Parents New to XCel Bronze - Crying?

[SPZ_Down]

This!!! When my five year old started bronze and went from two hours a week to six hours a week and a new gym with everyone 2-5 years older than her I felt so bad when she would cry that I would sit there the entire three hour practice. It made things worse. I started leaving and the coach had my number if my kiddo was too upset but once I left she adjusted in maybe two practices and came out tired but smiling.

My now seven year old never cries in practice unless she gets hurt but also has some trouble still during transitions- at the end of seasons when groups change and skills upgrade etc but she usually adjusts within a few weeks of me just letting it be and not making a big deal of it.

I’d say let it ride and try not to show her how upset her being upset makes you. It’ll become clear fairly quickly if she’s going to adjust or not. Kids are adaptable but it is a big transition for sure.

Thank you for sharing! I’m honestly thinking it’s the change in coaches, friends, and the uncertainty of what’s expected of her that’s stressing her out. Once she sees that everyone else is getting critiqued, learning, etc I think she will relax. Or at least I hope so. I know I would probably feel the same way as her if I was 6!

I am doing my best to hide any stress. This has been a learning lesson for me too, as she’s our oldest and first time we are experiencing these types of sport-related issues. I’m going to give it a few more weeks before I come to any conclusions. I’m really hoping the advice I’m giving her helps!

 

[LikesToSki]

This seems so familiar to me from last year! My then 6 y.o kiddo switched from rec to team (mostly 7-11 y.o.s) and there were frequent tears in the first weeks. But for us, about a month in, when everything switched to summer schedule and there wasn't *also* school, things started going way better and she had a fun year on team. But another girl, same age (also crying a lot in those practices), did decide to switch to pre-team. Things also went totally fine for her and she's now on team this year, so it's not a huge deal either way!

And just sounds like you're doing great supporting your kid so far, keep it up!

 

[SPZ_Down]

This seems so familiar to me from last year! My then 6 y.o kiddo switched from rec to team (mostly 7-11 y.o.s) and there were frequent tears in the first weeks. But for us, about a month in, when everything switched to summer schedule and there wasn't *also* school, things started going way better and she had a fun year on team. But another girl, same age (also crying a lot in those practices), did decide to switch to pre-team. Things also went totally fine for her and she's now on team this year, so it's not a huge deal either way!

And just sounds like you're doing great supporting your kid so far, keep it up!

I'm hoping something switches for us too! Tomorrow is the 3 hour practice - fingers crossed. Thank you for sharing your daughter's experience and for the words of encouragement.

 

[fuzi]

I just want to chime in from a coaches perspective and reiterate two things:

First, transitions are just hard for some people. I am thinking of a gymnast who cried and clung to her her mom’s leg at the start of every practice and competition until she was 8. That goodbye/transition was always hard for her, especially when anything else was new (start of a new school year, new babysitter, new coach, whatever). At first, mom would stay, but that made it worse; so mom started leaving for at least the first half hour even if just to take a walk. She’d cry and sometimes not want to join, but would hop in on warm-up and be smiling by 10 minutes in. She’s 14 or 15 and a level 9 now and certainly loves gymnastics.

Second, self-help sources often claim that “it takes three weeks to build a habit,” but various scientific studies have shown that it can take much longer than that, and two months seems to be a more consistent minimum. It is normal (and to be expected) that it will take her a month or two (or more!) to adapt to the new routine and the physical and mental demands.

My suggestion to families struggling with these kind of adjustments is to “give it a season” (not necessarily a competitive season, but a literal, months of the year season). Obviously, if the environment is abusive or it’s rising to the level of causing mental/physical harm, that’s a different story, but a lot can change in a few months. Let her practice with this XB group for the summer. You and her will know by the end of the summer if it’s right to continue or if a change is needed.

 

[fuzi]

ADDING ONE MORE THING from a coach’s perspective : If she is melting down mid-practice, is she drinking enough water? Could her coach remind her/everyone to hydrate? Does she need a snack? Many gyms run 2-4 hour practices without a snack break, but sometimes they (especially the younger ones) just need more fuel. Can she keep a snack in her cubby and take a few bites at the 90 minute mark?

