WAG I'm annoyed

[txgymfan]

Coachp, I'm glad the coach did not say anything to the kid but weight and nutrition is a sensitive issue. The coach can't know what is healthy or medically appropriate for any one kid.

 

[my4buffaloes]

coachp - it is not fine, just because the gymnast wasn't spoken to. OPs dd looks great - like a smaller than average typical kid with a lot of muscle. Being healthy is what is important. Coaches are not trained to know the right weight for each girl so they need to stay out of it. Every single person on Earth is built differently - there is no right or wrong. If there is a problem a medical professional will handle it - not a coach.

This is one of the reasons I love our gym - I look out on that floor and see girls of all ages, shapes and sizes - all doing amazing things in gymnastics. Each person's body is built just for them. Coaches shouldn't try to change them.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Again , so long as the issue was not addressed to the child, I don't see any harm in discussing proper nutrition with a parent. The parent even states that the child had indeed put on weight recently. We ask the parents to please cut back on sugary snacks , this is common sense. Teaching proper nutrition isn't a bad thing folks if done through parenting and not demoralizing or embarrassing a child. "Honey don't eat that, it's bad for you ". this is okay

 

[vbdb]

Actually, giving kids messages about "bad food" is not helpful to them and is proof why coaches don't have any business interfering in an athelte's nutrition. Better to teach them about balance and work with a Registered Dietician who specializes in sports nutrition. Not a nutritionist which is not an accredited title. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. I have a big beef with the "clean eating" fad that's prevalent today.
I have a family member who are is an RD and a friend who is an NP working with eating disorders. I've consulted with them both about appropriate nutrition for my DD and how to talk to her about it. Telling kids that certain foods are bad leads to guilty feelings and the idea that they may need to "make up for it" later.
OPs DD looks healthy to me but no matter how restrictive her diet is she'll never be a "Nastia". It's just a hard fact about gym that your body type self selects you for high level gym and proficiency at certain events and no amount of dieting will make up for it.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I really don't believe in restricting food or "dieting" for children unless there's a medically necessary reason (diabetes, allergy, lactose intolerance, etc.) - trying to make a female child/teenager's body thinner because a sport wants them to be smaller only risks self-esteem issues down the road - ones that can last them the rest of their life. Just because someone doesn't get a full blown eating disorder doesn't mean they don't have a negative body image.

It's also none of that coaches business unless she's losing or unable to get skills he/she believes she should have already because of this weight gain. And even if that is the case, I'd say thank you for that information and accept it like any other situation I really can't control - like puberty, getting taller, etc.

Is the coach giving any type of ultimatums about her weight - like get thinner by X date or else? Or is it just him/her providing a future excuse to cover himself in case your DD stops getting top scores? You know - so he/she can say "I told you so" down the line.

 

[GymDad9.9]

My dd is above.[/QUOTE

Again , so long as the issue was not addressed to the child, I don't see any harm in discussing proper nutrition with a parent. The parent even states that the child had indeed put on weight recently. We ask the parents to please cut back on sugary snacks , this is common sense. Teaching proper nutrition isn't a bad thing folks if done through parenting and not demoralizing or embarrassing a child. "Honey don't eat that, it's bad for you ". this is okay

In this particular instance regarding OP, was that conversation warranted?

 

[coachmolly]

I think it's reasonable for a coach to encourage their athletes to make healthy choices, reminding them that how they fuel their body will play a role in how they perform in the gym, but I also think it's best to avoid specifics. I also think it would be within reason for a coach to go to a parent with something along the lines of, "I noticed Sally has really been dragging through practice lately and just wanted to make sure she is eating well and getting enough sleep." And if the parent were to let on to something being wrong in her diet, referring to a pediatrician or registered dietician.
However, in this case, the coach told the mom how many calories her child should be eating. This is specific, inappropriate, and probably not backed in well researched information about childhood nutrition, sports nutrition, or the particular medical needs of the child. That crosses a line. Coaches are not trained to offer that kind of "advice," and even if they are an RD, they likely haven't been briefed in the specific needs of this child.
My coaches who were so hard on my for being "fat"- did they know I was on medication that caused me to gain weight? Nope.

 

[bogwoppit]

I do think that kids should be educated about foods that are good for their body, and foods that should be treats eaten once in a while because they have no nutritional value. Honestly I think the lack of education about nutrition is shocking.

I have no problem with schools, coaches etc asking that kids bring only nutritious foods, and saving the junk for other times. Schools ask for no nuts etc, not big deal to say "these foods are not allowed in the gym, if your child has dietary needs that will not work with these restrictions please talk to us.".

