Parents New here. Need some WWYD advice . ...

[skschlag]

Maybe I'm the outlier here, but while I am fine with fun teambuilding activities, I do not think they should supersede practice. We have a few things now and then, but it's clear that they're simply options for those who want to take advantage of them, and there's no pressure on anyone to attend. It's different from a work environment, where my employer is paying me to take part in some community-building exercise. I am paying the coaches to use their professional expertise to train my child. Honestly, I'd be rather annoyed at a parent who wheedled the coaches to cancel a practice for such a reason.

I guess once a year, I wouldn't mind. It keeps things fresh, enables kids to connecct on a level different than in the gym, and have fun.. As they go up in levels, gym gets so much harder that it is important to give them that time. Every summer, our boys' team goes to a local water park. They look forward to it, former gymnasts come back, and thy talk about it all the time. Older guys take the younger guys around. AND it is in place of practice.

Once a year we also do a banquet at a local pool or other rec center. It is during practice again. It really is importnat.

That being said, no one has to come. There is no obligation. There is also no practice. Those who come, really beenefit, but there is never guilt or pressure. Just fun and encouragement.

 

[bookworm]

OK let me chime in as someone who has been in competitive team gymnastics for over 17 years....take advantage of the time "off" from regular practice with a (supposed) fun activity while you have the chance! You say she's the top dog at the gym at level 6 and as she moves up the levels, you generally won't see much of practices being replaced by leisure activities....heck even when at our old gym and I told them my daughter was going to Prom, you'd have thought I'd just shot a puppy!

I get that you " already paid for the practice time" but here's a hint for you as you embark further in this crazy sport, stop thinking like that or you'll drive yourself crazy. I believe it was Mariposa's post that delineated how gym tuition is based on a yearly calendar, not hourly..... so try to embrace that or you will stew over every little missed minute.

 

[profmom]

I've got no problem with the occasional canceled practice, but I would not want to feel obligated to take my child to something else for which I'd have to pay that would replace practice. A practice that gets canned for weather or traveling coaches for meets is . . . A NIGHT OFF YAY!

Our gym generally has a summer party and a winter party, but they are scheduled at times that don't conflict with practice. People come if they want to and don't come if they don't want to. Most people come, but no one is taking attendance. Works for me.

I also think it's really different if the plan is being put together by the coaches versus the parents planning something and then asking the coaches to cancel practice.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I told her, if that was the case, the gym should pay for it. I didn't get a response.

Ouch, well we all have to pick our battles. The next time a parent approaches the coaches with one of these ideas, she will say.... "Well I said yes last time and "so and so (you)" complained. I would not ask the coach to pay for this, it wasn't their idea. They were trying to accomodate what they thought the parents came up with for a team building activity. I would not have emailed the coaches asking them to pay for it, I would not cash in a "relationship chip" for that one when there are tougher mountains ahead to climb together (athlete/parent/coach). I'd save my chip for something else..

Totally get this.

Our coaches/owners do a charity fundraising meet for one of their causes that they are very passionate about. And they ask the kids to give donations and hit businesses up for money. Us parents to donate stuff to raffle, volunteer at the meet etc. Ok that's fine.

But this year they did an after party where only the kids who got $100 in donations could go, and that didn't include their entry fee or our admission tickets. Now this still makes me livid for a bunch of reasons. While a good cause it's not necessarily my favorite. The kids should learn to give just to give not get (at least that is what we teach our girl). Money collected doesn't take into account how hard you worked, the kid could just get a lot of no's. And the really sucky part is it was very exclusive, these kids compete against each other at meets, the should of picked a more inclusive/team building way to get the kids to raise money. And it pretty much holds the parents hostage because they kind of hope no parent would let their kid miss the party.

Well we did. Not gonna be a hostage. My daughter was OK with it. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want the party canceled and have it be on us, and my girl and I take the heat. I still want to bring it up now so this doesn't happen next year. My husband says let it go. Again, because he doesn't want our daughter to take heat because I'm cranky.

So that was a long winded way to say yes I get it, I pick my battles when it comes to things that might affect my kid. (But can you tell I'm still ticked )

 

[raenndrops]

Team Christmas party: Planned weeks in advance... happens while we are on break (usually the Friday or following Monday after the last Thursday practice). Max cost: $10 - 15 if you WANT to participate in Coaches Gifts (8 coaches)... and $5 IF we do a gymnast gift exchange).
Team Banquet: planned weeks in advance... happens in August... on a Wednesday or Friday evening... (or Sunday evening, when the YMCA is CLOSED, so we have the run of the place). Max cost is $5 per person.
We are billed monthly... full month for Jan-June, Aug-Nov, and 1/2 month for December. IF there is a cancelled practice, we get a make up day. (In Jan and Feb 2014, we missed days due to the Polar Vortex. We made up the practices on Wednesdays and Fridays or by coming in during high school practices until it was covered).

