Parents kicking kids out of practice

[skschlag]

I do have to say, the 4-5 times it has happened, it has worked for my son. Conditioning does not. He loves to condition.

AussieCoach: we had a little chat with coach about that situation. And the boys..about using their time wisely. They are 13-14. They should know better, but I agree..that was a coaching issue.

 

[gymdog]

No. I mean a lot of times they will say "I don't want to do this or that" or whatever, meaning conditioning or routines, not a fear, and I will say okay well you can call your parents, or...but no one takes me up on it

It would take something pretty egregious for me to kick someone out. Not watching kids on anything but the most basic stations (at which point they should still be in your sight line for accountability purposes) is simply not an option. Safety dictates that the coach must be watching and analyzing their highest level acro skills very carefully as even minor adjustments can have big consequences if those adjustments continue.

I mean if I tell them "your back leg is bent on your split" (i.e. a "harmless" error in form that doesn't necessitate me "canceling" the skill) and they say "but I'm straightening it/can't/UGH" I will say something like "well do you want me to tell you or you can't really do it? If you can't really do it then go do 10 XYZ/low beam/pit/whatever and try again. If you want me to help you then I need to be able to tell you what the problem is." And if they want to go do that or work on their own for a few minutes I will zip my lips about the harmless form error but I will still keep them in my sight and make sure they're doing something productive and safe. They would still ultimately be required to come back and do another routine or skill for me within 5-10 minutes. But I appreciate the need sometimes to just need a little space to work something out for yourself (with guidance) because some kids need that. So I try to offer that opportunity when we're clashing. But I can't see how it's safe or effective to declare you're not coaching a kid for the entire night.

I will also say to my group sometimes after repeating the same basic correction that they can already do to every kid, i.e. "Feet together between the two jumps" that I am only going to say each correction once and that's it. As I mentioned in other threads, I use a format where they do a certain number of something (usually with direct partner feedback) and then I test them to see if they're allowed to move on. So if I say it once and they are not listening, I just wait for the test and then if they don't do it I reiterate the correction and send them to repeat the assignment. They especially don't want that because when they finish their assignments they earn fun things with the remainder of the rotation. So just saying "okay I am only saying things once for the rest of bars and you will not pass if your legs are not together" is enough to make their ears perk up and bring the group back together.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I have only seen it happen because of behaviour with one kid. In this particular case it was a kid who would just simply refuse to do the assignments. Not complain, not throw a fit, just simply not do the rope climbs or bar warmup or whatever. After this going on for close to two years (not every practice, but enough to where it was very frustrating working with this kid) the main coach for that level resorted to sending her home a few times when she just wasn't doing what she was supposed to. Didn't happen often, I probably saw it 3-4times. Eventually that kid quit gymnastics, which was for the best unfortunately. Parents wanted it, kid was talented .... but had zero work ethic and didn't want to be there.

 

[Mom2-4]

We had one little 8 year old that the parents were called to pick up early. She had been warned the previous practice. She tends to act a little crazy and kicked up into a handstand ( not even doing handstands at the time) and kicked another girl in the face. The next week swung from the bars( not working bars either) and hurt the same girl. The Coach normally very sweet and calm. Had a severe talk with girl and parent about safety and had the girl write a note to the other hurt girl with an apology. This is a team gymnast not a new rec girl. She knows the rules .

 

[gymmomtotwo]

This makes me so incredibly sad. These poor kids. I don't know what else to say. And no, team kids never get kicked out to my knowledge. Most are extraordinarily disciplined compared to normal children. They do have time outs to collect themselves on bad days. To me it is unthinkable that a coach would simply announce something like this to the group.

I don't know how one would even calculate such a thing. I mean team dollars per hour are pretty low. One of the moms calculated how many practice hours the different girls had missed and it ended up being less than $100 as a whole....and that would be spread out over several families.

Another frequent strategy is that the coach declares they aren't coaching so and so that day. So everytime that gymnast does a routine or has a turn, she gets no feedback. Sometimes the coach doesn't even watch....the gymnast just gets ignored. My DD has actually had that used on her for not making necessary correction and that one is heartbreaking.

 

[Seeker]

I don't know how one would even calculate such a thing. I mean team dollars per hour are pretty low. One of the moms calculated how many practice hours the different girls had missed and it ended up being less than $100 as a whole....and that would be spread out over several families.

Another frequent strategy is that the coach declares they aren't coaching so and so that day. So everytime that gymnast does a routine or has a turn, she gets no feedback. Sometimes the coach doesn't even watch....the gymnast just gets ignored. My DD has actually had that used on her for not making necessary correction and that one is heartbreaking.

This is not okay. At all. Imagine the uproar if a teacher did something similar??

Unless there are severe and repeated issues with behavior or safety issues, this practice sets a horrible example for all involved. This method of "coaching" is deplorable IMO and I would never pay someone to treat my child this way (or watch it happen to other kids). Seems like the coaching staff is in over their heads. Maybe the reason the kids can't do what they're being asked is because the foundation isn't there or the coaching isn't up to par.

 

[gymbeam]

im surprised to read about so many discipline issues. we just don't see any at our gym. and its a big gym. twice i've overheard a rec coach telling a parent they needed their child to be a little more focused at the next class, but that's all i've ever witnessed- from rec on up to optionals. i also just asked my L7 daughter if she has ever seen anyone "get in trouble" and she said no. makes me very happy that we have such a positive environment. perhaps the program has been lucky to have a good crop of kids, or perhaps the coaches are just doing a great job making expectations clear- or both!

