Parents is gymnastics that different?

[nameless]

i read all these threads and other material about leaving gymnastics in the gym and what to say and not to say after practice/meets, etc.. i'm a seasoned parent and have had my other 2 daughters in competative sports, but my lil one is my first competative gymnast. no other sport that we've been involved in (cheer, swim, tennis, basketball) goes crazy warning a parent about discussing such small things like reminding your kid to point their toes or whatnot. other sports have intense practices and huge time commitments.. i have never heard keep swim in the pool or keep basketball on the court.. is gymnastics really that different than other sports? my oldest (18) says she's happy we talked so much about competative cheer and was happy to hear my corrections as she needed the honesty.. i told her maybe the psychological damage will kick in later, ha. but really i am confused about what really sets this sport apart from other sports that you are allowed to and even at times encouraged to discuss at home. before every meet i make a silly face at my lil one and say "straight, tight, pointed" and she smiles and gives me a big nod. please say i haven't ruined my awesome lil gymnast before she's even turned 6!

 

[gymnastbeth]

I think what makes gymnastics a little more unique is that someone unqualified to coach really doesn't know enough about it to give corrections. Soccer, swimming, and even cheering are far less complex. Saying something like you do, "straight tight pointed" is for the most part fine . Any actual "corrections" from parents tend to hurt the gymnast more than help, because a lot of times the parent just doesn't know what they are talking about. (because gymnastics is so complicated). I do however think that gymnastics is more intense and more of a time commitment (as least in higher levels), than other sports.

With any sport though, I'd leave the coaching to the coach. My mom always used to try to "coach" me when I got mental blocks on skills. It was one of the most frustrating things to come home from a long tiring practice, and still have to think about gymnastics. For me, it was annoying that my mom thought she knew enough to "coach" me. I explained it to her, and now after practice we don't talk about gymnastics unless I bring it up. At lower levels I don't see it as much of a problem, but in more strenuous levels, 20+ hours a week of gymnastics is all I need. Home should be a supportive place, where a gymnast can just relax.

In your situation, I wouldn't worry about it. You haven't "ruined" your gymnast! Just relax, and leave the corrections to the coaches.

 

[wallinbl]

Quite a lot of what I hear at the soccer field falls into two categories. The first is critical and demoralizing to the kid. That's not all that common, but some of the parents do it without even realizing it. The second (and more common) is just plain wrong. It's amazing how misguided some of the parental advice is. I assume these people never played any competitive soccer because they don't appear to understand the game at all. DD's coach has a rule - if your parent coaches you from the sidelines during a game, you're benched for the rest of the game and possibly the next one. No one wants to do that to their kid.

I think those parents all mean well and want to be involved and show interest in their kids' activities. They'd all be better served by the same advice that is given on here - be supportive and let the coach do the coaching. Even a simple tip like "keep your toes pointed" comes with an implied criticism - either she didn't have her toes pointed (if you said it afterward) or she wasn't going to remember on her own (if you said it beforehand). The kids might not consciously recognize it, but it adds up, and it takes a toll. The magnitude depends on the parent and on the kid.

 

[Danica76]

I agree with what has been said above. And I agree that any coaching, in any sport, from a parent, is counter productive. My son plays club soccer and I want to choke some of the parents sometimes. A few weekends ago, I heard a parent yell, "If you miss another shot, you're walking home!" Now, obviously, that is not what you are doing. And I think a lot of what is said to kids depends on context and underlying meaning. Saying "straight, tight, pointed" with a silly look on your face hopefully implies that you don't want her to take it so seriously that she doesn't have fun and enjoy the experience. And that you aren't taking it so seriously that the outcome of her meet will dictate how you feel about her gymnastics. But, with kids (and people), you just never know how they interpret things. Maybe you should ask her. My DD told me that she doesn't like me saying anything to her before a meet. She says it makes her nervous. We literally go in and she goes and finds her team. She said she just likes to treat it like it's no big deal. Now, afterward, I am allowed to heap on the praise, squeeze her, and gush all I want. Those are her parameters and I respect them. I read something last year on here and I stick to it: I always tell her after a meet that I love watching her do gymnastics. And I leave it pretty much at that.

I think the no-no of correcting your kids gymnastics comes from two things. Bad technique and safety. A gymnast could become seriously injured or develop bad habits from at home coaching. I believe those are the main reasons why it is seriously discouraged. Then you add in the psychological war that a child might experience - do I listen to my coach or my Mom? That's my take, anyway.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

your take is pretty good!

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Trust me, as a former competitive swimmer and two kids currently competing in the pool, parents are routinely reminded to leave the coaching to the coach. I actually have been a coach myself, reached a high level of competition, and totally keep my nose out of it. I point out and congratuate best times, and drop my kids off at practice. DH, on the other hand, knows nothing about swimming and can't keep his nose out of it. Don't know why. I totally get and remember not liking being constantly questioned about practice and feeling pressure from my parents. I vowed I would stay out of it, and I do. I'm the parent, so I critique as a parent. Was my kid a good teammate? A graceful winner or loser? Did they behave in such a way at the meet to make me proud to be their parent? All else belongs to the coach.