I would NOT be ok with having a party IN PLACE of PRACTICE under the circumstances stated by OP. Also, I would have told the coach the same thing... If my gymmie can't come to practice INSTEAD, and this IS practice, then I have already PAID for practice... the gym already has my money - I guess THEY are covering it.

 

[gymdog]

Yeah, I am fine with a party during practice for the holidays, or ending early to watch a gymnastics movie in the gym, or using a little time a week before states to make good luck cards for each other. But I find the circumstance outlined in the OP (a paid social outing during practice, not optional and scheduled by the parents) to be more than a little weird. Any of the events we have during practice time are supervised by our coaches and don't cost additional money (well unless it's the holiday gift exchange). I would expect that at the very least, they have paid for practice, whether they are practicing gymnastics or doing another activity I'm babysitting them and it's optional for the parents to be involved or not. As far as I'm concerned practice time is x to y on XYZ, we will be AT THE GYM with me supervising the kids at those times unless a)it's a major holiday b)there is extreme dangerous weather or c) we have a meet. There may be a planned free activity that rarely take a portion of practice but I will be supervising at the gym.

 

[wildrosejmj]

I am so appreciative of all the comments on here. I feel very convicted that I did the right thing in saying that T won't attend the event, but also know that I responded a little more snarky than I should have. I wrote an apology note this evening and, hopefully, made myself clearer and sound more calm. I also notice on the sign up sheet that only the host family and one other parent have signed up so far. I have to imagine that there are other parents who are feeling like I am. Anyway, this is the email I sent out to her coach, the head coach, and the parent who organized the event. Now that I have "talked it out" and calmed down, it really just leaves me feeling sad. I would like for T to go, but can't justify this particular activity. I really thank everyone who commented. It was really good to hear the different perspectives.

"Hi,

I just wanted to apologize for anything I may have said that was out of line or unnecessary. I've had a couple of difficult days this week (suffice it to say that I feel like everything we own is breaking or falling apart! lol) and realize that my frustration level was higher than it should have been and as a result, I spoke too hastily and in too harsh a manner. I am truly sorry. I completely support the idea of team building and creating bonds among the athletes. I also recognize the role that T holds as the eldest team member and role model. That said, I wish I could be supportive of this activity. I think, if the parents would have had some input into what kind of activity was chosen and how much it was going to cost, it would have been better. I realize that $25 doesn't seem like much to some people but it is a lot of money and I feel like we're being almost "forced," to go along with it because of it being in place of practice. I just really wish that parents would have been consulted before it was sprung on us this way. It makes me really sad to have to say "no," to something that is supposed to be fun, especially when T is "expected," to go. Again, I am very sorry for the way I responded. It was unkind of me when I know that it was meant to be something fun for the girls. Perhaps, in the future, we can plan together as a group to do something that works well for everyone but doesn't compromise practice time - or thin wallets. ;o)"

 

[GlobalNomad]

I may be in the minority here, but I do have a few random thoughts:

If you recently lost a lot of your team, your gymnasts and parents might benefit from a team building activity.

Even though your daughter is missing a practice that you paid for, as the highest skilled gymnast at the gym she likely takes relatively more of the coaches' time than any other girl. Complaining about lost coaching time when your dd likely gets most of the coaches' time might not be the best move for maintaining positive relationships in the future.

If the issue is really money, I'd limit any mention of the issue to a simple apologetic: "I'm so sorry but this just doesn't fit in our budget right now." But, be prepared that one of the parents may get wind of it and anonymously pay for your daughter to go.

I think as gymnastics parents, we have all paid fees for things or done things we felt were unnecessary. Maybe that's something that bonds us.

Also, Chalkbucket is very public.

Good luck.

 

[wildrosejmj]

I may be in the minority here, but I do have a few random thoughts:

If you recently lost a lot of your team, your gymnasts and parents might benefit from a team building activity.

Even though your daughter is missing a practice that you paid for, as the highest skilled gymnast at the gym she likely takes relatively more of the coaches' time than any other girl. Complaining about lost coaching time when your dd likely gets most of the coaches' time might not be the best move for maintaining positive relationships in the future.

If the issue is really money, I'd limit any mention of the issue to a simple apologetic: "I'm so sorry but this just doesn't fit in our budget right now." But, be prepared that one of the parents may get wind of it and anonymously pay for your daughter to go.

I think as gymnastics parents, we have all paid fees for things or done things we felt were unnecessary. Maybe that's something that bonds us.

Also, Chalkbucket is very public.

Good luck.

Thank you. Several good thoughts and reminders there.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I think one of the frustrations is that parents are seemingly "nickel & dimed" to death in this sport. So even to those people who $25 is not a lot of money - it is yet one more thing to shell out to the gym. That gets old very quickly. And sometimes when you have been having to dole out money right & left, a seemingly small request is suddenly the straw that breaks the camels back. I get it. I feel like that sometimes during the year. I think not going is the best decision for you or you would likely resent it for a long time.

