Parents Need advice

[CCGymbug]

Oh, and what I forgot to mention was the parents that were upset were at practice so saw but could not necessarily hear everyone that went on and there still was a big misunderstanding

 

[Flyaway]

I would ask to speak to the coach and express your concerns and clarify what happened. Can you hear what is being yelled? Is the coach just trying to make sure everyone hears or is it putting down and bullying? I would not be happy with a bully for a coach but many coaches do raise their voice. I would be most concerned about what came out of his or her mouth more. We have a couple of younger girls that are just criers. I also came up against parents who hated a coach that I loved because they thought she was harsh with the girls when in reality they misinterpreted what was happening. Girls were made to condition extra when they would not stop talking, ignoring rules and not doing what they were supposed to do. The parents asked their kid and only got 1/2 the story. Now this is a professional person who coaches for free (in exchange for kids tuition) because she loves it, she loves the girls and wants to help them succeed. She could afford tuition, this is for true love of sport and kids. When I heard the parents frustration with this coach I explained all of this and why she did x and how z was a misinterpretation. On the flip side I addressed concerns with said coach and she was horrified and worked to reign in "the yelling." She now has become one of the most loved coaches. On the flip side a really close friend was at a gym where all the coach wanted was a win and spent a significant amount of time the class post states yelling her disappointment with the girls getting 2nd place (out of 80+teams). She was also going to require my friend's DD to repeat level 3 when her score were close to 37 and she already had all required lvl 4 skills....needless to say I have had at least 2 friends leave that gym. So there is a story to every side. Just make sure you know the truth before making a decision.

Yes. Absolutely screaming and belittling is not ok. But it is SO easy to jump to conclusions, especially without hearing the coach's side. I would not jump ship before having a meeting.

 

[Mommyo2az]

Yes. Absolutely screaming and belittling is not ok. But it is SO easy to jump to conclusions, especially without hearing the coach's side. I would not jump ship before having a meeting.

I agree! Don't do anything without a meeting first, it's good to hear every side to the story.
Also, I realized this week that one thing the kids don't understand sometimes is adult sarcasm. My DD tends to take everything at face value - and sometimes a frustrated coach may say something sarcastic out of frustration that DD just interprets wrong !!

 

[M2Abi]

My children don't deserve to be screamed at, no matter what. I would be gone.

 

[Flyaway]

My children don't deserve to be screamed at, no matter what. I would be gone.

I don't think anyone has said that a child may be deserving of being screamed at. But none of us really know what's going on. Are we talking "Abby Lee" screaming or a raised voice tinged with frustration? I just think that it's wise to have a meeting with the coach first. They may be a complete jerk and I would be out the door faster than anyone. But at least I would know I gathered all the information first and made a fully informed decision.

 

[profmom]

No. Level 2. Six year olds. Crying "on many occasions." No.

 

[lovelife]

Level 2 won't make a gymnastics career, but certainly can break one. If her experience is bad enough she won't continue after level 2. Yelling and crying on a regular basis is not ok. I agree with the others, talk to the coach and owner, but be prepared to run. Also, strongly consider the gym close to your house. The best gym does not equal what is best for your family.

 

[profmom]

Go ahead and have a meeting to get the full story, but at this point, the burden is on the gym to do two things: 1) provide a reasonable explanation for why multiple girls are crying on many occasions when the coach talks to them, and 2) what will be done to rectify this situation -- meaning how the gym will ensure that coaching for these young athletes is conducted in an appropriately supportive and encouraging manner. I would also ask some serious questions about the gym's philosophy of development. Who cares about L2 results at meets? It means absolutely nothing for long-term success in the sport. Unless the girls all forgot their routines, refused to watch their teammates, disobeyed the coaches, and ran around like hooligans between events, I cannot see any call for reading them the riot act. And if they were not behaving in a mature manner to be expected of a seasoned competitor, then some of that is on the gym for competing them at L2 in the first place!

But honestly I am having a very hard time coming up with any kind of explanation that justifies the behavior you describe having witnessed yourself. One girl, well, OK, maybe she's just very sensitive and weepy. Two should raise a red flag. More than two is the red flag being waved vigorously. If there is no change, this program may produce a few outstanding athletes from this bunch, but it will produce far more former gymnasts.

 

[2gymkids]

I say not ok.
Now, this comes from a mom who did, on occasion, have a 6 year old pre-teamer who was in tears during practice. Were her coaches tough with her? Yes. Did they raise their voices (other than in a "faster, faster" or "come on, you can do it!!" way?). No. And anytime there were tears her coach made sure to check in with me to let me know it had been a tough practice and why (my kid is just a crier when she gets nervous or afraid, and her coach was trying to teach her to push through that and communicate better).
So while I don't think an occasional crying kid is necessarily the end of the world, paired with the other stuff you've said, I'd be very concerned. Most gyms around here don't even compete Level 2 because it should be more about learning fundamentals than results.

