Parents Is a "normal" childhood overrated?

[emorymom]

MLR is a great and upbeat person. She looks toward the sunny side and accepting that the bad days, joints, etc. are all part of the good. That is a greater talent in life than anything that won her a medal. Look at Moceanu, she's probably a great coach and I'd love to have her in the neighborhood. But she's got a lot to say about the downsides.

I have some relatives that have gone through phases of dwelling on the downsides of their childhood. Blame mom, blame some coach. They were too cricital. Or if they weren't critical enough, they didn't believe in me. Or they pushed me too hard and didn't let it be my sport. Or didn't push enough or I would have really gone places. Or ... list some way someone can't win that is more involved in their personal life. Some outgrow it.

What's a normal childhood? I'd love to have had some of the childhoods people seem to want to dwell on.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Having read all the responses so far, I guess I will be the dissenting voice. Yes, normal is relative, and if a child is happy then it's all good. I do think though that gymnastics, especially in the middle/highschool years can take a toll on typical experiences. My dd is only 10 and in 5th grade, but I have older children who play sports, one currently in highschool, and he is a 3 season varsity player plus club soccer. Part of the reason I have my dd at the Y is because I don't want her training too many hours. I want her to be able to play a sport or join a club in highschool, because while I think gymnastics is wonderful, I do think there is much to be said about fully embracing your highschool years. They only come around once.

I realize that everyone is different. My dd may get to middle/highschool and not want to do any of the things that I consider "normal" lol and may want to spend more hours in the gym. If that is the case, then so be it, I guess that is what she will do. This year her state competition was 5 hours away and it was junior prom time for some kids here. I thought about that and wondered what she would choose. I guess it could go either way. Some girls would give up prom easily for states, some not so easily, others wouldn't give it up for all. I don't think there is a right or wrong, good or bad, I just think that gymnastics does take a toll time wise.

All great points. Since you already have a HS aged child, you already know that by this time, THEY truly are the ones who dictate what they do want to do! At that point, you get to tell everyone that is what you child chooses to do. I think so long as these kids are involved in SOMETHING... whether it's a sport, volunteer opportunities, ANYTHING... they will be just fine. No matter what kids (or adults for that matter) choose to do, they will be faced with choices of whether to do one thing, or another. My mantra is always keep them busy so they don't find trouble, or else trouble may find them!

 

[clrmom]

Of course it was worth it for Mary Lou, but is it all worth it for our average gymnasts? Most of our kids will quit by 9th or 10 grade. Don't forget the pyramid is very narrow at the top!

I think it is. If the average gymnast stays in gymnastics because they really enjoy it and it makes them feel accomplished, then I don't think they will feel like they missed out on anything. I feel the Mary Lou's point was that different kids have different positive memories of growing up. If your childhood experience was working hard at gymnastics, competing and feeling that accomplishment (even if it isn't at the Olympic level) then I think their childhood will be normal to them.

Besides, I don't feel that doing gymnastics at the higher levels necessarily means you can't do other "normal" activities. We have girls at our gym in the optional level that still run on the track team at their school, go to school dances, have sleepovers and many other activities.

 

[JBS]

What's normal?

I was a gymnast...worked out 6 days per week.

I have a wife and 3 kids...I like football, baseball, NASCAR, UFC, beer, and BBQ's. I had a fort with my friends that was across the RR tracks, through the farmers field, down by the river...we had bonfires all the time. I'm a coach...I enjoy my job...but I also enjoy getting off work and heading to BW3's for some wings and beer.

What's normal?...I am.

EDIT: I did miss out on getting arrested with all my friends...bummer.

EDIT 2: I also beat Zelda, Contra, Metal Gear, Punch Out & Metroid if that means anything to you.

 

[Kiwi]

Whoever said 'balance' was onto the right idea. I don't want my DD (8) missing out on 'normal' childhood experiences. At her age this mainly means unstructured play with her sister and friends. She doesn't get as much time for this as many other children, but she still gets some and I think that is important. She does school, gymnastics, ballet, piano, has swimming lessons and has just started soccer at school. Gymnastics is the only thing she does competitively and trains three days a week.

Other DD (10) does rec gymnastics, trampoline, violin and swimming lessons, and also spends a lot of time on the computer playing games (a little too much, in my opinion). They have a trampoline and a swing outside in the back yard, they have a room full of toys, books and games, and sometimes they still get bored!

