WAG Help with a sad but motivated gymnast

[cbone]

I missed one of may daughter's meets for the first time yesterday. It turns out, she scored her lowest AA ever (mid 35s). She broke down in tears. She is disappointed that she hasn't been performing as well as she feels she can (and does in the gym). Her biggest issue is her flexibility. She also struggles with her artistry. Strength is not an issue for her. She wins the conditioning challenges they do in the gym every time- even beating older girls from other levels. She and her coach talked about the importance of stretching at home. She is already starting to do that by stretching with me and "teaching" me how to do it (got that idea from someone on CB- thanks!). What else do you think I can do to support her? I don't want to drive her, but I want to support where she's driven. Every bit of input is appreciated.

 

[Flossyduck]

If I remember correctly, your daughter had a really successful season last year?
I remember being told that it's often harder for the girls who are used to doing well, when they have their first wobbly competition or struggle with a skill, than it is for the girls who have always struggled. Some take it very hard, because so many of these girls are perfectionists and have high expectations on themselves.

Don't worry. If she's still motivated then she has the fighting spirit and that's a good thing. Also a good learning experience to get a couple of bad sessions under her belt that she can learn from. Even the best of the best have bad days!

I bet she'll be just fine.

 

[Amber]

I try to tell my DD (who is same level and age as your DD), that its about progression...in the gym and at the meets. Before every meet, I tell her, "I don't need a metal to tell me how good you are". It's just one moment in time, and there are so many ways things can go wrong! Also, tell her that you cannot appreciate good meets without having bad meets. A 35 AA is not bad!

I don't know about you, but our season goes until April/May. Plenty of time to improve! Flexibility and artistry will come through practice. She also might be growing, which will cause a temporary issue with landings and timing. Chin up

 

[gymgal]

Is she basing her performance on her scores or how she performed the routines. If its the former, then its best to sit down and talk about the wide variation in judging even on the same routine. If its the latter, then a discussion about good/bad days would help and possibly fears, differences in body types (some are more powerful. Some more flexible, some have a little of both). She had an excellent year last year and she expected the same this year but the reality is that she may be going up against gyms who don't compete L3 so her experience was a bit skewed last year. Not taking anything away from her accomplishments, just saying she may not have competed against some of the girls she is this year.

As for what you can do - continue to stretch with her. Maybe put her into a dance class. I wish I would have done that when dd was younger. I was so against having a dancer (long story) that I didn't see that it would have benefited her as a gymnast.

Sent from my ADR6400L using ChalkBucket mobile app

 

[MeetDirector]

cbone -

First, she has to get the frustration out; she can't keep it bottled up. Next, she needs to hear from her coaches as to what to do to improve; they are the experts. Then, you have to be her support system and stress to her that one single meet, on one day, where she actually competed for a grand total of less than 5 minutes cannot determine her worth as a gymnast. That one short span of time cannot wipe out all of the hours of preparation and the effort that she puts in to practice every time she goes. In the end, it was one meet on one day; there are a whole lot more of those to come in the future. She has to throw out the mental trash and not keep rehashing it.

Oh, and as parents, don't stress over this. Probably the best thing you can do is not bring it up; let it go and move on to the next thing on the worry list. You have to throw out the mental trash and not rehash it as well.

Good Luck to her.

 

[cbifoja]

When Bella gets down on herself about flexibility/artistry, I remind her that every gymnast has their Achilles heel. Her best friend is tall and lanky and wants nothing more than to be short and strong. Her flexible "beam queen" friend sometimes struggles with her high bar kip. Her team captain get easily distracted and then flustered. Her weakness is another's strength and her strength (literally) is another's weakness.

I encourage her to celebrate the things she does well....bars, tumbling, being a supportive teammate, never getting nervous at meets, spelling and reading at school.

 

[lhmom]

Sorry to hear that she is feeling discouraged! What I tell my daughter after a rough meet is that she got the bad meet out of the way early and that she has plenty of time to improve before state. Your girl sounds like she's already motivated so just be supportive. Good luck to her!

 

[bookworm]

She's level 3 or 4? I would so not dwell on this at all...she didn't do bad ..35 AA is fine, unless someone is telling her it isn't (and THAT would be the problem).

 

[Gymmommy71]

IMO a 35AA is a really good AA score at any compulsary level (especially L3/L4!). I think score pressure on these young kids who are just getting started w/ gymnastics runs the risk of causing burnout (kind of like screaming at a 2nd grader for getting a B). I don't see the need to make any of this "serious" until at least L8, or maybe even 9/10... Yeah, you don't want kids going out there and getting in the 20's, but geesh...a 35AA is really good - it shows a strong competency on all 4 events. When my DD was training L3/L4 type skills, she never could have pulled that off...she didn't become "well rounded" on all 4 events until she had a good bit of time working towards the L5 type skills, and I've seen many really good gymnasts that progressed this same way early on (one or two of the events just took a while to get up to the level of the others, and it all worked out fine). A L3/L4 upset about a 35AA is just a shame (IMO).

