Parents Emotions

[purpleleomom]

My DD is 9 and a new xcel Bronze. She is having a tough time in general with her emotions, and it's bleeding over into the gym, to the point that she is close to being removed from team. She doesn't want to quit, but for some reason her self esteem is in the toilet right now. Just looking for some support or something...

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I'm so sorry to hear that! This is a tough age (my dd is 9 as well.) Is it possible for the coaches to ease up on her a little for the time being? As well as any other pressure that might be getting to her. Sometimes they really can't help being emotional at this age, but I think if you can encourage her to relax and just focus on the fun of gymnastics that she can get over this hump. Being a new team member is a big change and exhausting in itself. Has meet season started yet? Maybe the stress of meets is getting to her as well?

 

[purpleleomom]

They've had a few small meets, and she has done well (as far as not letting it get to her... She has gotten a few medals too). The season officially starts in January. As a parent, I'm annoyed that I've already paid out the nose in addition to being sad for my kiddo.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I completely understand that. Have they said what the biggest issue/trigger seems to be for her at practice? It seems normal for her age to go through an adjustment period I'm surprised their first instinct would be to kick her off the team? Are they willing to work with her, maybe let her take a week or so off to collect herself?

 

[momnipotent]

My son has a bit of this issue (although he's not at gym that many hours, so he is usually able to hold it together there.) We have had good luck regulating his emotions and mood swings with a kids probiotic. Taken regularly, it has done wonders. Can't be the first time the coaches have dealt with tween girl emotions-would they be open to sitting down with you to discuss the current situation (and how it is everywhere and not just at gym) and trying to brainstorm a strategy to keep her on team but give her the tools to manage her emotions as needed-perhapsending her to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and come back when she is ready?

 

[gymmiemom]

What exactly is happening that they would be considering removing her from team? I have a 9 year old DD as well. And a 12 year old DD. So I totally get how emotional they can be! If she is at practice for long periods of time, I have found that making sure my DD has a nutritious snack can really help her mood. A hungry tummy = a crabby little girl.

And while, we as adults are understanding of their emotions around these ages, it's also important to help them to learn how to handle them appropriately. Remind her that even when she is frustrated, having a good attitude will only help in the long run! I hope she cheers up soon. It's heartbreaking to watch your child struggle with something.

 

[TheGMom]

DD had this too. 10 yr old. She had a coach who would not "Hold the mat" ( she thought it was going to fall, it looked shaky, but not unsafe) for her front aerial, a skill she is so darn close to. Could it be a move, part of a routine, or skill that is stressing her out? DD... ya she was half crying in the gym, coach didn't say anything. See if its after a certain point or move, that she gets upset.

 

[cbifoja]

I'm with gymmiemom..... I can't imagine kicking a kid out of the gym for emotions unless the outbursts included foul/vulgar language, threats, or physical violence. And since I think you wouldn't even be asking the question if that was the case, it makes me sad that your little one is facing the possibility. Hugs.

 

[purpleleomom]

She has some anger, and I guess it's coming out there because she's comfortable. No foul language, threats, or violence. She's taking a break for a couple of practices to regroup. My kiddo isn't perfect, but to me removal sounded harsh. I did not mention that she has ADHD, which is another animal. I don't believe her symptoms are controlled. Dealing with that now...

 

[needcoffee]

I have no advice, but I just wanted to say you are not alone! My 10yo is all over the place emotionally at the moment. Thankfully she seems to save her anger for home and she's fine at gym, but OMG, some days I just want to run away! I'm dreading the teen years if this is what she's like at 10.

 

[auswi]

Sending you hugs ☺

Have heaps of experience with the ADHD thing.

Firstly I'd get her ADHD addressed (maybe her medication dosage/timing adjusted ) as lowered impulse & emotion control will not be helping-often the slow release dosage has worn off just in time for after school activities....some need a small dose given once or twice of fast release medication specifically for the afterschool activities..... ( definitely NOT medical advice just my observations & personal experience here☺)

Secondly I'd get as full a picture as possible of the gym scenario -watch all of practise as much as possible for a week if you can, if necessary approahing the coaches to explain why you are watching.

Then I'd help your gymy to make her own plan ( with your input but hopefully formatted so she thinks shes the driver of the plan) , then & only then would I be approaching the coaches with your observations, the plan she has in place, and how they can help.

Without your Dd being involved in the plan she will find it way harder to internalise the control she needs.

And without your clear ( but not pverbearing/arrogant/CGM) input the coaches may be struggling to cope/understand her specific issues.

Best of luck!! Feel free to pm if you want to ☺

 

[duyetanh]

She has some anger, and I guess it's coming out there because she's comfortable.

This is SO true, and it's actually a complement to the gym and its coaches that she does feel this comfortable. How hard for both her and you and all involved. ADHD is hard to understand; everyone's is different, and how they react is different also. What works for one does not work for all...

 

[duyetanh]

She has some anger, and I guess it's coming out there because she's comfortable.

This is SO true, and it's actually a complement to the gym and its coaches that she does feel this comfortable. How hard for both her and you and all involved. ADHD is hard to understand; everyone's is different, and how they react is different also. What works for one does not work for all...

 

[munchkin3]

AND don't forget when you mix ADHD, age, and medication, what worked 3 months ago could be out the window! I'm currently dealing with that for my oldest ex-gymmie.......
I absolutely hate it when all the evidence points to perhaps increasing his Meds, but...........that's what is happening .

He is very clam and focused until about 3pm, then he becomes argumentative, explosive, talks with high volume......he can't finish his schoolwork, can't organize his afternoon.......I wish he was still IN gym!

