Parents New to XCel Bronze - Crying?

[SPZ_Down]

My daughter, age 6 (will be 7 in one week as I know age matters with these types of questions), has been in recreational gymnastics for 1 year. She tried out for Xcel pre-team but the coaches bumped her to Xcel Bronze. She was SO excited, and we were clear on how competitive is different than recreational before we let her join.

The new team started practices last week. 2 days a week, 2 hrs and then 3hrs total. She's only used to 1 hour. Her first practice went great. Her second practice was a mess. 2 hours into the 3 hour practice she starts bawling and she cannot get herself together for the last hour. She's sitting out (the coaches were kind to her but they ask that if you are crying you sit out and calm down), calming down for a few minutes to do the next move, but then crying again. When practice ended, I tried to gather what was wrong and she couldn't articulate it clearly, but I gathered that she feels she doesn't know anything and that the coaches were having to critique her a lot. We talked about how this is normal - that they are supposed to critique you, and not everyone there knows what they are doing. How she was selected for team and we know she can do this! I ask if she wants to continue and she says yes. We come up with a plan that she should let some of the other girls go first for techniques if she's feeling unsure instead of being first so she can get a feel for what's expected. We also practice saying to ourselves "Our coaches are not being mean! They are teaching me and I can do this!"

Flash forward to her 3rd practice. I can tell she's anxious and not her usual bubbly self. We arrive to practice and she starts crying saying she can't do this and she wants to go home. I'm at a loss and trying to reassure her that she can do this, we can leave if she wants, but that I think she should try to calm down before deciding. She agrees to go to practice and I talk to the coach to let her know she's struggling and we are working through it. Practice goes great - she's completely on par with her peers and she had a good time. I ask if she's feeling okay about attending the 3 hour practice in a few days and I see her anxiety creeping back in.

All of this to share - is this normal when first starting out with competitive gymnastics? I'm feeling anxious myself watching her get so upset because this is a 180 from how she normally is, and I don't know if I should keep pushing her to see if she feels more confident in a few weeks or if I should be advocating for her to quit? When I briefly mentioned she doesn't have to stay on team, she got even more upset and said she wants to do it. I knew competitive gymnastics would be a change, and there would be emotions, but I guess I wasn't expecting them right at the beginning. Any advice or encouragement would be so appreciated to calm my mind. Thank you!

 

[NutterButter]

Normal but it's not a gymnastics thing. Some kids just need time to get used to things.

 

[Sebastian12]

Normal for a 6 yo, unusual (all kids are different, hard to defined normal) for competitive gymnasts. My daughter started xcel bronze at 6 with a group of 4-7 yos, training 7hrs/wk. throughout the first year, all of them had struggles, cranky after practice, not wanting to go, skipping, but I haven’t seen excessive crying and meltdowns during practice. All girls knew it was not easy but the fun and joy overrode tiredness.

One year later, the girls who didn’t enjoy as much quit and others stayed and progressed. “Talent” in gymnastics means more than getting skills, it also includes maturity, mental toughness, energy level, fast recovery from tiredness, etc.

I would provably consider two questions to ask: 1) is she ready, not skill wise? 2) does she like the sport enough?

 

[SPZ_Down]

Normal but it's not a gymnastics thing. Some kids just need time to get used to things.

I'm thinking it might just be time that she needs too. I think she knows it's a competitive team which means competing, but she hasn't made the connection that competition is months away and she has time to work on skills.

 

[SPZ_Down]

Normal for a 6 yo, unusual (all kids are different, hard to defined normal) for competitive gymnasts. My daughter started xcel bronze at 6 with a group of 4-7 yos, training 7hrs/wk. throughout the first year, all of them had struggles, cranky after practice, not wanting to go, skipping, but I haven’t seen excessive crying and meltdowns during practice. All girls knew it was not easy but the fun and joy overrode tiredness.

One year later, the girls who didn’t enjoy as much quit and others stayed and progressed. “Talent” in gymnastics means more than getting skills, it also includes maturity, mental toughness, energy level, fast recovery from tiredness, etc.