 

[wildrosejmj]

I think one of the frustrations is that parents are seemingly "nickel & dimed" to death in this sport. So even to those people who $25 is not a lot of money - it is yet one more thing to shell out to the gym. That gets old very quickly. And sometimes when you have been having to dole out money right & left, a seemingly small request is suddenly the straw that breaks the camels back. I get it. I feel like that sometimes during the year. I think not going is the best decision for you or you would likely resent it for a long time.

Yes, a couple weeks before this it was $5 for flowers for state (which were beautiful and a very nice gesture), and the day after this was sent out, there was a request for money to get thank you gifts for the coaches (again, a great idea). This, combined with other things in our life for our other kids, it felt like one more thing, one more person asking for money. Thanks for understanding.

 

[mommyof1]

At our old gym, there was a lot of ridiculous stuff that the booster club got away with because all of the parents were afraid to rock the boat by saying "no." Parents were required to "volunteer" to work several shifts each year at a bingo parlor that permitted smoking. (I don't know how that is even legal in our state, but that's a different question.) If you had child care issues or health concerns, you had to pay a pretty hefty buyout fee. Every parent I knew whose kid moved up to team was horrified to learn of this requirement, but they all sucked it up and worked or paid because no one wanted to make an issue of it. It was one of the many reasons we left that gym.

OP, if you think it is inappropriate for the gym to cancel practice and then ask you to pay $25 for a team-building activity that your daughter doesn't want to do, then don't send her! Maybe if enough other parents do the same, then next time around the gym will come up with a more reasonable plan for team-building outside of practice time and/or at a lower cost.

 

[bookworm]

And I can see how being nickeled and dimed to death would be maddening as well....we were in one gym like that and I felt like I should just leave my signed checkbook at the front desk and let them fill in the "amount of the week"....other gyms we have been at have incorporated the nickels and dimes into our assessments so we're not hit up for $ for parties, outings, banquets, usag fees, coaches gifts etc...one stop shopping.

 

[wildrosejmj]

The coach offered to arrange for someone to sponsor T. Sigh. I'm very grateful, but it's also hard always feeling like the charity case. Thanks again everyone.

 

[duyetanh]

This pretty much tells you that the coach wants her there. Have her go.

 

[lovemygymnast]

Yeah, I know. It was one of those knee jerk reactions I probably should have sat on for a few hours before responding to. It was, however, someone I've known all the 6 years we've been there and it was also in response to the tone she used to answer me. And I wasn't asking her to pay for it - just take it out of what we've already paid in. What's done is done though. Ah well.

I would think of sending another email explaining the financial aspect for your family? And possibly apologize for the "knee-jerk reaction". She's only going to know why it's a big deal to you if you explain why. This while irritating, just isn't worth a gripe to the coaching my opinion since this was to accommodate the team/parents.

I get why you're upset, I really do but team building/bonding is also important. I do think it was scheduled on a scheduled practice night so the majority of the team could make it. Scheduling on other nights may have been putting parents with other kids in activities or jobs out.

 

[lovemygymnast]

The coach offered to arrange for someone to sponsor T. Sigh. I'm very grateful, but it's also hard always feeling like the charity case. Thanks again everyone.

Saw this after my post. I'm glad someone sponsored her!! I wouldn't feel bad being the "charity case". If you had the money, I'm sure you would do the same for someone else.

 

[wildrosejmj]

Just had to come back to say - guess what? Another parent just invited the girls to another event and party on a practice night, and it also costs $25 - only this time, the coaches didn't know anything about it. Not sure how this one's going to pan out completely but I'm sticking to my guns and she's going to practice. She can go to the party afterwards.

 

[emorymom]

For what it's worth, we have the money, but we hate being wasteful. My DD, until they discontinued the higher levels of compulsories, used to be on a great team with a weird tradition. They had a "Christmas party" at a pottery painting place instead of practice one day in December. This was annoying for a couple of reasons. (1) It meant shelling out a minimum of $20 for some item I wanted to put straight into the trash can, but instead becoms a knickknack I have to dust for a few years before I'm allowed to disappear it. Her surfaces are already covered without another ceramic owl. (2) There were plenty of upcoming practice cancellations because of coach un-availability over the Christmas holidays and DD was usually stressing over some skills she had to compete in January. (3) It was only a 2x a week team to begin with and DD was usually stressing over some skills she had to compete in January.

I just tell this story because maybe someone will read it and decide that parties should potentially take place on the weekend after practice, which is the traditionally time to party, and be optional.

My DD's swim team holds parties for holidays, end of year, etc. at noon before the 2pm practice. I, apparently, am in a minority in actually having a child that needs to complete school work during the home school day to progress typically. I have offered to host a weekend gathering and nobody is interested.

DS's team holds parties in the evening after practice. Boo-yah.

 

[profmom]

I'd be seriously annoyed by this, Wildrose! And I don't even want to contemplate how our coaches would react. It wouldn't be pretty.