of kids have had to do the same thing, and they have all coped, and done FINE. The brace does not really show that much, but she will have to modify what she wears in order to accomodate the brace.

I guess she is a typical, vain teen, b/c she simply does NOT want to change her style or modify her clothing tastes at school, in order to accomdate her brace. It is a big deal to her to be able to express herself w/ her sense of style & dress. It's not really about whether or not she'll be ridiculed-the kids at her school are nice and she knows it wouldn't matter. But this is a kid who (unfortunately) does put a lot of thought and effort into looking nice. 13 years old, you know the drill.

So, she is thinking about quitting gym, so that she can get brace-time in during the afternoon hours. I think she is also at that place where many teen gymnasts get to, when they realize that gym takes up a lot of their free time. She has a new gym schedule here, which now includes Fridays off (she was monday thru Friday in FL) and she has expressed to me how nice it feels to come home and just relax and feel 'normal' on a school day.

I have rambled, sorry. Just wanted too put this out there for any advice. I am really ok if she quits, I can see that having a 'life' would be nice for her, and our schedule is so dominated by this sport that I am frankly a bit burned out w/ it myself. I have toyed w/ the idea of home-schooling her so she can get brace-time in and still do gym, but honestly, I would not do her jsutice. The schools here are doing a much better job than I ever could w/ her education.

She is going to think about it and continue gym this week, so we will keep you posted.

Thanks

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

Wow ! What a decision for her, and you. I am sorry that this is all hitting right after a big move. I am sure she will make the decision that is right for her. Maybe there is a way to make it work with her clothes, or maybe she can reduce gum hours

Good luck - I will be thinking of you

 

[mariposa]

That is such a hard position to be in. Especially at her age. Teen years are hard. I would try to have her write out the pros and cons of each. I guess at her age, it is her decision, but she probably needs some help to see it more clearly and from both sides. Sorry I have no good advice for you. I hope she can make the best decision for herself with some help from you. Hugs to both of you. This is definitely not an easy decision.

Thought about this more while I was washing the dishes, LOL.

I have to say I would definitely be pushing for NOT quitting for vanity reasons. I am sure she could find someway to have personal style and still wear her brace. I think she might later regret it if she really loves gym. This is a health decision and will effect her the rest of her life, but she can't re-do the teen years and so many girls that quit later regret it.

Also, what will she do after school in place of gym some of those days? I definitely think it is important to have something to do these days, otherwise, teens find other activities to do, that aren't the best choices.

Good luck to you guys in reaching a decision on this.

 

[gymgramma]

I think your homeschool idea sounds great - look into 1 of the many virtual school options....they provide everything and take minimal input on your part.

 

[bogwoppit]

Wow that's a biggy. My 12 year old also has scoliosis, though we have not had to go down the brace path it's always a possibility.

I totally get the 13 year old thing, there are the nights with no gym that DD just is so happy to get to do "nothing" meaning be a normal kid. But, she does love gym. The fashion thing is just a way of life for them, I imagine the thought of going to school in baggier clothes would make most girls her age shudder.

I like the idea of having her write down the pros and cons of both choice.

Clearly for a social girls like her who has just moved to a new town and is making new friends, home schooling is not the right choice for her, right now.

Another thought is that gym provides a lot of back strengthening that is good for her scoliosis, what would she replace that with?

Can she train less, as in Saturday and one weekday? I also read an article online about a gymmie who wore her brace for gym, it was made for the job. I'll see if I can track it down.

I am glad that you have found a new doctor, having your costs covered must be a great relief.


Here is a brace that you can do gym in, it is a bit different, but it is supposed to work as well as the rigid ones. But still I cannot see any teen going to gym in it despite the claims.

Scoliosis Bracing | Spinecor brace for Scoliosis

Correct Scoliosis | A Division of Pivonka Chiropractic | Gilbert AZ

http://www.cbb.org/

 

[kristilyn73]

MSL529 -

I have a different view to share. I was that 13 year old 7th Grade girl that had surgery and ahad to wear a brace for 2 years to correct a bad scolosis curve.