Having them both do a lot of activities is great, apart from the expense for the parents! There is some research that shows that keeping kids involved in activities makes them much less likely to get into trouble as they get older. I'm not sure what will happen as she gets older and the training hours will increase and social life for girls becomes more important. I don't know how long she will stick at gym, I'll deal with that as it comes. I believe she may have to sacrifice some things at times, but I won't let her completely miss out on 'normal' things like school dances, and so on. She isn't going for an Olympic medal so I think we have a little leeway.

I can understand how someone on elite track might have to sacrifice many of those 'normal' things - they weigh it up and make a decision based on their priorities, as long as it is their choice and they are not being forced by their parents, that's fine.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

My DD does have a "normal" childhood and will continue to have one- yes she spends a lot of time in the gym and dedicating herself to gymnastics, but she also never misses a birthday party for her friends, goes to sleepovers, participates in Girl Scouts, hangs out with friends in the neighborhood and has open ended free time to do what she chooses to do each week. I think it's possible to be a gymnast and a "regular kid" for most of the kids out there. This is DD's sport just like softball, or swimming, or soccer is another kid's sport. I don't feel like she is missing out at all- if fact I think she's better off than I was as a kid- I spent a lot of idle time watching TV and playing Nintendo as a kid- DD does that too- but not to the degree I did- I needed more activities.

 

[3stars]

I think normal is how you interpret it. I feel my children are having a normal childhood. Yes, spending 3 nights a week (or 5 days in the summer) at the gym for a 7 year old and 2 days for a 4 year old may be considered a lot, but its really not that different than kids who play baseball or any other sport. For some reason gymnastics gets a bad rap, but baseball teams practice outside in the heat all spring and summer and sometimes play double-headers which leads to all day long at the field. Football players have 2-a-day practices in the summer to condition and practice 5 days a week in the fall. Swim team practices every day in the summer. I can keep going but I think you get the picture. Probably because other sports are a clearly defined season and gymnastics is year-round, people think what our kids do is crazy. My kids still do the "normal" things like take swimming lessons and play outside in the back yard. We go to the library and to the park and out for ice cream. They still have plenty of free time for play and relaxation. My kids love to hang out and read books or watch movies.
If anything, I think gymnastics is teaching my kids great time management skills. They go (or will go in my son's case) to a school that has homework every single day for every single grade (even last night, which I thought was crazy since today is the last day of school, but that's a whole 'nother story) and my daughter has had to learn how to get her homework done quickly so she can get to practice. She has seen that the other parents on our team value education as much as her parents do, when other parents or her coaches have corrected her homework if we weren't immediately available to while at the gym. She will learn as she gets older how to break big projects into steps because she won't be able to get it all done in one night before practice. These are all valuable lessons for a child to learn.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I also want to add that my neighbor's kids are what I call "dabblers" they are always going somewhere- art lessons, Spanish class, judo, swimming lessons, horseback riding, dance class, piano- no joke and the kids are young- 7 and 4. I think that's much less "normal" than picking something you like and sticking with it. The kids are always signing up for some new class and quitting something else because they didn't want to go anymore or didn't like it. I think sometimes kids can be given too many opportunities and never truly find joy in the accomplishment and a little mastery of an activity. And yet she always wrinkles up her nose at me when DD can't do something b/c of gymnastics and says "I don't know how you do it"... I have to laugh because I don't know how SHE does it either. I don't know that I think constant dabbling is "normal" either and many of DD's friends do just that. I think it's important to be well rounded and try out different activities but I think the ultimate goal is to try to find something for your kids to do that they like and then encourage them to stick with it- I think constantly trying and quitting new activities never gives kids a chance to explore something and decide if they really like it before they are *poof* on to fencing class b/c they "hated" scuba (after trying it out only 3 times).

 

[Danica76]

Yes, normal is completely relative. I occasionally get the odd eyeball from people when they hear that my 7 y.o. is at the gym 8 1/2 hrs. a week, until 8:30 at night. I will say that our owner/HC is fantastic about balancing team commitment with the needs/wants of the girls outside the gym (her daughter is a 14 y.o. optional gymmie, so she gets it). Her philosophy is one of the biggest reasons why we made the switch there. While it may not be the biggest gym, with the most equipment and lots of girls on team, it is a perfect fit for my DD. She is recognized for the little person she is - not just another girl of 18 on the L4 team. And if she has something special to do on a Friday night, she is allowed to come on Wednesday instead - no problem. I am very grateful that she is an an environment that nurtures her spirit, not just the athlete in her. So, I shrug off the sideways looks and comments, because I know she is living a balanced life, doing well in school and pursuing something she loves with a passion.

