Anon Parent Needing Advice/Encouragement/Anything Really

[gymmama504]

So sorry this is a bit long, but I've a lot on my mind lately about our daughter's gymnastic journey.

She is 12 years old and is Level 7 USAG. She's terribly small for her age (both height and weight). She started Level 1 when she was six and has advanced only one level a year. She's had some seasons with better performances at meets than others. We were at a gym that had her getting stellar scores and placing in the top three at nearly every meet. During COVID, I made the decision to move gyms after hearing the way the coaches talked to her and her teammates during their at-home Zoom sessions. Belittling and making 8-9 year olds cry whilst they were in their living rooms trying to do their assignments amongst their siblings and other distractions made me really angry. It was a real eye-opening experience for not just me but some other team parents.

The last two years have been rough. She has slowly moved from usually placing in the top three or four to now maybe being about halfway at most meets for most events. Vault has been the worst for her - she usually comes in last place on the event, and it ends up tanking her AA score.

She gets so frustrated with herself! It's hard for her to go to meets and leave so upset with her performance. The coaches at her gym are constantly telling her and the parents that scores and placing doesn't matter at this point. But do they? I mean, this whole world is foreign to me, so they could be filling my head with all types of nonsense, and I'd probably believe them.

My husband and I are sort of at opposite ends - I think that maybe this isn't her "thing" and that gymnastics is monopolizing her time so much that she doesn't have opportunities to try anything else. My husband believes that since we've made the commitment to her, we shouldn't force her to quit as long as she loves the sport and is making the effort.

I just see all this time and money and think to myself that I'm freaking nuts!

Thanks for listening to this mama rant. Give me some good words, advice, criticism, whatever you got!!

 

[Coach Kate]

Does she still enjoy gymnastics?

If she does, but she's just having a hard time, it might be time to talk to her and her coaches about her goals and what they all can do to help her get there. Another option would be exploring Xcel. A lot of girls are in DP and unhappy for one reason or another, switch to Xcel, and love the sport again.


Does this gym have other girls placing in the top 3 or 4?

If not, then maybe the coaching at this gym really isn't super strong and it might be time to explore yet another gym option. It's also possible they just aren't connecting with your daughter. We have had kids switch groups before, even temporarily, just because the coach athlete dynamic wasn't working.

 

[JBS]

I just see all this time and money and think to myself that I'm freaking nuts!

I'm a coach and a parent of 3 that are all gymnasts... I think this all the time. Someday it will all be over... will you look back and say... "That was a crazy fun time"... if so... then keep doing it.

 

[Anonymous (caa6)]

I’m a gymnast not a parent but I was this 12yo L7. After Covid we left my abusive gym, given I struggled on bars vs. vault but had a frustrating season. Switch gyms yet again, thriving in L8 and ready for L9 (turning 15 in the fall). The point is there is hope she will push through and progress but she has to want it. I know I begged my mom to be in the gym more and felt so disappointed in myself but I kept going cause I was crazy and loved it. So if your daughters the same and adamant about staying in gymnastics keep doing it for her, if not there’s lots of others sports and things for her to enjoy. The best thing you can do is guide her to make the decision best for her.

 

[Anonymous (3543)]

Does she still enjoy gymnastics?

If she does, but she's just having a hard time, it might be time to talk to her and her coaches about her goals and what they all can do to help her get there. Another option would be exploring Xcel. A lot of girls are in DP and unhappy for one reason or another, switch to Xcel, and love the sport again.


Does this gym have other girls placing in the top 3 or 4?

If not, then maybe the coaching at this gym really isn't super strong and it might be time to explore yet another gym option. It's also possible they just aren't connecting with your daughter. We have had kids switch groups before, even temporarily, just because the coach athlete dynamic wasn't working.

She does love the sport. I do think I need to speak with her coaches just to get their opinion on what we should or could do going forward. Vault has been a huge struggle for her. It seems like she is just starting to go through puberty, so I know her body will be changing in the coming year.

Thank you for your comments.

 

[Anonymous (3543)]

I'm a coach and a parent of 3 that are all gymnasts... I think this all the time. Someday it will all be over... will you look back and say... "That was a crazy fun time"... if so... then keep doing it.

I don’t know about fun for me as much as it is crazy for sure lol.

You are so right. I have three girls, and only one wants to be a gymnast. I guess I should count my blessings .

 

[Aussie_coach]

Making the choice to change gyms was a good one. Winning competitions and being the best is not worth having her self worth and self esteem destroyed.

