How do you instill a "team" philosophy in your child

[k-dog]

My dd is on the level 4 team this year and is starting to bring home tidbits of info relating to how some of the other girls regard their teammates. It seems that a few of the girls are stressing to the others that they are "competitors" to each other, not teammates. Some of the girls have told my daughter (and some of the other girls) that they hope that "Susie" doesn't get her BHS, or "Mary" doesn't get her fhs before the first meet. I really want my daughter to understand that they are a team and need to support each other. How do you stress this idea to a 7 yo and make her understand that although they are directly competing with their team mates, they are still part of a team. The coach has talked to them a few times about being kind to each other and how to win and lose gracefully, but this attitude seems to be surfacing more and more as they get closer to competition season. Thanks in advance for any advice!

 

[Gymdad2]

This is the coach's job. He/she should be building a sense of team, leading by example, encouraging a sense of team spirit. A good coach is more than just a technical trainer and should be aware of these types of behavior that you mention and find ways to put a stop to it. You might have a conversation with the coach about your concerns, and of course you can give your dd lessons in good sportsmanship, but above all the coach (or owner) is the responsible one. Good luck.

 

[sportyspice]

As the girls are quite young and havent competed much yet, some of that team philosophy should start to kick in by the end of the meet season. As long as your daughter understands that these girls are speaking out of their own insecurity and that it is inappropriate to comment if they say something negative about another gymnast, it shouldn't affect her too much.

If it is an "away meet" I would suggest a team dinner where a parent (this is where a lot of behaviour may stem from) could stand up and make a toast to the kids, saying what a wonderful team they are and how encouraging each other is sure to make them a winning team at future meets. I have bought rolls of ribbon to meets and offered to do the girls hair so that they are all matching, made sure I was sitting with other team parents at meets and staying upbeat and encouraging with comments (cheering team mates). I would also try socialising outside of gym at birthday parties, (my daughter had one party with 'gym' friends and another with 'other' friends)

There is a place for individual competitiveness in gymnastics, but often it will take children a little bit to understand how to be competitive in a "friendly" way and still stay supportive of others. Let your daughter lead by example!

 

[bar princess's mom]

While I agree with Gymdad2, the discussions should be aimed at the parents, not the 7 yr olds. They didn't come up with this by themselves. They are hearing it at home. I won't even get into some of the things other "teammates" have said to my DD. Talk with your DD about how to be a good sport, ignore the talk, and to have fun and do her best. It's sad they have to learn these lessons at such a young age but it's a life lesson that will serve her well.

 

[k-dog]

I completely agree, Bar Princess's Mom, that these attitudes most likely start at home. 7 year olds are like sponges and absorb everything they hear at home. I was very proud of my daughter's response when I asked her the other day how the other girls were doing with their front hip circles and she replied "I don't know, I don't watch them during practice-I am busy working on my stuff". There has been a lot of disscussion here lately about not getting caught up in the drama of it all, and I hope my daughter does follow my lead and not the peer pressure attitude of some of her team mates. I agree that with more time and experience, hopefully they will all see the bigger picture.

 

[sportzmomov3]

I agree with bar princess's mom that the discussion needs to start at home. The coach's responsibility only goes so far - he can preach to the girls about team spirit, but the teaching begins with the parents. 7 year olds do not come to the conclusion that someone else not getting a skill might mean victory for them. So just keep working with your own DD that she should certainly always focus on doing her best, but that she should also in turn cheer her teammates on during practice and at meets. Be kind and you will get it back in spades. Be mean and watch out.

All the best to your DD - the most important thing is that she have fun and is safe - I remember when my DD was 7....what an innocent time that was for us all!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

maybe a team/parent meeting to discuss. If it were my gym (and I don't own one so...) I would not tolerate this. If I or another coach were to hear it I woukd send that child out of practice. Set a certain # of warnings, then off team.

my DD's gym is VERY small. All of ghe team girls cheer for & support one another. If someone is struggling with a skill on an event & it is there turn EVERYONE cheers them on, is supportive. I don't know if it being such a small team makes a difference or not. However, HC doesn't tolerate unsportsmanlike conduct.

 

[Natasha]

I would want to make sure the coach is aware that these kinds of things are being said so that he/she can really work to install team philosophy- setting team goals. Are these girls competing for the first time this year? Are they (and the parents) aware that there is a team competition? That may be a good way to focus on team spirit, setting a goal to win as a team. Love the idea of getting the team & parents together for social activities.

