Parents Mean Girls

[Deleted member D3987]

I am so done with bullying on any level...my girls didn't experience much of it in their early years , and they were always the youngest in the optional group, but there were flashes of it as the years went by. I think it's terrible that a parent has to think of "what my kid could have done to precipitate this type of response from others"...sorry, that's just wrong...bullying is bullying, period.

What I'd really like to see , because i am hearing a lot more of it in the last few years with social media and stuff, is for USAG to put out some type of policy for gyms to have as backing ( and have gymnast and parent sign that they are aware of said rules) that basically states "bullying of any kind is not tolerated in gymnastics and if you do it, you're gone, end of story"....if kids started getting tossed from gyms with a one and done policy, I don't think you'd see it happening like it does now....

hi Bookworm, you know we usually think alike. my only comment, is for us club owners and coaches, it never ends. there is always the next generation of kids.

 

[bookworm]

hi Bookworm, you know we usually think alike. my only comment, is for us club owners and coaches, it never ends. there is always the next generation of kids.

Oh I totally get that there are always new kids coming behind the ones now but my point is if you set the standard that this is not tolerated in any way, shape or form or you're out, it should become standard behavior to NOT have bullying going on in your gym or any gym....

Kind of like when people used racist language in years gone by because "that's how things were" (i.e Paula Deen) , well there's a zero tolerance for that and swift repercussions for crossing that line....and there should be a zero tolerance for this as well...

 

[mommyof1]

absolutely let the coach know. and teach her how to Moutza! and when older, the middle digit.
*****
this is a plan that we approve with the parents so that they are aware of HOW we will solve the problem. and they must let their kids know that this method is for in the gym only.

Hahahahaha--I would love to see an angelic-looking little pixie try this!

 

[Midwestmommy]

Anyone else read Winter of the World by Ken Follett? I finished it recently. A good reminder on what the human race is capable of. And an argument if I've ever heard one on why bullying is nasty and evil. Hope has to be instilled from parents to kids that we can be better than that.

 

[iwannacoach]

Well that's great! Now I'll have to be very mindful when telling somebody which salute I'm referring to when I salute them here on chalkbucket. So here's to you, dunno ,,!,,

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

hahahahaha! Dunno, you made me laugh out loud! Talk about a creative solution! The only issue I see is when it's not really "bullying", but a younger child might feel inferior or have their feelings hurt based on their naïve perception of what is happening. If it truly is bullying, then this sounds like an effective and pragmatic approach! Sounds like you have ways to discern which is going on (and probably know who the bullies are). Some kiddos would no be mature enough to handle the "responsibility" of knowing when it is appropriate to use the indicated salute!

When Kipper was 8 and joined a group of mostly older girls (10-15), we went through the same thing. She is very friendly, and this was the first time she had dealt with "catty" remarks. Most of her early complaints were how the girls talked about each other..yet still said they were "friends". It didn't take long for her to wonder what they were saying behind her back! Talk about a life lesson opportunity! This progressed to complaints of the older girls trying to "coach" her and offering plenty of criticism. Once she mentioned an older team mate touching her during a skill, I decided to stick around to see what was going on, and discovered this group had a LOT of unsupervised time. I visited with the coach, and the situation improved...and I put our gym search into high gear. Things did improve as the group accepted her, but she continued to tell me stories of the "mean" way the girls treated one another.

 

[happychaos]

absolutely let the coach know. and teach her how to Moutza! and when older, the middle digit.

and based on your previous posts, you probably won't agree with me.

but, it works every time. cause after the kid gives the Moutza or middle digit, the bully comes running to us to snitch on that kid that gave them the hand gesture, whereby snitching on themselves. as you stated, this usually goes on "below the radar". this is so true and we coaches can't catch this stuff all the time.

you see, we then call over the kid that gave the hand gesture. we inquire as to why he/she performed that hand act. and the kid states that "so and so" called her fat and ugly.

of course, initially, the bully denies it. but then we question the bully as to why the other kid would just inexplicably give them the Moutza or finger. they finally fess up. and we let the bully know that each and every time the one that is being bullied by them will give them the Moutza or finger. the 2 then become best friends and allies cause receiving the Moutza or finger is much more humiliating than being bullied AND it empowers the one being bullied.