 

[AlexandraU16]

ADDING ONE MORE THING from a coach’s perspective : If she is melting down mid-practice, is she drinking enough water? Could her coach remind her/everyone to hydrate? Does she need a snack? Many gyms run 2-4 hour practices without a snack break, but sometimes they (especially the younger ones) just need more fuel. Can she keep a snack in her cubby and take a few bites at the 90 minute mark?

Here to agree! My DD cannot go more than about 90 minutes without a snack during practice without getting hangry and skills declining. They don’t do snack breaks but her coach knows how she is and lets her run to her locker for a nibble whenever she needs to and it has helped so much.
She keeps grapes, fruit snacks, or goldfish etc- something she can eat quickly and get a little carb boost.

 

[SPZ_Down]

ADDING ONE MORE THING from a coach’s perspective : If she is melting down mid-practice, is she drinking enough water? Could her coach remind her/everyone to hydrate? Does she need a snack? Many gyms run 2-4 hour practices without a snack break, but sometimes they (especially the younger ones) just need more fuel. Can she keep a snack in her cubby and take a few bites at the 90 minute mark?

Thank you so much for all your advice! So she had her 2nd 3 hour practice yesterday and it started off great. At the 2.5 hour mark, after working on bar/leg stamina, she started crying. She walked herself to the bathroom (one of my suggestions for her was if she got upset to actually walk out of the gym to change her scenery and she listened!). I followed her in and she said she was just tired, nothing happened. She didn’t want a snack. But I’m feeling more confident that it’s an adjustment to the physical work itself and I think that will resolve in a few weeks.

 

[marym]

My daughter, age 6 (will be 7 in one week as I know age matters with these types of questions), has been in recreational gymnastics for 1 year. She tried out for Xcel pre-team but the coaches bumped her to Xcel Bronze. She was SO excited, and we were clear on how competitive is different than recreational before we let her join.

The new team started practices last week. 2 days a week, 2 hrs and then 3hrs total. She's only used to 1 hour. Her first practice went great. Her second practice was a mess. 2 hours into the 3 hour practice she starts bawling and she cannot get herself together for the last hour. She's sitting out (the coaches were kind to her but they ask that if you are crying you sit out and calm down), calming down for a few minutes to do the next move, but then crying again. When practice ended, I tried to gather what was wrong and she couldn't articulate it clearly, but I gathered that she feels she doesn't know anything and that the coaches were having to critique her a lot. We talked about how this is normal - that they are supposed to critique you, and not everyone there knows what they are doing. How she was selected for team and we know she can do this! I ask if she wants to continue and she says yes. We come up with a plan that she should let some of the other girls go first for techniques if she's feeling unsure instead of being first so she can get a feel for what's expected. We also practice saying to ourselves "Our coaches are not being mean! They are teaching me and I can do this!"

Flash forward to her 3rd practice. I can tell she's anxious and not her usual bubbly self. We arrive to practice and she starts crying saying she can't do this and she wants to go home. I'm at a loss and trying to reassure her that she can do this, we can leave if she wants, but that I think she should try to calm down before deciding. She agrees to go to practice and I talk to the coach to let her know she's struggling and we are working through it. Practice goes great - she's completely on par with her peers and she had a good time. I ask if she's feeling okay about attending the 3 hour practice in a few days and I see her anxiety creeping back in.

All of this to share - is this normal when first starting out with competitive gymnastics? I'm feeling anxious myself watching her get so upset because this is a 180 from how she normally is, and I don't know if I should keep pushing her to see if she feels more confident in a few weeks or if I should be advocating for her to quit? When I briefly mentioned she doesn't have to stay on team, she got even more upset and said she wants to do it. I knew competitive gymnastics would be a change, and there would be emotions, but I guess I wasn't expecting them right at the beginning. Any advice or encouragement would be so appreciated to calm my mind. Thank you!

