Ever run into resentment from parents or kids to new kids moving up?

[Tumblequeensmom]

Coulda been anyone in the gym at the time, the question is .. WHY discuss it?

Definitely agree....

NOTHING in the world seems to be private anymore!

 

[standsonherhands]

I had a happy experience the other day. My dd was playing dance contest with 3 girls from another gym at a party. My dd spread around the compliments, e.g. you win at originality, you win at best trick, you win at coolest move, etc. so everyone could feel good about their skills. The oldest of the other girls told her she was a bad judge because she was supposed to pick only the very best dancer. I was so proud of my dd for her kindness, and I told her so. Seems like all the times the parents at her gym have emphasized that so and so has great balance, while another girl has form, or timing, or strength, etc. has really paid off. Luckily gym culture at her gym focuses on gymNICEtics most of the time.

 

[Stella]

Thanks for all the advice!

Thanks, everyone, for all the great advice. It's not getting any better. The kids all seem to be okay but the parents of two of the level 7's DD is now teammates with are just filled with venom towards us. It is so uncomfortable and one of these parents I considered a very close friend. Since this gym has never moved kids up mid-season, the entire argument is based on emotional reasoning ( our kids had to move up year by year so your kid shouldn't have the opportunity to do otherwise). It is so ridiculous. DD clearly has all the skills and is ready but unfortunately, what should be an exciting time for her is overshadowed by this immaturity and pettiness. Yes, this in an unorthodox move on the part of this gym but life is not set in stone and every gym/coach should have the flexibility to do what they feel is right. All coaches agree these girls were ready. I just hope it goes away soon or I am considering a conference with the HC.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

This is seriously bad sportsmanship. I think you need a meeting w/the HC/owner sooner rather than later. Geesh... these are ADULTS you're talking about.... inexcusable!!!

 

[bogwoppit]

I agree with TQM, just schedule that appointment and get it dealt with. THe club has broken with tradition, felling and running very high and it is their job to put the lid back on before things get worse.

 

[Sparky]

See, now in my opinion (having now got more of the story) - this situation has been created by the coaches because they have not done one very simple thing (one of my pet peeves) - they have not COMMUNICATED with the parents/athletes. It has been my experience that, even when I am upset about a decision the coach has made, once I have had a face to face chat and hear their reasoning I usually am much calmer and look at things a bit differently.

Perhaps if the whole situation had been dealt with more openly (i.e. reasoning behind it, etc.) there would be more understanding. Let's face it, things change, rules change, club policy/coaching philosophy is constantly changing - sometimes our kids will recieve the benefit of this, and sometimes not. While I don't condone these parents behaviour, I do have alot of empathy for their (obviously) hurt feelings.

I hope it all gets worked out quickly, and I completely agree with the other posters that a meeting with the HC is in order - the club needs to deal with this.

Cheers,
Sparky

 

[NGL780309]

Personally I don't care it the other parents feelings are hurt or not. They are adults and they should act like it. They need to stop comparing their child to someone else's and just be happy with where their child is. I completely understand that they feel jealous. Feeling jealous is a normal human emotion, but you keep it to yourself because you are a grown-up. I feel jealous at times in my life, but I don't act ugly. I just keep it to myself and the feelings usually pass.

 

[lovofu]

Aussie Coach....I disagree....if the 'team' is emphasized and the girls know that the only one they can control is themselves....jealousy shouldn't be ok or tolerated from the kids, parents or coaches. Those girls are hearing something at home that makes them feel like it's ok to misbehave emotionally!

 

[Where's the beach?]

Stella, I am sorry you and your dd have to deal with all this. I agree that you should talk to the coaches about speaking with the girls, they are being bullies and that should never be allowed to continue. As for the parents, I've been in your situation and time seems to ease their insecurities ( most of them ). In the mean time, just smile at them and then ignore them. Would you really want to be friends with bitter nasty people anyway?

Personally I don't care it the other parents feelings are hurt or not. They are adults and they should act like it. They need to stop comparing their child to someone else's and just be happy with where their child is. I completely understand that they feel jealous. Feeling jealous is a normal human emotion, but you keep it to yourself because you are a grown-up. I feel jealous at times in my life, but I don't act ugly. I just keep it to myself and the feelings usually pass.

