Parents Drama in the viewing area

[gymbratsmommy]

You are not even close to the crazed individuals we are talking about here! Do NOT worry, silly!

BTW, I am sorry if I missed any of your posts, but how did your dd do at States? I have been wondering!

Thank you!


Thanks for asking about DD's experience at States. I did not post any brags about it. We were tickled pink that she had made it to Zones, so States was a total bonus meet. At States her competition was VERY tough. She was up against girls from West Valley, Pacific West and Diablo, just to name a few. Those girls were amazing! We all joke that we need to get some of that West Valley water piped into our house. It wasn't the best performance day for my DD but she did get her best beam and vault scores of the season. Silly scoring! Here are her scores...Vault 8.45(15th) Bars 8.675(16th) Beam 8.8(17th) Floor 8.525(19th) AA 34.450(19th). Now she is on to perfecting her L6 skills to hopefully score out in the Spring and then train L7 for competition in 2010. Thanks again for asking!!

Hey....what's this I hear about Texas? I thought you were planning to be back in CA by the summer? Moving for a job really stinks, but at least there is a job to move for. Good luck and BEST wishes on making your move, where ever it takes you and yours.

 

[Parrothead]

Too funny, I love all of the responses and I am relieved to hear that my gym is not the only one being terrorized by one parent. It's almost as if we all belong to the same gym and are talking about the same person......
I think I will take everyone's advice and keep a safe distance....
I heard the gym owners are aware of the situation and I guess they have addressed her several times in the past and she's been warned. It must be hard to tell someone their personality is not good.
I have also heard that they have kicked around the idea of going to a "no parent viewing" policy to avoid these issues. To me, that sounds like it would be punishing every parent because of the one parent. I really hope they do not go this route but I will understand and respect their decision.

I'm curious, anyone else on CB go to a gym that does not allow parent viewing?

 

[bogwoppit]

THat would be me, our gym has no viewing except at meets and mock meets. Our gym has a space about 3feet by 14 feet where people enter and leave, take off boots etc. There is just not enough space for parents to sit and hang out. It is also right next to the beams and floor, you could touch the girls they are that close. So we don't watch, it really is no big deal.

The littlest kids 3-6 have their parents stay for all the reasons that it is necessary and they crowd onto the edge of the floor to sit!

 

[Billy]

Our gym discourages parent viewing but only because it tends to distract the gymnasts. However, because of our schedule and the distance we live from the gym, I do stay and watch once or twice a week (DD goes 4 days per week). I am almost always the only team parent there.

 

[gymnut1]

I had a 10 year old very upset one day on bars. She told me her mum had promised to watch (she didn't usually come) for as long as her daughter was working hard. Well daughter suddenly couldn't see mum and was panicking. I checked the toilets etc for her, no mum. She had been working really hard and couldn't understand why she had gone. Turns out mum had gone to the shops and hadn't thought.......

 

[msl529]

Thank you!


Thanks for asking about DD's experience at States. I did not post any brags about it. We were tickled pink that she had made it to Zones, so States was a total bonus meet. At States her competition was VERY tough. She was up against girls from West Valley, Pacific West and Diablo, just to name a few. Those girls were amazing! We all joke that we need to get some of that West Valley water piped into our house. It wasn't the best performance day for my DD but she did get her best beam and vault scores of the season. Silly scoring! Here are her scores...Vault 8.45(15th) Bars 8.675(16th) Beam 8.8(17th) Floor 8.525(19th) AA 34.450(19th). Now she is on to perfecting her L6 skills to hopefully score out in the Spring and then train L7 for competition in 2010. Thanks again for asking!!

Hey....what's this I hear about Texas? I thought you were planning to be back in CA by the summer? Moving for a job really stinks, but at least there is a job to move for. Good luck and BEST wishes on making your move, where ever it takes you and yours.

Thanks for the good wishes about moving. I wish we could move back to CA, but since the economy took a nose-dive, we really need to go & support hubby's businesses in TX.

Those scores of your dd's are very respectable, and she should be so proud! She is young, a first yr L5, and she was up against a ton of highly competitive 2nd yr L5's, so GOOD FOR HER! How nice that she gets to train L6 now & score out. Not many NorCal gyms do that, she's so lucky! We know a training L7 at your gym that used to compete w/ my dd last year in L5. Yeah, you guys were up against some serious gyms! But remember that they 'hold back' a lot for high scores & team wins, so your dd did a fine job, considering all that!

Thanks for the update!

 

[Tim_Dad]

I have also heard that they have kicked around the idea of going to a "no parent viewing" policy to avoid these issues.

No viewing area would bother me, even though I understand the reasoning. Unproductive real estate is expensive, distractions are counter-productive. My DD loves when I come to watch. And since she knows im watching, she tries harder. And of course..I like to watch.