But I have huge problems with some one who is not a health professional saying a kid is overweight/underweight. Best thing to do if you are really concerned about the child is to talk to the parent kindly. But honestly it is none of anyone's business.

I also have friends who think their kids are underweight, and they are not. I also have one friend who really thinks her child is overweight, when the child is not. Denial comes in many shapes and sizes too.

 

[MrsAnderson]

I am a firm believer that this tendency to NOT talk to our children about their bodies or weight or food because it may start a negative self image or an unhealthy relationship with food is not necessarily a good thing.
I think kids need to hear the truth. They need to know that the candy bar they ate does not have any good nutritional value.
I am extremely honest with my kids about good foods and bad foods. My kids still eat junk occasionally but we do 'make up for it' in our house.
We have cake one night and we may choose to not have a dessert the next. Moderation.
I also think a LOT of parents are in denial about healthy weights. I don't believe Pediatricians mention healthy weight enough, prob because it's such a sensitive subject.
One of my children is small for her age and people tell us often 'oh she needs to put some meat on her bones' or she is so 'TINY!'
'She is such a skinny little thing' is another we hear.
She is 10, in the 15% for height and the 25% for weight. She has an average build.
:/
I think other parents often think she is 'so small' because their own children may carry a few extra pounds.
Adults do this about their own weight too.
Just because the average woman in the USA is a size whatever does not mean that that is a healthy body.
Rant over.
-I know this had nothing to do with OP. Sorry. :/
The child in question is of a stockier build but certainly didn't look unhealthy in the picture.

-I am overweight myself, it's not because I was 'just built' this way, it is because I overeat and do not get enough exercise.

-I apologize if I offended anyone. The honesty about food/weight we use in our household is our choice and I am not suggesting other people change their beliefs.

-I think a coach can mention a legitimate concern to the parents, after all, the coach has to spot these kids! Also...the parents count on these coaches to help their kids succeed, if weight may be inhibiting that...it puts the coach in a tough spot.
I do NOT think it needs to be mentioned to the child, that is the parent's job.
I also don't think it is something to nag a parent about.

 

[l.c.o]

I am a firm believer that this tendency to NOT talk to our children about their bodies or weight or food because it may start a negative self image or an unhealthy relationship with food is not necessarily a good thing.
I think kids need to hear the truth. They need to know that the candy bar they ate does not have any good nutritional value.
I am extremely honest with my kids about good foods and bad foods. My kids still eat junk occasionally but we do 'make up for it' in our house.
We have cake one night and we may choose to not have a dessert the next. Moderation.
I also think a LOT of parents are in denial about healthy weights. I don't believe Pediatricians mention healthy weight enough, prob because it's such a sensitive subject.
One of my children is small for her age and people tell us often 'oh she needs to put some meat on her bones' or she is so 'TINY!'
'She is such a skinny little thing' is another we hear.
She is 10, in the 15% for height and the 25% for weight. She has an average build.
:/
I think other parents often think she is 'so small' because their own children may carry a few extra pounds.
Adults do this about their own weight too.
Just because the average woman in the USA is a size whatever does not mean that that is a healthy body.
Rant over.
-I know this had nothing to do with OP. Sorry. :/
The child in question is of a stockier build but certainly didn't look unhealthy in the picture.

-I am overweight myself, it's not because I was 'just built' this way, it is because I overeat and do not get enough exercise.

-I apologize if I offended anyone. The honesty about food/weight we use in our household is our choice and I am not suggesting other people change their beliefs.

-I think a coach can mention a legitimate concern to the parents, after all, the coach has to spot these kids! Also...the parents count on these coaches to help their kids succeed, if weight may be inhibiting that...it puts the coach in a tough spot.
I do NOT think it needs to be mentioned to the child, that is the parent's job.
I also don't think it is something to nag a parent about.

Having a conversation with children about maintaining weight is, in my opinion, not good, especially while they're still growing. Talking with children from the outset about making sure we eat well to fuel our bodies, however, is definitely smart (aim from protein with every meal, minimum five fruits/veg, aim for whole grains, or whatever). For example, my kids know that if they want seconds of anything on their plate, they must eat everything else first. They know they should aim for five servings of fruits and veggies. They know that "fried food" is cooked differently than baked/grilled food. They know that oil is a fat, and that we store it on our bodies, but they also know that some amount of fat is essential for our bodies to function optimally. But never do I imply that any specific food is BAD. Even Taco Bell in moderation is fine. Goodness, when my DD turned two, she hadn't had sufficient weight gain/growth for a period of time. Doc specifically instructed us to introduce some amount of fried foods, etc, into her diet before a weight recheck. Fried foods are NOT "bad". But they probably should not be eaten regularly by most of the general public.

