WAG Doc Ali used for old abuse thoughts?

[alr83]

It would be great for this community if you could PM someone like @dunno and let them know what gym your DD was at. A lot of people go to him with questions about new gyms they are considering. I am so sorry about what your DD went through and hope other little girls don't have to go through this too.

He knows where we came from and gave us the recommendation of the new gym with absolutely wonderful coaches. We just need her to realize again that this is different from the past, these coaches truly are good and won't turn mean and they truly believe in her.

 

[Gym proud]

I'm just a mom of a young child too- but if there was really that much trauma to the child I (and her still being so young) would love to see her take a short break from the sport. Obviously, in addition to therapy! Maybe participate in other things so she can see that not all coaches act the way this one did. So when she comes back to the sport she loves she can see that there are coaches that care about her, push her to be better and stronger, and show her that they believe in her. So sorry you are going through this. This has to be a lot to deal with. Baby steps! Good luck to you and DD.

 

[GymmieC]

I almost replied that she should not leave gym if it is over the old coach. She should know that not all coaches are as awful as her previous one. But reading your last post, I now realize that she wasn't having any fun with it anymore. Was it over the terrible relapse of thoughts from her old coach? Was she doubting herself and is that why she doesn't find it fun anymore? If so, will leaving gymnastics really help anything? Out of sight out of mind until we meet again...but without tools to cope with the anxiety, nothing will ever be gained.
She is extremely young, but she really seems quite sensitive. If she truly is sensitive, her thoughts will carry through in her in or out of gymnastics. A good child psychiatrist should be able to help her put her thoughts in perspective. Having a child with anxiety, I know all too well how self-doubt and negative thoughts can harm the psyche of the child. I swear! Why isn't Child Psychology a prerequisite for all coaches? Why don't some realize that the children in their care do see them as all knowing and God-like? And this being true, every word should be measured Before it leaves their lips.
I know there are wonderful, caring coaches- my child is blessed with them at her gym- but stories like your Dd's are far too common lately. I am so sorry for what you all have to go through. At my Dd's last gym, one of the coaches actually accused a child of causing her mother's illness! That accompanied with other realities caused me to pull my DD. Somethings may not have been directed at her, but she still shelved them. Thank goodness I obtained my degree in psychology prior to becoming a teacher. Everything I do in my classroom is to help my students. I play back the words I speak to my kids and apologize if one is needed. I practice what I preach.
Good luck to you and your baby. Please tell her she IS special and Very capable. God made her with purpose. She in time will discover what that purpose is and He will equip her with the tools to live out that purpose.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

The group being told they were all awful and they must be such a disappointment to their parents that coach bets we wished they were never born is ONE example. That is not tough, it is verbally abusive. Not right for a 6 y/o or an 18 y/o. That was one of the last things I HEARD said and the last time my child was at that gym. It was at the end of practice or she would have been pulled out anyway. It also came a few minutes after another child did something and the coach thought it was funny that she couldn't do it and paraded her around so everyone could laugh at her. My child walked out the door and said she never wanted to go back. Not everything was directed at my daughter, some was, some was at the group, sometimes another child and sometimes it was just the environment but it made her fearful to try anything new or make mistakes (which caused more mistakes) bc she knew what would possibly be coming next.

I don't mind tough. I do mind when things are done to break someone down emotionally or psychologically.



She tries to search for the things she thinks people want to hear or the things that she thinks will make people think better of her. She told me one day that she doesn't want to say things bc we will be disappointed in her.

She uses her stuffed animals to talk for her or to "tell XX's secrets" sometimes.

if what you are saying is true...all i can say is STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID COACH.

send Allison a PM. this is something she relates to and is excellent with this issue. her coach was a real a.s.s......oops. i shouldn't finish the spelling here.

 

[gracyomalley]

find a good child psychologist that does play therapy and can help you tease out what in her behavior is related to the gym situation and how to best parent her through any behavioral issues that are coming up. For whatever reason this hit her hard - I have a DD who either doesn't notice things at all (that's how she was at age 6) or takes them way too seriously (last couple of years) and she LUVS her counselor, believe me!!! (as do I). Having a trusted adult not mom or dad can help if another adult who you trusted hurt you in some manner - its not all about "talking about it" but learning to see things differently, put the event in perspective - which she can do even at her age. Some kids would have made it straight from "Coach A was really mean" to "Coach B is nice like most people and I like them much better", case closed - but sounds like not your kid (or mine sometimes).

If gym is fun at age 6 then a child should by all means stick with it. If gym is not fun at her new gym, and has not been fun for long enough to be sure its not because "suzy" didn't invite me to her party, or "I don't like the green mat and sometimes we have to use the green mat", or "I don't have the same pink leo that the other girls have", then a break is very overdue. I assume her new coaches know something about why you changed gyms and at this age "should" have gone out of their way to make sure she was in a supportive, friendly and accepting, positive environment.

Also, make sure that no one is putting any pressure on her gymnastics. She's very young, and if she "lost skills" with the change she should be encouraged to understand that is super normal and no big deal. If her self worth was already questioned because of the old coach, then the last thing she needs is any sense that being Level 2 (if I understood you right - so essentially pre-team/basics - which is totally age appropriate) "again" is a problem. I always looked at my kids job at that age (my 2 youngest were on team or team track then - like yours) was to pay attention, be nice to their team mates, and do what the coach said while not doing back handsprings in the target parking lot - whether they competed or not, whether they moved up or not, whether they had a new skill once a month or once a year - NOT in the equation....sure I loved watching them learn new stuff and was proud when they seemed to excel, but also accepting and encouraging when some things took longer.

The reasons 6 year olds are doing gymnastics have VERY Little to do with gymnastics long term for 99.9% of them, so it shouldn't be something we as parents let color their whole life in negative ways - and IMHO they, as 6 year olds, should have NO IDEA about their "long term gymnastics future" - they should all be dreaming of the Olympics whether they are working on their kip or their cartwheel at this age!

 

[alr83]

if what you are saying is true...all i can say is STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID COACH.

send Allison a PM. this is something she relates to and is excellent with this issue. her coach was a real a.s.s......oops. i shouldn't finish the spelling here.

Dunno.... Yes, I agree about previous coach. I will be sending you a pm here in a bit.

I did get a response from Doc Ali, and she said if we were willing to modify the material to fit the situation to use the techniques she thinks it could be helpful.

Gracyomalley- she made a lot of gains in a short time. The change of atmosphere was amazing for her. Therapy went well for her and she is excited to go back. It has her starting to look at things a little differently and questioning some other things. Therapist used the Inside Out emotions for some examples, so we took her to see it. The next day she told me she feels like Riley when Joy and sadness are gone. So we talked about how Riley got them back.

Hopefully we'll make some small emotional gains everyday.