Parents First meet/dumb question

[NGL780309]

DD has her first meet ever at the beginning of January and I'm very nervous about it. I was trying to pinpoint what I'm nervous about because really there's no expectation for her on my part and I don't think there's any on her part either. My only expectation for her is that she participates and leaves with a smile on her face. I'm pretty sure that will be accomplished. Just seeing her out there will make me so proud.

My parents really want to come and she really wants them to come and I think that's what is making me feel nervous. They don't know anything about gymnastics. My mom came to the gym one day and saw DD's floor routine and her response was, "That's it?". I guess she was expecting her to be doing double layouts and 5 tumbling passes or something. She completely didn't say it it a mean way, just in a way like her only exposure to gym is the Olympics. She also wanted to know why she doesn't use the real vault or go to the high bar.

So I have this feeling that if they come to the meet they'll expect her to actually win something. To be honest with you she's not going to win anything. I don't mean to sound negative, but her main competition is her own teammates. They have all competed one year of Level 4 and many have competed 2 years. This will be the last meet for those kids at Level 4. They scored in the 37 and 38 range all season. DD has no chance at all of winning anything. DD will probably get last or close to last. That won't bother me in the least. Let's say she has an absolutely amazing meet and hits all of ther routines and finishes with a great AA score for her first meet ever, but places on nothing. I'm concerned that my parents will view it as a failure. They aren't unsupportive people, it's just that they don't understand. DD could score a 36AA (which won't happen) and if they don't hear her name called they'll probably think it means she didn't do well. So do you educate them beforehand? I can just imagine them driving home and saying to each other, "All that practice and money and she didn't even win anything!".

I really just don't want them to come, but it's rude to ask them not to come. I'm probably making too big of a deal about this. I think it also stems from the fact that they have always commented on the fact that gym takes too much time and is too expensive. I'm going to be so proud of DD and I guess it's just I want them to understand that getting through her first meet is an accomplishment. She has all of her skills and I'm not worried about that. I mean I wouldn't be surprised if she fell on bars or beam just because she'll be nervous.

 

[gym law mom]

You said it in one sentence---they want to come and dd would love to have them there. Talk to them a little before the meet about what L4 routines look like(I think they'll clue in when they see every other girl doing the same routines) and that this is the 1st meet for dd----most of the others have been competing for 1-2 years.

As for results, well you never know. Your dd will be in the 6-7 yo group? Are all of her teammates going to be in the same age group? Also at most L4 meets the all the girls get ribbons for doing each event. Bring the folks to make the day extra special for dd.

 

[gymjoy]

I'm going to disagree with gym law mom this time

Your dd will have plenty of meets for her grandparents to come to in the future. I think, for this first meet, it is perfectly fine to ask them not to attend. I did this with my dd's very first L4 meet. I told my parents that I wanted to keep the first meet simple because I had no idea what to expect, how dd would preform, and whether their presence would distract her.
I was so glad I did this. I was a nervous wreck before and during the meet. Dd was giddy with excitement the whole day, but fell apart during the meet (which was delayed and went way past her 7yo bed-time). She was the only one on her team to not get a medal - or even a ribbon. She left exhausted and in tears, as I did.

My parents were fine with not coming. They came to her second meet, and I better able to explain what was happening, and dd was more able to focus because she knew what was happening. She was also more confident - though she still did not place on anything.

(I really would not want anyone around if I thought they would be negative about anything - especially for the very first meet!)

Good luck with your decision.
Oh, and dd will get over them not being able to come. Kids are resilient, just explain to her that you want to focus on her alone that day.

 

[NGL780309]

Her first meet is an invitational that her gym hosts and based on last years results they only divide into junior and senior level 4's with about 25 in each age group. Since she just turned 6 I know she'll be a junior. The meet isn't super big, mostly just her own teammates with a few other gyms entering level 4's, but there are around 30 level 4's at her gym alone and they are required to attend. Because the spring season is the optional season here the meet is bigger for the optional girls.

I don't want to make it sound like she's horrible and will definitely get last place. I think she's actually quite good, but her teammates are really good. She isn't as crisp and clean as they are, but she has all of her skills easily, but it's gymnastics and she may very well fall. She still goes over on her mill sometimes and she'll fall on beam sometimes. Her gym makes them do a full handstand on beam and that causes her a bit of a problem sometimes. Many of her teammates won state in their age group. I just know that it's her first meet ever and she might completely bomb. I'm okay with that. I also know my child and she'll probably be okay with it too. I've been trying to talk this meet up to her as a "practice meet" so she won't be nervous. It's at her own gym so I think she'll feel pretty comfortable.

Honestly I'm thinking about asking them not to come. I'm going to be so nervous, but hope not to let DD see that. I have another little girl who is 18 months and I'd rather just let them babysit. Having to chase the little one and be a nervous wreck will make it a stressful day. They are great granparents. She's stayed with them everyday since birth so they are really like 2nd parents to her. I don't want to deny them the opportunity to see her. They plan on coming to all of her meets even the travel ones. So maybe I should just sit them down and explain that she probably won't place on anything and it doesn't mean that she did badly. Really it's my own feelings about it and not DD's. If she wants them there I shouldn't tell them to stay away just because I'm feeling that's best. I'm very conflicted. I hadn't even thought about it being a distraction to her. She tends to be really shy and get embarrassed easily.