Our gym has a "Parents ONLY" viewing area that's above the gym floor reducing distractions. It's restricted to parents, but some small children are there too. The restriction is mostly to keep the non-member general public (particularly men who like to watch young girls....catch my meaning) from viewing the gym floor. I DO like that someone from the Gym staff does come into the viewing area every so often, and question the the folks they don't recognise.

But to have no viewing area at all, I'm not sure I'd join that gym. I'm not there just to watch my daughter. I observe the coaches as well.

 

[gymjourneymom]

We had always had "closed team practices", except for once a month when parents could stay. Then we got a new owner last year who has no such rules. Let me tell you...I preferred the old way! It's a free for all now! We have a more "crazy parents" now, who sit and watch every girl(not just their own DD). They sit & compare the girls & plot what they can do to get their DD "ahead" of her team mates. Real team spirit, huh? We have one who walks right out onto the gym floor to discuss her DD's progress, during practice! I think this has been a huge step backwards! It is effecting the team in a negative way. I don't want other parents watching my DD as she struggles with learning a new skill or dealing with fear issues...it's difficult enough for her in front of her team mates & coaches. I wish we still had closed practices...

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I always stay. I don't want to drive back and forth. I watch all the girls. I enjoy watching. Seeing them get a skill they have been working on - it's fun.

I am not however, thinking of ways to get my DD ahead of the other girls etc.

Sometimes I have given a heads up to a parent who just walked in or doesn't get to watch if their gymmie had a particularly rough day (very frustrated, crying - whatever). Not to be a psycho, but because I would want to know about my DD. That helps me know how to handle her emotions when she walks out of the gym. Maybe if another parent said - Oh, your DD has really had a rough practice....... then I might not say "Hey Noodlebug- how was practice?" I might change that up a bit to "Hey Noodlebug - ready to go get some dinner?" Let her talk to me about it in her own time.

Just a thought from one who stays the whole time.

 

[gymjourneymom]

I always stay. I don't want to drive back and forth. I watch all the girls. I enjoy watching. Seeing them get a skill they have been working on - it's fun.

I am not however, thinking of ways to get my DD ahead of the other girls etc.

Sometimes I have given a heads up to a parent who just walked in or doesn't get to watch if their gymmie had a particularly rough day (very frustrated, crying - whatever). Not to be a psycho, but because I would want to know about my DD. That helps me know how to handle her emotions when she walks out of the gym. Maybe if another parent said - Oh, your DD has really had a rough practice....... then I might not say "Hey Noodlebug- how was practice?" I might change that up a bit to "Hey Noodlebug - ready to go get some dinner?" Let her talk to me about it in her own time.

Just a thought from one who stays the whole time.

No disrespect, but this is what I don't like. I don't want another parent watching my DD. This is my DD's chosen sport. She works hard. There have been times when DD is very frustrated with a skill or whatever...and I hear back an incorrect perception of what went on from another(sometimes NOT well meaning parent), their "view" of what happened. My DD is very open with me...I trust her. Other parents don't always know the whole story...only what they see. I have constant e-mails with the coach...I don't want to have an outsiders view...or have them spread incorrect information about my DD throughout the gym. Something that has been happening since more parents stay to watch practices...there is much more gossip going on. I truly believe this is the kids sport...I support DD totally. But I also give her some independence here. She's 13yrs old, growing & learning. She has things she needs to work through for herself at times. She knows I'm here for her. I don't follow her to school & sit watch her in all of her classes either. And isn't school more important than gymnastics? JMHO. Your intentions although well meaning(but not everyone's are)...may not be welcome. Just something to think about. Guess I've just had some bad experiences that I wouldn't wish on anyone. These "rumors" from "well meaning parents" have caused DD much stress & heartache. She doesn't like to be watched while she's learning. She's a perfectionist & it causes her MUCH stress when others see her try & fail(worsened by parents spreading rumors that she "can't get it" & "won't be moving up",etc. after every practice!) . She prefers to "unveil" a skill when she has perfected it & is ready to show it off. Hope I don't sound to harsh...but this is something I feel strongly about. I'll step downoff my soap box now. Hope I haven't offended you...nothing personal here...just want to let CB readers see another view.

 

[Deleted member 1703]

She doesn't like to be watched while she's learning. She's a perfectionist & it causes her MUCH stress when others see her try & fail(worsened by parents spreading rumors that she "can't get it" & "won't be moving up",etc. after every practice!) . She prefers to "unveil" a skill when she has perfected it & is ready to show it off.

Our DD's sound like twins!! And I fully agree with what you have said.

BTW our gym only allows viewing once a month and it is great - you can really see the progression. When they get older, some of the moves take a really long time to "get".