I danced, did plays/musicals and soccer through high school. And while my parents were happy to oblige me, I was never really told to reach for my dreams - they were just activities to them, while they were my inner most longings (I am not blaming them, honest ). So, when my DD says she's going to make it all the way to the big "O", I never dash her hopes. I just keep telling her to have fun and work hard, in the gym, at school and at life.

 

[gymjourneymom]

I see what you are saying gymgirl'smom. There is something to be said for "variety being the spice of life", but that too can be taken to extremes. Like I said earlier I strive for BALANCE.

My DD chose gymnastics as her "thing". I do think committing to something & seeing it through full circle teaches one so much!!!! But we've always kept in the back of our minds..."what if there were no gymnastics, what would you do?". I've never wanted her to ONLY think of herself as a gymnast. Yes she loves it, but that is only part of who she is. She has other interest & abilities. Due to her time committment in gymnastics she's unable to fully commit to some of her other interest, but she still tries to develop them. They are there for her to explore when the time is right for HER. She loves music, playing the guitar & piano & singing. She does take chorus in school, but right now rather then taking outside music lessons she chooses gymnastics. But she knows it's her choice & she knows she has options. Options & balance...I like those words as you can tell.

She's been at the same college bound gym(as opposed to elite gym) her entire time on the team. Her teammates are like sisters to her!!! Yes, there have been "issues" along the way with coaches & teammates, but like a family we have all gotten through it together. This 2nd family is what I wish for all gymnasts! It is a unique benefit to living this "not normal" lifestyle. They learn the art of leaning on one another & supporting each other!!! Through mental blocks, fears, injuries, wins & losses! Even family issues such as a parent passing away. Yes, sometimes DD's gym feels like "The Rock" all it's drama but it is a 2nd home & family to my DD!!! And I'm glad she has that 2nd family to lean on when she needs it!

Yup! If they are happy doing his sport then it is "normal" for them!!! It is longevity in this sport where these girls really get to see things come full circle. They need to learn how to make choices all along. Choices toward their goals(whatever those goals my be). I think they should go to a sleepovers or parties & a miss practice here or there to do it. Just like sometimes I need a 'mental heath day' off from work. My DD is happy to go to the party or whatever and then she is even MORE excited to return to the next practice recharged & energized. I think they can do this sport & still have their own kind of "normal" as long as they are HAPPY with the choices they have made.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Well, what is normal really. It is different for everyone. As they get older it gets harder socially. I am glad that my dd has good friends at gymnastics because then she doesn't feel as if she is missing out on so much. This past competition season she missed 3 birthday parties in a row because of meets. She was invited to another sleep over party the night before a meet that conflicted with practice. Ugh, I didn't know what to do! Finally I decided to pull her early from gym let her go spend a few hours at the party and pick her up early to come home to sleep. She was thrilled that she would be able to go to the party. I felt that we needed to compromise to keep her from resenting the sport. She is only 10, so I figure it will get even harder as she is pulled in more directions yet also spending more time in the gym.

There is a lot to be said for keeping a child busy to keep them out of trouble. But they also need downtime and I think as parents we just have to make a conscious effort to schedule fun playdates, sleep overs, etc for our gymnasts whenever we can so they can just hang out with their friends. I go to a lot of trouble to try to set up time with her friends from school on days off from gymnastics and over holiday breaks. And it still only happens a few times a year, but I think she needs it. As much as gymnastics is their "life" they need a life outside the gym too.

