Parents New Level 9 wants to quit

[JoyAvenueMom]

Kipper is 12, and told me tearfully in May that gym "wasn't fun anymore". She looked miserable, and mentioned quitting a couple of times. She said the only reason she didn't want to quit was her friends and her coach. I agonized over her situation, not really sure how to help. The reality was, she was recovering from a pretty serious injury, had a major growth spurt, and everything was just HARD! Everything. So, there was no more fun anymore. We agreed to revisit the situation at the end of June (before I had to pay for a new comp leo!) By the end of June, she had most of her skills back and was having "fun" again. So, it wasn't that gym wasn't "fun"...it was , simply, that the frustration, and pain, and fear she was dealing with at THAT moment were far greater than her enjoyment.

I learned a valuable lesson through the experience. Her coach was wonderful. She told me that if I "cleared the path" and made it easy to quit, Kipper would probably quit. But for now, she just needed to verbalize how she felt. She didn't need me to help her figure it out. Sure enough, as soon as the pain, fear, and frustration dissipated, the joy of participating in this crazy sport returned. In her situation, it helped to set a time in the future to revisit the decision, and then quit talking about it. I know others have suggested that approach as well.

Oh, and the emotional stability and self-esteem issues of teen girls do not make this situation easier. Remember, their ability to reason rationally decreases temporarily at this age.

 

[duyetanh]

Kipper is 12, and told me tearfully in May that gym "wasn't fun anymore". She looked miserable, and mentioned quitting a couple of times. She said the only reason she didn't want to quit was her friends and her coach. I agonized over her situation, not really sure how to help. The reality was, she was recovering from a pretty serious injury, had a major growth spurt, and everything was just HARD! Everything. So, there was no more fun anymore. We agreed to revisit the situation at the end of June (before I had to pay for a new comp leo!) By the end of June, she had most of her skills back and was having "fun" again. So, it wasn't that gym wasn't "fun"...it was , simply, that the frustration, and pain, and fear she was dealing with at THAT moment were far greater than her enjoyment.

I learned a valuable lesson through the experience. Her coach was wonderful. She told me that if I "cleared the path" and made it easy to quit, Kipper would probably quit. But for now, she just needed to verbalize how she felt. She didn't need me to help her figure it out. Sure enough, as soon as the pain, fear, and frustration dissipated, the joy of participating in this crazy sport returned. In her situation, it helped to set a time in the future to revisit the decision, and then quit talking about it. I know others have suggested that approach as well.

Oh, and the emotional stability and self-esteem issues of teen girls do not make this situation easier. Remember, their ability to reason rationally decreases temporarily at this age.

Omg I am so dreading this age! Ugh. It is nice to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel though.

 

[flippingtogether]

I'll post more later, but for now remember:

 

[lhmom]

Mine quit back in June. She is around the same age and said many of the same things. Was struggling with growth issues and gym wasn't "fun" anymore. I basically asked her to give it a few more months. State meet was rough and I didn't want her to quit when she was so upset about that. I told her that at that point, if she was really done, I was good with her leaving. When she left at the end of June, she was back to picking up new skills and doing well but still wanted to quit. That's how I knew that she really was done. I think you will know if it's really what your DD wants vs. just being frustrated. Good luck!

 

[mariposa]

You've gotten a ton of great advice already. I have a 14 year old that is supposed to compete level 9 this spring. She's done 2 years of 8. It's a roller coaster, gets skills, loses them and then the hormones! Luckily, she's fine with a 3rd year old level 8 if she ends up not being ready for 9. I'm sure she'll be disappointed, but she also doesn't like competing if she isn't ready for a level.

Since this is new, I would give her time and just listen and support her. Do her coaches know what is going on with her mentally/emotionally? They might need to know, this is a critical age and too much pressure could push her right out of the gym.

If she really keeps saying she's done, she really may be done. My daughter's teammate wanted to quit last year. She wasn't allowed to and was miserable and made everyone else miserable for a lot of the season, too. It was hard to watch, I felt awful for her. I'm of the mindset that they workout basically what adds up to being a part time job and they should be allowed to quit if they want to. If it isn't fun and they are done, let them be. But I'd also give it some time of riding out the tough spot first. She definitely needs gentleness to work through her blocks, especially since something happened to actually make her fearful. She's probably growing, too, throws everything off! And those hormones!

Hugs and good luck.

 

[catova]

Just wanted to say hang in there and I empathize. I have a 13 yo who will be repeating L8 after a very poor first L8 season (after an injury, which affected training for 6 months). She was progressing ok on L9 skills this summer until another injury resulted in 6 weeks out. She is just getting back to working skills and has the 'repeat L8' conversation with her coaches. I have always told her that she should do gymnastics as long as she loves it, and the college part is irrelevant. But the reality is...it is at this age that they realize how much they are in fact giving up to do gymnastics without even a shot at college gym. My DD is in 8th grade, so she's done the math and realized without L9 this year, there's just not even an outside chance at college gym. Quite a low for her after being regional AA L7 champ less than 18 months ago...she has moments where she thinks her best is behind her. There are days I really hope DD decides to quit after this season, because I feel the likelihood that she will stick it with for four years during high school (without the chance at college gym) is low..and I want to her to have some sport she can associate with in high school, though that is unlikely if she doesn't participate in another sport her freshman year. It's unfair of me as a parent to expect her to think that part through...but my dd (I am sure like other gymnasts) is very athletic and competitive and to leave her hanging in high school without a sport is just wrong. But then I go back to 'do it as long as you love it, and when you don't love it anymore, think about it for a few weeks, and then decide'. Whenever DD has had a rough training day, or is down on her progress, I say this to her. So far she has always responded along the lines of 'are you out of your mind? I don't want to quit'. When she stops saying that, I'll know it's time to move on. Good luck!

 

[Momx3]

I hope you and your dd get it worked out. My teen isn't at that level but it's still a nightmare trying to make decisions with her, as she changes her mind and gets emotional in a heartbeat. Good luck!

 

[flippingtogether]

If nothing else this post makes me realize that there are so, so many of us parents all in the same boat struggling as we watch our kids, and we all have DDs in the same (or very similar) boat.

It should be so reassuring to us all - we all will survive - just not sure how it will all shake out and what the end result/decision/etc. will be!

Hugs and cheers to all -