Parents How to handle this level of fear????

[MeetDirector]

This and to take it a step further. Why L8 or quit. Why not L8 when she is ready. As in if not age 10-11, why not 11-12.

Take the pressure of the time line off her.

Not to answer for cbifoja, but if she has her sights set on college gym, she needs to get to level 10 with enough time to have a couple of good years (high school freshman and sophomore) for the recruiting process. From first-hand experience, getting to level 10 at the junior year or beyond means she won't get many looks from colleges.

 

[cbifoja]

Why not L8? It isn't an L8 skill that is causing the anxiety. I don't think she is close to quitting. I think she just said that out of frustration. It just shows me upset she is because she never talks about quitting.

I am not pressuring her at all. I don't care if she does the sport or not. But she cares. And I care about her. I don't bring it up but when I walk to her room to kiss her goodnight and she is sobbing in her bed, of course I'm going to ask what is wrong.

 

[SignHere]

DD is going through something similar. I find that I gently remind her that she got through it before - and came out the other side stronger. This time, she has the advantage of knowing she is mentally tough enough to " beat the beast ". ( her words ), since she did it before, which she did not have before. I remind her it took some time before, so she needs to be patient with her body, since there is a vestibular component, and to keep working her drills.

In short, you CAN be your DDs cheerleader without making a big deal about it. I can tell when she's upset when I pick her up from gym, and I know why. I don't ask, just reiterate that she will come through and be stronger.

But as far as offering advice about levels, etc, You should tell your DD you want her to be successful next year. If that means doing 7 again, so be it. If she can move to 8, ok. But there is no sense in moving to Level 8 and having a lousy season, just for the short term satisfaction of moving up a level.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Not to answer for cbifoja, but if she has her sights set on college gym, she needs to get to level 10 with enough time to have a couple of good years (high school freshman and sophomore) for the recruiting process. From first-hand experience, getting to level 10 at the junior year or beyond means she won't get many looks from colleges.

Yes but if she quits clearly she will never get to level 10 or college gym.

So slow down or stop. Hmmm

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Why not L8? It isn't an L8 skill that is causing the anxiety. I don't think she is close to quitting. I think she just said that out of frustration. It just shows me upset she is because she never talks about quitting.

I am not pressuring her at all. I don't care if she does the sport or not. But she cares. And I care about her. I don't bring it up but when I walk to her room to kiss her goodnight and she is sobbing in her bed, of course I'm going to ask what is wrong.

Its not about a particular level. Its about taking the pressure off where you can so she can deal with the stuff she has to, to push through.

 

[bookworm]

Yes but if she quits clearly she will never get to level 10 or college gym.

So slow down or stop. Hmmm

This happened in our old gym...one of their best gymnasts went to VISAS and then a week later , she's sobbing about doing a cartwheel! Huge fears that neither the coach or her parents handled well....she begged to go back to level 10 but their collective view was "it's elite or nothing!" ...well you can guess how this ended up...she quit completely 6 months later and kind of went off the rails for a bit, and now works at Walmart...a very sad and unnecessary waste of talent because she was pushed...

 

[duyetanh]

I am so sorry, it is always hard when your child is hurting...it hurts us even more than it hurts them. As far as doing level 8 goes, I think you just have to follow her lead. There is pushing and there is encouraging...I think it is a very fine line e for every parent in LIFE, let alone gym. Challenging is not pushing. I think you have a good balance, just try to remember it will be ok no matter path she takes. My father pushed me so hard with my sport that I resented him even being there. I was never happier when my parents got divorced. He put so much pressure on me i felt sick. Only when he left did i fully blossom as an athlete. My mom was clueless about my sport. It was such a blessing! My kid sometimes nags me because I get things mixed up ("It's a Sissone, Mom, NOT a STONE!")...but I can't keep track of it all anymore and get dizzy trying. So other than the obvious (I know what a front tuck is, for ex), I smile and wave and say yay. I can't tell you how many videos we have of her at meets where the only word you hear from me is a stupid yay at the end. But for us, it works.
Now, will someone please tell me what a timer is???

