Parents Frustrated With Coaching Methods

[Shelovesthebars]

Today we went to our 3/4 level preteam class. My daughter has all the skills for the class and she doesn't wander around and pays attention. She is 4 in a class of 6 year olds. Today the coach told them to do their press handstand drills. This is my dd's third class and she hasn't recieved any instruction on how to do these. She has her press from the floor but these drills are complicated. My dd tried for a while but doesn't understand how to do them. She stopped trying and just watched the other girls to try to learn from them. My daughter literally got yelled at. Then she got called out repeatedly and told that she was not a hard worker in front of the etire gym.. Before class was over my daughter was on the verge of tears. The teacher told her to go and sit with me and them the damn broke. I guess I am wondering if I should stick it out and see if this becomes a pattern or find another gym? I guess I should add that she did work hard during the class and did everything that was asked of her but the coach continued to be upset with her for the entire class over the press handstands. There is no wall between the parents and the gym so everyone there could see and hear what was happening.

 

[NOG]

Oh wow! Not sure what to say, does this coach not usually coach such young ones? What the coach did was unexceptable, she's only 4! With no instruction, how is she supposed to understand what they want her body to do? Not to mention that demeaning a gymnast in front of the entire gym is not beneficial to any gymnast at any age. If things continue in this manner, she'll grow to hate gym in no time. Not sure what advice to give you, I've not been in a situation quite like yours. At bare minimum, I would keep a sharp eye on the situation and make sure that this is not a pattern. Good luck sorting out the path that you'll take here.

 

[bogwoppit]

I think I would simply tell the coach that your gymmie needs to be told how to do a skill before she is told off.

She's 4, yelling at her will not help ever! Would you let anyone else do this to your baby? If the answer is no, then you clearly can't let it happen again.

 

[Bobby]

My suspicion is that if a babysitter had done the same thing you'd have a clear iddea of exactly how to react. But this is someone who is giving your DD an opportunity she really wants so I can see why it's tempting to compromise.
Since the class is mostly 6 y/os this coach should have adequate understanding of young children already to know how the issue should ahve been handled - the hissy fit you describe wouldn't have been acceptable if it had been directed toward a 6 (or 14) yo.
I'd personally be tempted to meet with that coach, tell him/her I was very upset because of how I think it should have been handled, then conclude the reason you won't be making any hasty changes is because your DD is so desperate to return to the class, but you trust your 4 y/os welfare will be better respected next time.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Wow! 4 years old and she is getting yelled at??? And you are paying for this class?? Yelling never solves anything and just causes kids to become numb and shutdown emotionally. I have been there in a similar situation with my dd and the damage can last for years. I would seriously monitor the situation and find a new gym if it continues.

 

[ginnymac]

It seems that you are not entirely sure that this is the gym for your little one. In previous posts you seem to be questioning many of the decisions made at this gym regarding your daughter.

I would look around at other programs and see what is out there. You may find something better or you may not. But I would not be willing to let this particular coach spend too much more time with your dd. This does not sound like appropriate teaching methods at all....for a gymnast of any age, but especially for a 4 year old!

Also, you say that the gym is open for viewing by parents, so I guess that the coach knew that you were watching. Imagine how the treatment could be if you weren't watching....she was bold enough to act this way in front of you!

 

[ginnymac]

PS...as a parent, you are your child's advocate. Do not accept this treatment for her!