I was diagnosed with Scolosis when I was in 5th grade. They thought it was a minor curve at that time. Less than 2 years later I had surgery. They put a metal rod in the upper 3/4 of my back and fused it to my spine. I had to wear a brace 23 hours a day for the next year and then 12 hours a day for 2 years after that... Unfortunetly, I still have problems. My pregnancies were really hard for instance.

If I would have had a great support group like a gymnastics team I think it would have really helped, I think I would have felt somewhat normal.. Like so many posters before, 13 is a really tough age, and I don't think anyone feels normal. But I felt completely out of place. (Like your DD I started 7th grade as the new girl in school). I would really try and push her into staying in the sport. I think it teaches so much about self confidence, time management, goals, healthy lifestyles, etc.

I think normalcy is really important. I am sure that moving to a new place and now learning that she might need to wear a brace to school is just overwhelming. It seems to be easier to just quit gymnastics. In the end gymnastics might be the one thing that stays constent in her live.

I also think that she needs to know she needs to do whatever she can NOW to help correct/prevent further curvature.. The brace is a short time problem..

But I completely know that when you are 13 you dont see past tomorrow. All you see is that your friends are wearing these cute little t shirts and these cute little jeans and you need to wear elastic pants because they stretch over your brace. That isnt easy.....

Sorry my post was much more of a ramble than offering any assistance. But to sum it up.. Stay in gymnastics.. the brace isnt fun, but in the end it is going to be worth it, and when she is a senior in High school, no one will remember the year she had to wear a brace to school.. I can vouch for that.

Good luck - PM Me if you have anymore questions!
Kristi

 

[TnTTaxi]

Oh man, that is a huge decision. My husband has scoliosis, so I believe the deicision to wear the brace is the right one, it gets worse later if not taken care of.

It seems so sad to quit something she loves because of vanity. We all know how high school is, so I feel for her to have to wear it to school. There has to be some middle road. I know I am not much help, sorry and good luck.

 

[msl529]

Thank you all! Once again, you CB-ers have offered-up some extremely thoughtful advice and observations. And thank you to those who have shared from personal experience or from that of relatives. Just to know we are not alone in this is great.

I agree that I should not home-school. Mostly b/c I would suck at it, lol, but also b/c I think dd's social development requires that she be in school right now, since we are new to this town.

If she were not such a great kid w/ a good head on her shoulders, I would probably not let her decide in favor of 'vanity' either. But I feel that letting her decide for herself will give her a chance to really examine where her heart is w/ gym. If she's willing to give it all up just so she can wear her favorite jeans to school, then maybe she doesn't belong in gym anymore.

Yes, the brace dilemma may be giving her an 'out', but then again, if she decides to stay w/ it, then she really knows in her heart where she wants to spend her time, and she can 'own' it completely. I think at the 'cusp' of L7 is a great ime to be sure you want to continue w/ gym (at least for the time being, she can stop any time, as far as I'm concerned).

Some of the initial shock of the change in her circumtances w/ the brace seems to be wearing off a bit today, and she is thinking a little more clearly. She doesn't want to wear baggy clothes to school, but she also hates to give up gym 'after coming so far' (her words).

I really feel for her, having started at two new schools in the past 11 months. She has remained such a sweet and sensitive girl thru all our upheaval, that I feel she is allowed to be a bit confused and muddle thru some weird thinking. I hope that given enough space to do so, she will come up with the best decision on her own. If she scolds me later on in life for letting her make a bad decision, then I guess I'll have to live w/ that, lol! I've already got a few 'bad mom' mistakes to face up to one day, so what's one more, lol?!

I will keep you all posted, but I just want you to know how valuable your input and support has been to me! Thank you.

 

[gymnut1]

Big Hugs. You mention she has Fridays off gym. Could she have Fridays as cute clothes to school day and wear her brace evening and night that day. Does she have gym on sunday? Could she wear brace all Sunday and not have it at school Monday. Probably not what the doctors entirely suggest but 3 days of brace to school might seem more bearable than 5 to a 13 year old at the moment and get her through the next few months. My older dd is just turning 13 I know appearance is very importance. She keeps taking her glasses off!