Hang in there, kids go through cycles. They have a lot on their plate and sometimes it comes out with their gym family. Granted, they cannot be allowed to behave badly and I'm sure the coaches are making her consequences clear, but I'm sure they would not kick her off team!
On Friday, one of my DD teammates was horrid! She fought with each and every girl, one by one for the entire 4 hr practice! All the girls were like, ' I guess she is having a very bad day!' They understood.......plus, I've been trying to educate my DD on how puberty can affect people.....

 

[purpleleomom]

Oh my gosh yes. Between gym and a message from her teacher it became very clear that her symptoms are not being well controlled. Her Dr just raised her dose and thinks that should get her through the evening activities, but it's a long time until 7:30. She wanted to try this before adding a low evening dose (we had done that before with a previous med). Anyway, I want my DD to take some responsibility for her actions and not just get a pass for having ADHD all the time. It us very frustrating... Thank you for the advice and letting me vent. I think gym is amazing for her and hate for her to lose it.

 

[GYM0M]

Anyway, I want my DD to take some responsibility for her actions and not just get a pass for having ADHD all the time. It us very frustrating...

I understand what you're saying and I know you didn't mean it the way that I read it. I'm really sensitive to this subject. Not because it plagues my kids, but because it plagues ME! I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20's, but I've had it all my life. Let me try to explain how it feels when my medication begins to wear off: things start to get foggy, like you just snapped out of a daze. I am fully aware of what's going on, but unable to process a response. This usually begins around 4:00. By quitting time, my mind has wandered to the evenings festivities....gym, dinner, homework, errands, etc. BUT I am supposed to be driving. By the time I get to the first stop, I have made a mental list of things that I need to do at the next stop (most of which I won't remember when I get there), but I'm mentally exhausted. Meds are fully gone by this point & adding a small evening/afternoon dose, doesn't work for me for other reasons. But at this point, i feel like the next thing that is asked of me, will be the straw that broke the camels back! I'm completely overwhelmed! And start to get frustrated bc I know going to pick up my daughter or going to the grocery store to grab a 'few' things for dinner is NOT rocket science. Simple things that EVERYONE else gets through is often too much. I want to cry. And on a GOOD day, I wonder why I just can't be better. I wonder why I can't seem to get it together. It's often a lose lose situation if I wait to take my meds til lunch. I stay moving at work, but get NOTHING done, but my breakdown doesn't happen until bed time. Another thing, I don't sleep much. I mean I go to bed and sleep, but it's not deep sleep. My brain is just about awake all the time. I don't turn the tv off at night because the silence gives way to my mind running way out into left field. However, even though I 'sleep', I can just about tell you the story behind each show that comes on. I know how frustrating it can be. But sometimes we can't help it. We can't even really put a finger on what's wrong. It's kinda like your GPS going dead 10 miles from your destination and you literally have no clue where you are. I can literally go from being collected and in control to total chaos and frustration in less than a minute for no apparent reason. I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say that we know we're difficult, but we really don't want to be.....

 

[ladybird]

I understand what you're saying and I know you didn't mean it the way that I read it. I'm really sensitive to this subject. Not because it plagues my kids, but because it plagues ME! I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20's, but I've had it all my life. Let me try to explain how it feels when my medication begins to wear off: things start to get foggy, like you just snapped out of a daze. I am fully aware of what's going on, but unable to process a response. This usually begins around 4:00. By quitting time, my mind has wandered to the evenings festivities....gym, dinner, homework, errands, etc. BUT I am supposed to be driving. By the time I get to the first stop, I have made a mental list of things that I need to do at the next stop (most of which I won't remember when I get there), but I'm mentally exhausted. Meds are fully gone by this point & adding a small evening/afternoon dose, doesn't work for me for other reasons. But at this point, i feel like the next thing that is asked of me, will be the straw that broke the camels back! I'm completely overwhelmed! And start to get frustrated bc I know going to pick up my daughter or going to the grocery store to grab a 'few' things for dinner is NOT rocket science. Simple things that EVERYONE else gets through is often too much. I want to cry. And on a GOOD day, I wonder why I just can't be better. I wonder why I can't seem to get it together. It's often a lose lose situation if I wait to take my meds til lunch. I stay moving at work, but get NOTHING done, but my breakdown doesn't happen until bed time. Another thing, I don't sleep much. I mean I go to bed and sleep, but it's not deep sleep. My brain is just about awake all the time. I don't turn the tv off at night because the silence gives way to my mind running way out into left field. However, even though I 'sleep', I can just about tell you the story behind each show that comes on. I know how frustrating it can be. But sometimes we can't help it. We can't even really put a finger on what's wrong. It's kinda like your GPS going dead 10 miles from your destination and you literally have no clue where you are. I can literally go from being collected and in control to total chaos and frustration in less than a minute for no apparent reason. I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say that we know we're difficult, but we really don't want to be.....

I'm so glad you shared this. Hugs to you!

And to the OP, I have no advice but am glad there are people in the CB community that can relate to what you are going through. Hugs to you and your dd too!

 

[purpleleomom]

Please accept my apology for my insensitive words. I'll reply further once I get DD off to school, but I couldn't leave that hanging. Sometimes you tailor words to your audience, and some days it feels like everyone is judging us harshly. I have ADHD too and it was not treated as a kid and was only treated briefly as an adult.

 

[kayjaybe]

Is she being disrespectful to her coaches when she is angry? Because that will get you the boot in our gym. It doesn't even need to be vulgar or violent. But blatent disrespect of the coaches is a deal-breaker. They would definitely give a kid a time out - could be for the rest of practice or several practices or permanently removed from the team, depending on the severity and frequency.