Parents Parent Observation Policies

[twinmomma]

I thought about this thread on Friday. I walked in from work (an hour and a half into her L3 practice) to watch my daughter complete her first ROBHS unassisted. I would have been livid if I had been available to see that accomplishment but prevented to by some ridiculous gym policy. What other sport prevents parents from watching an 8 year old's practice? Soccer? No. Baseball? No. Football? No. Swimming? No.

They are CHILDREN. And they want us to SEE them achieve their goals. And if we teach them that they only achieve their goals when they are in the competitive arena (by only allowing them to be viewed in that space) then we devalue the journey. We devalue the hard work they put in by teaching them that doing it "in practice" isn't as important as doing it in competition. And sure, executing in competition is the ultimate for them, but what about the importance of that "first time" when something clicks. How are parents ok with not being there for that?

 

[gymratmom]

In our old gym there was a CGM that would tape her daughter's routines and pull her out in the middle of practice to go over them. Then she would make her go back and work on it, even though the group had moved to the next station! Still can't believe the coaches tolerated it. New gym installed blinds in the team viewing area due to parents emailing coaches during practice letting them know how much time they were spending per kid, how many each gymnast got, etc. I am ok with the policy because I want the coaches to be 100% focused on coaching, not having to worry about the parents in the lobby. Not to mention the kids can just work without worrying about parents reaction. I will never forget how that gymnast whole body language changed when her Mom was watching.

Of course, I absolutely love and trust the coaches at our gym so don't feel the need to watch for safety sake. They open blinds 2x/ month and have closed circuit TV. Rec area is open always, so if you get lucky, you may catch a glimpse of your kid on bars

 

[Seeker]

In our old gym there was a CGM that would tape her daughter's routines and pull her out in the middle of practice to go over them. Then she would make her go back and work on it, even though the group had moved to the next station! Still can't believe the coaches tolerated it. New gym installed blinds in the team viewing area due to parents emailing coaches during practice letting them know how much time they were spending per kid, how many each gymnast got, etc.

...and this is why there are no viewing policies at so many gyms. A few bad apples with no boundaries and BAM! no more watching.

 

[heatherncastro]

True .. Parents shouldn't try to coach .. That's what coaches are for


Sent from my iPad using ChalkBucket

 

[sce]

In our old gym there was a CGM that would tape her daughter's routines and pull her out in the middle of practice to go over them. Then she would make her go back and work on it, even though the group had moved to the next station! Still can't believe the coaches tolerated it. New gym installed blinds in the team viewing area due to parents emailing coaches during practice letting them know how much time they were spending per kid, how many each gymnast got, etc. I am ok with the policy because I want the coaches to be 100% focused on coaching, not having to worry about the parents in the lobby. Not to mention the kids can just work without worrying about parents reaction. I will never forget how that gymnast whole body language changed when her Mom was watching.

All I can say is, wow!

I hope the coaches here realize that most of us are not doing anything like this. I don't watch to coach or critique the coaching etc. I watch and think things like, "Look at what she can do now! Look at that new skills he's doing." etc

 

[Deleted member D3987]

In our old gym there was a CGM that would tape her daughter's routines and pull her out in the middle of practice to go over them. Then she would make her go back and work on it, even though the group had moved to the next station! Still can't believe the coaches tolerated it. New gym installed blinds in the team viewing area due to parents emailing coaches during practice letting them know how much time they were spending per kid, how many each gymnast got, etc. I am ok with the policy because I want the coaches to be 100% focused on coaching, not having to worry about the parents in the lobby. Not to mention the kids can just work without worrying about parents reaction. I will never forget how that gymnast whole body language changed when her Mom was watching.

Of course, I absolutely love and trust the coaches at our gym so don't feel the need to watch for safety sake. They open blinds 2x/ month and have closed circuit TV. Rec area is open always, so if you get lucky, you may catch a glimpse of your kid on bars

for those of you that have not been in more than 1/2 the gyms in the USA, what is described above is the norm for gyms with parent observation areas.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

...and this is why there are no viewing policies at so many gyms. A few bad apples with no boundaries and BAM! no more watching.

this is precisely why.

 

[profmom]

My kids' gym doesn't have a policy about watching, but there's a very clear policy of not talking to the kids or coaches while they are practicing. I've seen it enforced a few times. It seems like a parent would have to be pretty over the top for this not to work, but I know that kids' sports do attract some pretty over-the-top types.

 

[skschlag]

Our gym doesn't have a policy. Parents stay sometimes, but not alot (well, team parents). I stayed yesterday for many reasons. Right now, I would be very unhappy wiht a no viewing policy, since we never know who will be coaching or if we will have a coach. Behaviors are not good. My son and I were able to have a chat about his behavior at practice and what he should be doing. If i wasn't there, it would have been the usual low communication I get after practice.

I think I have said this before, that it isn't that everyone wants to stay and stare at their kids all the time. But in any situation where that is taken away, questions arise about why. What is going on that no one wants me to see? And I think it creates a mistrust without reason. the majority of parents do not cause any issues.

 

[Pickle]

We don't have a policy per say, although we are encouraged not t stay. Our viewing area is behind glass, so there is no way to talk to the kids or coaches. It is also crazy crowded with rec parents. Most of the team parents just drop off, and then come 20 minutes early if they want to watch. However, if someone wants to stay the whole time they can. The coaches hide out in the gym after practice, so even if you are there it is not easy to talk to them.

 

[Seeker]

this is precisely why.