this is a plan that we approve with the parents so that they are aware of HOW we will solve the problem. and they must let their kids know that this method is for in the gym only. it's more intimate, understand? and in this way, the one being bullied does not have to be the one that snitches also. that's double pressure. we can ALWAYS depend on the bully snitching. try it and you'll see. and what about the bully's parents you ask? you really think the bully goes home and tells their parents what happened?? no way. lol.

and some of you will disagree. and yes, happychaos's daughter is only 9. but she's being pushed around by middle schooler's. unfair fight. the hand gestures level the playing field and out the bully. over time, most gyms will just kick out the bullies. i don't think this is productive as it does nothing to solve that person's problem that they are having with themselves. bully's bully for a reason.

and i don't want people to think this is a regular occurrence for our gym. it's not. and used in only special circumstances. but it works. kids will be mean.

one of my strongest (empowering) memories was watching my Mother (Italian) give some guy the finger in the grocery store back in New York when i was a child. the look on his face is is etched in my mind for all time.

Dunno, you have brought a smile to my face! The thought of my sweet DD pulling out her middle finger is just...funny. And the idea of me instructing her to do it is just not something I ever imagined doing. I always figured I would need to teach my kids NOT to do that I'd have to have DD practice on me, so that she could do it with a decent amount of chutzpah. I mean, if you're going to give the finger, you need the attitude to back it up, right? As for the moutza, we used to do this in college while saying (with lots of attitude), "tell it to the hand 'cause the face don't wanna hear it". I'm sure DD could pull this off!

But I do see where you're going with this. I think you're saying that my DD needs a way to respond to the mean girls herself, with the coaches approval. And I'm very glad to hear that you, a coach, would want to know what was going on. I just don't want to be a pesky, over concerned mom. Thank you.

 

[Midwestmommy]

While I laughed very hard at the creative solution, and agree with standing up to bullies and meanies, I just could not ever encourage our daughter to give someone the finger. And there are unfortunately a handful of countries in the world where a female giving that other hand gesture would be very dangerous, not that I want her to go any of those places. But I also wouldn't want to teach her to do it....in case she a famous journalist or diplomat or something one day.... Need a third alternative.....

 

[wgymmom]

I'll go back and read the whole thread, but so much sounds exactly like DD's situation. She was new to the gym and didn't do preteam and made it right onto team. She also outscored almost every single girl in her level on a consistent basis. She's slightly young in this group of girls, and the offenders are 11, close to 12. We homeschool, but we also live far from the gym, so even if she did go to school, she still wouldn't have that in common with the other girls. And I have had that thrown out there by a staff member; that she doesn't fit in because she's homeschooled.

 

[tennesseesunshine]

I have the same problem. My dd is 7. The girls in her class are mean. My dd is homeschooled. I've always taught her to treat everyone like she wants to be treated, and she does....very sweet girl and loves everyone. She loves to talk to girls and play when possible.

Just yesterday, their coach told everyone to line up smallest to biggest, like they always do. One of the girls told my dd "I wish you wern't her so I could be first", and stared her down with a hateful face.

One day they made fun of her and made her cry. We left practice right in the middle. I wasn't sure she was going to come back. They have no reason to make fun. She is beautiful, bright and talented.

I 'm sure a lot of you mom aren't going to like what I have to say, but I think most public school kids are just mean. They learn to be mean when they go to school. Now I didn't say ALL, but most. I think parents , for the most part, try to teach their kids to be kind. But its not working. As soon as they hit those school doors, the claws come out just so they can survive. I don't think its all because of the kid, but the environment they are put in.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I 'm sure a lot of you mom aren't going to like what I have to say, but I think most public school kids are just mean. They learn to be mean when they go to school. Now I didn't say ALL, but most. I think parents , for the most part, try to teach their kids to be kind. But its not working. As soon as they hit those school doors, the claws come out just so they can survive. I don't think its all because of the kid, but the environment they are put in.