I would provably consider two questions to ask: 1) is she ready, not skill wise? 2) does she like the sport enough?

I guess time will tell if she is ready mentally. I'm not adamant she has to stay on team. I actually called the gym after posting this to just ask if they've seen this before in other girls, and they assured me it's normal and it can be a hard adjustment if you're coming straight from recreational. For now, I suppose I give her a few more weeks to see how she feels about it all.

I will say this team is mostly 8-10 year old so she is one of the youngest/smallest ones. I think if her team was mostly 4-7 year olds, she wouldn't be as nervous. The second time she cried, it was only for 5-6 minutes and she pulled it together which I am so proud of her for.

 

[NutterButter]

I'm thinking it might just be time that she needs too. I think she knows it's a competitive team which means competing, but she hasn't made the connection that competition is months away and she has time to work on skills.

Exactly this. And if it is because she's not quite ready for team, time will tell. For now though I'd keep on encouraging and doing what you are doing.

 

[NutterButter]

Normal for a 6 yo, unusual (all kids are different, hard to defined normal) for competitive gymnasts. My daughter started xcel bronze at 6 with a group of 4-7 yos, training 7hrs/wk. throughout the first year, all of them had struggles, cranky after practice, not wanting to go, skipping, but I haven’t seen excessive crying and meltdowns during practice. All girls knew it was not easy but the fun and joy overrode tiredness.

One year later, the girls who didn’t enjoy as much quit and others stayed and progressed. “Talent” in gymnastics means more than getting skills, it also includes maturity, mental toughness, energy level, fast recovery from tiredness, etc.

I would provably consider two questions to ask: 1) is she ready, not skill wise? 2) does she like the sport enough?

OPs kid is 3 practices in!! Give her a chance to adjust. If in several weeks she's still crying then it's time to consider whether she's ready, etc.

 

[SPZ_Down]

OPs kid is 3 practices in!! Give her a chance to adjust. If in several weeks she's still crying then it's time to consider whether she's ready, etc.

Oh yes, she's brand new! If this is going on for more than a couple of weeks, I will be making a parental decision to pull her. I am just unsure if anyone else experienced this with their child at the beginning and if they have any advice to offer because if I'm being honest, it's also stressing me out.

 

[laolao]

It took my 5 year old five months to join in the warm ups once she moved to competitive! She loved the main part of the class so we persevered but the warm up is in a larger group and she found the big kids so intimidating that she burst into tears the first week she went and would just cry and cry after that! Luckily the coaches were amazing with her and just let her do her thing and bit by bit she joined in.
With both my girls the move to longer classes took a few weeks to get used to as well but once it was part of their weekly routine it was fine. Give it time and am sure she'll get used to it.

 

[SPZ_Down]

It took my 5 year old five months to join in the warm ups once she moved to competitive! She loved the main part of the class so we persevered but the warm up is in a larger group and she found the big kids so intimidating that she burst into tears the first week she went and would just cry and cry after that! Luckily the coaches were amazing with her and just let her do her thing and bit by bit she joined in.
With both my girls the move to longer classes took a few weeks to get used to as well but once it was part of their weekly routine it was fine. Give it time and am sure she'll get used to it.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I truly appreciate it. The 3 hour class is both bronze classes combined (with 2 coaches) so the class is large! I wonder if the large class size was also overwhelming for her. I told my husband this is one time I wish I could peer into a crystal ball and see if it gets better for her!

 

[estamey21]

My favorite quote from a 7-year-old on her first day of team practice when she was scolded for not paying attention:

Uuuggghhhhhhhhh…this is just like school

Many young kids coming from rec don’t realize that competitive gymnastics training is more like school and less like recess. I would give your daughter a few months to adjust to her new class. If she’s still struggling after 2-4 months, I think she might not be ready for team.

 

[SPZ_Down]

My favorite quote from a 7-year-old on her first day of team practice when she was scolded for not paying attention:



Many young kids coming from rec don’t realize that competitive gymnastics training is more like school and less like recess. I would give your daughter a few months to adjust to her new class. If she’s still struggling after 2-4 months, I think she might not be ready for team.