But even your comment about overeating/not exercising - even seemingly innocuous comments like that in front of a child can be quite damaging. I am overweight myself, owing only partly to a medical condition, but I make a point to talk about needing to move more and needing to eat more veggies/drink more water/etc, but I do NOT comment about how I need to lose weight. Kids develop body image issues very easily. My own DD has unhealthy thoughts about food brought in from coaches, gym teachers, random other teachers, peers, and family members. She was (jokingly?) told that if she wasn't a gymnast, she'd probably be fat because of how much she eats. Cue being terrified to quit gymnastics - cause she doesn't want to get fat. She was told that potato chips cause cancer - as her grandfather passed away from pancreatic cancer, that TERRIFIED her. So no. I am NOT for blanket statements, no matter how well-meaning they may be. Different kids have different nutritional needs.

I get coaches needing to be able to spot, but goodness, if they can't spot a 9 year old with maybe an extra five pounds in comparison to a gymnast peer with similar height, how do they spot fully grown teenagers? Now, if we're talking about a teenager who lives off Taco Bell and just naps whenever she's not in school or gymnastics, maybe that would be a time for coach to say "hey, parent, I'm a bit concerned". Or if a preteen is genuinely gaining weight rapidly, maybe ask mom if all is well? But telling a parent to restrict calories or give specific nutritional recommendations is overstepping... provided the coach is not also a RD. Even my child's medical doctor referred my DD to both a therapist and a registered dietitian, both with specialization in eating disorders, one with child sports experience, because it was beyond his scope.

A coach can state a child is too big to be spotted, or the kid needs to be the "right build" all they want. But parents can also take their money elsewhere. It's both of their rights.

My kids are well aware that candy should be eaten in moderation. Not just because it has no nutritional value or because it's high in fats/sugar, but also because it rots their teeth. But I would never shame them for asking for a piece of candy, either. Even my DS who, gym-wise, could probably stand to lose 3 or so pounds. That said, when he complains about not really being able to see his six pack abs, I do mention that if he plays outside more and eats more healthfully (strawberries for snack instead of pretzels, etc), that he has more likelihood of being able to see it, because our muscles lay under our fat stores which lay under our skin...

We are by no stretch perfect. Coaches, gymnasts, parents - none are perfect. Probably usually we all mean well. But meaning well and having the means to give the right information are not the same thing. I think I know my own kids, but am learning so much more by my DD's meetings with her RD...

 

[B.Gold]

Again , so long as the issue was not addressed to the child, I don't see any harm in discussing proper nutrition with a parent. The parent even states that the child had indeed put on weight recently. We ask the parents to please cut back on sugary snacks , this is common sense. Teaching proper nutrition isn't a bad thing folks if done through parenting and not demoralizing or embarrassing a child. "Honey don't eat that, it's bad for you ". this is okay

Your not recapping the event in the same way as the OP described. Kindly teaching and modeling good nutrition is different than how the op describes, which is being routinely told to cut back her dd's calories. It doesn't sound like a nutrition consultation to me, it sounds like judgement.

It's hard to be objective about weight. I look at the picture of that gymnast and see a strong, beautiful 9 year old girl. Obviously the coach doesn't see it the way I do. That coach needs to back off and let the pre-pubescent's pediatrician give this mother advice. It wouldn't take too many episodes like that for me to say, buh-bye...

 

[gymdog]

If the coaches can't spot the child in the picture, they need a new job. For pete's sake. And I don't think that should really motivate your comments or conversations about a child's weight or the family's eating habits.

 

[MrsAnderson]

Just to clarify...I said my piece about me being overweight to make sure y'all knew I wasn't just some health who lives to sweat and thinks anyone who doesn't like exercise is lazy.
I do NOT complain to my kids about my own weight.

As for spotting....I was not referring to any specific child (and certainly not OPs daughter), but I know in the past I have had trouble spotting pre teens in my rec class.
I have never spoken to a parent about their child's weight, it was just a thought. It also probably applies less to team kids since they don't rely on spotting as heavily.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I think kids need to hear the truth. They need to know that the candy bar they ate does not have any good nutritional value.
I am extremely honest with my kids about good foods and bad foods. My kids still eat junk occasionally but we do 'make up for it' in our house.

There are no good foods/bad foods.....