 

[gymisforeveryone]

I've never kicked anyone out but I've been close to. I had one particular group of girls, 13-15 years old, and they were being very stubborn, didn't make corrections, sat down and gossiped and giggled during practice, were being silly and always tried to get to use their mobile phones during water breaks. They were simply just not respecting me at all. I was young and it was my fist time coaching teenagers so yeah, it was partly my fault that the situation was getting so bad because I wasn't strict enough. I emailed the parents a lot, talked to the girls as a group and as individuals, and we even held a meeting with all the girls and the parents and discussed the situation. It didn't really help because the parent's didn't want to hear me.

After that meeting, when they still didn't do what I asked them to do at practice or were rolling their eyes or something I was several times really close to call their parents to come and pick them up. I also considered leaving myself early when they didn't want to be coached. But I wasn't brave enough to actually do that because I knew the parents would make a huge scene out of it. They just couldn't believe their girls were being do disrespectful. I wasn't enjoying it anymore so I asked if I could quit coaching that group altogether. It was one of the biggest decisions I've made as a coach. I was miserable because I had failed making that group work but on the other hand it was the only right decision.

 

[l.c.o]

At one point in my DD's gym career, she was in a program that didn't tolerate crying. When she did cry, she was told that there was no crying permitted in the gym, and when DD finally cried, she was told to stop or get out of the gym.

DD has not had a crying meltdown in the gym since. A few tears may leak out on occasion, but she trucks through. She saves the meltdowns for the moment she gets home.

I don't like the idea of tossing kids out if they're trying. Maybe their lack of making corrections is fear-based, and it's terrible to think of punishing their fear. Now, if kids are making a habit of screwing off, being unsafe, negative, being mouthy, etc, I can see using it as a last effort to curb the behavior.

But goodness - can I just say that sometimes the kids need to not take a rotation 100% seriously? Some of DD's coaches really do well with that - occasional safe/allowed goofing off time. Apparently, sometimes you just need to Whip Nae Nae, make up silly skills/routines, or screw off in the fresh snow. As a mom, I appreciate the silliness, though am admittedly glad that they're usually more serious than that. You work hard? Please go ahead and play for 15 min of floor/bars/beam time.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Happens for crying and disrespect on occaision at our gym - sometimes the crying is a get off the floor until you compose yourself and then come back instead of a call your parents thing. Usually in disrespect cases it's not the first offense either.

I think not applying corrections is an awful reason to kick someone out of practice. Gymnastics is hard and sometimes a kid needs to hear the same correction repeatedly before they finally get it. I'd be really upset if someone would punish my kid for something like that.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Another frequent strategy is that the coach declares they aren't coaching so and so that day. So everytime that gymnast does a routine or has a turn, she gets no feedback. Sometimes the coach doesn't even watch....the gymnast just gets ignored. My DD has actually had that used on her for not making necessary correction and that one is heartbreaking.

This along with the frequent kicking kids out is red flags all over the place for me. They are in many ways refusing to coach the kids. They are not doing their job. In no way should this ever happen unless extreme circumstances and as a last resort. Personally, I would leave.

 

[rgmom]

I think it depends on the circumstances of why the child is being kicked out of practice. However, if it's happening frequently, it's a huge red flag.
A few years ago, my daughter was kicked off the gym floor because "she wouldn't" straighten her arm. The coach screamed at her and dd was extremely upset because she did not know why she was suddenly unable to straighten her arm. Coach told her she was lazy and she should "quit" if she can't do gymnastics with straight arms. Turns out, her elbow was broken!!!!
The coach's cruel words were absolutely devastating to my daughter. She adored her coach, was always respectful and a hard worker and just a few weeks before, had just won the AA state championship. In hindsight, I should have walked out the door and never looked back. It took us two more years to finally do so.

 

[Orangesoda]

The gym we attend is super high volume and produces very successful gymnasts and I've never once seen a gymnast kicked out. Never. I'm sure it's happened, but it's not a regular tool used by coaches. From what I've seen, the gymnasts are too busy trying to please the coaches, work hard, and make them proud. I see a lot of mutual respect at our gym. Find a new gym.

 

[Seeker]

I think it depends on the circumstances of why the child is being kicked out of practice. However, if it's happening frequently, it's a huge red flag.
A few years ago, my daughter was kicked off the gym floor because "she wouldn't" straighten her arm. The coach screamed at her and dd was extremely upset because she did not know why she was suddenly unable to straighten her arm. Coach told her she was lazy and she should "quit" if she can't do gymnastics with straight arms. Turns out, her elbow was broken!!!!
The coach's cruel words were absolutely devastating to my daughter. She adored her coach, was always respectful and a hard worker and just a few weeks before, had just won the AA state championship. In hindsight, I should have walked out the door and never looked back. It took us two more years to finally do so.

Oh wow...that is awful. I'm sorry your daughter had that experience; happy that she's not having it anymore.

 

[rgmom]

Oh wow...that is awful. I'm sorry your daughter had that experience; happy that she's not having it anymore.

Thank you. We are now happily at another gym.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Do the coaches at your child's gym kick kids out of practice for different reasons? The reasons girls are being kicked out vary from disrespect, misunderstanding instructions, and fear of a skill. The girls are instructed to call home and have someone pick them up, not a "go and think about what you did" type of time out.

This has become an increasing occurrence at DD's gym and it is starting to create some friction from the parents. Some believe that they are paying the gym for a service but that refusing to coach their child entitles them to some sort of refund/credit. It's become a big enough issue that our gym has lost two gymnasts in the past 9 months over this practice.

Thoughts?

sometimes it's necessary. a necessary evil if you will. tell the parents to chill out. all gyms either kick them out or kick them out IN the gym and have them condition. sometimes it's the only way to get them to change their behavior.