But the relationship a high level gymnast has with the sport is complex. They spend a lot of time in the gym and a lot of who they are as a person is wrapped up in being a gymnast.

It’s very hard for her to know if she loves the sport or if she just can’t imagine life without it. But gymnastics will be fulfilling a lot of things in their life, sport, fitness, filling her time, friendships, sense of belonging etc. If it just stops, it can leave a really big hole.

She needs other outlets for the things the gym provides before she can be ready to even consider moving on.

 

[Anonymous (e1b6)]

My suspicion is the old gym liked to win medals and trophies and the new gym is more focused on development. During meet season are they uptraining or hammering routines? Most gyms of course do both, but the gyms that spend more time perfecting routines tend to score higher and win more possibly at the cost of introducing and developing new skills.

Regarding vault and size, it is all about power. The more physically developed girls have an easier time generating power and using the board. Little ones have to work a little bit harder to generate the needed punch. If you haven't done so already let the coaches know that the vault scores are bothering your DD and maybe they can help her get that score up or at least talk to her and let her know she's on the right track.

 

[Anonymous (64e7)]

Hang in there! My DD is also Level 7 (11 going on 12) and vault has always been a struggle. She is also very small and is built more like a ballerina than a typical gymnast. I too, have brought up the concern about vault to her coaches, and every one has assured me that much of the block comes from the power that you get in your shoulders which typically kicks in after their growth spurt/puberty. They aren't worried about it at all and we come from a gym with a large and competitive level 10 team, so we are just trusting their opinion.

But in all honesty, even if vault never kicks in, there's no reason that should hold her back from pursuing a long gymnastics career. As long as she's having fun, and enjoys spending her time doing gymnastics, that is a win!

Quite honestly, just the willingness to stay in the sport over the long-term will be the biggest differentiator as to how far she goes in the sport. And also, middle school hormones, growth spurts, etc. don't make for the easiest gymnastics years - try not to compare to where she "was" on the podium, but rather, on her progress and where she is today. Making it to Level 7 by age 12 is a big deal and that alone is worth celebrating as long as she's still having fun!

Ashleigh

 

[Anonymous (3543)]

Hang in there! My DD is also Level 7 (11 going on 12) and vault has always been a struggle. She is also very small and is built more like a ballerina than a typical gymnast. I too, have brought up the concern about vault to her coaches, and every one has assured me that much of the block comes from the power that you get in your shoulders which typically kicks in after their growth spurt/puberty. They aren't worried about it at all and we come from a gym with a large and competitive level 10 team, so we are just trusting their opinion.

But in all honesty, even if vault never kicks in, there's no reason that should hold her back from pursuing a long gymnastics career. As long as she's having fun, and enjoys spending her time doing gymnastics, that is a win!

Quite honestly, just the willingness to stay in the sport over the long-term will be the biggest differentiator as to how far she goes in the sport. And also, middle school hormones, growth spurts, etc. don't make for the easiest gymnastics years - try not to compare to where she "was" on the podium, but rather, on her progress and where she is today. Making it to Level 7 by age 12 is a big deal and that alone is worth celebrating as long as she's still having fun!

Ashleigh

Yes! My daughter is definitely built more like a ballerina. She’s not just short - she’s rather thin. There’s just not a whole lot to her. She’d be a cute ballerina, but she is not interested!

She tries so hard and gets so mad with herself, but she has never said she wants to quit. It’s just hard as a mama to try to balance it all.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

 

[Anonymous (9f75)]

The transition from compulsories to optionals is frequently very challenging because the difficulty increases significantly right when the brain and body are going through a bunch of changes that make gymnastics significantly more challenging. Sometimes, with puberty and growth spurts, just maintaining skills is a triumph! Really and truly placements do not tell the story at a time like this!

Also, it is not uncommon or bad at all to repeat levels in optionals. She’ll likely have the option of repeating level 7 and that is not a sign of failure. Sometimes a gymnast is sort of between levels and they move up and have a hard year at a new level and then repeat and kill it the next year. This is normal!!
You mention that she has “only” advanced one level per year as if you think that is a sign of mediocrity. It’s not! 12-years-old in level 7 is actually on the young side for many gyms, especially given the impact of COVID disruptions. Honestly, your daughter might be a level 6 rockstar this year at another gym and your perspective would be totally different.

