WAG I'm annoyed

[Seeker]

My DD was denied a spot on our first gym's JO team (and put on Xcel instead) because the Head Coach of the gym has very strict body-type requirements that my DD apparently did not meet. It wasn't just weight, but also height and body proportions. (FWIW Photo of DD attached, taken this past summer around her 8th birthday.) There are still gyms like this out there -- and some are very, very successful. After a year of Xcel, we ended up changing gyms. Now DD is able to compete JO, and I feel better as a parent sending her to gym with a more inclusive philosophy.

To the OP -- Not sure if your gym is one with a "body-type" philosophy or not.... and I would never flippantly say "change gyms!" because I know how hard that decision was for us... But keep an eye on it for sure. Sports should make a kid feel proud and powerful and positive. If that's not happening, then it might be time to look at other options.

That coach was insane, but most definitely did you a favor. Good luck to your daughter!

 

[3rd_time_around]

View attachment 6392

She looks amazing. [emoji1303]

 

[triplethreat+1]

My DD was denied a spot on our first gym's JO team (and put on Xcel instead) because the Head Coach of the gym has very strict body-type requirements that my DD apparently did not meet. It wasn't just weight, but also height and body proportions. (FWIW Photo of DD attached, taken this past summer around her 8th birthday.) There are still gyms like this out there -- and some are very, very successful. After a year of Xcel, we ended up changing gyms. Now DD is able to compete JO, and I feel better as a parent sending her to gym with a more inclusive philosophy.

To the OP -- Not sure if your gym is one with a "body-type" philosophy or not.... and I would never flippantly say "change gyms!" because I know how hard that decision was for us... But keep an eye on it for sure. Sports should make a kid feel proud and powerful and positive. If that's not happening, then it might be time to look at other options.

Your dd looks a lot like my odd- down to the bathing suit bottoms that look more like shorts cuz they are on the loose sude lol

 

[bookworm]

The issue is that girls are disproportionately vulnerable to eating disorders, athletes are more vulnerable to them than the typical population, and aesthetic sports such as gymnastics breed even a higher percentage of them.
1. Get to college age gymnasts and the statistics go through the roof. And many are seemingly innocuous statements about how losing a few pounds could help performance.
2. As a pretty high level athlete in a different sport in the 80s , we were weighed publicly on a weekly basis.
3. Eating disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses, and athletes (and especially gymnasts) are more vulnerable to them. People's children die..It is really that simple.

My blood is boiling as I read about this poor 9 year old...get her out of there for her self esteem's sake to start...

Point 1: The statistics go through the roof in college gymnastics because this starts from day 1 on campus, and in many cases , even in the recruitment process...we know of a couple of gymnasts who were told directly by the college coach "lose 10 pounds and we'll give you a scholarship" ...gymnast was scoring 37 range; going to JOs , doing well at her current weight but lost the 10 pounds to secure her scholarship...gets to college that fall and gains 7 pounds ( skills still the same) , is offered a "medical" because she "can't control her weight"...leaves that school the next year and never to compete again (SAD ) ...another gymnast had to have weekly weigh ins videoed and sent to her future college coach to keep her scholarship offer!! And these are girls who hadn't even arrived on the campus yet! Once they get there, it's "fitness tests" (aka weigh ins) and comments from coaches for the next 4 years! So yes, with this surrounding you, the eating disorder level skyrockets...

Point 2: Still alive and well in the NCAA today...my daughter's school weighed them in front of everyone, announced the weight , the gain or loss ( claps or just shaking heads with the results) and then posted the results on the wall for all to see.....scale was given " a place of honor in the workout facility" ...

Point 3: Eating disorders are deadly and definitely disabling and crippling ...and getting your kid to believe she has worth after being told repeatedly that her body "isn't the right type" is a tough sell...

Final point to OP: get out, get out, get out!! She's getting 38s at States, she's going be fine somewhere else.

 

[oldiebutgoodie]

Very successful foreign coach to group of level 9/10 girls at the beginning of fall training, "You can choose food or you can choose success".

I don't like it, but there is no doubt it is out there, folks. It's hard/impossible to escape at the upper levels and college. Teach healthy eating from a young age and give yourself and your kid a head start on heading off the craziness.

 

[mommyof1]

I just don't understand what is going on in the heads of these coaches Bookworm describes. Why on earth would you tell a successful high-level athlete to lose weight when she is clearly performing well at her current weight? Wouldn't there be a risk that her skills would suffer or she'd be injured? I guess when athletes are viewed as disposable, that doesn't matter?

So glad my kid is not on the NCAA path. Her gym occasionally produces an L10 or a D3 gymnast, but is full of happy, healthy L8s and L9s who stay in the sport throughout high school and to my knowledge never hear a word about what they eat or how much they weigh.

 

[bookworm]

I just don't understand what is going on in the heads of these coaches Bookworm describes.

1. Why on earth would you tell a successful high-level athlete to lose weight when she is clearly performing well at her current weight? Wouldn't there be a risk that her skills would suffer or she'd be injured?