My daughter did several sessions of rec gym and loved it. She was invited to try out for and then join the competitive team at level 3. Her first practice she cried on the way home. She struggled for the first couple practices - it wasn't as fun as rec was and it took her some time to adjust. We talked about it and how she was feeling and how competitive was going to be more work and longer hours. By the third week she was totally fine - I think young kids just maybe don't realize that it will be harder, and more work then rec classes. I'd give her time and lots of support. When the coaches critique I know it's hard to hear but they aren't saying she can't do it - they just want her to grow and learn and develop her skills.
It took my daughter some time realize that it wasnt' the coaches being mean or saying she was bad - it was feedback to help her learn. I'd give her time and keep supporting her and talking to her about it.

 

[SPZ_Down]

My daughter did several sessions of rec gym and loved it. She was invited to try out for and then join the competitive team at level 3. Her first practice she cried on the way home. She struggled for the first couple practices - it wasn't as fun as rec was and it took her some time to adjust. We talked about it and how she was feeling and how competitive was going to be more work and longer hours. By the third week she was totally fine - I think young kids just maybe don't realize that it will be harder, and more work then rec classes. I'd give her time and lots of support. When the coaches critique I know it's hard to hear but they aren't saying she can't do it - they just want her to grow and learn and develop her skills.
It took my daughter some time realize that it wasnt' the coaches being mean or saying she was bad - it was feedback to help her learn. I'd give her time and keep supporting her and talking to her about it.

Thank you for sharing your experience! Truly, it helps to know my daughter isn't the only who wasn't all smiles in the beginning. I know she wants this, but coming right from recreational where everything is fun is a huge adjustment. They bypassed pre-team with her so she didn't get to ease into this. I hear other moms from the team in the waiting room share how their daughters were saying they wanted to skip practice or how much they hate conditioning but they aren't crying in practice! She has 2 practices a week - one is 2 hours and one is 3 hours. The 2 hour one she is doing fine in. It's the 3 hour one that's getting her all emotional and I think it's that she needs to adjust to the longer physical demands. She cried again this past Saturday (but gained composure within 10 minutes so progress!) and told me she's just tired. I'm going to give it time and keep encouraging her!

 

[NewbieGymMom]

My daughter moved from rec to preteam earlier this year. She cried at the second practice for this exact same reason. Some kids struggle with change. Especially if they are with new coach’s and teammates. We’re 4 months in now and she’s adjusted well and doing great!

 

[SPZ_Down]

My daughter moved from rec to preteam earlier this year. She cried at the second practice for this exact same reason. Some kids struggle with change. Especially if they are with new coach’s and teammates. We’re 4 months in now and she’s adjusted well and doing great!

Was she the only one who was visibly upset? I feel bad for her because she's the only one who has cried. But yeah, she left her old coach who she loved and her BFF from school was in her rec class and now she has new coaches and all new girls so LOTs of changes. I think she will adjust, but I guess only time will tell!

 

[Sebastian12]

I hate to dwell on my unpopular opinion, but after following this thread for days, I genuinely think your daughter is just physically tired. Based on the info you provided, it honestly doesn’t sound like routine adjustment/friendship/critique issues, she is just plain tired after practicing for 2 hours and that is her max. Again, how their bodies tire out is part of their natural abilities which will adjust with demand and age, but it takes time to overcome. Many young starters just compensate with the love for the sport (like suck it up). Crying over tiredness is painful, counterproductive, develops anxiety, and is it really worth it? Maybe try talk to her coaches about only doing 2*2 hrs, or 3*2 hours, or 2*2 hours plus a private on a different day. Another option is always to wait it out a bit until her body can handle it.

 

[SPZ_Down]

I hate to dwell on my unpopular opinion, but after following this thread for days, I genuinely think your daughter is just physically tired. Based on the info you provided, it honestly doesn’t sound like routine adjustment/friendship/critique issues, she is just plain tired after practicing for 2 hours and that is her max. Again, how their bodies tire out is part of their natural abilities which will adjust with demand and age, but it takes time to overcome. Many young starters just compensate with the love for the sport (like suck it up). Crying over tiredness is painful, counterproductive, develops anxiety, and is it really worth it? Maybe try talk to her coaches about only doing 2*2 hrs, or 3*2 hours, or 2*2 hours plus a private on a different day. Another option is always to wait it out a bit until her body can handle it.