There is nothing not normal about your dd doing gymanstics. You need to realize that the people that make the comments obviously really believe in downtime for their kids and as long as you think your dd is doing fine the way things are going, then don't worry about it.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

overated. i grew up in a gym. i'm still in the gym. my wife tells me i'm normal. but then again...she grew up in a gym. she's still in the gym. and I KNOW she's normal. so, it's a lifestyle.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Having had a daughter who recently decided to leave the sport I have a different prespective. It has been only 3 weeks since she has been out of the gym. I honestly can say at this point that my daughter was more normal and well adjusted when she was doing gymnastics. She was more focused on getting her school work done, more organized and just seemed like a happier kid. You would think after doing gymnastics with practices every Friday and Saturday and 5 days a week in the summer for 4 years that she would be happy to have some time to try other things. I caught her doing very inappropriate things for her age (she just turned 11) on face book and I almost feel like I have to keep her entertained or she will definitely get into trouble. When she was in gymnastics she never really got upset if she had to miss a party for a meet although I would try to let her attend all the parties she was able to go to. Last year she was will to give up her Taylor Swift tickets if her meet was the same day, I remember her being 8 and missing Hannah Montana concert for gymnastics. She was friendly with both gym friends and school friends but I prefered her gym friends since they were a much nicer girls( my daughter even reflected on this by wanting to invite her gym friends to help us out with some charity work because she stated her school friends would make fun of the kids with disabilities). All of her gym friends seemed pretty well adjusted normal kids. It was also great that she became friendly girls who different ages, it really helped them learn to get along well and look out for each other.
Hopefully things will change for my daughter and she will be a normal kid once again. She is now inbetween activities since it is the end of the season, she will be starting swimteam in 3 weeks and she is going to an art camp. She does want to go back to dance and do volleyball and swimming in the Fall (she actually did do volleyball and swim this past year with the gymnastics she did have to miss a few swimmeets and games but it did not seem to bother her). If I also add in the cheer and drama which she is interested in she may be busy more than she was at gymnastics. I think she is having alot of difficulty adjusting because she did gymnastics for so long and it was a big part of her life. She will not admit to me that she misses it and it was her choice to stop. She is wearing wrist splint since the pain in her wrist got bad again and the orthopedic doctor recommended she rest for at least 3 weeks so I am not sure it would even be an option for her to go back at this time until her wrists heel. She also claims her heels still hurt from the Severs disease.
People who do not understand the sport have this image of a gymnast not being able to be a normal kid. I have heard it from friends and family. For the average girl doing competitive gymnastics I do not think it is true maybe for the elite gymnasts. But these kids are in this sport for the most part because they love it and want to be there. When my daughter decided to leave she never said I want to be a normal kid and she never complained about missing out on things. She just said she was tired of being injured and in pain and she wanted to try out other things.

 

[bigtiny]

I agree with what the others have said that you have to make whatever "normal" is right for your child is your family. I think that the key is not "normal" but BALANCE. It is so important that children not grow up one-dimensional, with their whole identity placed on gymnastics. They need to develop many facets of their personalities and talents or they will turn into one-dimensional adults. Gymnastics is a short-term sport and children (and most especially not their parents) should not place their identities completely on that. They can be accomplished gymnasts but still have balance in their lives, but it takes some effort and encouragement from the parents .

 

[My_2_Gym_Monsters]

overated. i grew up in a gym. i'm still in the gym. my wife tells me i'm normal. but then again...she grew up in a gym. she's still in the gym. and I KNOW she's normal. so, it's a lifestyle.

I agree it is a lifestyle. Growing up, I was into competitive dance. I started when I was three. I spent at least 4 days in the studio a week for 3-4 hours at a time. My friends were my dance friends. I had school friends too, but when it came to sleepovers etc I was with dance friends. I don't regret one second of missing anything! I stayed with it until High School when I switched over to cheerleading. I have most of my memories from competitions and recitals! I wouldn't change a thing! I can only hope that as my children grow up, they find a gym home where they can make their own friends/memories!

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

My DD seems to be "normal" to me. I think everyones normal is different! Isn't that what they always tell us? "Just be yourself", and "everyone is different"?
She is 11 and will be going into middle school this year and has decided that not only does she want to do gym, she also wants to join the spirit team (cheerleading), do after school choir, AND join the drama club. IYIYIYIYI !! How in the world will we fit it all in?

This is her "normal" I guess?