2. I guess when athletes are viewed as disposable, it doesn't matter.
.

I don't understand what goes through their heads either...and many a commenter is not a skinny Minnie him/herself, so there's that....I think some of it is definitely a power trip for these coaches and some are just downright mean and evil ....there's a special place in hell for them is what I believe...kinda like Jennifer Aniston had to be thinking "karma" in the past few weeks, some day, there will be karma...but I digress..

Point 1. : That is the line the NCAA coaches give the athletes all the time..." your risk of injury" at your weight ...which is exactly the weight she has competed at for years and the weight you recruited her at but now that she's in college, the NCAA coach wants her to have the waif like body of a 12 year old because of "injury"....we won't get into the "risk of eating disorders" because they get their desired result with that...

2. BINGO! If you don't do as we say/want etc, there's a shiny new gymnast coming up next year who doesn't think this will happen to her either....

 

[gymmom10]

I do find this very unsettling, as we are getting into the recruiting process. Are you able to mention some of the programs that you happen to know that put a lot more emphasis on weight?

 

[bookworm]

I do find this very unsettling, as we are getting into the recruiting process. Are you able to mention some of the programs that you happen to know that put a lot more emphasis on weight?

I can't think of any who really do not, unfortunately...and some will tell you they don't but be wary of code words like "fitness" and "condition"....

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Makes me glad she doesn't wish to do gym in college.

Yeah, no not ever going to happen, in any sport with my kid. At any age.

 

[bookworm]

Some NCAA coaches are less "aggressive" about the issue but it's always like a haze in the backround.....We had never experienced anything like this in JO so it was a total b***h slap for us...these same people that will come into your home and tell you everything you want to hear (" we looove Susie, can't wait to coach her, can't wait for her to be on campus, we're parents too so we realize how tough it is to pick a school to trust coaches with your child ..blah blah...don't believe a word...) and are the exact same ones that will tell them they're fat...and that is the exact word they use....

 

[triplethreat+1]

It seems like both extremes are too common, not enough people have found that happy medium. I see so many unhealthy kids (and adults, clearly!) and then there are those insane people discussed above.
A thought I had: Do you think that being too afraid (or unwilling etc) to mention weight/size can actually affirm that it is a measure of one's worth? Is it be possible to teach that 'Jimmy struggles to stay healthy and you struggle with math and Sally doesn't see very well, but you each have your own strengths too, and it's important to use your strengths and work on your weaknesses '. You know? So somebody might be overweight, but so what? That's his/her issue to deal with and doesn't make them 'less' than anyone else- who has their own issues to deal with.

 

[gymmom10]

Bookworm, did a coach call your daughter fat? Is her team routinely weighed or just the members who are thought to have weight problems?

 

[bookworm]

Bookworm, did a coach call your daughter fat? Is her team routinely weighed or just the members who are thought to have weight problems?

As I described in post #84 above, they were all weighed , the weights ( gains and losses) announced , weights posted and all told they were fat...and they were not.....they had a "training table" for breakfasts and no one took anything but grapes because the coaches stood on either end to "assure that good food choices were made".....this is the stuff you won't hear about on any visit , official or not...

 

[gymmom10]

So what advice would you give a mom whose child this may be an issue for? She is not going to be one of the tiny slim ones. I can't keep her from college gymnastics as this is her dream and she has worked so long for it. It's not like I have never heard any of this before but I really thought it was only the very top programs where they were so strict.

 

[twinmomma]

So what advice would you give a mom whose child this may be an issue for? She is not going to be one of the tiny slim ones. I can't keep her from college gymnastics as this is her dream and she has worked so long for it. It's not like I have never heard any of this before but I really thought it was only the very top programs where they were so strict.

The thing that kills me about this is I've always held up college gymnasts as NOT looking like Olympians as a general rule - being more "real bodies" and looking like they are actually allowed to eat. I feel awful for thinking those things knowing what they go through.

 

[M2Abi]

I would talk about it proactively, before she has contact with a college coach. "In college gymnastics there is still an old school mindset about weight. This is what they might do. It is wrong. Don't let them get to you if they say you are fat. Eat healthy foods and do your best to ignore the inappropriate comments. Call me anytime if you're upset or struggling. I will support you if you don't want to deal with it anymore and decide to quit. No scholarship is worth your health." Or something like that.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I would flat out ask. Record responses and keep and emails and if it came up after all the declarations shes fine and not a problem I would be all over them.

 

[gymmom10]

Yes... I think I will be proactive about this and at least she will know what to expect and we can go over how to be prepared....Sigh...

 

[GYM0M]

My DD is obese on paper. 25-35 percentile for weight, not on the charts for height. When her pcp passed away a few years ago & we were looking for a new pediatrician, half of them brought the healthy eating habits to the exam room. Most of them said it was standard procedure for wellness visits, but the honest one, the one we chose, admitted that my DD appeared to be obese on paper. Luckily, her coaches have never said anything about weight, fueling her body, yes, but not weight.