Women Feeling stuck :(

[Itstrueimagymnast]

Sorry if this is really long
Anyways, to fill you in a bit, there is no other clubs in my area, an I'm the highest level (trying for 10 with aspirations for elite) and the oldest (by 2+ years) in my club.
I am having issues with my coach, to the point where I cannot stand her in the gym! Outside the gym she is totally fine, but once training starts-well its like Drjekyll and Mr Hyde!She regularly tells me I am terrible, and compares me to my younger teammates. If I tell her I am scared to go for a skill, she tells me I don't have an option to not do it and if I'm scared that I should take up a different sport. She also tells me that I will probably never be ready for level 10, and whenever I can't do something she tells me that I'm not trying! So frustrating! Oh! And one more thing! She also gets really mad at me for thinking negatively in the gym..... *sigh* thanks for listening to my rant!

 

[vagymmomma]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Given that you don't seem to have many options for clubs or coaches, I believe that your best course of action is to have a meaningful, heart to heart conversation with your coach. Have you spoken with your parents about your concerns? Perhaps they can serve as a mediator of sorts in the conversation.

I know from my gymmie's experience that it's very easy to get emotional when you work so hard and want something so much. But, emotions and fears can make it difficult, if not impossible, to make progress. You (the athlete) have the final control over both your emotions and fears. One part of the conversation (with both your parents and your coach) can be to identify strategies to help you deal with them. Part of a coach's job is to find a way to motivate their athletes, and the approach that your coach is trying with you may have worked on another athlete. I'm sure your coach is trying to help you and may not realize that their approach is having the opposite effect.

Conversation is way underrated these days. Both a gymnast and a coach can learn a lot if they listen to each other, re-focus on a common goal, and identify a path to achieve that goal. Be proactive and understand where you need to focus as well. You've come so far and achieved so much!!! Take a step back and try to work through your current issues with your coach. I'm sure you'll both feel much better. Remember the best gymnasts in the world have encountered similar issues along the way. Good luck!

 

[GymBee97]

Start with a talk to your mom and dad and let them know what is happening. Parents are on your side and can help navigate conversations with your coach and the club owner. If there are no other clubs in your immediate area they may be willing to do the drive to something a little further out there. Either way they should know what you are feeling so they can also be on the look out to make sure what you are feeling is justified. Sometimes as a teen you can have hightened emotions and simple corrections can seem like a big thing. Once mom and dad are on your side think about a chat with coach to let her know how you feel and have a plan ready for her as to how to help you feel more confident. You know what you don't like but what would you like her to do instead? Have that plan on how to encourage you best to share with her.

 

[iwannacoach]

Part of a coach's job is to find a way to motivate their athletes, and the approach that your coach is trying with you may have worked on another athlete. I'm sure your coach is trying to help you and may not realize that their approach is having the opposite effect......vagymmomma, 2012

Darn skippy on that^^^^^

As a coach who's been through the "ringer" of staying one step ahead of the top kid in the gym, I can tell you it's not always easy to know how to approach any one child's "inner athlete". If you are reaching the limit of your coach's past experiences, and are the first, or among the first 10's she's coached, you can bet that she's feeling some pressure to help you make this a good year. That pressure may be urging her to find the most effective coaching "style" to best nudge you along on your way to the next level.

So how do you know for sure.....are there signs to look for that support the notion that she cares enough to "try on" a style that so doesn't fit her, that she's having a hard time making it work....just to help you as much as possible because she cares about you.....

Has she changed lately, like not long after it was decided you'd do 10 this coming season.

Is she saying "positive" things in a negative tone and context, like making it personal, or going over the top when correcting by saying (for the first time ever) things like......I can't believe you just (something badly done), where she used to say things like....ya know this is a pretty hard skill and you really have to put all of your effort into it...so make sure you start out with everything you've got, and see if that makes it easier.

Is she giving fewer corrections than was normal for her ....like 6 month's ago, and instead has focused on "pushing your buttons". The "take up a different sport".....well, it's an epic button pusher, and it's supposed to instill a constructive rebellion that makes you want to prove her wrong.

Geez, I could be here all week....or I could simply tell you to chat with her about how you're feeling, because no matter what the issue is, or why it's happening now, those feelings are preventing you from providing her the proof she needs....to know she's got a motivated, caring, and scared kid to coach....who wants exactly the same things you do.....to feel "on the same page", and to have a good season.

