Parents how to know when it's time to retire?

[owwibfma]

Hi all-
Seeking advice on how to support athletes who are starting to think about retiring. My daughter is almost 15 years old and in level 8. Her coach from the past 2 years just got reassigned to a different squad and she's devastated. It's made her start to think about retiring (why does this sport say retire and not quit? Just an aside curiosity...) As well, she's not very keen about her new squad / coach or training schedule which requires she misses 2 afternoons of high school. All of that combined is making her rethink priorities.

Anyway - I'm kind of at a loss as to how to support her as she thinks all of this through. I keep just telling her "it's her decision" but I'm also wondering if this is a good time to encourage her to just say goodbye to the sport. Where will it get her anyway? She's lost the desire to pursue gymnastics at university it seems. How do you know if it's worth continuing in this very demanding sport and when it's not? Leaving would certainly would make our family life a lot less stressful as we'd be driving less and saving a lot of $$$, but I don't want to drive the decision....

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!

 

[mezzamare]

How best to support her? I would say keep it open ended, have good conversations with her that explore where she is at in her feelings towards gymnastics, what might make her stay, what other things she is interested in exploring, what life without gymnastics might look like for her. My daughter is almost 15, and I really feel like they are old enough to know when it's time for them to realign their goals and activities. What worked for them when they were seven or eight, may very well not be right when they are 15! My personal opinion is that support in this situation just really entails you listening and helping her think through the decision and explore all of her options. It's a wonderful learning opportunity to help her learn how to make a major decision with confidence and excitement for what comes next, whatever that might be.

(I think that people like to use the term "retire" or "leave" rather than quit just because of some of the slight negative associations with the latter. I see it as a small reward for all their years of tenacity, grit, and resilience... These girls don't give up, they're just ready to move on)

 

[owwibfma]

How best to support her? I would say keep it open ended, have good conversations with her that explore where she is at in her feelings towards gymnastics, what might make her stay, what other things she is interested in exploring, what life without gymnastics might look like for her. My daughter is almost 15, and I really feel like they are old enough to know when it's time for them to realign their goals and activities. What worked for them when they were seven or eight, may very well not be right when they are 15! My personal opinion is that support in this situation just really entails you listening and helping her think through the decision and explore all of her options. It's a wonderful learning opportunity to help her learn how to make a major decision with confidence and excitement for what comes next, whatever that might be.

(I think that people like to use the term "retire" or "leave" rather than quit just because of some of the slight negative associations with the latter. I see it as a small reward for all their years of tenacity, grit, and resilience... These girls don't give up, they're just ready to move on)

Great advice! Thank you!

 

[HopefulGymnast]

I also think it's important to help her look at the options and how she feels about them. If she wants to quit not because of the sport but issues in this club, are there other clubs? Are there ways of solving the issues within the club? Does any of that appeal to her, or does she just feel done with it all? Or does she still like gym but want to combine it better with other new things to explore. Or does she still like gym but other new things are more important so she may want to quit despite liking gym. All are valid options, and you can help her think through it all and figure out what she wants and why.