Just had to quote this because it sums up everything I want to say! But since I'm on a road trip, stuck in the car for 3 hours, I am just going to keep going...LOL

Twoofthem: It does sound like some jealousy from parents, but I'm just wondering also, if the coach is showing some favoritism to your daughter during practices? Of course, I don't know and I am not there, but if he's coaching her on BHS on beam during practices, I wonder if the other girls get the same type of one on one attention? I can definitely see some resentment from the other parents if your DD is the "favored" one. Lots of info on CB about that whole scenario.



Re: the above comment, that' all well and good, but I definitely would NOT be looking that far ahead!!! So much can happen between L4 and L10!!! She may get stuck on a skill or two and need to repeat a Level, she may develop fears or mental blocks that may stall her development as a gymnast as well. It is very common for girls to repeat optional levels too. It's so hard to not get caught up in all the excitement that gymnastics is, but as parents, we need to keep an even keel when it comes to the sport.

Maybe I am taking this quote the wrong way, and if so, please forgive me in advance!
Why if one gymnast is getting taught a skill that the others are not, does it automatically become favortism?
Maybe the others weren't mentally or physically able to make this progression yet. Maybe this gymnast was having a great practice and the coach wanted to take that opportunity to teach a new skill.

An analogy... Your child starts kindergarten already reading, the other kids aren't. Should your child spend the entire year just reviewing their ABCs? No, the teacher should teach each child to their potential, whether in private school where you pay for an education (like gymnastics) or at public school. Teachers and coaches shouldn't have to hold a kid back just so other parents and kids don't get jealous!

I feel like the second part of your quote was used just to put the OP in her place. I'm sure she realizes anything could happen. Its's comments like those and the ones she's getting at the gym, that cause animosity. Can't we all just be happy (or fake it like NGL780039 said) for all the kid's accomplishments?

 

[bogwoppit]

Stella, I am sorry you and your dd have to deal with all this. I agree that you should talk to the coaches about speaking with the girls, they are being bullies and that should never be allowed to continue. As for the parents, I've been in your situation and time seems to ease their insecurities ( most of them ). In the mean time, just smile at them and then ignore them. Would you really want to be friends with bitter nasty people anyway?



Just had to quote this because it sums up everything I want to say! But since I'm on a road trip, stuck in the car for 3 hours, I am just going to keep going...LOL



Maybe I am taking this quote the wrong way, and if so, please forgive me in advance!
Why if one gymnast is getting taught a skill that the others are not, does it automatically become favortism?
Maybe the others weren't mentally or physically able to make this progression yet. Maybe this gymnast was having a great practice and the coach wanted to take that opportunity to teach a new skill.

An analogy... Your child starts kindergarten already reading, the other kids aren't. Should your child spend the entire year just reviewing their ABCs? No, the teacher should teach each child to their potential, whether in private school where you pay for an education (like gymnastics) or at public school. Teachers and coaches shouldn't have to hold a kid back just so other parents and kids don't get jealous!

I feel like the second part of your quote was used just to put the OP in her place. I'm sure she realizes anything could happen. Its's comments like those and the ones she's getting at the gym, that cause animosity. Can't we all just be happy (or fake it like NGL780039 said) for all the kid's accomplishments?

Wow I think you totally read some things into TQM's post that weren't there. She is clearly just pointing out what happens in the gym. I know her gym experience well and she is one of the most supposrtive parents here. SHe does not spend time here 'to put other parents in their place", in fact if you read her other posts she encourages parents to talk to the coaches and that every childs journey in the sport is different. With years of experience under her belt, her advice is highly valued here.

I would suggest rereading her posts just so you can see what I mean.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

All I was trying to explain were possible reasons why the other girls/parents/whomever were feeling jealous. If a coach is favoring one child over another during practices... and by favoring, I mean spending an inordinate amount of time coaching one girl while others are told to go work on tumbletrak, or whatever, by themselves, yes it can foster a sense of jealousy. Not saying this is what's happening, but have seen it happen in gyms over the years. A good gym w/good coaches find ways to challenge each girl w/o seeming to favor one over the others.

And I still stand by the last part of my post that was quoted. All too often, we, as parents, look way too far ahead in regard to our children. If they start T-ball, we're already planning for major leagues, just to use an analogy. Also, I have personally witnessed gym owners who will tell parents ANYTHING, even promising to take girls to the Olympics, even tho they've never even had successful L9/10's much less elites.

Somewhere here on CB has a line in their signature that I just love... something to the effect of trying not to look at what out children will become, but enjoying who they are today. Sorry, I know I completely mucked up the line, but something to that effect.

