Parents Not really sure how to handle...........

[Deleted member 18037]

Where is the "big head" coming from? Who is giving it to her?

This was also my thought...........

 

[Jazzjerz]

Seriously, you don't need to explain how to parent to me....

My kids get plenty of love, support, and guidance. I make sure to set expectations and make them accountable. So you don't have to worry your pretty little head about it. You can also drop the condenscending tone.

Wow! To me, if anyone is coming across as condescending here, it is you, Deleted member 18037...especially with the "don't worry your pretty little head" line. That's just rude!

I read my4buffaloes' comment as more directed to the universal "you", as in a general question of when parents step in or not. Although, even if it was specifically directed at you, I still find It appropriate and not condescending. Your opening line of "I let my kids teacher deal with any issues in school" definitely could have come across as a parent who wasn't inclined to address anything that happened outside of your general area of responsibility. Even if that is not how you meant it, that is how it came across to me, and set the tone for the rest of your post.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I read my4buffaloes' comment as more directed to the universal "you", as in a general question of when parents step in or not.

You are absolutely entitled to your opinion.

However the statement directly spoke to my post. It wasn't a universal "you".

As I was quoted I answered, and now I am done. So the focus can go back to the OPs concern.

 

[MabelSt]

Mine also would get consequences at home. The coach may give consequences for not obeying in the gym but MY consequences would come from disobeying MY rule that we are respectful human beings. The teacher may give consequences for not turning in homework but MY consequence comes from breaking the 'homework first' rule we may have at home.

I agree everyone, including kids, should be respectful of each other. But I don't agree in teaching girls to never feel free to challenge an authority figure.

 

[MrsAnderson]

I agree everyone, including kids, should be respectful of each other. But I don't agree in teaching girls to never feel free to challenge an authority figure.

I spoke of being direspectful. It is possible to respectfully disagree with someone. That does not sound like it was the case in the OP though.

 

[duyetanh]

For us it is situational.
And I do believe in Natural Consequences.
If mine had been rude to the coach, we would talk about it, and she would apologize the next day...knowing full well that if she did it again, there would be a major consequence...the consequence would fit the crime...she would go and watch practice. The whole practice. As she is a perfect angel at the gym and saves her devilry for yours truly, it will never happen.
If mine didn't do her homework and already had a consequence, I would say well now we need to make that homework up as well as do the other homework...gee...if it doesn't get done, I guess there isn't time for what you want to do.
But if my child has been disciplined for something, I would weigh the situation and talk to her about it. And talk her through it. I feel that talking through things is very helpful and beneficial.
My two cents.

 

[e'smum]

unless they've had a competition and she scored so much higher than everyone else at the meet, i'm also not really sure where the big head comes in??

honestly, kids like that usually get taken down a notch or two when they compete and see kids getting better scores and awards and they don't. they then realize they need to put in their full 100% in order to be on the podium. if she wants to be lazy, she will learn fast enough that those who work hard will pass her by even if she thinks she is better than them. it's a life lesson they have to learn on their own.

the attitude with the coach you handled spot on and your husband probably put the fear of God into her with his comment about pulling her himself. i also would have taken ice cream away from her. not sure about the open gym though - i probably wouldn't take that away. she'll learn that you can't do gymnastics well w/o putting in the full effort and she may need to fail big at a meet to get that. my own dd may meet that fate tomorrow. no big head and she puts in the effort at the gym on her skills and conditioning but she's a bit careless with pointing her toes and not jumping high enough. i tell her she's just giving away points by not paying attention to those things and really working on them. we'll see tomorrow at her first meet how she does. she's 9 and in level 6 and also started at age 6 but in level 3 (a non-compete year).

 

[3rd_time_around]

I let my kids teacher deal with any issues in school.

I let the coach, coach and deal with things in gym.

I would never double punish my kid.

I would however chat with her about consequences at school or gym. And I would be very clear, I won't be fixing it for her. I would brainstorm on what she could do to fix it herself though. And catch her doing good and talking that up.

?? [emoji848]

 

[Deleted member 18037]

?? [emoji848]

I do not double discipline. If a teacher or coach has already handed down a consequence for something, it is over and done with.

We do talk about how to make sure it doesn't happen again, what she could better. My job is to help her be her best self, not add on punishment, when it has already been addressed.

It is not really complicated.

Side note, we just got word that she was recognized for students postitive character of the month for 6th year. So we its likely we are doing something right.

 

[gotgym]

As a mom of two gymnasts(my kids are grown and married now )and the head coach I have to say I truly believe in that triangular effect.. of the gymnast , coach and parents all working together to make the child as successful as they can be. I would not and do not put up with disrespectful behavior no matter how good they are.. I would go to the parent and I would hope a discussion would happen. . Respect should start at home.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Side note, we just got word that she was recognized for students postitive character of the month for 6th year. So we its likely we are doing something right.

It's just as likely that you are lucky. I have seen some absolutely amazing people come from horrendous parenting situations and wonderful parents turn out less than stellar humans. Nature/nurture is a two sided coin and we only control the half we see. Lord knows that both my children are better people than I am, and I am thankful for that daily.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

It's just as likely that you are lucky. I have seen some absolutely amazing people come from horrendous parenting situations and wonderful parents turn out less than stellar humans. Nature/nurture is a two sided coin and we only control the half we see. Lord knows that both my children are better people than I am, and I am thankful for that daily.

Well if its a matter of a dice roll, there is no need to parent at all.

Glad to know my horrendous parenting hasn't ruined her.

 

[triplethreat+1]

?? [emoji848]

I had the same reaction too... But then I realized I have never 'double disciplined ' either (so far!). But, that's partly because I've never needed too. Through whatever combination of nature/nurture ;p, there has never been an incident serious enough that the school/gym consequence wasn't sufficient. However, I can imagine times where it would need to be added (suspension for example...). So I guess I see both sides.

 

[Jazzjerz]

MILgymFAM didn't say it was a dice roll...she said we only control half of the equation. I agree with her. When I feel tempted to pat myself on the back for my stellar parenting, I try to remember that my child is their own person, and I can only control so much. I think most of us do our best to guide and provide consequences to help provide those learning opportunities, and in the end, we hope the lessons land.

 

[CCGymbug]

I am the parent that on the rare occasion when I do go in and watch DD will patiently wait for her to get a drink and make her come to me if I see she is excessively chatty or not working skills when she should be. I drive an old car so that I can pay a car pmt amount to gym each month. I sacrifice for her to be there and I expect her to be making the most of the opportunity. I have simply told her if she isnt going to work I will cut her gym time. My daughter is a model gymnast 99% of time because it is something that I require her to earn to keep.