 

[cathiann]

I'd think about what decision could be changed--if she quits gymnastics, it's really hard to re-start (I know girls DO do it, but it is extra hard for them to catch up again). But if she wears the brace to school and finds she really hates it, then she can always revisit the decision about gym.

And, hey, isn't this a chance to go shopping for new clothes ??

 

[emorymom]

Here are some questions.

First, if she wants to home school / virtual school and continue gym, is she not going to have a big peer group from gym? Home schooling in the high school years does not require you to play teacher. She would just be studying independently. Or, could she switch to a gym with a gym school?

Second, as she enters teen years and there are parties, dances, etc. will it not be more important to her in 6 months to be not-wearing the brace OUT of school than in? So this is not going to help, she'll just have dropped gym.

Is there a school nearby that requires uniforms that she could enroll at for next year? It would make a lot of sense to put in the brace hours during the school day.

Have you asked the doctors to give you the research paper to review yourself? It may be that a large group of the 12 hour a day wearers are successful, just that the longer wearers are more frequently successful and you could give the 12 hours a try for another year and see how it goes if you and your daughter want to take the risk.

Or, there may be no evidence that wearing the brace must be done the same number of hours each day, so, they want it worn 112 hours a week and that could be fine she could wear it non stop from Friday night to Monday morning. Or 52x112 hours per year, where she can do catch up wearing in the summers and on school breaks.

Are there any University Model Schools or hybrid home schools in your area?

I have no experience with scoliosis ... I hope my questions help.

 

[msl529]

Thank you, emorymom for your very thought-provoking questions!

I am in favor of her staying in school for now. She is in 7th grade, btw. I think they can offer her more at her school than I can at home. For instance, she loves animals. She is in an elective class, 'Animal Science', that has over 60 animals, reptiles and bugs in the classroom. She absolutely loves it. I don't see how virtual school or home-school would give her the same exposure.

What I am getting a sense of from most of you, is that letting her quit gym over this issue might be a bit hasty, and that I should explore other ideas for 'brace-time' first. I am pretty sure though, that regular wear is important, since the curve can worsen if the child grows while not being braced. So the more she is in it, the better, especially now, as she is growing like a weed.

She is becoming more open to the idea of wearing it for, say, half a day at school, then storing it (maybe in the nurse's office) until she leaves for home.

And we did talk about the fact that since Friday is an off-day from gym, she doesn't have to wear it at all that day to school. I also suggested to her that she drop one more gym day and add an extra hour on to her other days (i.e. 3 weekdays for 4 hours, as opposed to 4 weekdays for 3 hours, plus she has Saturday.) She did 4 hour practices at her gym in CA & did fine. But she does not like that idea at present.

Anyhow, thanks for helping me see that I should help her explore more options before throwing in the towel!

 

[gym law mom]

Really tough decisions for you and dd. I think the recent move may still have her world a little upside down and then having the wear time on the brace increased probably pushed her over the edge.

We had a girl last year at our gym that needed to increase her time in a brace(same age and almost same level as your dd). She didn't have the big issue of "looking different" at school since she and all siblings were homeschooled. So she was able to get her brace wear time in at home before coming to practice. She was very open with her teammates about needing more time in the brace(she was really bummed!!) and they literally became brace fashion consultants!!! They would suggest a certain style of shirt, dress whatever----even to the point to taking pics of clothes they saw in the store on their cell phones and showing her. She went off to gym camp in the brace and her mom said she had a great time going out to get some new summer clothes that worked with the brace for camp. I do believe that the support of her team at gym got her through the tough part.

I think there have been some great suggestions about compromise on brace wearing and allowing her a little flexibility with her schedule. Since most gyms are in meet seaon right now, she could back off on some practice time for a month or so and just let everything settle down. You know quite well I'm sure that at this age, what is a catastrophe today is almost forgotten next week. Would hate to see her walk away from gym only to realize in a couple of months that it wasn't really all that big of a deal.

 

[msl529]

Thank you glm. I agree that the move PLUS the brace issue is causing her to feel very out of control. Not really having a solid peer group or trusted friends to help her thru this is also making it much tougher. If we were back in CA w/ her bff's, I think there would be so much support (at gym AND school) that it just wouldn't be quite the issue that it is here. The timing of this sucks, but I beleive everything happens for a reason...

