Parents Looking for a coach's opinion

[sportsmommy]

I was struck by your comment about not wanting your DD to be treated as less important, and I think you may need to adjust your expectations. This is my observation and not meant to be disrespectful: plenty of kids on all sorts of teams are less important and naturally are treated that way because it is impossible to treat everyone the same, with the same amount of attention, time, and coaching. My DD is a 13 year old new level 5/6. She is not as important as the level 8,9,10s or the hot shot 9-10 year olds, even though she is somewhat talented, is hard-working, dedicated, focused, etc. She was even state champ at level 5 last year, but the fact is she is less important than some of the girls.

Also, eventually there is the point of dimishing return. The coaches can only try to get this skill from her for so long. Our gym has lost plenty of very talents gymnasts because they developed fear issues and simply would not do skills that they had the talent to do. Sometimes these kids had to do Prep Opt instead and many simply left gymnastics.

I truly hope you DD gets the beam figured out and has lots of success. I simply think you may need to adjust your desires for her, for your own sanity. Good luck to your DD!

I think deep down I know this is what is going to happen. I have older children that "sat the bench" in everything they did. It was the way it was. But they never had the passion she has. Plus, she completely loves her coach. She has had the same coach for about 5 years. I think it will hurt her if she think she doesnt "like" her anymore. It is going to be sad.
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[iwannacoach]

It sounds like everything you and the coaches can do has already been done, and I hope the move to excel works. Conditioning, coaching, and feeling like she's taken seriously aren't really things she needs to solve this problem, so moving to excel may be exactly what she needs.

I guess you could consider the adage "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" to reconcile the coach's change in plans for her in the context that to this point all other attempts have failed. Continuing forward with no change really is a broken strategy because she'll continue to grow in all areas but beam, and feel even more pressure to perform these skills. Not that pressure is always a bad thing when it's used briefly to bump a kid over an obstacle, but when it's part of a prolonged and frustrating process there's an increased likelihood for an injury caused by attempting skills with the process, pressure, and frustration dominating her thoughts instead of what she needs to do physically.

Hopefully the excell program will give her some mental "space" and let her do the skill in a more natural way.... the fun way.

 

[happychaos]

My DD is a 13 year old new level 5/6. She is not as important as the level 8,9,10s or the hot shot 9-10 year olds, even though she is somewhat talented, is hard-working, dedicated, focused, etc. She was even state champ at level 5 last year, but the fact is she is less important than some of the girls.

!

I just don't understand that... Why do you think it's okay for some gymnasts to be treated as "less important" than others? Less skilled...sure. Less natural ability.....sure. But on an individual basis each child has hopes, dreams, goals, feelings, etc., and those things are all important. If a 13 year-old has a goal to place top five at state as an L6, that is no less important than a hot-shot 8 year-old wanting to do the same thing. Now it doesn't mean that everyone should be trained the same, but a good coach is one who wants to see EVERY girl succeed, to the best of her ability. Good coaches encourage girls to do their best, set reasonable personal goals, and celebrate when they achieve their goals. My DD just left a gym where there was immense favorite-playing by the coaches, and it permeated every aspect of the program. A large group of girls recently left the gym because of this (all these girls capable of AA wins, and scores in the 37-plus range). We decided to leave after my DD's first AA win was totally sullied by the coaches pouting because one of their more "important" girls hadn't done as well as expected.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I just don't understand that... Why do you think it's okay for some gymnasts to be treated as "less important" than others? Less skilled...sure. Less natural ability.....sure. But on an individual basis each child has hopes, dreams, goals, feelings, etc., and those things are all important. If a 13 year-old has a goal to place top five at state as an L6, that is no less important than a hot-shot 8 year-old wanting to do the same thing. Now it doesn't mean that everyone should be trained the same, but a good coach is one who wants to see EVERY girl succeed, to the best of her ability. Good coaches encourage girls to do their best, set reasonable personal goals, and celebrate when they achieve their goals. My DD just left a gym where there was immense favorite-playing by the coaches, and it permeated every aspect of the program. A large group of girls recently left the gym because of this (all these girls capable of AA wins, and scores in the 37-plus range). We decided to leave after my DD's first AA win was totally sullied by the coaches pouting because one of their more "important" girls hadn't done as well as expected.

