Parents mom needing advice about other moms

[jewel7275]

I need advice. I am a mom of a soon to be level 6 gymnast. She is the only girl in her gym being moved up to level 6 and the mom's of the level 5 girls are all giving me the cold shoulder now. Any suggestions how I deal with this maturely? My daughter is a very hard worker and the only girl with all her level 6 skills in our gym. The other moms are starting to really tick me off becasue I am seeing that their daughter's are adopting the same attitude toward my daughter. Help me if you can.

 

[NOG]

That is really a shame! While I'm sure that they are disappointed that their dds have not moved up, I would think they would be happy for your dd. I know that I would be. Maybe when the subject is brought up, you can say something positive about repeating L5...like wow! Your dd will really rock level 5 this year. Or your dd will really dominate level 5 this year. Try to be postive about their dds staying back at 5. It is really tempting to lower to their level of maturity, but this would really serve no purpose in the long run. They may get over their own pettiness, but not if things escalate. Not sure if you care about that, seeing as they've proven that they really have no interest in your dds success or happiness, but just in case you do.... I'm sure they are just bitter about their dds not being moved up and will get over it soon enough. Try to have your dd adopt the same attitude (it will be hard...I'm sure she doesn't understand why they are being to cold towards her). Explain they are just jealous and feeling sad about not moving up (probably don't know how to express their own disappointment properly) and will get over it soon enough.

This too shall pass....and hopefully soon, lol. Good Luck!!!

 

[bogwoppit]

That is certainly some ugly behaviour.

So let me just say how impressed I am that your DD has made it to L6, that is a huge achievment, you both have much to be proud of.

So back to the ugly stuff, sadly many gyms are full of this type of parent, and with it comes their children who are being trained to be just as awful. I think all you can do is continue to behave well. Be polite, civl and respectful and it will only reflect on how rude they are being. Hopefully they will feel badly enough to cease acting like babies.

Jealousy is always ugly in any form. Explaining to your DD is a good thing, for her to understand that they wish their girls were doing as well as she is will help her understand, though not empathise.

As NOG said they will get over it once the season begins as they will be so wrapped up in their DD's beating the other L5's that your DD won't matter.

I often find it amusing that parents do not realise that gym is an individual sport, girls advance at their own pace and they quit in their own time. Expecting that the gym path will be the same for every child is just ridiculous.

Good luck, and remember that you can always come here for some support, we are always happy to share in your joy.

 

[jewel7275]

Thank you so much for your support. You really have helped me. Sometimes you feel like you are all alone. I welcome your support and friendships. So glad I found this site!!!

 

[jewel7275]

Thanks so much for your support. It is a hard thing to deal with. She is only 10 and the other girls are all 11 and up. They are making it difficult for me to enjoy this time. But you are right. They will get over it and I will be the bigger person. Thanks so much.

 

[canadiangymmom]

Welcome!

Congrats on the move to level 6! That shows that not only is your daughter a hard worker, but a talented young lady!

As you've already heard, being the bigger person is the way to go, and based on your post, you already knew that. Keep things as friendly as possible with the moms, and if there are a couple of girls your daughter has been close to in the past, an invitation to have them over for an afternoon could go a long way towards rekindling a friendship. Sometimes just changing the venue can do wonders, ex-outside of gym, they're not gymnasts, they're just a bunch of 10 and 11 year old girs who love Jonas Brothers and ice cream

Good luck with the moms. Don't fret if you can't win them all back, honestly, some aren't worth the trouble Keep us up to date on your situation. Between the 4000+ of us, I'm sure we can brainstorm and come up with a few more suggestions!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Congrats on your dd making it to level 6!!! I have a 10 year old as well and she is competing Level 5 (MDL Level A) this year. UGH!! Yes--that behaviour is very ugly and unfortunately many gyms have parents like that. I have run into my fair share of parents like this in the cheerleading world and it can get downright vicious. These types of people usually end up either creating their own demise with their negativity or end up quitting the sport because they are NEVER happy with where they are or what their dd's are doing. The best thing to do is just try to ignore the snubbed noses and jealousy and as they say "kill them with kindness".

Remember--you can always vent to us because we understand the ups and downs of gymnastics and "we get it".

(((hugs))) to you and dd!!!

 

[NotAMom]

This may not be the answer/support that you're looking for...

After having children being in competitive environments for years, I can tell you that this is pretty normal behavior. This can also come from best of friends and it does not have to be anything competitive. I have to be honest that I dish out my share of bitterness at times as well (although not as blatantly I hope). That is when I have to stop and think about how deserving it is for the child (or not).

With that said, I wouldn't worry about it too much. The jealousy may pass or it may not but the next time you child comes out ahead again, it's likely that you'll get the same cold shoulders from the parents again. What's important is that your child is not affected by any of this. It may have to take some effort to make that happen.

 

[Blackie6]

Just wanted to say CONGRATS for your DD getting to L6! Can't believe you made it all the way up there without seeing any of that behavior before, LOL You would think that most of the girls in that group would have been a little bonded as friends getting thru L4 & L5 and been happy for your DD, but there will always be those that are jealous. I say just try to be yourself, maybe make some new friends.....as long as your DD is happy where she is at and enjoying the rewards of her efforts try not to let it bother you.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

That is a shame. We are luckly we have not experienced this in our gym. My daughter and her friend were held back in level 4 last year they were still very close with the girls who moved up even went to their state meet to cheer them on. This year one of the 6 is going to test out and move up everybody is happy for her she is really talented and both the gymnasts and parents know it. Maybe because our gym is small we have more of a team mentality. I can not understand the parents wanting their daughters to move up if they are not ready. I think it is great that your daughter moved up because obviously she deserved it. Congratulatons to your daughter and I hope the parents and gymnasts come around.