My little gymnast doesn't compete yet. I just tell her that I can tell she is working hard and having fun and that she's alot of fun to watch.

The sport belongs to the kid, and the coach is in charge. Gymnastics is no different than any other sport. There are terrible behaving parents everywhere. Why do you think there are so many parent fights in youth sports?

 

[gymgal]

I highly doubt you have anything to worry about with your ritual with you dd before meets but going beyond that and analyzing her performances or practices could cause future problems and conflicts with what she is being told by her coaches.

I have kids in gymnastics, swimming, hockey, and baseball. 3 of the 4 sports are travel/team level (ie - not rec) and these 3 stress leaving the coaching to the coach. Parents with limited experience don't always see the whole picture. The coach may be focused on a particular aspect of a skill and not want the child to worry about other aspects (swimming - kicking, not arms ; baseball - watching coach signals, not immediately running off the base ; stick handling, not shooting the puck full speed).

So, I don't think gymnastics is any different in that sense, but I think it does get set apart in that it has the potential to be far more dangerous than most other sports kids engage in. And the coaching also requires far more understanding of the skill sets than most other sports.

 

[clark222]

I also think it is true of any sport. My dd is involved it two competative sports, gymnastics and cc skiing. My dh and I are also skiers and I am a former gymnast. With gym, it is easy to leave it in the gym. My gymnastics days are from an era that differs quite a bit from now. I often find myself biting my tongue and trusting her coaches. Even if I did know exactly how to fix something, it is simply not my role right now. I once let a "square your hips" comment slip out and felt guilty for a week...... I would much rather preserve the supportive parent role than help dd advance. Skiing is much harder. We ski together as a family and dd often asks for pointers. I am not a coach nor am I qualified to be one, although I also currently race, so I always feel stuck in these situations. Especially when I know I could give useful advice. I usually tell her to save it for her coach. Sometimes a little advice slips out and I am not too worried as even the worst advice is not likely to result in injury, like it could with gymnastics. During races (and gym meets) I never ever get advice. At that point, I am purely her supporter no matter what. How I wish all other parents did the same......

 

[ThaBigCheese]

As a dad of a gymnast and a competitive soccer/volleyball player and a former athlete and former coach, I tell you this as I used to tell my parents (when I was coaching, not my mom and dad!). You are not the coach, if you want to be the coach grab yourself a clip board and come out here and coach with me. You may very well know a lot and you may want to be a part of the process, but you have to guage your childrens reactions to your "coaching from the sidelines." Gymnastics isn't different, this is for all sports. If your kid wants to talk to you about their sport they will. My soccer/volleyball player thinks i have good insight into the game. She says I say exactly what the coaches say, only I take the time to explain it. My gymnast, doesn't like to talk about it as much. First, i don't know anything about the sport so I couldn't coach her if I wanted to, but mostly because she just has a different personality. My questioning usually goes something like this..."How was gym? Good. Good good, or just ok good? Good Good. Are you still having fun? yup. Cool." Then we go onto something else. I just remember back when I was playing and I had my coach yelling at me for something, parents on the sideline yelling stuff, then you have to deal with your parents giving you tips. That's a lot. I always say...let the coaches coach, let the parents parent and let the athlete....athlete.

 

[Gymdad2]

I agree with what's been said above, but also, the results or outcomes of most sports (figure skating and cheer being two exceptions I can think of) are determined by times or scoring events, not by judges. A goal in soccer is a goal, and there is no panel of judges watching to decide the value of the goal based on how well the player has performed it. Maybe this has something to do with the 'leave the coaching to the coach' attitude that does seem to be part of this sport.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Gymnastics is a very unique sport. Each movement is very complex and takes specialised training, but it can also be a very risky sport.

of course kids need to point their toes, but sometimes a coach does not want a gymnast to focus on that particular aspect at a particular time because they need them to focus on another. If a parent was to call out to the, to point their toes at that time, it could risk am injury.

also sideline coaching can lead to home coaching, which is very detrimental. If kids are being coached by their parents at home, unless their parent is a trained coach it can lead parents missing essential body shape problems and the child developing bad habits which at best can take a long time to break and at worst can cause a serious injury.

it can also lead to parents spotting at home, which can lead to child in a wheelchair!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

always appreciate and respect your posts ^^^.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

If kids are being coached by their parents at home, unless their parent is a trained coach it can lead parents missing essential body shape problems and the child developing bad habits which at best can take a long time to break and at worst can cause a serious injury.

it can also lead to parents spotting at home, which can lead to child in a wheelchair!