 

[duyetanh]

I tried to add (but it timed out on me) that in the big picture of life, what matters is she is happy. And if she is struggling with hormonal and emotional stuff, the double back isn't really the issue. Puberty sucks! I am so glad I went through it way late.

 

[cbifoja]

A timer is when she would leave the bar toward the top of her giant, do a laid out flyaway but keep rotating so she landed on her back rather than her feet.

 

[cbifoja]

I kind of feel like some people are getting sidetracked with what level she will compete next year. It's not really part of this equation. She doesn't want to compete L7 again and her coach hasn't even mentioned it as being a possibility. She was scoring 36s last year and she is well on her way of having all her L8 skills: she is flipping her yurchenko into the pit, has her pirouette on bars, bhs bhs on beam, and full on floor as well as a FHS FLO FT. She even competed one meet at L8 last year with everything but a flipping vault. The required skills are there with the exception of taking her vault to a solid landing surface. I only mentioned her level because I thought she would take a deduction without the DB like she did when she did the FHS vault at her L8 meet.

Her coach told her today that she could take two steps back: land her flyaway then roll backward on her landing. DD decided that was too silly. So HC asked about scoop to landing on her back and DD thought that would be a good place to start. HC told her nothing more than that for at least two weeks. HC said you could see the anxiety leave DD's body when she was told that she was actually forbidden from doing anything more.

Just a few minutes ago, she crawled into my lap and I held her like a baby. As I sat there and just held her, I was reminded just how little she still really is. She's still in elementary school and here she is trying to do stunts that most grown people would scoff at if you suggested they try them.

 

[duyetanh]

I tried to edit actually but it timed out on me...wanted to get rid of the level part. What I meant was, as long as she feels good about herself, it doesn't matter what tricks she does.

 

[cbifoja]

I tried to add (but it timed out on me) that in the big picture of life, what matters is she is happy. And if she is struggling with hormonal and emotional stuff, the double back isn't really the issue. Puberty sucks! I am so glad I went through it way late.

I'm trying to figure out how unhappy she is and how temporary it is. I will support her and love her whether she goes all the way back down to compulsories or quits and becomes a normal 10 year old kid. Or even a hobo...she's kind of obsessed with hobos right now.

IF she is feeling pressure, the source is internal because her coaches doesn't seem to be worried about this new fear. Even the coach with whom she has issues told me tonight that it is pretty common for a kid who picks up a skill early/easily to have to go back and "pay the piper". So it doesn't feel like she is being pressured in the gym.

I didn't ask the coaches, BTW, both of them came to me at different times to tell me. HC always makes conversation when we pass in the gym and the other coach comes out at the end of a lot of practices and just tells each parent a couple of things that happened in practice. That's what she shared with me tonight.

She bases so much of herself on being the "fearless" one in the gym so I think that is why she is so reluctant to admit she has fears. I also have to remember that to me crying is a BIG deal. As in it is literally years between cries. But maybe DD is more tear-prone and that I'm reading more into the tears than she is putting into them....if that makes sense.

 

[SignHere]

Just wanted to add, since she's really struggling with this right now, chances are, any tears at night/bedtime are due to frustration or stress over this issue. I wouldn't ask what was the matter, just assume the issue is gym and comfort her.

 

[GYM0M]

I also have to remember that to me crying is a BIG deal. As in it is literally years between cries. But maybe DD is more tear-prone and that I'm reading more into the tears than she is putting into them....if that makes sense.

