Parents Kicked out of Gym!

[nyc gym mom]

Yes so two weeks ago my DD kicked me out from watching her in practice. What a great bonding and growth experience it has been for BOTH of us. Here is the history for those interested:

DD trains 4 days a week (Total 16 hours). Typically I am in the gym 2 days a week (about 1.5 hours). I joined a gym for myself instead of sitting there the whole 4 hours. Going home is not an option due to distance if I go to my own gym. DD has never been one to look to or for me while in the gym. I am also not a parent that is trying to give my kid a thumbs up when she gets skills or make my presense known when she gets hurt or frustrated.

Two weeks ago she came out of the gym and was angry. She said,"Can you please not come back in the gym?" I said, "I can certainly honor that but I hear that you are angry or frustrated and it feels like it is being misdirected at me." She mumbled, "I am not angry with you".

The next day I texted her coach and said, "Good news DD kicked me out of the gym". Coach response, "Yeah, I am so proud of her." I told DD about the text from her coach and she said "Let me see the text". After that she proceeded to open up. She said, "It feels like an invasion of privacy when I am working and you can see me". My response, "I can certainly see that and as the skills get harder and you have to push through fear issues that arise, I agree. It is for you to work out with yourself, coaches and teammates. She then asked, "Can't you get all the parents to leave?" I said, I don't have any dog in that fight but I can certainly remove myself from the situation."

The anger she also relayed was that another gym parent that often yells out to her child that is in my DD group did so again that night. When the mom yelled out "Go Child name" once she arrived in the gym for pick up, My DD happened to be standing on beam struggling with a moment of fear of backhandspring on beam. DD said to me, "This is not a meet we are training".

Fortunately the coaches recently had a parent meeting to discuss issues of this sort and going forward they will address with the parents immediatly. I, however, have been kicked out of the gym and am so happy that DD continues to claim her journey. Freedom for her and for Me. Yippee

 

[GymmieC]

Yes, DD has said same to me. I go in to use the bathroom, but to linger I get the look of death. I like that she wants her independence, and I trust if a need or problem arises her coaches will contact me. We raise them to be independent.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Parents should just drop and go.

 

[skschlag]

I stay sometimes. I talk to my friends for 30 minutes or so at drop off. i will not drop and go, as we had issues in the past wtih a coach not showing up, or a cancelled practice. I make sure he has practice. Chat with my friends in the lobby. I get back with about 30 minutes to go. He likes to show me what he has learned, and us boy parents love the time together hanging out in the lobby with no other parents.

It is his thing. This is his sport. But I have my fun too. It is all a balance. And sometimes, teenage boys need a mom to kick them in the butt to get them moving. sigh. lol

 

[bookworm]

I don't mean to stir up trouble where there is none but this whole exchange strikes me as odd...from your description, you are not in the gym with your nose on the glass watching and you don't yell out to her ( like a parent you describe) , and you drive a good distance so going home isn't an option and it sounds like you try to keep yourself busy and not focused on her practice....and all of a sudden one day, she decides you're persona non grata and bans you from watching, and when you mention it to the coach, the response is " I'm proud of her"??!!

Sorry but something in this whole scenario isn't sitting right with me...for starters, I'm the parent who's driving you to gym and if I feel like sitting in there, I will, period. I may choose to occupy my time elsewhere but if there's no place to go, and I'm here for a practice, so be it. This is not to say that I sit for practices because I do not ( and I drive a long way and have to busy myself as well) but I have never been "kicked out of the gym" by my girls... I can't imagine them saying that to me....are you sure something else isn't going on?

 

[nyc gym mom]

I don't mean to stir up trouble where there is none but this whole exchange strikes me as odd...from your description, you are not in the gym with your nose on the glass watching and you don't yell out to her ( like a parent you describe) , and you drive a good distance so going home isn't an option and it sounds like you try to keep yourself busy and not focused on her practice....and all of a sudden one day, she decides you're persona non grata and bans you from watching, and when you mention it to the coach, the response is " I'm proud of her"??!!

Sorry but something in this whole scenario isn't sitting right with me...for starters, I'm the parent who's driving you to gym and if I feel like sitting in there, I will, period. I may choose to occupy my time elsewhere but if there's no place to go, and I'm here for a practice, so be it. This is not to say that I sit for practices because I do not ( and I drive a long way and have to busy myself as well) but I have never been "kicked out of the gym" by my girls... I can't imagine them saying that to me....are you sure something else isn't going on?

