Parents Gym hours and family dinner

[AmandaLynn]

the only family dinners i remember was Sunday's and pasta.

Sounds familiar. Italian family?

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

We rarely eat all together anymore. Our schedule allows for it on the weekends (until nutcracker rehearsals get going). Part of our issue is that my dh works early hours so he feels it is very late for him to eat dinner at 7:30-8 when he has to go to bed around 9 or even earlier(he gets up extremely early for work). I take the girls straight to activities from school and he's not home at that time anyways. We usually have about an hour after coming home to eat dinner, relax and do homework, shower and then it's bedtime for the girls. We're somewhat used to it though, older dds schedule with dance has interfered with family dinners for the past 2-3years. We make it a priority on weekends, that's about all we can do. I usually eat with the girls whenever, it's dh who gets the short end of the stick and is left alone, poor guy.

 

[MyBoysFlip]

My husband does mornings and has a full sit down breakfast with our kids every day. Eggs, French toast, cut up fruit, ...he's become quite the breakfast chef. He works 2nd shift so I do dinner at 4:30 before we leave for 5:30 practices. Mine is usually crockpot or reheated food because I cook on the one or two free days I have. It's a little hectic but it works.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

Thanks for all the replies and creative ideas! I do love the breakfast idea, but with half the family being, just not morning people, we would probably just grunt at each other. MaryA, the insight you shared meant a lot to me. You're totally right, it's not about eating together, it is about connecting as a family, and I had to remind myself that since the kids are still pretty young (not yet teenagers), we do spend a lot of time connecting as a family in other ways besides at the dinner table. I feel better now, thanks!

 

[shelovestoflip]

If it makes anyone feel better, my best friend is a demographer, and this summer, while we were discussing our crazy schedules (she is my best friend from high school and my college roomie... We now live half way across the country from each other and cram a lot of conversation into our summer visits) I said something along the lines of "they say children who are involved in after-school activities are happier/healthier and they say kids who eat a family dinner every night are happier/healthier... but it seems like the one doesn't allow for the other!" She assured me that a follow-up study was done to the "family dinner" study and that it's more about finding ways to connect. The act of eating had no impact one way or the other.

Quote from a quick google search...

"Two professors, Ann Meier and Kelly Musick, took a long deep look at the evidence for family dinners. They noted that academic achievement and positive teenage behaviors have been associated with families that ate together in a large number of studies. Yet when they delved into the data and stripped out the quality of family relationships, the degree to which parents monitored their kids, how they spent their time together and the availability of financial resources, suddenly the story changed. The researchers noted that, “We found no direct, lasting effects of family dinners on mental health, drug and alcohol use or delinquency.” It was family connections, not meals, that mattered."

So, while I'm not saying that you shouldn't look for times, including meal times, to connect as a family, I am saying that parents don't need to beat themselves up when it doesn't happen. Our dining room table is used more often as a holding bin for the week's detritus than it is for eating, but that doesn't mean I don't find lots of ways, including driving carpool to/from their activities, to connect with my family.

So, I was reading through this thread waiting until the end to comment but thinking exactly what the above researchers said!

My daughter is at the gym 5 nights a week until 9pm. She gets home from school at 3:15. I get home from work at 4:30 and she jsut comes out to the car and we go to practice. She is responsible for getting together her mini meal to eat while doing HW before I pick her up. (she's 14) We are only 20 minutes away but I always bring her dinner to eat in the car. Ziploc makes great divided containers! At 9:20 when we arrive home, she has a second snack, takes a shower, finishes up any HW and is hopefully in bed by 10:30. If I were to wait on dinner till we got home, bed would be closer to 11 and it would be stressful not to mention she just wouldn't have enough sleep!

I think sleep is just as important as conversation in fact maybe more!

I feel like we talk on the way home while she is eating and that is sort of 'dinner table' conversation!

I guess I also feel that we adults create more stress for ourselves by trying to do what we 'think' is right...or what the media tells us is 'right'.

Look at Pinterest....lots of people posting amazing projects etc and the regular old parent could potentially think they aren't 'good enough' compared to the people that do all the amazing projects!
Fact is, do what is right for you....

if your kid needs early sleep, don't have dinner at 8 just because you think family dinner is 'right'.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Sounds familiar. Italian family?