This is what makes me think that hormones are involved. My oldest, a sweetheart really, cried when she couldn't find a sock or when the cat wanted to sleep with a sibling or when I said a wirty dord! I asked her why she was crying, answer "I just don't know!" Hormones can bring out the tears, even if it's not that intense. She maybe more scared bc she's crying & can't control it, ya know? Almost like she thinks she should be more scared than she actually is. This is the point at which, I feel, yes, you should get involved. Not necessarily in the gym aspect of it, but more on the woman side of things. Don't have to go into detail, but just explain that as she gets older, she will experience lots of different emotional swings and that its normal and that if she has any questions or thinks that any thing like that may be affecting her now, you'd love to help her with those feelings!

 

[sce]

Her coach told her today that she could take two steps back: land her flyaway then roll backward on her landing. DD decided that was too silly. So HC asked about scoop to landing on her back and DD thought that would be a good place to start. HC told her nothing more than that for at least two weeks. HC said you could see the anxiety leave DD's body when she was told that she was actually forbidden from doing anything more.

That is awesome!

 

[gymgal]

I think people were talking about levels because in your first post, it sounded like in your gym, having a db on bars was a requirement for L8. That's why many of us noted that it is not a requirement. And you mend that it had been going on for a little bit. Also, where there is one fear, others tend to crop up - especially starting in L7/8. And especially at this age. Lots of girls do great at L7 and even have the skills for 8, then fears kick in and they slide back a little. I am not saying this is your dd. Just that many of us have either experienced it first hand or through dd's teammates. So we talk generally about repeating levels and taking it slowly. Not necessarily specific to your dd.

Glad to hear her coaches are handling this well. We have come across this several times with dd, where she will be very emotional about something one day and a few days later, she and the coaches have figured out a plan. Tweens/teens live much more in the moment than we adults do. They don't always see that things can/will change, because they haven't experienced enough of it in their lives yet.

 

[cbifoja]

Probably in about five years she will be crying herself to sleep over a boy or mean girls and I'll wish I could go back to when the cause was gymnastics. Lol

 

[profmom]

I don't think it's necessarily because of hormones -- mine are all late bloomers -- but I've found so far with all of them that age 11 was tough. Things that didn't bother them at all earlier would be epic catastrophes. Glad the coaches are handling this well, and I hope next week it's not vault or floor.

 

[Amber]

Cbifoja, I arm going through something very, very similar with my 10 year old dd! My DD's fear didn't come from a fall, etc, but from bad coaching. But she still has problems connecting her layout flyaway to the giant-giant. I too, felt sick when she was crying in bed at night. This is what I did:

1) explained to her gymnastics is not her whole identity. My dd was known as the best bar worker in optionals. She took huge pride in this. When she had a set back on bars, it really shook up how she felt about herself. I showed her a piece of polka dotted fabric. I told her that she is the piece of fabric, and just one of those dots is gymnastics. That she is great at a lot of things, and that gym only makes up 1/100 of what is special about her.

2) I told her that everyone in gym has setbacks. Every single person. And that there is no rush at all to get the skill. It will come when it's the right time.

3)our family could care less how long it takes her to get to level 10 or even if she chooses to keep doing gym. Completing level 7 is an accomplishment at any age, and we are super proud of her!

4) if she got a new skill on any other event, I made a big deal of it- "yay, a BHS-BT on beam, that's awesome!" Etc. I never bring up bars ever. If she does, I say " wow, great progress!"

I doubt it's hormones. It's the combination of practically living at gym and being a very young level 8. I hope she feels better. Mine is training with a new coach. He is very supportive and kind. My DD is progressing slowly, but she is back being happy! I hope your dd will be happy soon too

 

[wallinbl]

I didn't realize that. The impression I get from her is that her coach is expecting her to compete that for L8. I think that she thinks it is a requirement. I'll definitely tell her and see if that makes her more receptive to talking to her coach. If not, then I'll just flat out ask the coach myself if she can just let it lie for a bit.

I didn't see a double off bars all year, and that includes girls that won state, made the state team (in a big state), and will kill it at regionals this weekend. I know that a number of girls can do them, but none of them compete them.