==
You left your gym when it sounds like the whole team was doing well because the coaches were upset that one of the top kids didn't do well????? So they worked super hard getting all the kids to do well (37"s!!!!) , put tons of energy into your child, helped her to win AA,,,, and now you are somewhere else.... "I just don't understand that"...

 

[happychaos]

She does know this. I know this. The coaches have done everything they can including giving her consequences and badgering. I know it must be frustrating for a coach to know a gymnast can do something but the gymnast wont because she doesnt think she can. I understand where the coach is coming from. I just dont want her to be treated less important because she is in excel instead of optionals. She works hard and has a lot of talent. She also is very passionate about the sport. She never gives up either. She gets on the beam every night there and tries to do it but she is just afraid. She may never get over it.

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Does your DD have a low beam she can practice on at home, with no pressure? Once she can do it on the low beam, she should be able to move to high beam with mats removed veeeerrrry slowly. I'm just a mom, not a coach, but for my DD the low beam we have at home has been a really huge help. DD is kind of a beam chicken, so she likes to work the kinks out at home, and then she looks like a rock star at the gym. Also, I'm sure your DD's coaches are great, but is there maybe a different coach at her gym that she could do a private with? I know a few girls at our gym have gone to other gyms and had privates while traveling, so maybe even try a different gym for a private? I just hate to think of a BWO fear ending her gym experience. She may regret it for a very long time. I am in my mid-30's and I still regret quitting when I did!

 

[happychaos]

==
You left your gym when it sounds like the whole team was doing well because the coaches were upset that one of the top kids didn't do well????? So they worked super hard getting all the kids to do well (37"s!!!!) , put tons of energy into your child, helped her to win AA,,,, and now you are somewhere else.... "I just don't understand that"...

Literally half of my DD's training group left for other gyms. And yes, they were a very high scoring team. They won every meet except one. Some things are more important than scores. One of them being how the girls are treated. Winning or not, I simply could not leave my DD in that environment. It seems like coaches always complain about "toxic" parents, but toxic coaches are very real as well. Although these coaches know how to produce high-scoring gymnasts, they DO NOT know how to produce confidant, secure, happy gymnasts. It's not really hard to understand I have kept in touch with a few of DD's former teammates moms who have gone to other gyms, and we are all so amazed at the difference in the atmosphere in the new gyms. Of the moms I'm in touch with, not one of us regrets the switch.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Literally half of my DD's training group left for other gyms. And yes, they were a very high scoring team. They won every meet except one. Some things are more important than scores. One of them being how the girls are treated. Winning or not, I simply could not leave my DD in that environment. It seems like coaches always complain about "toxic" parents, but toxic coaches are very real as well. Although these coaches know how to produce high-scoring gymnasts, they DO NOT know how to produce confidant, secure, happy gymnasts. It's not really hard to understand I have kept in touch with a few of DD's former teammates moms who have gone to other gyms, and we are all so amazed at the difference in the atmosphere in the new gyms. Of the moms I'm in touch with, not one of us regrets the switch.

==
If they are being mistreated then that's a different story and I would definitely agree with you. And that makes more sense then your original post.

 

[LizzieLac]

I just don't understand that... Why do you think it's okay for some gymnasts to be treated as "less important" than others? Less skilled...sure. Less natural ability.....sure. But on an individual basis each child has hopes, dreams, goals, feelings, etc., and those things are all important. If a 13 year-old has a goal to place top five at state as an L6, that is no less important than a hot-shot 8 year-old wanting to do the same thing. Now it doesn't mean that everyone should be trained the same, but a good coach is one who wants to see EVERY girl succeed, to the best of her ability. Good coaches encourage girls to do their best, set reasonable personal goals, and celebrate when they achieve their goals. My DD just left a gym where there was immense favorite-playing by the coaches, and it permeated every aspect of the program. A large group of girls recently left the gym because of this (all these girls capable of AA wins, and scores in the 37-plus range). We decided to leave after my DD's first AA win was totally sullied by the coaches pouting because one of their more "important" girls hadn't done as well as expected.