In summary, your daughter doing great and you all should focus on progress not placements. Remember this is a child’s extracurricular activity and the purpose is to get exercise, build positive relationships with teammates and coaches, and learn valuable life lessons about things like resilience, perseverance, and dedication. If she is doing these things and having fun then there is no problem.

Best wishes!

 

[Anonymous (a2f2)]

I'm a parent just trying to help my daughter make the best decisions as well. It is a lot of money, it is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It is progress, then setbacks, then progress, then setbacks, but such is life. I've told my daughter from level 1 to not let the judges opinion of her define who she is as a gymnast. The judge sees them for 6 minutes a meet. Are you really going to let that define who you are and negate the hundreds of hours of work you put in. Yea, it is fun to put on the fancy leo, travel to meets, compete with your team, but is that what it is really about? Getting medals, placing 1st, beating everyone, or is it about personal growth and development throughout this long grueling journey. I could certainly be wrong, but I don't ever think a college coach has asked....."how did you score on vault as a Level 7". I think if she loves the sport she will commit to it, she will drive the results. As a parent I just want to support and be able to provide opportunities that I never had. All of these girls have huge dreams and goals and that is awesome, they should be encouraged to chase them everyday. Who knows when that one moment in time will occur when maybe, just maybe your hard work and commitment will payoff.

 

[Anonymous (3543)]

The transition from compulsories to optionals is frequently very challenging because the difficulty increases significantly right when the brain and body are going through a bunch of changes that make gymnastics significantly more challenging. Sometimes, with puberty and growth spurts, just maintaining skills is a triumph! Really and truly placements do not tell the story at a time like this!

Also, it is not uncommon or bad at all to repeat levels in optionals. She’ll likely have the option of repeating level 7 and that is not a sign of failure. Sometimes a gymnast is sort of between levels and they move up and have a hard year at a new level and then repeat and kill it the next year. This is normal!!
You mention that she has “only” advanced one level per year as if you think that is a sign of mediocrity. It’s not! 12-years-old in level 7 is actually on the young side for many gyms, especially given the impact of COVID disruptions. Honestly, your daughter might be a level 6 rockstar this year at another gym and your perspective would be totally different.

In summary, your daughter doing great and you all should focus on progress not placements. Remember this is a child’s extracurricular activity and the purpose is to get exercise, build positive relationships with teammates and coaches, and learn valuable life lessons about things like resilience, perseverance, and dedication. If she is doing these things and having fun then there is no problem.

Best wishes!

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. You are so right in so many ways. Sometimes, I think I need the voice of reason. Thank you for that.

 

[Anonymous (3543)]

I'm a parent just trying to help my daughter make the best decisions as well. It is a lot of money, it is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It is progress, then setbacks, then progress, then setbacks, but such is life. I've told my daughter from level 1 to not let the judges opinion of her define who she is as a gymnast. The judge sees them for 6 minutes a meet. Are you really going to let that define who you are and negate the hundreds of hours of work you put in. Yea, it is fun to put on the fancy leo, travel to meets, compete with your team, but is that what it is really about? Getting medals, placing 1st, beating everyone, or is it about personal growth and development throughout this long grueling journey. I could certainly be wrong, but I don't ever think a college coach has asked....."how did you score on vault as a Level 7". I think if she loves the sport she will commit to it, she will drive the results. As a parent I just want to support and be able to provide opportunities that I never had. All of these girls have huge dreams and goals and that is awesome, they should be encouraged to chase them everyday. Who knows when that one moment in time will occur when maybe, just maybe your hard work and commitment will payoff.

Thanks for this. This sport is even exhausting for me at times. I think I get burnout more than she does.

I’m trying to juggle three children’s hopes and dreams, and gymnastics has been the most taxing on us as a family. Sometimes, I just need someone to help me get my perspective back in check.

 

[Anonymous (a2f2)]

Thanks for this. This sport is even exhausting for me at times. I think I get burnout more than she does.

I’m trying to juggle three children’s hopes and dreams, and gymnastics has been the most taxing on us as a family. Sometimes, I just need someone to help me get my perspective back in check.

From one parent to another....you're asking questions, you're looking for guidance, so I would say you are doing an amazing job at juggling. Our daughter is a lvl-10/elite and she will turn 14 this year.....it is a marathon and not a sprint...ups and downs, highs, and lows, loves it, and hates it. I realized that those emotions are for her and her coach, I just love, support, and encourage. It is her dreams we are chasing, not mine. Every day I am more proud about the PERSON this sport has developed more than the GYMNAST is has developed.