Many of the 'trained' parents have no clue either. take this drama mama for example... ACCIDENT: WORST gymnastics trampoline accident to supervised girl playing on the Springfree at home - YouTube

 

[iwannacoach]

I linked over to youtube to see the video, but couldn't watch farther than the first frame. I just didn't want to see the results of "darling daughter meet trampoline" part 1089746......... and counting.

I like the idea of parents being involved in a supportive role. There are some child/parent pairs that do well with a deeper role for the parent as a researcher, physical trainer, philosopher, and motivator. These roles don't always work when parents assume that ds and dd want their help, because the child has to be the one deciding those role....not the parent.

Kids have a way of wanting things on their own terms, and that's pretty frustrating when what they want contradicts the parent's hopes fortheir child. It gets to me too, because my kids are just that....kids. Many of them don't care about how it all started, can't remember how it started, and just went along for the ride until they were choosen for a team group. They find themselves in settings they need to grow into, and to do that they need to evolve as a person and athlete, but have no idea that's taking place. They simply know how they feel at the moment.

I don't know too many people who can say they've never been wrong about anything, and I think that statement should be weighed with respect to ongoing efforts to help our kids. That's my reasoning behind letting my kids "drive the car" when it come to activities. I see my role as the experienced hand ready to grab the wheel and hit the brakes when they're about to drive over a cliff.


As far as technical stuff goes. It's not a one size fits all situation. There are many well meaning coaches who have kids in their gym with potential and energy that exceeds their own.....even at the pre-school level, and many clubs where the staff is capable of providing everything the kid need....except the warth that comes from a pat on the back by mom or dad.


I think there are times when a child's technical needs aren't being supported by their coach, and switching gyms isn't an option. I these cases the only way to respond is to support both the child and coach by researching, as many of you do, and offering helpful information in a positive way.......Like hey coach, I stumbled upon this idea about that darn kip you and Suzie have been working so hard on......

Not every coach is going to work well with that, but if it's the only game in town, and you trust the coach to keep things safe while "processing" information that fell into your lap, oh say....at chalkbucket, then dig around these problem issues all you want....but only in that context. I know it's hard to leave it in the hands of the coach, but that's the way it is because gymnastics is so counter-intuitive that teaching at home by parents just isn't feasable. Just as an example.....I'm not too shabby as a coach, but still it took several years of study by trial and error, and more, to figure out a good working model of how to teach a back handspring.

 

[Krystan]

Yes and no.

Yes, gymnastics is different in that a well-meant comment can cause major safety compromises, as described above ^^^^. It requires a lot more technical expertise to coach, and one should never coach at home for safety reasons.

No, gymnastics is no different from other sports in that parents really should refrain from constructive criticism of any kind, especially when their child is on a team with a qualified coach already - in ANY sport. This sends a message to the child (who craves parent approval) that the sport is more about pleasing the parent than meeting their own goals, and can decrease their enjoyment in the sport. I've seen it in my ds who has banned my dh from soccer games because he simply couldn't resist giving him "tips" on the way home. It can be super-hard to resist, trust me I know. But IMO, parents should restrict their comments to parent-realm stuff like sportsmanship, behavior, fear/anxiety, effort, etc - the life lessons gym/sports can teach, and stay out of the technical stuff altogether.

 

[wallflower]

I think when they are very young and just starting you aren't going to hurt them by saying you need to tighten up a little. I'm as guilty as any parent when my daughter was just starting of saying oh honey you have a flexed foot here and there and generally she would listen and do it. Now that she is a level 6/7 I'm out! I have nothing to say. I'm just always hoping she will end on her feet not her head lol. So if we discuss gymnastics at all we discuss work ethic, listening, communication with her coaches. She's 7 and doesn't always get things and won't speak up when she doesn't understand. Her coach actually asked me to make her tell me what corrections he was giving her. He is always working on getting her to take his corrections and put them in her own words. She struggles to make corrections verbally. She works better being touched and shown physically than told. Maybe just her learning style, maybe just an age thing.

What I'm trying to say to the OP is that I think it comes with time. You realize you are no help to them as they climb the levels. All you can do is encourage hard work, help them set goals etc.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Many of the 'trained' parents have no clue either. take this drama mama for example... ACCIDENT: WORST gymnastics trampoline accident to supervised girl playing on the Springfree at home - YouTube

did anyone read the posts by this parent under the video? a complete moron. and i despise backyard trampolines anyway.

 

[Danica76]

did anyone read the posts by this parent under the video? a complete moron. and i despise backyard trampolines anyway.

Ok, I had to go look and read. What the heck!?!?! Complete moron is almost too kind, dunno! But, at least the kid was back competing within a month, which is more important than anything!

 

[iwannacoach]

Lawn trampolines serve a valuable service......they cover up areas areas that would otherwise need to be maintained. Beyond that I see no usefull purpose that I can embrace.....other than they help you reconnect with ER doctors and dentists.

 

[LoriLou]

Well, after watching that video we have instituted a new rule in our house. No gym on the trampoline. Jumping only. That was very scary to see. That poor child.