 

[thefellowsmom]

I totally agree that we as parents can get way too hung up on what we think the "right" thing to do is or what the media tells us we should do or what we perceive other parents will judge us for doing or not doing.

I have a very good friend who twists herself into knots every day to get dinner on the table for everyone at 6pm sharp, to the point that by the time they make it happen everyone is grumpy and no one is talking.

She has actually kept her kids from doing activities that they want to do and insists that her husband doesn't put in the extra hour at work that he needs to to be successful at his job. This, of course, is a pretty extreme case.

I have been trying for years to get her to relax on this subject but she just can't let go of what she feels is the most important family ritual she can provide for her family.

I just don't see how grumpy people sitting at a table not talking to one another or talking in a forced and uncomfortable way is that helpful.

As everyone else here does as well, I spend a ton of time in the car with my kids. I find this an amazing time to talk and connect with my kids. I make sure that every day they both have the chance to tell me all about whatever they want to share with me and I also tell them about my day.

I encourage that we talk through any difficult or frustrating situations. We also celebrate the good things that happen and laugh about the embarrassing or funny moments. I find that they open up quite a bit in this location, maybe because I'm not looking at them . I cherish this time with them.

My husband is in charge of mornings and our kids are on different schedules so he gets snuggles and quality time with them one on one then and he also has his talks with them as he says goodnight to them in bed.

We take full advantage of family time whenever we get the chance. Weekends are mostly spent together as a family and as a family in the company of friends. We also like to snuggle up on the couch together and watch 20 minutes of The Voice before the kids go to bed on week nights. I find this helps the transition from rush rush rush to going to bed tremendously.

We eat together when it makes sense to and don't when it doesn't. I really don't believe that food is the important part in this situation.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

We fully take advantage of bedtime. Even though they're not so little anymore, we take lots of time with bedtime, talking, reading, goofin', etc.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Family dinners on Wednesdays & Sundays....at least that's our general plan...usually works out about twice a month! Sunday lunch too, if DS doesn't have an early soccer game.

 

[wgagym]

We eat dinner as a family every night at 9:00. Then it is showers and books and the kids are in bed by 10. They are in elementary school so it is late but they don't know any different so it works. But I am at the gym every night. My husband cooks, and dinner is on the table when I get home, so if we want to eat as a family thats when it happens.

 

[UnoMas]

Sundays. That's it. Lol!
One (and usually two)of the girls is at gym every night of the week but the one who is at home gets quality time with mom and dad. On Sundays when we are all together the table feels really small!

 

[Flossyduck]

We don't sit down and eat dinner together. We are at the gym until late 4 nights a week. The kids get in their pj's and go to sleep in the car as we get home about 10.30pm. Two nights I pick them up from school and they eat in the car and two nights they come home first for a very quick hot meal before setting off. Either way we leave long before dh gets home.

I find the time in the car quite relaxing and try to make the most of it, although it isn't ideal. We talk about the school day, run through spellings and times tables, talk about plans, sometimes they sing me songs they've been learning. And actually the kids have recognised the value in this time too, so they get in the car and start talking about what they've done without prompting now.

The other evening is homework evening and I try to make that shared time too. I make a special snack and sit at the table with them whilst they work.

Family time is at the weekend. Yes there's training then too, but we tend to go together and do something afterwards and the other weekend day we try and keep for fun.

What a life!

 

[htimcj]

We just eat late. At 9 Or so. It has always been that way. Even when are at home we still end up eating late!

 

[iwannacoach]

I always bring her dinner to eat in the car. Ziploc makes great divided containers!

That's a brilliant idea, and even better if you take it to the next level of convenience. Just figure out a way to attach two thin elastic band to the ziploc, kinda the same way dust masks are made...... Vio'la, a time saving feed bag that keeps her hands free for, oh I don't know, uneven bars maybe???

 

[wgagym]

We just eat late. At 9 Or so. It has always been that way. Even when are at home we still end up eating late!