 

[Mariainlv]

Maybe I am taking this quote the wrong way, and if so, please forgive me in advance!
Why if one gymnast is getting taught a skill that the others are not, does it automatically become favortism?
Maybe the others weren't mentally or physically able to make this progression yet. Maybe this gymnast was having a great practice and the coach wanted to take that opportunity to teach a new skill.

An analogy... Your child starts kindergarten already reading, the other kids aren't. Should your child spend the entire year just reviewing their ABCs? No, the teacher should teach each child to their potential, whether in private school where you pay for an education (like gymnastics) or at public school. Teachers and coaches shouldn't have to hold a kid back just so other parents and kids don't get jealous!

I feel like the second part of your quote was used just to put the OP in her place. I'm sure she realizes anything could happen. Its's comments like those and the ones she's getting at the gym, that cause animosity. Can't we all just be happy (or fake it like NGL780039 said) for all the kid's accomplishments?

Where's, the beach I read the post the same way. TQM Im glad you clarified what you meant. I dont think anyone agrees that blatant favoritism is a good thing. However, there is nothing at all wrong with gymnasts progressing at different levels and coaches encouraging this. If parents take issue with this, then imo, its a "you" problem. (global you, not anyone in this thread)

I will say I find it commical how quick the board is to let people know their child, while talented now, may not be later. Because Im sure these people have just come from under a rock and have never thought of this...

 

[NGL780309]

TQM I know exactly what you mean about parents jumping too far ahead. There's this group of mom's at DD's gym who were having a conversation about how old their DD's would be when they were L10 as if it was just a given that they would move one level a year and never have any issues learning skills or injuries etc. I secretly laughed to myself because they have no idea. They are L4's right now. Maybe they might all make it that far, but the chances are slim and the path is probably not going to be so straightforward. I don't think it's being ugly or crushing their dreams, but it's just reality. Of course they'll figure it out soon enough so maybe it's better that they have this time to just enjoy and dream about their child's future in gym.

 

[lilgymmie7]

I have read many posts, but quiet seriously limit my posts to those that impact me or DD in some way. But what has helped me when posting is the realization that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and my true desire to never offend.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

One of the sad consequences of my 5 year old beating the pants off of her teammates is that she doesn't get invited to their birthday parties and that is something that really hurts her because they hand out the invitations in front of her. She gets invitied to some but they are from the upper level teams. Oh well, it has to get better.

 

[NewtoGym]

One of the sad consequences of my 5 year old beating the pants off of her teammates is that she doesn't get invited to their birthday parties and that is something that really hurts her because they hand out the invitations in front of her. She gets invitied to some but they are from the upper level teams. Oh well, it has to get better.

Your daughter is competing level 3? I am guessing because she is five. Our level 3s are not aware of their scores so how do her teamates know she is "beating the pants off" of them. If your daughter is friendly and you are friendly I doubt the other children will care if your daughter has amazing talent. I know with my daughter's level 3 team they are all excited for each other...

 

[Shelovesthebars]

newtogym- My daughter is very nice and so am I. Congrats on going to a gym where everyone is nice. Unfortunatley, we don't go to your gym. The kids are made Very aware of what there scores are. Parents right now are all in a frezy for 8 spots on our level 4 team with 50+ kids trying out soon. It is a very high stress invironment. She does go to some of the parties but they are with the level 4's.

 

[NewtoGym]

newtogym- My daughter is very nice and so am I. Congrats on going to a gym where everyone is nice. Unfortunatley, we don't go to your gym. The kids are made Very aware of what there scores are. Parents right now are all in a frezy for 8 spots on our level 4 team with 50+ kids trying out soon. It is a very high stress invironment. She does go to some of the parties but they are with the level 4's.

Wow. what a crazy enviroment for your daughter. I honestly can't imagine being part of that. My only advice would be to not use the phrase "beating the pants off" when talking to the other moms! lol. Good luck!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

That phrase came from the other parents. I am just "borrowing it". My daughter has already been given a spot on the level 4 team and we have been told that she will not be competing level 4 twice which is the norm at our gym. She is treated differently but she also works her but off and is a nice kid. She is working way beyond level 4 skills as a 5 year old.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

newtogym- My daughter is very nice and so am I. Congrats on going to a gym where everyone is nice. Unfortunatley, we don't go to your gym. The kids are made Very aware of what there scores are. Parents right now are all in a frezy for 8 spots on our level 4 team with 50+ kids trying out soon. It is a very high stress invironment. She does go to some of the parties but they are with the level 4's.

wow! those club owners got the 'new wave' stuff down pat.