I don't think your opinion is unpopular! Sorry if I seem hung up over this or if the constant chatter on this thread is making it seem blown out of proportion. As I mentioned before, I don't have any family or friends that have taken this route with any of their kids so I can't necessarily ask them their thoughts from their experiences. Last Saturday was WAY better than the previous Saturday - she only lightly cried for 10 minutes and then was fine for the remainder of the practice. She's happy go lucky throughout the week and doesn't dread going. We have some ideas on why it's happening, but I need to give it a few more weeks before I know for sure. Some solutions I have in mind if things do not improve is pulling her out the last 30 minutes of class until she feels ready or asking to bump her down to pre-team. But I don't think we are there yet. I just wanted to hear other parent's experiences if they were similar and what the outcome was. I do appreciate all the suggestions you are providing!

 

[EXEL]

I would also talk to the coaches after every practice to see if they have any opinions

 

[NutterButter]

I hate to dwell on my unpopular opinion, but after following this thread for days, I genuinely think your daughter is just physically tired. Based on the info you provided, it honestly doesn’t sound like routine adjustment/friendship/critique issues, she is just plain tired after practicing for 2 hours and that is her max. Again, how their bodies tire out is part of their natural abilities which will adjust with demand and age, but it takes time to overcome. Many young starters just compensate with the love for the sport (like suck it up). Crying over tiredness is painful, counterproductive, develops anxiety, and is it really worth it? Maybe try talk to her coaches about only doing 2*2 hrs, or 3*2 hours, or 2*2 hours plus a private on a different day. Another option is always to wait it out a bit until her body can handle it.

For many kiddos though, especially highly sensitive ones, emotional 'stress' will make you physically tired. The emotional part should subside within a few weeks as the OP's DD gets used to the routine and new teammates. If I pulled out my DD of everything that made her 'tired' she would still be working on her high school diploma and not have experienced all the things in life to date.

 

[SPZ_Down]

I would also talk to the coaches after every practice to see if they have any opinions

I did, yesterday, actually I briefly mentioned our concerns last week and chatted again with the front desk yesterday. The coaches pulled her aside in practice and said they heard she was scared/tired and asked her what was going on. I don't know exactly what happened in that conversation but they pulled me aside after practice to chat. They said she's doing really well and they would love for her to continue, at least give it a few more weeks. They did notice she's getting tired/upset the last 30 minutes of the 3 hour practice and she can do what she needs to do as she adjusts. Whether that's go to the bathroom and take a 5-10 minute break, leave early, or just sit and watch if she doesn't want to leave but isn't up for practicing. They said they noticed a drastic difference from the 1st Saturday to the 2nd Saturday even if she still did get upset. They've seen this behavior, including the crying before practice, many times, and it usually resolves itself after a little while. It can take a few months to adjust from 1 hour to 3 hour practices. Also, they know they have 4 "littles" on the Bronze team, so they don't expect them to adjust as easily as the older ones who are struggling too, just displaying different behaviors like multiple bathroom breaks, sighing, etc. It doesn't help that it's 90+ degrees here and the gym has very limited cold air so it's HOT in there.

It sounds like we are all on the same page. My daughter wants to keep trying, the coaches would like her to keep trying, and us parents would like her to keep trying - at least for a few more weeks. We are all aware of where she's struggling and we have some solid action steps to take if/when she gets upset. There's really nothing else I can do right now other than support her through her emotions and see where we land later on.

 

[SPZ_Down]

For many kiddos though, especially highly sensitive ones, emotional 'stress' will make you physically tired. The emotional part should subside within a few weeks as the OP's DD gets used to the routine and new teammates. If I pulled out my DD of everything that made her 'tired' she would still be working on her high school diploma and not have experienced all the things in life to date.

Yes, this resonates with me personally. Also, my middle child is only 5, but she's extremely slow to warm up in new situations - even sometimes in situations where she knows everyone! It can be tiring to work through the emotions, but once she warms up, it's like a light switches, and makes me feel better that I didn't immediately pull her from the activity. Thanks for the encouragement!