Unfortunately, we cannot back her off of gym hours. I got her into the 'off campus PE' program w/ her school, in which she is allowed to leave shcool one hour early & skip PE. Her gym then signs off that she is practicing at least 15 hours/week, which is her current schedule. So if we back off of gym, she has to take PE at school, change her schedule, be there later, etc., it just screws everything up. SIGH!!!

We will figure something out. This is causing her to doubt her love of the sport and is making her re-think whether it's worth her time, etc. So, I have to let her kind of work through that stuff as well.

Thanks for the support & ideas!

 

[snowbound]

I can feel for you! My dd has not been diagnosed with scoliosis yet, but she has been diagnosed with NF, and scoliosis is one of the things she may have as a result. DH had it as a kid, so we are watching her very closely.

My DD is homeschooled through a virtual academy (because I would stink at traditional home schooling) and I have found that homeschoolers are very well socialized (we attend various groups, including gymnastics) and it really can work well. I realize that homechooling isn't for everyone, but I just want to say don't discount it just because you think you can't do it, or that HS'ers miss out on socialization.

I hope she doesn't quit. I didn't catch what level she is, but it is such a shame to give up on so many years of hard work. JMHO
Snowbound

 

[msl529]

Taking a break

Here is what we have decided to do. Over the last few days,after the brace issue came up, dd has been asking to either cut-back, quit, or try another gym. It seems the brace issue brought to the fore of her mind that she is not so sure this gym was such a great fit after all (now that she's had a couple of weeks to try it on).

SO, I found a brand new gym, in our town, (closer to our home) that has just opened its doors. I went in to inquire about team, and they said they have a girl's team coach coming in April, and they will be starting-up a team program then. I asked if they had a 'teen tumbling' type of class that she could do in the mean- time, and they do. I spoke w/ the owner in person and really liked her. They apparently have an experienced tumbling coach who, according to the owner "would probably love to have a more advanced gymnast" like dd, in his class. So I am sure he can keep her challenged.

So, dd is going to take 'time off' from competitive team gymnastics, go to the teen tumbling class twice a week at the nearby gym, and still get enough hours in w/ her brace AFTER school.

In a couple of months, if she decides she can't live without being a competitive gymnast, she can decide to go back to team at her last gym, or try team at this new one, or some other. I think by then, she will have settled-in a bit more, and will probably warm up to the idea of wearing the brace to school, if necessary.

What will be nice, is that she will be able to be at this new gym a couple of days a week, get to know the coaches, and not have to commit to any major team hours yet.

She is happy about the decision, but has already had tears and mixed emotions! She wants the time off, looks forward to having a more 'normal' life, but says 'what will I do on my days when I have no tumbling class?'. A bit of an identity crisis, for a previously very busy girl, to be sure.

I think the time off will be a good chance for her to 'test the waters' as to how it feels to have less commitment to gym hours, while still keeping up most of her skills. Apparently this gym already has a few girls kind of 'parking' there until the team program gets up & running.

She will have to re-do her school schedule to accommodate PE, as she had previously qualified for the 'off-campus PE' program, due to her 15 hours per week at gym.

I appreciate all those who supported the home-school/virtual school idea, and I agree w/ you all whole-heartedly that kids do fine socially while in these types of programs. I just feel that she needs as much exposure to make new friends in our town as possible right now since she is new to the area.

We will keep you all posted! Thanks again for all the suport.

 

[MdGymMom01]

That sounds like the perfect solution to a very complex situation! It seems like she will have enough time to adjust to everything involved and settle in like you said. April will be here before you know it and then summer will be right behind it. Sometimes taking a small break can be very beneficial. I'm sure she will find plenty of things to do on the days that she doesn't have tumbling!!!! Keep us posted and good luck with everything!
(((HUGS))))

 

[kevchriswilli]

I'm so glad you found a perfect alternative.... that is a perfect solution... she won't be competiting anyway until next Jan. so this gives her a big option. Best of luck in what ever she decides!!!!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

Sounds like things are working out. Please keep us posted