WAG Help with a sad but motivated gymnast

[Gymmonkeymomma]

My Little Monkey's first level 4 meet resulted in a 27-ish AA and probably 3rd from last place. For my 6 year old, she had the "funniest" time and got a pretty purple ribbon (for placing some event). We had ice cream too. Fast forward 6 years. She is now in her first level 9 season. It's been a long road, but of her 14 Level 4 teammates, she is the ONLY ONE still in the sport! Gymnastics is a marathon, and you cannot stress the small stuff.

Your DD is young, i hope she can see the fun and her own improvements and progression, and not worry so much about scores and place. I know kids put a lot of pressure on themselves, but as parents we have a job to keep them focused on something other than just the numbers.

 

[gymmomtoo]

It's tough when they don't do as well as they're used too, especially if they do worse than all their teammates. But it's a good learning experience for her--she can't always be on top and it's good for her to learn young how to handle the lower scores (although a 35+ AA is NOT a low score by any sense of the word) and keep her spirits up. Did she control herself at the meet and save her tears for later? Did she congratulate her teammates who might have done better? Did she keep trying and working even after initial scores were lower than she hoped? If so, then she has much to be proud of!

 

[LizzieLac]

I gather that she has moved up to a new level this year. Was this one of the first meets of the year? It really is not unusual under those circumstances for score to be lower than the prior year/level. In fact, it is probably the norm!

My DD is also very hard on heself and when she has a less than acceptable meet in her eyes, I try to get her to focus on what went well. Just a few weeks ago she had (for her)a low beam score. It really didn't make sense to most of us, coaches included. So I asked her "how did it feel?" I wanted to know if she felt wobbly, did she feel like she goofed the choreography or something like that. Or did it feel like a good routine to her. I think this is a important distinction. The judges are just humans too. And they make mistakes or (heaven forbid) judge unfairly. Maybe the scores were accurate, but without a fall or an obvious mistake I thought it was important for my DD to give herself a gut check. If the routine felt good then she did what she was supposed to - end of story.

So, those are my two ways of dealing with a DD who is too hard on herself. Try to find the successes, the positive moments. Even if two scores were low, maybe one was really great. And second, how did it feel to her? So she focuses less on the judges say.

 

[cbone]

GB97- the first rule she learned was that you don't cry at meets. She cried in this one. I'm torn. To give everything you have and fall short is heartbreaking. To be heartbroken and keep your head up and tears in shows better self control.

 

[GymBee97]

cbone it is so hard when they are just starting out to deal with all that comes with this sport. She will get it eventually and lean to cope or like many others will drop out. Our of the 20 girls that were on the team when my dd was at L4 there is only her and one other still at this and there have been some really talented girls that have come and gone because of things like that.

 

[gatormom]

My younger daughter (different sport), was a great athlete, however never quite got the scores of some others and rarely got gold. We supported her, helped her get through it, let her know how proud we were of her trying her best, etc. Fast forward a number of years....she is on a full college scholarship and as a freshman is the equivalent of being in the starting line up. While her skills are good, others who had similar skills did not "start". What got her there was what the coach called her "mental toughness" and her ability to take many corrections and not take it personally. So there are many things to learn as a young athlete, and sometimes learning to take it all and move on to the next practice is important too. Hard for the young ones, but important. Your daughter is very young, and these lessons are hard, but it sounds like you are helping her figure it all out. Kudos!

 

[profmom]

It's so valuable to learn early on that every gymnast will have meets where s/he doesn't meet her/his own expectations. The key is being able to leave the bad behind, whether it's moving on to the next rotation or getting back up on the apparatus to finish out the routine strong after a fall . . . or a second fall . . . or a third fall.

I know she's young, but also encourage your daughter to be sensitive to the fact that some of her teammates would likely kill for the score she sees as such a disappointment. This is not just about being a good sport or a kind and empathetic person (though that's good!). As others have pointed out, you never know which of those teammates will go on to be the anchors of an optional team down the road.

 

[bogwoppit]

35AA is so far from a bad score that it is not funny. Mental adjustments are key to fixing this sadness.

 

[cbifoja]

Absolutely Bog!

I am going to go into confess mode here so don't y'all hold anything I'm about to say against me because I'm quite embarrassed at my thoughts now.

But, I remember being frustrated and thinking that Bella wasn't progressing enough because in L3 she never broke....oh god, I'm blushing, literally blushing right now.....37. Now she's in L5 and just this weekend broke 33. Mental adjustment.

In L3, 8s meant something went terribly wrong. In L5, 8s mean she did a fairly solid routine. Mental adjustment.

It's tough going from top dog to middle of the pack. But she shall survive and this will help her mature.

 

[bogwoppit]

One of my close friends DD's got a 28AA in her first L4 season aged 6, her momma was so proud and little one was so cute. Fast forward a few seasons and she is a young L7, first meet in March. Smart parent splayed down scores and placements from day one and it shows. It is ALL in the way you spin it.

 

[Natasha]

One of my close friends DD's got a 28AA in her first L4 season aged 6, her momma was so proud and little one was so cute. Fast forward a few seasons and she is a young L7, first meet in March. Smart parent splayed down scores and placements from day one and it shows. It is ALL in the way you spin it.