 

[NotAMom]

PGM, it's not about the girls but the parents. Being supportive of each other is the norm for teammates at our gym -- especially those competing at the same level. And, I would expect the same elsewhere as well. With that said, there could still be one or two who just have to ruin it for everyone else.

 

[Ingwe]

I am sorry that those parents are acting in that manner. Hopefully you can bond with the L6 parents.

My DD was moved from L5 to L7 (the only one) My VERY good friend was horrible to me. To the point where she would avoid me at the gym, back out of things we were supposed to do outside of gym if I was going to be there etc. I just rode it out and she finally got over her issues. I came to the realization that she really wasn't a true friend. I am nice to her and still will do things in a group outside of gym(because our DD's are very close) but will never look at her in the same way. It still blows my mind away that an adult can be "jealous" of a 10 yr but I guess there are people out there who feel that their children's accomplishments some how make them look better. You know what is even sadder?, when my DD was told she was being skipped to L7 the first thing she said was "miss ........... " is going to hate me. How nice is that?

 

[bogwoppit]

You need a license to have a dog, but children, anyone can have them. No wonder we have wars in this world.

To quote the Black Eyed Peas..."Where is the love?".

 

[Flippers Mom]

Congratulations to your dd on making level 6! We faced much this same situation at our old gym. When Flipper was the only child moved up to level 6, she started getting rude comments from the girls that stayed at level 5. Parents also made thoughtless comments to me. You can be thankful you didn't hear some of the stuff put on her when she quickly moved to 7 while they were at 5. Additionally, she was the only optional level gymnast at our very small gym. The girls came around, but their parents didn't make it possible for any of the girls to attend a single meet for Flipper. She went to EVERY meet alone at level 6 & 7 - without a friend to cheer for her. While she and the girls at the gym worked things out, she finally decided that she wanted to go to a gym where she could be on a TEAM and get some support from teammates. Once we announced that she was leaving, every family on the team managed to make it to her last meet to cheer for her. Lovely, but a little late. We've been gone for 5 months and she is still very close with the girls from the gym and many of the parents have mended fences also (they need our help with fundraising, like working at the carwash they had last weekend). My guess is that, given a bit of time, the kids will come around. Parents might take longer, but they'll probably drive their kids out of the sport or finally see that this level stuff isn't personal and work through their jealousy given enough time and space.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Congrats to your DD!!!! Please don't let how the other parents are acting dampen your or your DD's enthusiasum! Change is hard for everyone, especially at "move up time". Oh, the stories I could tell you!!!!! But it would just be too long,LOL! What it all boils down to is--no one really explains anything to anyone & may parents just flounder & as a result...act poorly, especially in the compulsory levels. There needs to be a handbook or manual of proper gym parenting. It should be handed out at all gyms at the 1st "Tiny Tots" class you sign DD up for,LOL!!!! My experience has taught me that as the years go by, everyone tends to blend easier. The levels all get "mixed" as some will progess faster & some slower(due to injuries or fear issues,etc. not just due to skill issues). Gymnasts from other gyms will switch to your gym. Some girls will leave the gym or quit totally & the ones that are left, no matter level they are, will bond more closely. The distinct lines you see now between levels will become increasingly blurred in optionals & that is a good thing! So be the bigger person here, the leader & guide the other parents(they need guidance). Cheer for their DD's & encourage them b/c they are all teammates, no matter what level they are competeing. Their children(and yours) are watching and learning from their parents...every moment is a teaching moment. Good luck to you & your DD!!! And congrats again!!!

 

[cathiann]

So sorry you and DD have to experience that kind of behavior--and even sorrier than it's apparently very prevalent at some gyms! I'm glad to say it isn't like that at our gym (at least not from anyone I chat with).
As others have said--I'd just pretend they weren't behaving that way! Be friendly and cheerful, just like always--ask how their DDs are doing at practice--try to make plans with them, if your DD wants to and has done so in the past. Hopefully they'll get over it--and in the meantime, you can befriend some new level 6 parents too. You'll be sitting by them for a lot of meets, get to know them early .

 

[Gymnasticsgirl521]

Parents can so be out there. I would ignore them. It appears that their feelings are hurt. I swear things run hot and cold in our gym you just have to watch those people. We are in a unique situation that DD is a second year 4 and I am finding it hard to let some of the newbies in. I talk to them but it just isn't the same. I find I still hang with our team from last year. I am sure I and DD will get more bonded with them as the season goes on but change is hard. I would talk to those that are the closest to you and maybe let them know how odd it is that you are not with them on the same team even try complimenting their daughters to help break the ice. I am sure it will all work out in the long run.

 

[Mom2Brats]

Aw, that's hard. I think sometimes as mom's our instinctive "mother bear" instinct kicks in and we want to defend out child. Unfortunately, some people deal better with the instinct than others.

I've only gotten one really snide remark from another parent. All these mean, spiteful things to say back came into my head but I managed to restrain myself. I'm sure that they'll get over it and things will go on but it's hard in the meantime.

 

[Dallas Gym Mom]

Just a thought

I totally agree with all the posts especially the one about this mostly going away when your kid gets to Optionals. (Thank heavens!)
That being said, we encountered that type of behavior at a previous gym primarily because there were no hard and fast rules about moving up. It was all done on the HC's say so, which led to complaints about favoritism and resentment about which kids were moved up. Parents were completely in the dark about mobility requirements because nothing was in writing.
Our present gym has a chart posted on the wall that lists the skills necessary for moving up and if the gymnast has them then move up is automatic. That way it is fair and no parent has ever complained or resented other gymnasts. (The parents who were unhappy would just schedule some privates if that would help their kid to get the skill.)
Some gyms also have attendance charts and require certain meet scores in addition to a skills list.