No words to describe how I feel :(

[iwish]

I need to vent. I have arranged a meeting with DDs coach this week. I am so disappointed in DDs coach, that if she didn't love gymnastics so much, and begged me to not pull her out, I would have pulled her out.
Dds coach is a female and and has been giving DD a very hard time at practices. She tells DD that she sucks whenever she messes up, she has slapped DD in the leg and stomach, has sat on her in splits, and has threatened to beat DD to death (no joke) if she didn't do her vault correctly. There has been much more, but these incidents stood out to me. I was in the gym observing while this has happened. DD is 13 years old, and training for level 9. Her coach yells at her for having mental breakdowns in the gym, and always asks me why. I am going to tell DDs coach that her methods are not working for my daughter, and we are definitely reconsidering coming back next year. Thanks for listening to my rant, I am just so angry right now.

 

[iwannacoach]

Sounds like a pretty "ventable" situation to me. You say the coach "has been giving DD a very hard time", and I'm wondering if this is a new dynamic between DD and the coach. If things were going along fine until recently, what brought about the change.

Going to level 9, at age 13. shows that something has been working between them in the past, and I hope the three of you can sit down and consider each other's past contributions to DD's gymnastics effort, and plot out a new strategy that works for all of you.

Good luck!!

 

[gymdog]

Doesn't sound like a healthy situation. Pull her out for a week or month while you work this out. It'll still be there after a week if you really decide this is tenable. But really I think you should look for other options.

 

[Aussie_coach]

How old is the coach? Many people have no skills with communicating with children, especially younger coaches. Obviously the comment about beating her to death was not meant to be taken literally but adults don't always realize how intimidating they can be to children.

I would speak to the gym owner or head coach, if I was the owner in your gym I would want to know about all of this. I would very quickly be getting rid of a coach that told the kids that they suck.

 

[gymmomof1]

Wow that is heart breaking to hear. Has it always been like this or like iwannacoach asked has something changed? I would take gym dogs advice and keep her out until you get some answers. IMHO

 

[gym law mom]

The current behavior of this coach is unacceptable. Has she always been like this or have things changed? You certainly need to have a real heart to heart talk and it may not be a bad idea to have the HC/owner in for the meeting.

 

[GymBee97]

Totally unacceptable!! the verbal abuse (and that is what it is) should not be a method in any coach/teachers methods. Ive said it before the ends does not justify the means at all ever!! I would make sure the owner is also at that meeting and start looking at other gyms that don't impliment this type of "coaching" Your DD can love gymnastics and want to do it all she wants but as parents its our job to make sure no one abuses them while they do the things they love. Verbal, physical, emotional abuse is all abuse and should never be a tool to get results (even if the gymnast "doesn't mind" and sees it as a "Joke" or "motivator")

As far as the slapping of the leg and stomach if its truely a spanking type slap with verbal abuse then I would be out of there today to another gym. If its more a tapping for them to suck in their stomach or straighten the leg that is different not really a slap.

For the split I've seen coaches push down on gymnasts to get them lower, have seen girls lay on the floor while coach stretches leg up to the head etc. I've seen coaches take the two arms and pull them back so the gymnasts back arches more. So when you say she sits on her it might be she is doing that - but since I haven't seen it there is no way to tell.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Holy Cow! I don't know if I could stick around that gym any longer. Hopefully there are other gyms in your area that your DD can train at. She has come so far training level 9 and only 13 and still loving gymnastics. In that environment will she still love it 6 months from now?

 

[iwish]

Thanks for all the advice everybody. This coach is about 30-35 ( I don't know her actual age) and has always been like this. Sadly, there are no other gyms in our area, so that is why I called a meetin instead of pulling her right out. DD has a bruise on her leg from when she was hit.. I'm definitely going to give that coach a pice of my mind! Again, thanks for the suggestions! I will tell DD that he will be out of gym for a week AFTER the meeting, so this coach has time to get her act together!

 

[Krystan]

DD has a bruise on her leg from when she was hit..

This is unacceptable on so many levels. Does the head coach and/or owner know about this? If they know and are okay with it, get out and/or press charges. This is assault (at least in my state) and is against the law. Your daughter should know that she should never take this kind of behavior - there is no excuse for it. If the HC/owners don't know, call them ASAP, and I wouldn't even invite this coach to the meeting. This makes me so sad...

 

[bogwoppit]

This is unacceptable on so many levels. Does the head coach and/or owner know about this? If they know and are okay with it, get out and/or press charges. This is assault (at least in my state) and is against the law. Your daughter should know that she should never take this kind of behavior - there is no excuse for it. If the HC/owners don't know, call them ASAP, and I wouldn't even invite this coach to the meeting. This makes me so sad...

I agree 100%. I would also not invite the coach, this "coach" is in no way capable of coaching well. She should be leaving, not you DD. The abuse is just nasty and not okay on any level. If they won't fire the coach then move gyms or find another sport, gymnastics is not worth being abused for. I can guarantee if your 13 year old excels in the gym she will excel in many other sports as well.

 

[gasrgoose]

I'm sorry for your situation. You have much better control than I do. If i witnessed what you described there would have been an immediate "meeting" in the middle of the gym. Good luck! I agree that if this is the only gym then it's time to find a new activity.

 

[cbone]

Leaving a bruise isn't assault; it's battery. It illegal and it's unacceptable and you cannot allow it to happen. When people overreact to playful swats with a noodle, I roll my eyes. This is on an entirely different level. Meet with the HC right away and get out if it doesn't stop.

 

[GymBee97]

DD has a bruise on her leg from when she was hit..

TOTALLY Unacceptable!!!! I would bring this up at the meeting too and let them know any more issues of abuse (verbal, mental or physical) will have charges brought up. You need to let your child know that no matter how much they want to do something that this behavior is never acceptable and as a parent you won't allow it no matter what!! Do a search in your area and double check to see if there isn't somewhere else that offers gymnastics usually if there is one gym in the area there is another (it may not be as close as you would like but you might want to give it a chance)

 

[iwish]

I am meeting with the coach today. I would like to hear why she thinks it is OK to do some of the things she is doing. I am really hoping that she will realize what she is doing is wrong, and will change her ways.

 

[GymBee97]

I am meeting with the coach today. I would like to hear why she thinks it is OK to do some of the things she is doing. I am really hoping that she will realize what she is doing is wrong, and will change her ways.

Call the gym now and insist that the owner be there as well - you need another set of ears on the discussion.

 

[gym law mom]

That is child abuse in every state that I know of. You need to tell the gym and in many places they are required to call the police. This is very wrong and you need to get your dd out of there.

 

[wallinbl]

This is assault (at least in my state) and is against the law.

Yep, it is.

 

[cbone]

Call the gym now and insist that the owner be there as well - you need another set of ears on the discussion.

I agree 100%. As a volleyball coach I have said things like, "We sucked that game. Let's put it behind us." I can imagine a parent misunderstanding me and thinking I was telling their child that they suck. What can't be misinterpreted, however, is physical contact that leaves behind visible mark. It has escalated to the point that it needs the owner/HC involved.

 

[iwish]

Decided just to pull DD from gym. Thank you for the advice, but I will not be pressing charges.