 

[WatchThisMom]

I think normal is how you interpret it. I feel my children are having a normal childhood. Yes, spending 3 nights a week (or 5 days in the summer) at the gym for a 7 year old and 2 days for a 4 year old may be considered a lot, but its really not that different than kids who play baseball or any other sport. For some reason gymnastics gets a bad rap, but baseball teams practice outside in the heat all spring and summer and sometimes play double-headers which leads to all day long at the field. Football players have 2-a-day practices in the summer to condition and practice 5 days a week in the fall. Swim team practices every day in the summer. I can keep going but I think you get the picture. Probably because other sports are a clearly defined season and gymnastics is year-round, people think what our kids do is crazy. My kids still do the "normal" things like take swimming lessons and play outside in the back yard. We go to the library and to the park and out for ice cream. They still have plenty of free time for play and relaxation. My kids love to hang out and read books or watch movies.
If anything, I think gymnastics is teaching my kids great time management skills. They go (or will go in my son's case) to a school that has homework every single day for every single grade (even last night, which I thought was crazy since today is the last day of school, but that's a whole 'nother story) and my daughter has had to learn how to get her homework done quickly so she can get to practice. She has seen that the other parents on our team value education as much as her parents do, when other parents or her coaches have corrected her homework if we weren't immediately available to while at the gym. She will learn as she gets older how to break big projects into steps because she won't be able to get it all done in one night before practice. These are all valuable lessons for a child to learn.

^^^What 3stars said! I'm still relatively new (I'm only a 1 year old gym mom), but I still just don't get it and I am constantly trying to compare it to my ds's activities and determine why gym gets such a bad rap. Maybe I'm naive and delusional (dd is still only L4 and yes, she's still doing minimal hours in the gym and that will increase if she decides to stay with it) and I will understand when/if she's ever an optional, but it seems to me that some things just have to be prioritized just like with any other activity to which a person makes a commitment.

However, I'll go even further with 3stars' baseball analogy using my ds's. They practice and play spring/summer and fall seasons, and practice only indoors during the winter months. The main season runs January (practice starts, games start approx late Feb/early March)through late July, sometimes August, with a short break then they play a lighter season late August/early Sept through November until they're forced to only practice indoors for a couple of months until they can get outside again. Organized practices aren't every day, but by the time you add up organized practices, private hitting/fielding/pitching lessons, long toss to keep the arm strong, bullpen, strength/conditioning, they are doing something baseball related everyday. And they play 2-3 weekends a month, with a minimum of 3 games per weekend, sometimes as many as 5 or 6 if they win--and that's not including league games during the week. I realize the wear and tear on the body does not compare to gym, I intend the comparison only from a time standpoint. If I were to guesstimate, I'd say both of my sons spend approximately 7-8 hours a week practicing and anywhere from 9-20 hours per week playing games for probably 46 weeks a year. So if we're talking about time commitment that requires the athlete to give up being a "normal" kid, then none of my kids are "normal" and neither was I nor my husband!

My boys have missed out on birthday parties, vacations, watching the average 40 hours of tv per week...but as teenagers now, there is no way they'd trade it for anything. By this age, if they didn't want to do it, believe me, they wouldn't. Normal is what you make it. Some people think we're crazy and think our kids are "missing out." I grew up this way myself and the ONLY regret I had about my childhood was that we didn't take regular family vacations. This is something that I make sure we do every once in a while, even if it's a 3 day weekend, just so they don't miss out on that, too.

Bottom line, I try to make sure anyone who gasps at the statement that my dd is a competitive gymnast understands that 1) it's her choice to be there, 2) she loves it, and 3) in comparison (if you take the injury piece out), it's not all that different from what we do in other sports. There are those, however, who think we're crazy for playing so much baseball, so I guess that's another story...

 

[cher062]

My reply is a question - What is "Normal" ? Who is to say that our gymnasts don't have "NORMAL"
For me Normal is when your kid is happy, health and is enjoying life. I think that describes my kid even though she spends hours at the gym doing gymnastics. Having 10 different activities you have to go to for that same time doesn't mean Normal. Some of her friends have Soccer, Karate, track, band, and many other things they do for that same amount of time. yes they have more diversity in activities but that doesn't mean Normal.

So lets see my normal gymnastic girls activites include going to school and getting an education - Check
is a girl scout and ventur crew member - check
goes on vacations, camping and lots of outdoor activities - check
takes piano lessons - check
goes to friends b-day parties - check
is active in her church (mostly because she goes to catholic school - maybe that isn't normal as public school I guess is the "Norm) - check

Has mom and me along with dad and me days - check

and also is at the gym - check

Ok so what else does she need to be "Normal" and have a "Normal Childhood"

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I would say none of the children mentioned are 'normal'. Why? because over half the world population lives in poverty, a normal childhood would be growing up in poverty. Your children are lucky, and thankfully not 'normal'