 

[Gymdad2]

practice

I agree strongly with Gymjournymom. What ever happenned to the golden rule that we learned in 1st grade. If you can't say something nice about somebody else, then say nothing at all, and that seems to be especially true when it comes to watching and commenting on childrens' sports (gymnastics included). My first thought whenever I hear a parent make a commennt about some girl other other their dd (and especially when the comment is negative) is , "okay so what makes you an expert commentator on gymnastics skills? Are you a judge or a coach, maybe? Tell me, how many years experience do you have as a liscensed gymnastics observer?" It seems that these types are almost always the parents of the L3, 4 and 5 girls, and they are probably the ones who have the least experience with the sport. You don't often see them at the higher levels, so you parents of compulsories, hang in there, ignore these people as best you can, and look forward to optionals when most of these types have been weeded out.

I posted some suggested rules for new gym parents awhile back in the Information section in a response to Tim_Dad's post. Maybe they should be posted again somewhere.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

No disrespect, but this is what I don't like. I don't want another parent watching my DD. This is my DD's chosen sport. She works hard. There have been times when DD is very frustrated with a skill or whatever...and I hear back an incorrect perception of what went on from another(sometimes NOT well meaning parent), their "view" of what happened. My DD is very open with me...I trust her. Other parents don't always know the whole story...only what they see. I have constant e-mails with the coach...I don't want to have an outsiders view...or have them spread incorrect information about my DD throughout the gym. Something that has been happening since more parents stay to watch practices...there is much more gossip going on. I truly believe this is the kids sport...I support DD totally. But I also give her some independence here. She's 13yrs old, growing & learning. She has things she needs to work through for herself at times. She knows I'm here for her. I don't follow her to school & sit watch her in all of her classes either. And isn't school more important than gymnastics? JMHO. Your intentions although well meaning(but not everyone's are)...may not be welcome. Just something to think about. Guess I've just had some bad experiences that I wouldn't wish on anyone. These "rumors" from "well meaning parents" have caused DD much stress & heartache. She doesn't like to be watched while she's learning. She's a perfectionist & it causes her MUCH stress when others see her try & fail(worsened by parents spreading rumors that she "can't get it" & "won't be moving up",etc. after every practice!) . She prefers to "unveil" a skill when she has perfected it & is ready to show it off. Hope I don't sound to harsh...but this is something I feel strongly about. I'll step downoff my soap box now. Hope I haven't offended you...nothing personal here...just want to let CB readers see another view.

Had not really thought about it that way. I guess I just figured I would want a head up if my DD was having a rough day. I only tell that parent (and now that I think more about it there is really only one girl who I do this with she and my dd have been together there for almost 3 years and I am friends with her parents.). I may ask her if it bothers her -

thanks for the opening of my mind. I will still be watching though - just not gonna drive back and forth that much. At least not yet. I am also coaching preschool classes so, I am not watching as much as I am now working part of the time.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Thank you for understanding my post & not taking it the wrong way! But could you please take a book or something with you to practice? Anything...so you don't just sit & watch every minute of every practice. You never know how many DD's are like mine! A little more info on my DD, she was state champ as level 5 & 6. She felt tremendous 'self pressure' to continue being "on top". Was really beating herself up about moving to level 7(even stopped eating b/c of the stress!). There were some(teammates & their parents)... who I hate to say it....are jealous of my DD... & wanted to see her fail(thay actually delight in seeing her try & fail). Unbelieveable...but it is true. DD has seen a sports psychologist & is doing VERY well now. I support her b/c she loves the sport...I apply no pressure...only loving support. As long as she stays healthy & wishes to continue, I will continue to support her...in HER chosen sport. As I said...sometimes there is MUCH more going on then "observing parents" realize.

 

[Billy]

No disrespect, but this is what I don't like. I don't want another parent watching my DD. This is my DD's chosen sport. She works hard. There have been times when DD is very frustrated with a skill or whatever...and I hear back an incorrect perception of what went on from another(sometimes NOT well meaning parent), their "view" of what happened. My DD is very open with me...I trust her. Other parents don't always know the whole story...only what they see. I have constant e-mails with the coach...I don't want to have an outsiders view...or have them spread incorrect information about my DD throughout the gym. Something that has been happening since more parents stay to watch practices...there is much more gossip going on. I truly believe this is the kids sport...I support DD totally. But I also give her some independence here. She's 13yrs old, growing & learning. She has things she needs to work through for herself at times. She knows I'm here for her. I don't follow her to school & sit watch her in all of her classes either. And isn't school more important than gymnastics? JMHO. Your intentions although well meaning(but not everyone's are)...may not be welcome. Just something to think about. Guess I've just had some bad experiences that I wouldn't wish on anyone. These "rumors" from "well meaning parents" have caused DD much stress & heartache. She doesn't like to be watched while she's learning. She's a perfectionist & it causes her MUCH stress when others see her try & fail(worsened by parents spreading rumors that she "can't get it" & "won't be moving up",etc. after every practice!) . She prefers to "unveil" a skill when she has perfected it & is ready to show it off. Hope I don't sound to harsh...but this is something I feel strongly about. I'll step downoff my soap box now. Hope I haven't offended you...nothing personal here...just want to let CB readers see another view.