 

[jen1957]

My DD is only in L3 preteam and doesn't compete yet, but part of the preteam program at her gym is teaching the girls how to be part of a team. There are about 13 girls and 2 coaches, they split the girls into 2 groups - L2 and L3. They let each group, or team, give themselves a team name and a team captain. Both groups warm up together and at the end of each class they bring all the girls back together, the coaches recognize when any of them gets a new skill and the girls all cheer for each other. I know that my DD definitely feels like she is part of a team and she really likes that. We'll see what happens as she progresses! I've also noticed that her gym seems to put a little more emphasis on how the team places at competitions rather than how the individuals place.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i concur with all of the above. oh, and there's no "I" in team.

 

[mariposa]

Together Everyone Achieves More

I think it is the parent's responsibility to discuss this with their gymnast. I tell my daughter that she isn't competing AGAINST her teammates, she is competing WITH them, they are a team, and if they all do well, the team does well. Sadly, other kids have said things that show that they think different, so I have just had to stick with what I always tell her and hope she really believes it. Even with other gyms (as her she has several good friends/former teammates at other gyms), I tell her that she is there to compete with herself, to better herself and she is trying to "beat" her friends (or other gymnasts for that matter). That placements mean only one thing, how any one gymnast did on that particular day, and she knows that you can have a great meet or a not so great meet, so it just is one meet.

It is very hard for sure, especially when teammates are telling them different. Hopefully the coaches talk about this as well.

 

[CoachGoofy]

We do a lot of team building activities throughout the summer & the season. We also make it a really big deal if everyone does X (I dyed my hair blue when everyone made nationals, for an extreme example) to instill the whole "it's not just about me" thing.

Fortunately our girls are really good about being excited for their teammates when they get a new skill or do well at meets. If they were hoping each other screwed up, that'd be awful. If they expressed those sentiments about anyone from any gym, oh my would our whole coaching team be angry.

 

[flipper's fan]

One great inspiration for team spirit is NCAA gymnastics. If you have an opportunity to attend a college meet, you see an awesome display of team spirit. All of the girls cheer each other on, hug each other after each routine, rally the crowd and generally display every positive team behavior you can imagine.

The teams we have seen also have meet and greet sessions after the meet where they talk to and sign posters for young gymnasts, some have special meets where they invite young teams and recognize them over the loudspeaker. One team has invited gymnasts to visit their practice facility and spend an afternoon with them.

 

[Deanna]

Sorry your Dd is going through this. I really cant say anything that hasnt been said. I do agree that it is a coaches job to help build team bonding. But if its not happening at home too...its a moot point. Children at that age repeat what they hear. They do not have those kinds of thoughts on there own. My Dd was going through something very similar not long ago. I privatly contacted someone on here..for advice and as a sounding board. And they guided me through it. In blunt, straight forward terms..lol. And even though deep down "they" were telling me what I already knew..it was still a hard pill to swallow. Sadly everything played out exactly according to "script".
Best of luck to your DD. I hope that things work out. All you can do yourself is just instill that postive team spirit in her..and sadly the rest is up in the air.

 

[coachmolly]

I think some part of it is intrinsic- some kids really excel working in groups with others while some much prefer to do their own thing. This can be seen in sports, but also in classroom settings. So I think some element really can't be taught and could be a reason why one child doesn't passionately cheer for another, enjoy "team spirit" activities, or enjoy being excitedly congratulated after learning a new skill or competing well and, as a result, doesn't always do that for other teammates. That being said, it's absolutely no excuse for mean behavior between teammates, trying to one up each other, hoping they don't get skills, making mean remarks. There is no "personality" excuse for those kinds of things. The gym should really work to cultivate an environment where gymnasts are understanding of each others strengths and personal needs. I think a big part of this should come from coaches encouraging team members to watch each other, cheer each other on during conditioning, and work as a unit when possible. If a coach or parent sees on child positively encouraging another, they should be quick to praise that action. Because if a child attempts to encourage others and does not receive the same treatment, they are not going to keep it up.
I think Mariposa made a great point when she said to encourage children, especially the ultra-competitive ones, to compete with themselves rather than against their teammates.