I just think you're totally wrong--I believe the percentage of "mean" girls in public (or private) school is just as high as with homeschooled kids, but you don't see that because you see very few homeschooled kids at gymnastics. I have friends who have had kids in day groups with all homeschooled kids and those girls can be just as nasty and catty as any other group. Maybe it's a group of kids in a competitive situation that brings it out, but I don't think the solution is to separate everyone.

 

[GymBeeMom]

I have no doubt your homeschooled children are much more perfect than the thousands of well educated loved children that are in public school. Its like saying most homeschooled kids are not well-socialized...you know this is an unfair generalization. As the mother of homeschooled and public schooled children, I truly believe your generalization is grossly unfair and completely unkind. All kids have instances where they make good and bad choices, they are kids. As an adult you should be more openminded and as a homeschool teacher you may want to understand child/human development. Your comment wasn't exactly "nice" and you are an adult.

 

[aerialriver]

It is a stereotype to say all public school kids are mean. I truly think they learn how to defend themselves better than homeschooled kids. We have classes just for home schoolers and my experience is they tend to be weaker minded and more easily hurt emotionally than public schoolers. Its strange.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

"can't touch that..."

 

[2G1B]

Hm. My kids are all public school kids and all 3 are very sweet kids. They have friends (and team mates) who are home schooled and most of them are nice. But some of them aren't. I really do think that sometimes it just happens when you get kids together into a competitive environment. Some will still cling to trying to be nice; but there will be a few who can't manage the balance and decide to be more competitive rather than nice.

 

[tennesseesunshine]

I have the same problem. My dd is 7. The girls in her class are mean. My dd is homeschooled. I've always taught her to treat everyone like she wants to be treated, and she does....very sweet girl and loves everyone. She loves to talk to girls and play when possible.

Just yesterday, their coach told everyone to line up smallest to biggest, like they always do. One of the girls told my dd "I wish you wern't her so I could be first", and stared her down with a hateful face.

One day they made fun of her and made her cry. We left practice right in the middle. I wasn't sure she was going to come back. They have no reason to make fun. She is beautiful, bright and talented.

I 'm sure a lot of you mom aren't going to like what I have to say, but I think most public school kids are just mean. They learn to be mean when they go to school. Now I didn't say ALL, but most. I think parents , for the most part, try to teach their kids to be kind. But its not working. As soon as they hit those school doors, the claws come out just so they can survive. I don't think its all because of the kid, but the environment they are put in.[/quote


Just my opinion...I stand by it!!

 

[tennesseesunshine]

It is a stereotype to say all public school kids are mean. I truly think they learn how to defend themselves better than homeschooled kids. We have classes just for home schoolers and my experience is they tend to be weaker minded and more easily hurt emotionally than public schoolers. Its strange.

My dd has been taught to walk away from girls who are being mean to her if possible...it takes a strong minded person to do that.

 

[tennesseesunshine]

I have no doubt your homeschooled children are much more perfect than the thousands of well educated loved children that are in public school. Its like saying most homeschooled kids are not well-socialized...you know this is an unfair generalization. As the mother of homeschooled and public schooled children, I truly believe your generalization is grossly unfair and completely unkind. All kids have instances where they make good and bad choices, they are kids. As an adult you should be more openminded and as a homeschool teacher you may want to understand child/human development. Your comment wasn't exactly "nice" and you are an adult.

I 'm a product of the public school system.

I have no doubt your homeschooled children are much more perfect than the thousands of well educated loved children that are in public school. Its like saying most homeschooled kids are not well-socialized...you know this is an unfair generalization. As the mother of homeschooled and public schooled children, I truly believe your generalization is grossly unfair and completely unkind. All kids have instances where they make good and bad choices, they are kids. As an adult you should be more openminded and as a homeschool teacher you may want to understand child/human development. Your comment wasn't exactly "nice" and you are an adult.[/quote

 

[Quadqueen]

That's a ridiculous over-generalization, Tennesseesunshine. I certainly hope you aren't feeding that stereotype to your homeschooled children.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion Tennesseesunshine, but how is helpful to share that here? In my opinion it is usually the few who ruin it for the many, and possibly you have known some mean girls who happen to go to public school. I take offense, and I don't even send my kids to public school. Try to see the good in every child, and teach your daughter that. It will serve her better in life.