There is absolutely no way for the girls to practice in total privacy in our gym. Even if team moms weren't there, the preschool parents are, and the parents of the rec kids, and the beginners classes, etc, etc. There are always people coming in and out and always kids (both gymnasts and siblings) around. And everyone loves to watch "the big girls" practice. And while I do appreciate that no one likes people to watch them make mistakes, life doesn't happen in a bubble. Gymnasts need to learn focus. They need to be able to tune out everything around them, everyone who might be watching, etc. in order to focus on the task at hand.

 

[Tim_Dad]

Thank you for understanding my post & not taking it the wrong way! But could you please take a book or something with you to practice?

I'm curious... would you feel the same why if someone came up to you with nothing but compliments on your DD's skills and hard work?

I'm one of those that do watch. And No... I don't tunnel vision in on my own DD, but rather watch the activities within the entire gym. Preschoolers though L10's. I'm not comparing...just watching. I normally don't say anything and keep to myself. But I don't think I would hold back a compliment if one was so deserving. I wouldn't say anything otherwise.

Would you find that offensive?

I understand what your saying but if there IS an open viewing area in your gym, Sorry, your DD IS being watched by others. It's unavoidable.

 

[Billy]

I'm curious... would you feel the same why if someone came up to you with nothing but compliments on your DD's skills and hard work?

I'm one of those that do watch. And No... I don't tunnel vision in on my own DD, but rather watch the activities within the entire gym. Preschoolers though L10's. I'm not comparing...just watching. I normally don't say anything and keep to myself. But I don't think I would hold back a compliment if one was so deserving. I wouldn't say anything otherwise.

Would you find that offensive?

I understand what your saying but if there IS an open viewing area in your gym, Sorry, your DD IS being watched by others. It's unavoidable.

I agree. Where do you draw the line? One of the girls in DD's training group broke her toe on vault on Tuesday. I was there and saw it. So yesterday, she and her mom came in to visit and see the girls. I asked the girl about her toe and how she's doing. Was that wrong? Should the mom have told me to mind my own business? I don't think so. I think we team parents are a "club" of our own and I see nothing wrong with watching and encouraging each other's girls. Not to sound too "High School Musical" but, we're all in this together.

 

[gymjourneymom]

There is absolutely no way for the girls to practice in total privacy in our gym. Even if team moms weren't there, the preschool parents are, and the parents of the rec kids, and the beginners classes, etc, etc. There are always people coming in and out and always kids (both gymnasts and siblings) around. And everyone loves to watch "the big girls" practice. And while I do appreciate that no one likes people to watch them make mistakes, life doesn't happen in a bubble. Gymnasts need to learn focus. They need to be able to tune out everything around them, everyone who might be watching, etc. in order to focus on the task at hand.

I feel practices should be closed to "team parents". I'm not suggesting no one else should be in the gym. Of course it is a place of business & rec. classes, etc. must go on. It is the other team parents who are watching my DD. Watching HER, not just their DD's. And not watching with "good intentions". The rec. parents have no vested interest in whether my DD gets her giant & will be in direct competition with their DD for the coming season. DD is state champ 2 yrs in a row...she knows how to focus. But at 13yrs old being watched by people(adults), who you know are spreading rumors??? That's too much for anyone to deal with. I have gotten help for my DD. But I still feel she has a right to learn, without her every move being scutinized(and ridiculed) by other team parents. JMHO.

 

[Billy]

Oops! Double post!

 

[Billy]

I feel practices should be closed to "team parents". I'm not suggesting no one else should be in the gym. Of course it is a place of business & rec. classes, etc. must go on. It is the other team parents who are watching my DD. Watching HER, not just their DD's. And not watching with "good intentions". The rec. parents have no vested interest in whether my DD gets her giant & will be in direct competition with their DD for the coming season. DD is state champ 2 yrs in a row...she knows how to focus. But at 13yrs old being watched by people(adults), who you know are spreading rumors??? That's too much for anyone to deal with. I have gotten help for my DD. But I still feel she has a right to learn, without her every move being scutinized(and ridiculed) by other team parents. JMHO.

One of the neat things about DD's training group is that the girls are at all different levels. They practice together because they are home schooled and choose to come during the early afternoon hours. Of the 8 or 10 girls in the group, two are L5, some are L7, and some are L8, there may even be one or two training L9, I'm not sure. As far as I can tell, there is no competition within the team at all.

Sounds to me like the problems at your gym are more with particular parents than with general gym policies on watching practices. Have you tried talking with the owner about these parents and the problems they are causing? I can't imagine any owner would want that kind of atmosphere, not only within one of his teams, but in his gym at all.