I once posted on here that I thought the HC/owner was nit picking my DD, correcting her more than some of the other girls. That made her feel she couldn't wasn't doing anything right. Almost everyone I asked about this said to me that I should worry if he WASN'T correcting her. I realized and told DD this is a sport ABOUT what you do wrong and if he didn't tell you what he saw, then we would have problems.

So, when I say she isn't the most important, it doesn't mean that she doesn't get the training everyone else gets. It doesn't mean the coaches don't care about her goals or development, and it doesn't mean they didn't care or didn't recognize her for winning AA. She is treated respectfully, she receives the same training as everyone else, is improving every day and is generally happy.

I guess this whole notion of "treated as less important" needs to be defined. What does it mean to be treated as less important? She isn't really treated any differently than the other girls she trains with, but I know because of her age and where how far she is likely to go coaches may think of her as less important. I think this is just reality.

 

[happychaos]

I once posted on here that I thought the HC/owner was nit picking my DD, correcting her more than some of the other girls. That made her feel she couldn't wasn't doing anything right. Almost everyone I asked about this said to me that I should worry if he WASN'T correcting her. I realized and told DD this is a sport ABOUT what you do wrong and if he didn't tell you what he saw, then we would have problems.

So, when I say she isn't the most important, it doesn't mean that she doesn't get the training everyone else gets. It doesn't mean the coaches don't care about her goals or development, and it doesn't mean they didn't care or didn't recognize her for winning AA. She is treated respectfully, she receives the same training as everyone else, is improving every day and is generally happy.

I guess this whole notion of "treated as less important" needs to be defined. What does it mean to be treated as less important? She isn't really treated any differently than the other girls she trains with, but I know because of her age and where how far she is likely to go coaches may think of her as less important. I think this is just reality.

I totally get what you're saying now, and I agree. If she is being treated well, and is being respected, then that's what is important. I suppose I am just sensitive to this because of my DD's situation coming out of a gym where the girls were repeatedly told and shown who was most "important". Sort of like the Dance Moms pyramid, but without pictures. You know how Chloe was always made to feel like she wasn't worth anything, even though she was an awesome dancer? My DD and the other girls who left the gym have been welcomed at other gyms with open arms. Sorry to Hijack your initial question! I hope that regardless of where your DD ends up, she is still viewed as important, because she is, and she deserves no less! I hope she just gets that dang BWO!!!!

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

OP, is your daughter remaining in the same training group with same days and hours available and just competing a different stream?

 

[sportsmommy]

OP, is your daughter remaining in the same training group with same days and hours available and just competing a different stream?

Yes. The different levels within the training group will have different things to do. All levels from 3 to optionals and all excel are at the same time but they are given different things to work on. We only have about 20 girls total. The girls can go as much as they want but the required hours is based on level.
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[LizzieLac]

I totally get what you're saying now, and I agree. If she is being treated well, and is being respected, then that's what is important. I suppose I am just sensitive to this because of my DD's situation coming out of a gym where the girls were repeatedly told and shown who was most "important". Sort of like the Dance Moms pyramid, but without pictures. You know how Chloe was always made to feel like she wasn't worth anything, even though she was an awesome dancer? My DD and the other girls who left the gym have been welcomed at other gyms with open arms. Sorry to Hijack your initial question! I hope that regardless of where your DD ends up, she is still viewed as important, because she is, and she deserves no less! I hope she just gets that dang BWO!!!!

I also think you're talking about coaches' favorites. I think this also occurs at many gyms. Teachers have favorites and bosses have favorites. It is human nature, so I try not to get too worked up about it. Sometimes it does bother me that the "favorites" sometimes get to take one extra turn or get just a little more of someone's attention.

I am pretty sure our coaches have favorites, but they do a pretty good job of keeping their attention evenly distributed.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

To Sportsmommy, just to leg you know my Pink and Fluffy has has back walkover on beam issues. She needs it to compete at the nest level and she has done it at home on her floor beam for months, but won't taken it into the gym. She can Do a Valdez on beam but isn't allowed to compete it as its a B and she is limited to A's. Daddy spoke to her last night and told her that it was either back walkover on beam or quit gym - progression or find something else less time and financially demanding.

Today she went off on her own to beam and did her back walkover on 5 clicks ( full height), then put it in her routine - so pleased, now to get her long upstart (kip) consistantly and we are set .

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