how do you stay out of tbe crazy gym mom role

[UnoMas]

First, on staying out of drama:
This one is hard for me because I do love watching ALL the girls practice and progress, and with 3 in the gym on different schedules it is really hard for me to not be there. Plus tiny DD is still a young 5 and I don't like leaving her there. We switched gyms over the summer and I have had a lot more luck staying out of the drama at the new gym but my philosophy about gym has also changed a lot in the past year so I think that is part of the reason why. As gymgal said I am also trying to stay with POSITIVE comments and thoughts instead of dwelling on, or talking about, the negatives. I think if the words that come out of your mouth are only positive, the drama queens will stay away when they figure out they can't get the reaction they are looking for.

As far as the gym's environment...it makes me sad to read. My girls were in a negative environment for several years and looking back on it, I am just so incredibly glad to not be there any more. I know that things were said and done to my children that I should have never let happen or stood for...but at the time I just thought it was normal and that we had no other option. I am so glad to go in to the gym now and smile, and see the girls HAPPY to be at gym. It is such a great feeling. I don't ever give advice on gym-switching because there are so many factors involved, but it is my hope that as many gymmies as possible can stay involved and happy in this great sport and that negative coaching or environment do not cause them to hate and/or quit gym. And that is all I will say about that!

 

[littlegirlsdream]

So after everyones advice I did take my daughter into the dr. His opinion is exhaustion and hypoglycemia. Also iron deficiency. So rest and blood work. I did talk to coach to give that info and I am pretty sure it was viewed as an excuse. I know the dr told me she looked awful and he said I am putting in her chart exhaustion.....ie mom I think needs a break. I was told by coach that she was documenting how many corrections were needed to keep daughter on task and how long she was taking between each turn . I was told this was a normal step to progression and improving but I however fail to see the constructiveness in that. So,I don't feel good about staying out of the gym right now. My solution at this point is too punt to my husband. He has a better way of staying level headed I agree she is only 7 its the coach that seems to have forgotten. I have liked this coach a lot in the past but we took her to a gym closer to home last year cause we couldn't afford to keep her at first gym. After a year away we were able to bring her back. She has been back for four months now which according to coach should be enough time to gain adequate strength and endurance and fix her bad habits from last year. She also said my daughter into is chosing not to fix her issues. Flip side of this is the optional coaches seem great and yes they yell at the older kids occasionally but it seems far less filled with personal attacks this was even my husbands view after watching. Sigh. I do supplier the program as a whole but when parents say oh you better just not say anything it will just get worse it concerns me. More importantly she is MY child and too young to just tell her to suck it up. There is a time and place for that and in my opinion seven is not it!

 

[lilgymmie7]

So after everyones advice I did take my daughter into the dr. His opinion is exhaustion and hypoglycemia. Also iron deficiency. So rest and blood work. I did talk to coach to give that info and I am pretty sure it was viewed as an excuse. I know the dr told me she looked awful and he said I am putting in her chart exhaustion.....ie mom I think needs a break. I was told by coach that she was documenting how many corrections were needed to keep daughter on task and how long she was taking between each turn . I was told this was a normal step to progression and improving but I however fail to see the constructiveness in that. So,I don't feel good about staying out of the gym right now. My solution at this point is too punt to my husband. He has a better way of staying level headed I agree she is only 7 its the coach that seems to have forgotten. I have liked this coach a lot in the past but we took her to a gym closer to home last year cause we couldn't afford to keep her at first gym. After a year away we were able to bring her back. She has been back for four months now which according to coach should be enough time to gain adequate strength and endurance and fix her bad habits from last year. She also said my daughter into is chosing not to fix her issues. Flip side of this is the optional coaches seem great and yes they yell at the older kids occasionally but it seems far less filled with personal attacks this was even my husbands view after watching. Sigh. I do supplier the program as a whole but when parents say oh you better just not say anything it will just get worse it concerns me. More importantly she is MY child and too young to just tell her to suck it up. There is a time and place for that and in my opinion seven is not it!

I read the other posts and you have received great advice. I think you have your answer. My older DD went through similar and I just glammed over it I think. No child derves to be mistreated. I have been talking to a friend who has a high school football player and she is going through the same with his coaches swearing and shoving at the players. I don't think ANY child deserves this. If you have another gym option....go for it and pull her out of that destructive environment. Thank goodness her health is okay. How long will that be true for however? Good luck to you. My DD is 7 and I couldn't have her go through that.