 

[superkb16]

Thank you for all your insight. Before joining this gym we were at a gym that didn't do competitive gymnastics. A friend from her class last year recommended this gym as they do very well and produce many level 10 gymnasts. As a person who knew nothing about competitive gymnastics, why not go to the best gym in town, we made the switch and my dd was asked to join preteam over the summer. Once school started she began training lv 2 (this year her gym made a lv 1 team for those not quite ready for lv 2 and have a different coach and only do 2 competitions during the year). I got to know some of the older lv parents and began asking questions about things I was seeing (crying, yelling, etc.) and was told that's the nature of the sport and this gym in particular has tough coaches. (
On a side note about the crying, I was referring to all the levels where I see many girls crying. Some does have to do with the child's personality and others are scared and I am sure some of it is soreness/injury.)
I plan to have a meeting with the coaches after the season (end of April) but am still going to check out other gyms just to have more information. I am realizing that what works for some families might not work for us and I am okay with that. Edited to add....I am close to one family at the gym and expressed my feelings and the mom's response was "if you want your child to be good you have to stay. Leaving means she will never win". This is when I started to do a lot of thinking and I just want my daughter to have fun and gain the skills to be successful her mind. I guess typing this all out kind of answers my questions lol. Thanks again !!

 

[my4buffaloes]

I would check out both the gym closest to you, and the one 35 minutes away. But if you're wanting her to go far in gymnastics I think I would go for the more serious gym 35 minutes away rather than nothing but fun gym that's right close to your house. Either way I would not stay there.

 

[rjb123]

I guess it depends on what is really going on. When my DD was 5/6 and getting ready to compete (started old 4 at 6) she would cry at times at practice. She was (is) a very shy child and was very intimidated by her coaches. Add in a language barrier (she really had no idea what they were saying to her at times) and the fact that her COACHES didn't realize she didn't understand their accent, led to some raised voices, and tears. After talking to them, things got a lot better- they realized the shy thing, the accent thing and over time she was able to develop a pretty good relationship with her coaches. Now at 11 she adores them. This is not to say that it is perfect- there have been days of frustration and upset on both sides, but overall she is a happy kid and she seems to *get* where they are coming from. We all have good and bad days- days where we are just low on patience, and coaches are not immune to this either! I think that a well planned discussion with good communication could be the best thing in this situation. Tears at this level are not ideal, but I wouldn't cast stones or jump ship until I really understood what was going on in full.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Curious OP, does your daughter cry as a result of the coaches screaming and yelling?

 

[superkb16]

Earlier in the year she cried a couple of times but I do know at least one of those times was from being overtired and overly sensitive. Lately I don't know if she is just used to it but hasn't cried but also doesn't seem very happy about going to practice or happy after practice.

 

[LindyHopper]

the mom's response was "if you want your child to be good you have to stay. Leaving means she will never win". This is when I started to do a lot of thinking and I just want my daughter to have fun and gain the skills to be successful her mind. I guess typing this all out kind of answers my questions

Wow. Really, everything is right here in this quote. Sounds like a lot of the parents there don't like it, but have been conditioned to believe this is the only way. I am glad the decision is coming easily.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Earlier in the year she cried a couple of times but I do know at least one of those times was from being overtired and overly sensitive. Lately I don't know if she is just used to it but hasn't cried but also doesn't seem very happy about going to practice or happy after practice.

Is it related to the screaming and yelling, the crying of her teammates, or her progress (or lack of progress) in the gym?

 

[2gymkids]

I am close to one family at the gym and expressed my feelings and the mom's response was "if you want your child to be good you have to stay. Leaving means she will never win". This is when I started to do a lot of thinking and I just want my daughter to have fun and gain the skills to be successful her mind. I guess typing this all out kind of answers my questions lol. Thanks again !!

Wow, just wow. No, screaming and yelling is not the only way your child will win. And, is the goal really winning? The goal for me is having a happy, well adjusted little person who has learned to work really hard, listen to her body, be a good and respectful teammate, etc. I mean, yes, the shiny medals are are a nice bonus, but come on. There is a big difference between being a tough coach who pushes an athlete to be the best they can be, and a coach that screams and belittles 6 year olds.

 

[SMH]

My 7 year old has cried during competition occasionally, and after a hard practice- but because she was frustrated with a skill she missed or was trying to learn. She's 7 and it breaks my heart but she's a sensitive little one and I expect that some tears will come. But she's always exuberant to go to practice and always so happy when she gets out. The joy, especially at a young age, is so important. Of course I want her to succeed, go far and be an amazing gymnast, but mostly im so happy that she found something that brings her so much joy.
It sounds like you know what you have to do! I wish you and your little gymnast luck!!!

 

[kayjaybe]

I see girls in our gym crying sometimes, but it is the upper levels and it is over frustration with themselves, not because of treatment by the coaches.

If coaches were behaving in a way to make a noticeable amount of kids cry, that is not a gym I'd want to be part of. This should be fun (mostly)....especially at the young ages you are talking about.

 

[CTMOM]

My DD did level 2 when she was 6. The coaches were over the moon that she went out there and remembered her routines. There was never a negative word, only praise! They do tell the higher levels what they need to work on after a meet, but never tell them they did "bad".