Us too! We don't eat dinner before 9 even on the weekends. Its just what we are used too! For us it is not so much the dinner but the only hour of the day that we are all together in the same room. Between gym for me and IJ, and the boys hockey, football, baseball schedules nobody is ever home before 8 on our house. You just gotta do what works!

 

[Jenny]

We don't sit down and eat dinner together. We are at the gym until late 4 nights a week. The kids get in their pj's and go to sleep in the car as we get home about 10.30pm. Two nights I pick them up from school and they eat in the car and two nights they come home first for a very quick hot meal before setting off. Either way we leave long before dh gets home.

I find the time in the car quite relaxing and try to make the most of it, although it isn't ideal. We talk about the school day, run through spellings and times tables, talk about plans, sometimes they sing me songs they've been learning. And actually the kids have recognised the value in this time too, so they get in the car and start talking about what they've done without prompting now.

The other evening is homework evening and I try to make that shared time too. I make a special snack and sit at the table with them whilst they work.

Family time is at the weekend. Yes there's training then too, but we tend to go together and do something afterwards and the other weekend day we try and keep for fun.

What a life!

wow you get home at 10.30! That is nuts. What time does training finish?

 

[Midwestmommy]

Family Dinner..... I think that's where I actually pack up something for her to eat in the back seat of the car and I have a cold soda, right? I know it's definitely not on the nights where I caught caught up at work and I ask her to dig through her lunch (which I packed at 5am or the night before) for anything leftover and dig through her bag for snacks I packed or are strays from another day to add to the mix... I know for sure it's not when I get her a burger and a banana at DQ, right? I would never do that. Well, Ok not never. But not that much. Oh wait, do you mean weekends where we actually sit down together? Unless she has a bunch of friends over and I serve them dinner on the deck. Is it when the family pet steals her leftovers off the coffee table and they fall on the rug? Our pet is part of the family.. Oh heck, I'll just admit it. Family dinner is a rare treat at our house. However, the constant struggle to keep her in lots of nutritious food and hydrated seems to be a big part of our lives.... And our car conversations are where we joke, catch up on news, and sometimes quiz for a test. Unless she falls asleep. Sigh. This is why we sometimes can't help ourselves and watch a little practice. I miss my daughter during the week. A lot.

 

[Granny Smith]

If by the end of the night everyone has had dinner in our house, that is considered a family dinner complete! Dd is 5-9pm, she eats around 9:40-10pm. I am barely awake at that time because I get up super early in the morning. Ds goes to bed at 10pm. It used to be ds and myself eating dinner together a lot, but now his activities are taking over and dh is his coach so they are off and running together. Besides ds doesn't want a fully belly before he goes off doing his thing, he prefers to eat after his practices. So... what usually happens is that I make dinner and I sit down and eat a peaceful meal with my 2 furbabies starring at me and when I'm home completely by myself, I will bust out my ipad or my People magazine while I eat (shhhh, don't tell the kids). We do all sit down together for dinner on Sunday, usually! Saturday is hit or miss. Dd has the boyfriend, so sometimes we gain an extra mouth when we go out to eat and sometime we are down 1 mouth because they are doing something else. It's what works for us!

 

[MaryA]

Dd has the boyfriend, so sometimes we gain an extra mouth when we go out to eat and sometime we are down 1 mouth because they are doing something else. It's what works for us!

Clearly your DD's coaches didn't tell her that she can't date till she's 25 like some other CB member posted recently...

 

[mylittlemiss]

We have someone at the gym over the dinner hour (4-8ish, 25 minute drive away) 5 nights out of the week. Whoever is home for dinner we all eat together. Saturday and Sunday are definite eating together as a family. Every chance we get to be together we jump on. But I don't give up on a family dinner just because one person isn't there. It is still important to do it for everyone that is home.

We do basically the same thing. I try to have family dinners on most nights and whoever is home eats together. My gymmie eats the food I prepared on the way home in the car. She doesn't get home until 8:30 on weeknight practices, so I don't want to make everyone else wait, or miss out. She's so hungry after practice, she doesn't want to wait the car ride home to eat either, so she's happy to eat and visit with mom or dad in the car on the way home. Also, that way when she gets home she can just jump into whatever happenings are going on at home.