 

[Itstrueimagymnast]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I guess I should talk to her... I'm kind of nervous to because she's always been a "my way or the highway" type Any tips for how to approach her?

 

[iwannacoach]

Ask her ......."Coach, I really want to know.....cuz everything seem like it's going wrong.....am I really doing that bad?"

She'll say no, you're not that bad, and that everything isn't going wrong.....but....you need to do this, that, and the other thing to get to the next level."

I've worked side by side with a coach like this, with no options to change the situation other than to leave, so I know how hard it is....but I also knew then, because we spoke about it, that he was doing what he felt needed to be done to get the kids he was working with nudged beyond where they could nudge themselves.

I don't think it's the right approach in most cases, but it's an approach seen more at the upper levels than at lower levels. I think that's a reflection seen when people do gymnastics to "get somewhere" rather than to "do something". You may be inclined to "do something", like finding out if you're as good as you think you could be, and learning, and working hard, and enjoying the progress you make as you get to the point of realizing your potential. You coach sounds like someone who wants to get you somewhere, possibly to a point your own mental/emotional abilities aren't able to get you.

She likely sees the little steps taken along the way as hints of moving in the right direction, but fails to understand how they have been a source of joy and pride for you....because she feels it's her job to "get you there" and fun is.....well, like it doesn't really do anything to get you closer....does it????? Well, maybe it does, when it "fuels your spirit" and that spirit is what's gotten you this far....right?

So maybe there's an "oppositional force" thing going on where your natural "leanings" go one way while her natural "leanings" go the other.The result to this point has been pretty good, except lately you're feeling overwhelmed, possibly because the drama of the new level has kept you from leaning as hard as you have in the past, or maybe the coach has begun to lean harder and you can't, or haven't come to the point of replying with an increased lean on your part.

No matter what the reason, have the talk with her, and keep talking until you strike a deal that works.

 

[cbone]

I'm not going to sugar coat it, but I'll say it outright. This coach very much cares about you and wants the best for you. I've seen this type of coaching before and, trust me, it is well-intentioned. She's going about it "wrong", but she wants you to succeed and is very much emotionally invested in your success. Now that you know this, understand that you need to modify your perspective a bit. Have a conversation with coach, but do it with the understanding that she's on your side and it will be much more productive. It sounds like your options are 1. work it out or 2. quit. From everything you've said, 2. is not an option for you, so there's really no option not to do it. I'm afraid that that probably sounds dreadfully familiar...

 

[Gymdad2]

There is one issue here there I don't see being addressed and that is that in order to compete successfully at L10 (not to mention Elite), you do have to be able to perform the high-level skills that your are finding to be scary. I do not want to demean your fears because I am sure they are real, but I do think that you do need to approach your parents and coach and ask for help in overcoming these fears. Also, there are sports psychologists who deal with fear issues, and some who specifically work with gymnasts. Just a thought. Good luck!

 

[coachmolly]

You mention you are the oldest at your club, has this coach ever worked with girls your age before? Particularly at such a high level? It could just be that she is not familiar with how to work with teens in this type of setting and is using her standard techniques to motivate, things that have worked with younger kids or maybe even you in the past, but that just aren't cutting for where you are right now. Helping her to realize that and getting the two of you back on the same page could be the trick needed to get moving in the right direction again.
I will echo what others have said, you need to talk with her. It sounds like you are both getting frustrated with each other and things just aren't clicking. Discussing problems with each other, from both sides, is a step in the right direction. Let her know your goals, what is bothering you, and how she can be more helpful, but also be willing to hear her side and make adaptations based on what she needs to see from you. Hopefully that process will be all it takes to get things back to normal. Best wishes!

 

[L5mw]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I guess I should talk to her... I'm kind of nervous to because she's always been a "my way or the highway" type Any tips for how to approach her?

The head coach at our gym is the "my way or the highway" type too. It sounds to me like your coach is trying to push you to be the best you can be. To be a gymnast you have to have that inner strength and a love of competition. Keep going and don't give up!

 

[LizzieLac]

Start with the positive - what do you like about her, what has worked for you two in the past? Let her know that you respect her as the coach, but you are wondering how you two can work together differently to get you to a better place with your gymnastics as well as mentally. Show her that that you want her to help be a part of the solution. These approaches should "soften" her going into the conversation, whereas telling her right off what doesn't work for you (even though you have every right to feel that way) may be her on the defensive and bring out the part of her personality you already know you do not like. Good luck and hang in there!!