Parents Mixed messages taking a toll

[B.Gold]

It's not fair to any parent, who is not 100% on board, to be forced to go along with the lifestyle and sacrifices required of this sport. Im not saying thats what's happening here but Who cares what it looks like to the gym should a mother try to squeeze in some time with her dd causing her to be late or miss a day. Who cares.... seriously. I know if my dd misses a day... more coaching time for the next kid.

 

[rosiekat]

@blueredzone, I don't necessarily disagree that part of the stress for OP is that a commitment has been made to a team and OP's wife doesn't appear to be fulfilling that commitment as well as she can. I completely agree that a commitment to a team is a mostly "sacred" commitment, lol. But frankly, commitment to gymnastics is a whole different beast than commitment to your (average) soccer or baseball team or whatever. OP's wife may have been ready for "normal" commitment, but not gymnastics commitment.

Also (assuming from your avatar that you are male), men and women do often communicate differently. With all respect, what you are seeing as the OP's very valid stresses includes some things that set women's gears turning...things many of us can relate to on some level, and can *maybe* help interpret. I will be the first to admit that many women have a hard time coming out and asking for what we need/want. I don't think they need to rush to counseling, assuming the issues discussed are pretty thorough, but I do think it sounds like the two adults need to get some better communication going.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

For the record I take our families commitments very seriously. We are on time for doctor and dentists appts, and I expect to be taken on time. We do our best to arrive on time for gym and attend practice. And sometimes SH. We all show up to work, school and other activities. And some times we need a day off. The kid, my husband and myself. And PS regarding gym I am the customer and my check always clears. Whether we are there or not.

But hmmmm. Which is a bigger commitment.

Gym or my and my husbands and I commitment to each other?

Would I rather a cranky coach or cranky husband.?

I gotta go with family/husband

 

[z2akids]

While I swear I am not stalking the OP, I did feel an affinity for him and his family and remember him from earlier posts because their situation was a little parallel to mine. If I recall correctly, the OP's wife was recently in nursing school. (I went back to school to become a nurse after having a family). My guess is that she has gone back to school for a career change and her new job is likely her first nursing job. My previous post referred to the stress of a new job in the nursing field with a family and crazy 12 hour shifts. In addition, the OP has mentioned in the past that they try to keep their DD involved in the family by missing practice for Church and sibling activities. I don't know if the late drop offs or missed practices are in addition to the previously mentioned reasons. But, it may be that OP's wife feels it is accepteble to be late or miss at times to spend time with mom if it is has been okay to miss for Church and sibling actuvities.

I could be projecting my family's personal stressors from my early days as an RN after over a decade as a stay at home mom, so I apologize OP if this isnt at all analogous. But, in case it is, I understand those stressors and really suggest that OP and his wife take some time to evaluate her place and concerns with their new reality and then figure out how gymnastics fits into that reality. After all, no matter how talented, family is forever and gymnastics is finite.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Perspective is so interesting because my perspective is its not the mom being selfish in this scenario. My heart goes out to this hard working mom who wants to spend time with her dd. I think if proudad found some common ground the well wouldn't get tainted.

Family first.... after all-gymnastics is just an after school activity, right?

Eta: proudad... the positive is you'll know soon enough if your dd wants this badly enough, because a girl with true elite potential will give up just about everything to achieve it.... even a positive relationship with her mom.

Thats,,, pretty much what I said, Family first and you can't blame the mom,, I think you just read it wrong.

 

[B.Gold]

Coachp My sincere apologies, I read ....parent, yadda yadda yadda, selfish..yadda yadda, come to her senses... and then I filled in the context.

This topic has struck a chord with me because there have been several times I have wanted our family to be done... that if I knew what we were headed into I could have diverted this in some way and because I recognize the selfishness on my part derailing my dd now I grin and bear it, and relish in the moments that are truly great. But I am fervently supportive, and a bit jealous of, any parent who doesn't support this commitment wholly from the start.

 

[Madden3]

See I do not think both parents have to be 100% on board, or on the same page, all the time. Frankly I think a balance is healthy (insert yin/yang symbol)
My husband and I switch off on who is more "on board" for the gymnastics. My complaint is the expense. His is the time. How strongly we feel about either ebbs and flows.
When one of us is feeling frustrated with gym we discuss it with the other parent and get their perspective. This has worked well over 6 years of two boys in gymnastics.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

There is ebb and flow, yin/yang.

And then there are bigger concerns.

Just sounded to most like they aren't doing the communicating part

 

[Madden3]

Obviously communication was not happening, which is why like most everyone else, I stressed the importance of parent to parent communication. I even italicized!

 

[ProudDad]

I would like to thank everyone for their input... it is exactly what I asked for and yes I knew that I was chromosomally outnumbered in this forum, hence my desire to get a wider perspective than my own "male-engineer perspective" *waits for boos and hisses to die down* I intentionally left things sparse so as not to color the situation any more than just presenting it would and I do feel that the comments have been very valuable on despite the sparse details - even ones that were way off on the assumptions gave me insight and provided a path to a different perspective. So again, thank you.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I would like to thank everyone for their input... it is exactly what I asked for and yes I knew that I was chromosomally outnumbered in this forum, hence my desire to get a wider perspective than my own "male-engineer perspective" *waits for boos and hisses to die down* I intentionally left things sparse so as not to color the situation any more than just presenting it would and I do feel that the comments have been very valuable on despite the sparse details - even ones that were way off on the assumptions gave me insight and provided a path to a different perspective. So again, thank you.

Glad you found value somewhere

Again we don't know or are we entitled to your personal family dynamic.
If some of us gave stuff to ponder and chew on great.

Glad you kept an open mind and didn't take anything personal.

I am sure you will get it all figured out as a family.