I think you are missing the bigger picture... Or not alluded to on my part. Several parents sit there day in and day out. I have a great relationship with the coaches and trust them. My kid has been even more engaged about gym and life in general. I feel good about it and a step in the ability of HER to have a polite real conversation with me about her passion. BTW, I have found I am more productive and can get more of my own work done sitting in the food court area all is good but respect your red flag!

 

[bookworm]

I think you are missing the bigger picture... Or not alluded to on my part. Several parents sit there day in and day out. I have a great relationship with the coaches and trust them. My kid has been even more engaged about gym and life in general. I feel good about it and a step in the ability of HER to have a polite real conversation with me about her passion. BTW, I have found I am more productive and can get more of my own work done sitting in the food court area all is good but respect your red flag!

And this is my point...you say all is good with you, your daughter and the coaches...you're not one who's there day and night...you find things to keep you busy away from the practice....yet your daughter feels the need to "have a polite conversation kicking you out of the gym" that is cheered by her coaches, and you're okay with this....sorry, I would not be okay with being treated like this, even if the conversation was polite. Just an observation but I think you are owed an apology...

 

[txgymfan]

It's good that you are busy during practice and. I agree with bookworm that it is not respectful of you to tell you where you can and cannot be. You are her parent and you are paying for gym. It s not "polite" to " kick you out of gym". That is not within her rights as a child.

 

[nyc gym mom]

I will stay with my original post ending. Yipee!!!

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I will stay with my original post ending. Yipee!!!

My daughter has asked me not to watch her practice because it makes her feel nervous and i completely respect this.

Yah for the parents getting all up in knots about being disrespected or whatever, "I pay for this, if i want to sit here and watch I will"....

Okay I am editing my post because i realize now it is bookworm who made those comments and i really respect her and her opinions and i know she is the parent of kids who have been all the way.

I still feel like i need to keep this my daughter's sport, empower her as much as i can.

 

[skschlag]

Oh, I don't watch! I might glance out there, and if my boy is not behaving, we will have a sign language conversation lol. But that is it.

I think for me, if my son said that i was NOT allowed to watch anymore, angrily, and that was cheered by the coach...I woudl wonder why. But, requesting that I not watch so much, or that if I do, I just sit, is no big deal. I think anytime a kiddo is telling a parent to not do something, that concerns me. (Don't look at my cell phone, don't come in my room, etc tell me that I probably need to do those things lol). But that is honestly a parenting style, and if it works for you, then YIPPEE is right. I am not sure I could do it but I like the other gym parents and we have a blast hanging out. (AC calls us the mom mafia!)

 

[duyetanh]

Everyone is different. Whatever works for you is your business.
For me, if my child kicked me out, when I am not a regular lurker?
She would need an attitude adjustment.

 

[txgymfan]

It is her sport and it is your time. Keep the respect both ways and everyone wins. Just remember it is not respect among equals. The respect a parent gives a child is different than the reverse.

 

[flipster]

May be it is a choice of words 'kicked out' that sounds strange? Perhaps it was intended as a joke.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

There's also a big difference between telling someone what they can and cannot do, and asking respectfully (and explaining why).... I would not have a problem if a my kid came to me and asked me for something. Telling me or in any way giving me orders is an entirely different scenario..!

 

[duyetanh]

It is her sport and it is your time. Keep the respect both ways and everyone wins. Just remember it is not respect among equals. The respect a parent gives a child is different than the reverse.

I don't like this, I love it. This does not mean dictatorship, it means parenting....which is the hardest job I have ever undertaken. And darn it, every time I am about to ace the class, they change the course requirements and teachers manual...

Eta: the coach's remark really irritates me, but that is just me.

 

[skschlag]

I don't like this, I love it. This does not mean dictatorship, it means parenting....which is the hardest job I have ever undertaken. And darn it, every time I am about to ace the class, they change the course requirements and teachers manual...

and there appears to be no graduation

 

[txgymfan]

Thank you! I appreciate your comments. I try so hard with my girls and showing respect is a constant lesson in our home, especially because of their rocky start in life. Bad influences leave a long shadow. I'm hoping tough, loving, positive influences will win in the long term.

 

[Faolmor]

I have the opposite problem. I'm trying to extract myself from watching and I have DD begging me to stay. (She's 6 and has anxiety issues, including Selective Mutism, so I think she's worried she might find herself in a situation where she has to speak but can't.)

I just take a book or sit on Facebook on my phone. If she told me she'd like me not to watch, I'd be okay with respecting her wishes. Respect works both ways in our house.

 

[bookworm]

Eta: the coach's remark really irritates me, but that is just me.

It's not just you....