That's a good perspective! I might try to find a way to relate it to class instruction if she needs help understanding "why" she is being critiqued. I would love for her to at least give one complete season a try, even if it's hard for her, but I certainly won't push her if she's still upset months into it. My husband is of the full opinion this is just an adjustment period. I overanalyze/overthink so I'm running through a million scenarios in my head!

 

[Sebastian12]

I guess time will tell if she is ready mentally. I'm not adamant she has to stay on team. I actually called the gym after posting this to just ask if they've seen this before in other girls, and they assured me it's normal and it can be a hard adjustment if you're coming straight from recreational. For now, I suppose I give her a few more weeks to see how she feels about it all.


I will say this team is mostly 8-10 year old so she is one of the youngest/smallest ones. I think if her team was mostly 4-7 year olds, she wouldn't be as nervous. The second time she cried, it was only for 5-6 minutes and she pulled it together which I am so proud of her for.

that probably plays a role too, it might be not building instant friendship, having that peer support. Kids start competing way too early nowadays, pls don’t take my previous comment wrong , I only meant if she is not mentally and physically ready, it may be worth waiting for a bit while getting her privates to keep up the skills. The “not ready” girls (mostly the youngest ones) have all quit by now on my daughter’s team albeit showing talent at such young age. All I am saying is struggling experiences can be a steppingstone for some kids, but can also be the end for others.

 

[NutterButter]

My DD would have rough transitions to anything 'new' - new level, switch to summer hours, new school year, end of school year, etc. Sounds like you are doing a great job with the encouragement so keep that up. Congratulate her at the end of the week with a comment that you are proud of her and how she's slaying at doing hard things in her life (if it were me, we'd go out for ice cream!). Make sure she is getting enough rest because sleepy kids don't deal with stress as well and make sure she is getting a good snack in before practice. She will be in a totally different place in a few weeks.

My DD was already in therapy for generalized anxiety when she joined team and was so anxious about it that her therapist questioned me on whether my DD even wanted to do it! My DD was fine after a week or two and continued in the sport until she graduated high school.

 

[Dahlialover]

I’ll chime in with a slightly different perspective: while she probably will adjust with time, she might have a better over-all gymnastics experience if she were to do a year of pre-team before moving up to competition. Personally, I’m not sold on starting competition at such a beginner skill level. Back in my day, the first competition level was the equivalent or level 4 or Gold. I don’t really see any benefit to starting competition so early. I’ve seen a lot of highly sensitive kids really struggle on team. It’s not fun to watch those kids crying through practice, then crying through meets, then crying through awards, and then crying afterwards. Hopefully that won’t be her but, if she continues to struggle emotionally, don’t be afraid to put off competition for a year. Good luck!

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

A few thoughts from a coach perspective.

Are you staying to watch or leaving? If you are leaving, have a short goodbye ritual and leave. Do no stay when you see your child starting to get upset - 99% of the time the child quickly recovers and has a great time.

If you are staying, discuss with the coaches if they feel leaving might help initially. This could just be 15 minutes initially to run a boring errand

Can the coaches arrange a buddy for her? Having a buddy is great, it can be the beginning of a friendship and kids this age love to have special jobs, bonus that there are older kids in the group for this. Ideally she can walk into gym with a buddy.

Is she getting enough food to sustain her before training? Is she getting adequate sleep?

 

[AlexandraU16]

This!!! When my five year old started bronze and went from two hours a week to six hours a week and a new gym with everyone 2-5 years older than her I felt so bad when she would cry that I would sit there the entire three hour practice. It made things worse. I started leaving and the coach had my number if my kiddo was too upset but once I left she adjusted in maybe two practices and came out tired but smiling.

My now seven year old never cries in practice unless she gets hurt but also has some trouble still during transitions- at the end of seasons when groups change and skills upgrade etc but she usually adjusts within a few weeks of me just letting it be and not making a big deal of it.

I’d say let it ride and try not to show her how upset her being upset makes you. It’ll become clear fairly quickly if she’s going to adjust or not. Kids are adaptable but it is a big transition for sure.