 

[gymjourneymom]

Sorry to hear that a coach is being verbally abusive to a 4yr old!!!! That blows my mind!!! Verbal abuse is unacceptable in any case. But for some reason we seem to accept it from coaches?!? This needs to stop & coaches need to learn that there better & more effective ways of teaching. I think you need to address this situation now, before it becomes a pattern. You need to discuss what happened & find out why she treated your DD in this unacceptable way. Was she having a bad day? Did she not know your DD is only 4yrs old & new to the class??? Not that those excuses would make it ok. In any case I still feel she owes both you & your DD an apology. And a promise that that was not the norm for her class. If that discussion doesn't happen. I'd be outta there! This is no way for your DD to start her gymnastics career. She deserves soooo much better!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Oh, I am definately going to talk to the coach. I just felt that when it happened yesterday my priority was my daughter since she was so upset. I also want to speak to the coach without my DD present because I feel that it would just upset her more. This is the coach that she has has since she was 2 1/2 and we have been doing ok with her up until yesterday. She has always been hard on her but nothing my DD seemed to be upset about and nothing that was out of the ordinary. I guess I would say a constructive hard. I am definately not making excuses for the coach. I was so mad yesterday that any conversation I would have had with her would not have been productive anyway. I am going to see where this goes but I have no problem taking her to a different gym. At this point, my DD needs to feel like she is in a positive environment. She is 4 and there is no hurry in my mind for her.
On a positive note, my dd did a makeup tumbling class at her gym last night because she missed her regular class. It was evaluation week and she passed with flying colors and was moved to the advanced backhandspring class! So you can see she didn't let what happened to her earlier in the day affect her attitude about other things.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Good point Ginnymac about what would have happened if the gym had been a closed one. It just makes me even madder to think about it. Argg!
I was thinking too this morning if there could have been any mitigating factrors for the coaches behavior. This coach has been coaching at this gym for 30 years. Bingo! One of the beloved coaches was asked to leave immediatly by the owner/head coach this week over a "disagreement". It had to have been catastrophic for this coach to have been asked to leave because a lot of our success has been due to this coach. I think our gym will suffer in the short term. The coaches must all be feeling the stress.

 

[Midget's Dad]

You need to talk to the coach for sure. And frankly there are no mitigating factors. Period.

I want Midget's coaches to be tough on her, she is one of the kids that rises to that, but there is a huge difference in effective tough coaching and yelling. What you described is abusive and while I respect that you felt it was better to wait until you cooled down I would not have.

 

[cathiann]

So glad you're talking to the coach about this--there is no excuse for that behavior. Let us know how it goes.

 

[momofchalksters]

As well as a parent, I am also a pre-school coach. I coach ages 18 mos up to 6 yr olds but only in rec classes, not anythhing related to team. As a parent, I am extremely aghast at what that coach did. As a coach, I am completely ashamed of that the coach did. If you don't understand the mechanics of how young kids think, act and react then find another job. I use a "Serious" tone with the kids when they are running amuck during class but can't imagine ever yelling at them. Sometimes adults forget that kids need respect too and I try to keep that in my mind at all times. At our gym, a coach would be let go if he/she yelled at a 4 yr old (truely yelling and was witnessed doing so) I would be looking to change things if I were you. Good luck!

 

[gymjoy]

UGH
Reading these things makes me so upset. I would have rung that coaches neck right in the middle of practice. I've done it before when my son was in a rec class. The coach was annoyed with the boys for misbehaving and being loud and undisciplined (the class was 5 and 6yo boys). He happened to turn around after helping one boy on vault to see my son standing out of line (he had just given a lecture about staying in line). What he didn't see was all the other boys pushing, shoving, and bullying my son for trying to actually behave himself. Coach started to yell at my son. There was no wall at this gym, and I knew the coach as he also coached my dd on team. I am all for discipline, but this was out of line. I stood up, walked over to him and let him know he was out of line. I was so upset and scared that I was shaking, but I could not allow my child to be treated in such a manner. I thought it was important for my son to see me defending him, and know that he has not done anything wrong. The coach, to his benefit, listened to me, apologized to my son, and disciplined all the other boys. After the class he also apologized to me.
I guess my point is that your dd should know you are there for her in these situations. She is only four and unable to defend herself in this kind of situation. Also, I hope that her coach is able to acknowledge her mistake and correct herself. If not, I would find a new gym.

 

[emandelsmom]

I think coaches sometimes forget they are still little children. I would be so mad. I would def. talk to someone. I am so sorry that has happened.