 

[cbone]

She thinks it's bad because she's alway been between a 36 and a 38. She fell on beam at this last meet, which makes it worse. She's not winning everything like she did last season. FD, I think you hit the nail on the head- kids that have early success have a harder time when some struggles come. It like that she's struggled; learning to fight through the adversity is what makes a true champion, not the medal from one day of competition.

Oddly enough, I think this has been a much better season than last year. She has her kip, her cartwheel on beam and her other skills are developing fast.

I did tell her that she needs to judge her performance by how she feels, not by her scores. She felt like she had her best floor routine since being a Level 4 at this last meet (others told me it was, too). The score she received wasn't close to her highest. I asked if she felt better about that routine or her highest score. She said she felt better about that routine. I told her that nobody can take that away from her- it was her best floor routine ever. I got a little smile from that one.

 

[wallinbl]

Struggle is going to happen, it's just a matter of when. If she went too long without it, it would be even harder when it did happen. From my perspective, it's good for struggle to come early so that it's not as devastating when it finally does come. It will come again and again, so it's good to get a chance to deal with it.

Not that this makes it any easier - it's still painful to watch.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

lots more meets to come...

 

[gymnastbeth]

Don't let her dwell on the scores too much. A 35 AA is good! When I was younger and in the lower levels I wasn't even allowed to look at my scores during meets, and often didn't even know what I got. Tell her all the things she is doing well, and remind her that she can't win at every meet. (and reinforce the fact that a 35 is NOT bad!! I would be thrilled with that score, LOL). She sounds like an excellent little gymnast, and I'm sure with time these struggles will only make her stronger.

 

[gymgal]

IMO a 35AA is a really good AA score at any compulsary level (especially L3/L4!). I think score pressure on these young kids who are just getting started w/ gymnastics runs the risk of causing burnout (kind of like screaming at a 2nd grader for getting a B). I don't see the need to make any of this "serious" until at least L8, or maybe even 9/10... Yeah, you don't want kids going out there and getting in the 20's, but geesh...a 35AA is really good - it shows a strong competency on all 4 events. When my DD was training L3/L4 type skills, she never could have pulled that off...she didn't become "well rounded" on all 4 events until she had a good bit of time working towards the L5 type skills, and I've seen many really good gymnasts that progressed this same way early on (one or two of the events just took a while to get up to the level of the others, and it all worked out fine). A L3/L4 upset about a 35AA is just a shame (IMO).

Exactly why I love the idea of using score ranges at these levels and awarding ribbons based on the range (all 9 scores get a red ribbon, 8s get blue, etc), not the place value. Puts less focus specific scores and placements.

Sent from my AT100 using ChalkBucket mobile app

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I think your best bet is to ignore it, minimize it. Tell her she did great and a 35 AA is fantastic and leave it at that. Do not try to extra condition, stretch, uptrain, etc with her. Just let her work through it on her own. If she stays in this sport for any length of time she is bound to see scores even lower than that- just happens, you have an off day, slip up, etc. No one is perfect. I would tell her you are proud and think she did great and never mention it again. Training and feedback is what you pay the coaches for. The best support you can give is to tell her you love her and are proud of her no matter what (and I am sure you already do that!).

 

[coachmolly]

Sometimes you just have a rough day, sometimes at practice and sometimes at a meet. It stinks, especially when you're used to breezing through meets with top scores and lots of medals, but it happens and can turn out to be a great motivator. I'm sure her coaches have a plan to help her work on the skills that were a little off, your job is just to let her know that you support her whether she scores a 10 or a 2 and, if she wants to talk about it, help her pick out a few things she did really well at the meet and encourage her to make goals (not related to scores or medals) for the next time around.
She'll bounce back, and from your posts she sounds like the kind of kid that will use this as fuel to perform her little heart out at the next meet.

 

[cbone]

I wish I could let her see how proud of her I am of her no matter how she does. Thank you all for the advice. I really appreciate it.

 

[GymBee97]

Scores are so objective and really aren't an indicator of anything but what that judge felt on that day. If you must us a number to see how its going then look at placement. Did she still place well? You can have a meet with low scores and still place in the top 10 because everyone was scoring lower. And in all honesty a 35 AA is an excelent score far from awful and a score many gymnasts would want to achieve.

The only thing I look at really is did my DD have fun doing gymnastics. the scores, ribbons and all that stuff is great but it shouldn't be the first thing to look at.

 

[cbone]

She was at the bottom of the top half of her age group. This season, she's usually been in the top 25%

 

[GymBee97]

The bottom of the top half what place was that? that doesn't sound like a bad place to be. Did she get on the podium?

Its going to be harder for her the day she doen't make the podium at all and that at some point will happen. This is all part of this sport and life in general. She has to learn to deal with it with grace and good sportsmanship or I can see alot of tears in her future. Our rules to do gymnastics are first and formost you do this to have FUN!! Next no crying unless you are injured/bleeding/etc. so falling off the beam and wishing you didn't isn't a reason to burst into tears nor is getting a score you wish you didn't get. and lastly no matter what happens at a meet there is always room to go for Ice Cream! (dd's favorite thing to do after a meet).