I have been struggling for a long time now but haven't really progressed at all in the last 2 years. If I am not injured I am consumed by fear and if I am not consumed by fear I am injured.
I also recently went from being top dog in my gym to being shoved aside for some girl who just throws tricks. Her form is bad but she literly has no fear to do anything. This has happened before to me with a young boy who later fell on his head and hurt his neck real bad. Now she is all they care about and the gym makes special considerations for her all the time such as begging judges to up there scores so she can move up. (which they did) obviously I am bitter about that, but all specifics aside it just feels really really bad to have worked your butt off for almost 5 years and give yourself completely to something just to be pushed aside for someone else.
I made it to Nationals for trampoline and tumbling although as of today the coach won't go for my tumbling so it would only be trampoline. I have a seperate thread debating if I should go or not but regardless I have decided I am going to train through the summer and decide if maybe I should just do this rec. or quit altogether this fall.
That was until yesterday when we (me and new girl) were working on a new skill. Of course she got it almost immediately with no fear and I balked as usual. I can'e just do things, I need time to wrap my mind around it and go progressions and then I have to be a big chicken and balk and have a melt down panic vestibular attack and then I'll do it. Then I will do it a few time and balk a lot more times and won't "have" it for a year. Then I will fear I am going to fall horribly and hurt myself and then I do, it always fulfills itself and then I will water everything down, break it all down and build it back up slowly all over again.
I still have a gleam of "fun" and I always have hope and don't want to give up. But it is more work than fun and I am never going to just chuck skills and I have to work and work and work I am not talented, natural or gifted and I have the feeling that just does not cut it anymore.
I know I am really bitter right now and I will not make a rash decision but I am growing tired of this and I either need to find that spark again or stop. I really want to find that spark. I remember how awesome the journey was starting out. How I could not want to get back to the gym, how I would count the minuets until class. How I felt so light and free jumping on that trampoline how nothing else in life mattered at that moment just me and air. It was the best I have ever felt in my life and I sincerely hope I can have that feeling again.
I don't know what I am looking for in posting this. Support, maybe similar stories or just to put it out there. Thanks for reading.
I also recently went from being top dog in my gym to being shoved aside for some girl who just throws tricks. Her form is bad but she literly has no fear to do anything. This has happened before to me with a young boy who later fell on his head and hurt his neck real bad. Now she is all they care about and the gym makes special considerations for her all the time such as begging judges to up there scores so she can move up. (which they did) obviously I am bitter about that, but all specifics aside it just feels really really bad to have worked your butt off for almost 5 years and give yourself completely to something just to be pushed aside for someone else.
I made it to Nationals for trampoline and tumbling although as of today the coach won't go for my tumbling so it would only be trampoline. I have a seperate thread debating if I should go or not but regardless I have decided I am going to train through the summer and decide if maybe I should just do this rec. or quit altogether this fall.
That was until yesterday when we (me and new girl) were working on a new skill. Of course she got it almost immediately with no fear and I balked as usual. I can'e just do things, I need time to wrap my mind around it and go progressions and then I have to be a big chicken and balk and have a melt down panic vestibular attack and then I'll do it. Then I will do it a few time and balk a lot more times and won't "have" it for a year. Then I will fear I am going to fall horribly and hurt myself and then I do, it always fulfills itself and then I will water everything down, break it all down and build it back up slowly all over again.
I still have a gleam of "fun" and I always have hope and don't want to give up. But it is more work than fun and I am never going to just chuck skills and I have to work and work and work I am not talented, natural or gifted and I have the feeling that just does not cut it anymore.
I know I am really bitter right now and I will not make a rash decision but I am growing tired of this and I either need to find that spark again or stop. I really want to find that spark. I remember how awesome the journey was starting out. How I could not want to get back to the gym, how I would count the minuets until class. How I felt so light and free jumping on that trampoline how nothing else in life mattered at that moment just me and air. It was the best I have ever felt in my life and I sincerely hope I can have that feeling again.
I don't know what I am looking for in posting this. Support, maybe similar stories or just to put it out there. Thanks for reading.