 

[lhmom]

First, glad that your daughter got checked and that she will be ok! Second, you know your daughter better than anyone. Trust your instincts on this one. I think you already know what you need to do. Good luck to her and hope that she recovers quickly.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

So after everyones advice I did take my daughter into the dr. His opinion is exhaustion and hypoglycemia. Also iron deficiency. So rest and blood work. I did talk to coach to give that info and I am pretty sure it was viewed as an excuse. I know the dr told me she looked awful and he said I am putting in her chart exhaustion.....ie mom I think needs a break. I was told by coach that she was documenting how many corrections were needed to keep daughter on task and how long she was taking between each turn . I was told this was a normal step to progression and improving but I however fail to see the constructiveness in that. So,I don't feel good about staying out of the gym right now. My solution at this point is too punt to my husband. He has a better way of staying level headed I agree she is only 7 its the coach that seems to have forgotten. I have liked this coach a lot in the past but we took her to a gym closer to home last year cause we couldn't afford to keep her at first gym. After a year away we were able to bring her back. She has been back for four months now which according to coach should be enough time to gain adequate strength and endurance and fix her bad habits from last year. She also said my daughter into is chosing not to fix her issues. Flip side of this is the optional coaches seem great and yes they yell at the older kids occasionally but it seems far less filled with personal attacks this was even my husbands view after watching. Sigh. I do supplier the program as a whole but when parents say oh you better just not say anything it will just get worse it concerns me. More importantly she is MY child and too young to just tell her to suck it up. There is a time and place for that and in my opinion seven is not it!

well...if the middle finger does not work i suppose you can try your fist.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Sooooo you are saying that isn't a productive way of coaching?

 

[Deanna]

Glad she went to the Dr. and he has his sights set on what he thinks is wrong. So sorry she is going through all of this. Really nothing I can say that others have not already said. I do hope all the best for your DD and you. Please do keep us posted on how the blood work comes back and how she does. In my thoughts

 

[lilgymmie7]

well...if the middle finger does not work i suppose you can try your fist.

dunno, I thought you advocated for non-violence...

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Just an update. I originally started this post because my kid was struggling and the mentality of she better tough it out that coach and parents had made me feel like the problem must be me. However, I read the replys and remembered my pale child with dark circles under her eyes sitting infront of the dr and him looking at her like he felt awful for her and all at once I felt like the worlds biggest......well you know. I realized all at once that she has been trying to tell me this is too much. I tried to have discussion with coach but I get no where. Just reasons why this is not coaches fault. I however am saying the issue isn't who's fault but rather what to do about it. So I pulled her. I wasn't even thinking about pulling her a week ago. But it was an ah ha moment for me as a parent. So she will not be returning to that gyma and and we will find somewhere else.

 

[mariposa]

So proud of your decision, I am sure it was hard. The gym culture can definitely play into what we think of and accept as normal, other parents accept the bullying and poor treatment of their children and it makes us think that what we are seeing is normal for the sport, etc. When we start questioning things though, we usually already know the answer. Kudos to you for realizing she wasn't in a healthy situation for her. Don't beat yourself up over it. Forgive yourself, move on. Let her recover from her medical issues and then find her a new gym. Go check out team practice without her if you can and see how they treat their kids. Or if it is meet season, go watch them at meets, that can be telling, too. Gymnastics can be fun and still have high expectations. You just have to find the gym. Good luck finding her a new gym! Hope she recovers quickly! Hugs.

 

[bogwoppit]

So glad you were able to come to a decision and that you are taking care of your dd so well. You will find something new, either gym ore something else.

It is very hard to question things when everyone around you is saying it's just fine. Let us know how it goes, come back if you want to talk about possibilities.

 

[cher062]

I like that decision alot. take your time looking. Let your DD recover a bit then when you do look really look hard to see if it meets the expectations you WANT. We all make those "I feel like the worst parent ever" moments. Just chalk it up to lesson learned and move forward.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

good for you. I hpe your DD gets the rest she needs &feels better soon.

 

[Faith]

Good for you. She's only young, find her somewhere fun .

Let us know how you get on.

 

[cathiann]

So glad you decided to pull her! The coach clearly has a negative opinion of her (and from the sounds of it, all the other girls too!). You will find a better place for your daughter to be.

 

[NOG]

I think you asked the impossible, lol. But all the users gave some great advice..I may have to implement a few of the techniques

 

[NOG]

I hope that you've found a new place that is a great fit for your dd. Please let us know how she's doing. Would love to hear updates about her and how she's doing

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Well she lasted five days then was vaulting over my couch and doing floor routines in the living room we took her back to original gym. Luckily they have been very gracious about the whole situation and welcomed her back. First practice they commented on how different she was, not in a good way. But by the end of practice we had a small bounce in our step. By the end of practice two she was all smiles! We had her put back to level five for her own mental well being and I think it will be the best decision we have made to date. She looks so confident and happy and her skills look great so yeah! Thanks again for all the advice.

 

[bogwoppit]

When it's in their blood there is no holding hem back eh? Better in the gym than on the sofa.

 

[gym monkeys mom]

I am so proud of your decision...sorry to be finding this so late. I am glad you listened to your mom gut.....

I always tell parents of gymnasts who are unhappy figure out if its a 1 time issue or is this gym not a good fit for your gymnast. There is a bunch of gyms and just as many ideas of how gym should work. It is not 1 size fits all.....try them and find 1 and be ahppy for the most part.

No place is perfect but figure out what you can live with.....and suppport that progrram and its coaches.

If we all did this the gym world would be overflowing with kids anf families wanting in.

JMHO