Can you tell I'm stressed about this?

 

[Blackie6]

First off, don't be nervous and don't try to over anticipate it because you will only pass off that vibe to your little one. I know you are saying you have no expectations other than a good time...keep that thought! Whatever she does, good or bad, will be the cutest thing ever! Make sure your video and camera are charged and leave the parents at home. My parents have a hard time sitting thru the meets because they are long and while they never intend to distract my DD, my dad cheering her on like at a football game really just used to cause her to loose her focus when she was 6/7. Save that first meet for just immediate family & your DD, there will be plenty of meets when nerves won't be so bad. You are going to want to sit with other team parents too and chat it up. Have them meet you after for dinner or ice cream to celebrate & let her tell them all about it. Make it a big deal and make it all about her. We still LOL at my DD's first meet. I'm sure she will have a blast, my DD came out of her first meet and said "mommy, I LOVE meets" and we are still going strong 4 yrs later.

 

[lhmom]

We did the same at the first meet (Judges' Cup). My daughter actually preferred that my in-laws didn't come and we all respected that. My in-laws were really good about it as well and came to the next in-town meet. I wish her the best!

 

[GymnastJoy]

Certainly not a "dumb question"! I was faced with a similar situation at my dd's first meet and decided to leave my parents home with my younger dd. I was so glad that I did. I was more relaxed not having a little one to entertain (meets can be looong) and I could completely focus on my dd's competition without having to converse or explain what's going on to my parents. It was a special time for me and my dd to celebrate her accomplishments (getting her skills to be able to compete, team leo, being part of a team, etc). To tell you the truth, she may not have placed or even won any ribbons at all but we were both so proud. It sounds like you have a great attitude going into it and will enjoy your dd's shining moment no matter what. Keep us posted how she does. A first meet is a big deal!

 

[standsonherhands]

We met all the grandparents at dd's first meet because it was closer to them. Everyone was glad they came, but I think waiting until a later meet would have been better for us. Dd had never competed before and her competition included lots of very polished and experienced girls. As a result my mom felt bad when dd didn't place, even though dd handled it well. My mom has not wanted to watch another comp yet, even though dd ended the season well placing 4th at state. If your family comes, I would tell them just what you told us in the post. Going in with reasonable expectations should help them be happy when she tries her best. If they know that no one (including your dd) expects to win, you could all have lots of fun watching her start her competitive career. Have fun!

 

[NGL780309]

I had the chance to talk to my mom today and I explained to her what I was thinking about the first meet. She pretty much told me she is coming and wouldn't miss it for the world. If DD does terrible or wonderful or somewhere in between she wants to be there to see it because this is her first meet ever and that's the special part of it. There will never be another first meet. She said she was at her first dance recital when she was 2 and saw her stand there and cry and she was at her first tball game (no crying thankfully). I think she was looking forward to the meet more than I knew. So in the end we came to the compromise that she'll come, but my dad will stay home to babysit little DD. My mom has never missed a single performance in anything DD has done so I hadn't even thought about how much it meant to her to be there. I feel better about it now. Thanks for listening and all the wonderful advice.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

It will all be fine. Your DD wants to show off to grandma, and that's great! It may be calming to her as well to see all her family there to support her. If it's any consolation, I STILL get nervous when my 15 year old DD goes out there to compete at her meets. I just try really hard not to show it... esp. to her!

 

[gymjoy]

Well it sounds like grandma actually has a good outlook for the meet - she's excited, but does not seem to have any high expectations. Relax and have fun watching your dd shine
(and lets us know how it goes, of course...)

 

[NGL780309]

Well it sounds like grandma actually has a good outlook for the meet - she's excited, but does not seem to have any high expectations. Relax and have fun watching your dd shine
(and lets us know how it goes, of course...)

I definitely will. I can't wait to report back because I know everyone here really understands. You've all been there for your childs first meet and understand what a special moment that is. I seriously think I might burst with pride just seeing her march-in. I really don't care what she does on the equipment. She always gets this really embarrassed, shy look on her face when people watch her. It's priceless. Her coach the other day mentioned to me that she does this thing with her chin on floor and beam like she is really embarrassed. She was working on fixing it and I was secretly like please leave it alone for awhile because it's cute. She has years to look confident.

 

[kimmy4]

I am glad that a solution was worked out! (yay for communication!!)
I think it's totally sweet about your Mom and how she feels...so I am really glad that you spoke to her about it all.
FYI, My 11 year old, who is in her 4th year of competing, still "requests" that no-one (other than me) attend her first meet of the season! We honor that, but after the first one, all family members are welcome to attend.
Good Luck to your daughter & have fun!!!!!