There are choices and nutritional requirements. Our bodies actually require things, salt, fat, protein, carbs. And our bodies don't need sugar from an outside source. Look at any food label, no nutritional value to sugar.

I myself am not a what I would consider a healthy weight. I never use the word weight only healthy. I need to get healthy. Not I need to lose x lbs.

Cake isn't bad, Candy isn't bad. Its just not nutritionally necessary. We eat mostly healthy and have treats. Not good or bad.

Our gym, they talk nutrition, in the general sense. I don't think any parent at the gym would be OK with weight comments specific to their kids.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

So long as the coach did not confront the child, I really don't see what the issue is.

The issue is that girls are disproportionately vulnerable to eating disorders, athletes are more vulnerable to them than the typical population, and aesthetic sports such as gymnastics breed even a higher percentage of them. Get to college age gymnasts and the statistics go through the roof. And many are seemingly innocuous statements about how losing a few pounds could help performance. As a pretty high level athlete in a different sport in the 80s , we were weighed publicly on a weekly basis. Years later when we exchanged notes, many of us struggled with issues one way or another as a direct result of our efforts alter our bodies to what our coach wanted. If the coach is willing to recommend to a mother when her daughter is 9 that she restrict her daughter's calories for an already fit child, it is not an unreasonable stretch to entertain the possibility that as she enters the teenage years, that he will directly approach her instead of her mother. He might not, but is it worth the risk when there are other programs out there? Eating disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses, and athletes (and especially gymnasts) are more vulnerable to them. People's children die..It is really that simple.

 

[ginnymac]

^^^^like x 1000!

 

[B.Gold]

If the coaches can't spot the child in the picture, they need a new job. For pete's sake. And I don't think that should really motivate your comments or conversations about a child's weight or the family's eating habits.

Thank you!!! Well said!!!

In my experience I really admire how my dd's gym handles this subject. They plant seeds. I've heard "fears creep in when a gymnast gains weight." Or "your dd has talent but we'll see what body type she has after puberty". But I have never known any coach, in the 15 yrs we've been there, ever instill their own personal nutritional biases or ideas on any child or parent.

And for what its worth, ironically, the two most talented gymnasts I know, in the most competitive programs in our area, eat more junk food than I'd ever allow my child... but who am I to judge?

Coaches should coach, parents should parent, and if a parent doesn't support their child nutritionally in a way that helps that child meet their potential then coaches move on....

 

[gymyogimom]

Does was coach ask his 3rd percentile gymnasts to eat more? This just ticks me off. She is doing well, she is fit, what is his issue? Please move on. There are other gyms and your daughter will be accepted. Don't chase a 6. If she is a 6 the other gym will know and foster that.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Been there and it made me really mad too. I've had it said by a coach that YDD is simply to heavy to be a gymnast, period, and I've had a different coach give me diet tips for my ODD. The second one was after some girls on ODDs team told her she was fat and made her cry. Instead of dealing with the bullying, he gave me food tips- as if I needed them. My girls have an excellent diet and my ODDis incredibly slim- definitely more a Nastia. Another gym my ODD attended required good logs of all team gymnasts. I refused and that was that. I really think that oversteps their bounds greatly.

Since I've seen it said on here that people often think their child is slim when they aren't, I've decided to add a photo. First is my YDD. She is heavy- no denial here- but she's a lovely gymnast, and strong. Second is my ODD, who was bullied for being too fat. I don't need anyone to tell me about either of their diets (which are exactly the same, btw).

 

[Deleted member 14190]

The issue is that girls are disproportionately vulnerable to eating disorders, athletes are more vulnerable to them than the typical population, and aesthetic sports such as gymnastics breed even a higher percentage of them. Get to college age gymnasts and the statistics go through the roof. And many are seemingly innocuous statements about how losing a few pounds could help performance. As a pretty high level athlete in a different sport in the 80s , we were weighed publicly on a weekly basis. Years later when we exchanged notes, many of us struggled with issues one way or another as a direct result of our efforts alter our bodies to what our coach wanted. If the coach is willing to recommend to a mother when her daughter is 9 that she restrict her daughter's calories for an already fit child, it is not an unreasonable stretch to entertain the possibility that as she enters the teenage years, that he will directly approach her instead of her mother. He might not, but is it worth the risk when there are other programs out there? Eating disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses, and athletes (and especially gymnasts) are more vulnerable to them. People's children die..It is really that simple.

Again, it doesn't sound like that was the instance here. So while I totally agree with eating disorders etc.... I don't see what the problem is having a coach ask parents to feed kids healthy foods. And that is all I got out of the op, unless I didn't read it correctly.