 

[SPZ_Down]

My DD would have rough transitions to anything 'new' - new level, switch to summer hours, new school year, end of school year, etc. Sounds like you are doing a great job with the encouragement so keep that up. Congratulate her at the end of the week with a comment that you are proud of her and how she's slaying at doing hard things in her life (if it were me, we'd go out for ice cream!). Make sure she is getting enough rest because sleepy kids don't deal with stress as well and make sure she is getting a good snack in before practice. She will be in a totally different place in a few weeks.

My DD was already in therapy for generalized anxiety when she joined team and was so anxious about it that her therapist questioned me on whether my DD even wanted to do it! My DD was fine after a week or two and continued in the sport until she graduated high school.

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I think that all I see are stories of how kids immediately jump right in and if they don’t, then they aren’t cut out for the sport. I know my child isn’t the first to cry but that doesn’t make it any easier!

 

[SPZ_Down]

I’ll chime in with a slightly different perspective: while she probably will adjust with time, she might have a better over-all gymnastics experience if she were to do a year of pre-team before moving up to competition. Personally, I’m not sold on starting competition at such a beginner skill level. Back in my day, the first competition level was the equivalent or level 4 or Gold. I don’t really see any benefit to starting competition so early. I’ve seen a lot of highly sensitive kids really struggle on team. It’s not fun to watch those kids crying through practice, then crying through meets, then crying through awards, and then crying afterwards. Hopefully that won’t be her but, if she continues to struggle emotionally, don’t be afraid to put off competition for a year. Good luck!

She did try out for pre-team but they placed her in Bronze. I would have preferred a year of pre-team personally (I didn’t even know it was a possibility of skipping pre-team when we signed up), but it was the coaches call. Maybe if she continues to struggle within the next few months, I can see if she can bump down but I should probably give her some more time to adjust first. I appreciate your different perspective! I’m not taking offense to what anyone is sharing - I just needed to talk through this with like-minded parents because none of my friends have kids in gymnastics!

 

[SPZ_Down]

A few thoughts from a coach perspective.

Are you staying to watch or leaving? If you are leaving, have a short goodbye ritual and leave. Do no stay when you see your child starting to get upset - 99% of the time the child quickly recovers and has a great time.

If you are staying, discuss with the coaches if they feel leaving might help initially. This could just be 15 minutes initially to run a boring errand

Can the coaches arrange a buddy for her? Having a buddy is great, it can be the beginning of a friendship and kids this age love to have special jobs, bonus that there are older kids in the group for this. Ideally she can walk into gym with a buddy.

Is she getting enough food to sustain her before training? Is she getting adequate sleep?

A few thoughts from a coach perspective.

Are you staying to watch or leaving? If you are leaving, have a short goodbye ritual and leave. Do no stay when you see your child starting to get upset - 99% of the time the child quickly recovers and has a great time.

If you are staying, discuss with the coaches if they feel leaving might help initially. This could just be 15 minutes initially to run a boring errand

Can the coaches arrange a buddy for her? Having a buddy is great, it can be the beginning of a friendship and kids this age love to have special jobs, bonus that there are older kids in the group for this. Ideally she can walk into gym with a buddy.

Is she getting enough food to sustain her before training? Is she getting adequate sleep?

It was the first week of practice so I did stay. We originally agreed that I would attend the first 3 hour practice since she was unsure of what to expect but moving forward, I would drop her off. She has asked if either myself or my husband will stay for this Saturday so I said yes as I don’t want to stress her out more right now. If she gets along okay, I may try to pop in and out. It was the last hour that she got upset (perhaps overwhelmed by the longer practice) the first time so I’m not sure it’s related to me being there but it’s a point to consider. Team parents have to sit in the back and you can hardly see inside the gym so I’m not sure she even knows if I’m there or not!

I like the buddy idea. I’m going to keep this in mind and ask if I think it might help. For her 3rd practice, I made sure she was fed and rested beforehand! I’m going to do the same for Saturday. Fingers crossed!

Thank you for your suggestions!