The key, for many, I think is to play down the scores and placements EVEN WHEN THEY DO REALLY WELL when they are first starting out. That is why I wish all states did not do placement or team competitions at L3. At our gym many of our girls start out at Xcel Bronze and then go to L4 and some have a really hard time with this adjustment as all the girls will score lower at L4 and the far majority will place lower. We talk to all the parents at our team orientation about not making a big deal about placements and scores and focusing on specific goals that are non-score related. It is easier to do this when your child is not on the podium and not the high scorer. But this means when relatives and friends ask "How did X do at the meet?" that you reply with, she did great- she had the best handstand I ever saw her do, or you should have seen her cute smile, etc.....NOT she took FIRST place! Because, as parents if our kids hear us telling everyone about their placement and scores they will quickly pick up that we think that is important. Even if what we are telling THEM is different. I have seen too many kids do great at Bronze (which is really an indicator of absolutely nothing long term) and then get to compulsories and do well but not be at the top and then end up eventually quitting because they unfortunately got the message too early (even indirectly) that it is about winning.
Our gym owner (who coaches the optionals PT but does not usually go to meets) will ask the optional girls after the meet how they did. If they even start to try to answer with a score or placement, he just says "Tell me another way." He insists that their reports consist only of skills they hit or missed.

 

[mariposa]

One of my close friends DD's got a 28AA in her first L4 season aged 6, her momma was so proud and little one was so cute. Fast forward a few seasons and she is a young L7, first meet in March. Smart parent splayed down scores and placements from day one and it shows. It is ALL in the way you spin it.

I always try to make sure my DD knows that no matter how she does at a meet, it is just how she did at ONE meet, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe she had an awesome day, hit all her routines and got 1st AA and maybe she had an awesome day, hit her routines and got 10th AA. Or she has had a meet she didn't feel she did her best routines, had a fall and still got in the top 3. She has been happier when she didn't place at times because she did her best or made her goals, than when she placed well, but wasn't happy with her routines.

I have always tried to stress that at the end of the day, the scores and placements don't matter. And really, she doesn't remember what she scored or placed after the meets unless she finds an old scorecard or looks at her medals.

I think it helped that she started off at the bottom of the pack, too. She has been at the bottom, at the top and everywhere in between. Sure, she gets upset if a meet doesn't go like she hoped, but she knows that it is just one meet and by the next day is over it. And she gets that even if you place 1st at one meet, the next you might not, because that was just one meet, too. Maybe you had an off day, maybe someone else did, too. But it is what it is. No what if's allowed either.

She has also learned that scoring really is subjective and varies from meet to meet. She has watched herself after and said she felt scoring was high and that made her realize scoring can be low, too. You might do a better routine and score lower or vice versa.

Scores and placements will always be a part of gymnastics, but I think it is important for gymnasts and parents alike to realize that they aren't everything. I remember in my daughter's first level 4 season, when she was scoring 28s and not placing, a fellow gym mom "friend" said she wouldn't keep her kid in gym if she was scoring that low. I told her right then that the smile on my kid's face was enough for me. She was proud of herself and so was I. She has come a long way from that first year, but still has the same smile and excitement before and after each meet.

 

[mariposa]

Our gym owner (who coaches the optionals PT but does not usually go to meets) will ask the optional girls after the meet how they did. If they even start to try to answer with a score or placement, he just says "Tell me another way." He insists that their reports consist only of skills they hit or missed.

Smart coach! Love that!



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[cbone]

It sucks that wisdom comes through experience. After states last year I called her "Champ" for a while. I was just so proud and I wanted her to know that. I'm afraid I reinforced some bad things early on. Now I'm all-in on uptraining because it's so fun and she gets so excited. Plus, new skills are HER accomplishment, not a judge's opinion of how she did. It's a shame that I didn't have better perspective early on.

I am grateful for these struggles. Michael Jordan didn't get on his high school basketball team the first time he tried-out. Her BIG goal is to get to Level 10. I'm trying to help her see everything she does through that lens, but it's tough. I'm really glad I've had good people helping me get to a better spot as a gym parent. I CRINGE when I read some of my early posts (though I still laugh at the orangutan post that made me the most hated member of CB early on).

 

[GymBee97]

Oh come on Cbone your not the most hated we love you just the way you are <3

 

[mariposa]

It's not too late, she is only like 6 or 7, right? Now is the time to plant new seeds. Good luck!

 

[cbone]

mariposa- she's only 7. The "damage" isn't irreparable.

 

[bogwoppit]

I CRINGE when I read some of my early posts (though I still laugh at the orangutan post that made me the most hated member of CB early on).

No, the most hated posters have been banned. Luckily you didn't have to endure most of them. You pale in comparison to "Stretch". who was banned, and rejoined, over ten times!!!

 

[GymBee97]

Oh gosh Bog I forgot about Stretch!!

 

[gymgal]

Our gym owner (who coaches the optionals PT but does not usually go to meets) will ask the optional girls after the meet how they did. If they even start to try to answer with a score or placement, he just says "Tell me another way." He insists that their reports consist only of skills they hit or missed.

I really like this.


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