And regardless of my desire to watch any amount of practice (I wouldn't mind watching a little), after witnessing how some people act, I fully support the closed-door policy. We all know people that walk through life acting as if the rules don't apply to them and this is just another example. Even if it isn't me acting that way, some crazy parent shouting at their kid during practice would have an affect on all of the kids there. It's uncomfortable for everyone, parents and kids alike.

I'd rather that all of the kids are able to fully focus on what they're doing and be completely engaged with their coaches and teammates rather than worrying about what Susie's CGD's going to do next. That behavior is damaging and distracting for all of the kids who have to endure it.

 

[curlymop]

for those of you that have not been in more than 1/2 the gyms in the USA, what is described above is the norm for gyms with parent observation areas.

Just to clarify, when you say it's the norm, do you mean it's the norm to occasionally have a parent act that way? Or is that normal behavior for all of their parents?

I feel like there is a better way to deal with the few bad apples than to institute a policy affecting everyone. What was described is truly crazy behavior, and that type of crazy will find an outlet no matter what type of viewing policy the gym implements.

Partly due to a lack of space, our parent area is separated from the floor by only a half wall. I could whisper, and my child would be able to hear me. I have never seen parents interfering in that way, and I don't believe that would be tolerated. Eventually, they'd be told to find a new gym. I've seen it happen over other issues.

I would never let my kids train at a gym with a no viewing policy. That being said, I do think that watching every practice is more stressful for everyone involved. My son was only 5 when he started training with the team last year, and I have slowly become more comfortable with leaving him there and going about my business. I used to worry that he wasn't getting skills quickly enough or that he wasn't paying enough attention during class. Now that I don't watch every practice, it's easier to see his progress, and I've just decided that if the coach needs my help dealing with a behavior issue, he'll let me know.

 

[BachFlyer]

Just to clarify, when you say it's the norm, do you mean it's the norm to occasionally have a parent act that way? Or is that normal behavior for all of their parents?

I feel like there is a better way to deal with the few bad apples than to institute a policy affecting everyone. What was described is truly crazy behavior, and that type of crazy will find an outlet no matter what type of viewing policy the gym implements.

100% Agree. It's not normal at all in our current gym or our old gym, even though no viewing ban exists. In 7 years I have seen just two parents that had over the top behavior - in one case the parent seemed to "grow out of it" and in other the parent is still a nutcase but the coaches just ignore it because the kid hasn't progressed and they know they won't be around forever.

 

[cbifoja]

I feel like there is a better way to deal with the few bad apples than to institute a policy affecting everyone. What was described is truly crazy behavior, and that type of crazy will find an outlet no matter what type of viewing policy the gym implements.

SO THIS!!!!! I cannot stand blanket rules when the "rules" only affect a few people. To me, it feels like a lack of courage in confronting the offending party. Why punish parents who know proper behavior and know the dangers/pitfalls of interfering with the coach-athlete relationship????

 

[NYG]

I can understand both sides. Especially with some overzealous parents. I'm sure a compromise is out there for the gyms that are completely closed to parents. Unfortunately, these types of decisions are usually based off of past experiences and aren’t necessarily based on the current group of parents. It’s a tough position for both sides.
I do believe parents should be able to at some point during the week to have the option to see their children at practice.

 

[gracyomalley]

Both of my kids' gyms have viewing areas behind glass. Both have "no talking to kid or coach" policies. At both gyms, if a parent needs to communicate with a kid they tell the front desk and someone will go get the kid (ei - family emergency, need to go to dentist apt, etc..NOT "fix your BHS").

I will completely admit to having once been the parent who watched too much - and only got frustrated when I saw my kid lolligagging, or balking, or some such thing....that was years ago. DD doesn't like to be watched until she feels ready to "show you something" - I respect that, although as it was a change it took some time to get it through my thick skull - I still like to come in and chat with the other parents - but I can let that go...DSs like me to watch - but I only can about 90 minutes a week - if that - and still mostly to gab - missed DSs first giants even though I was there...

When it comes down to it, I would never have my kids in an activity that I couldn't trust them to be safe even without me there (and safe is relative...both physical safety and otherwise). It is absolutely true that abuse happens most often in situations you wouldn't question with trusted individuals - so unfortunately our parenting helicopters don't help anyway!!! Teach your kids to be respectful and know what is right and wrong, thoroughly research your kids activities and teachers, make sure things are done according to USAG policy (no sleepovers with coaches in their homes, limit rides to things, etc....just common sense) and you have to let go some....

I am certain that no great gymnast thrived BECAUSE their parent pointed out coaching mistakes!!! And if your gym is not training up to par, both safety and otherwise, you can see that at meets - there is one gym in town whose coach is mean to the girls at meets, their form is very questionable, and they ALWAYS score poorly - for years!!! I can't watch them on bars....and our girls are made to turn around when they compete as the coach doesn't want them to see scary falls...Many parents leave that gym and change as time goes by....others seem to be brainwashed....or some such thing (I've heard tell the gym is prided on being very CLEAN....hmmmm...well we all have our priorities). My point is you don't need to be there for practices. Nuff said!

 

[raenndrops]

We have one mom that will coach her daughter... telling her to go for skills she isn't quite allowed to do yet (FT off of beam when she hasn't finished her prep work yet... then when she DOES work up to the FT, it would be easier if you didn't have all those mats stacked up there... remove them - coach put them there for a reason). The dd also makes excuses to run over to mom during warm up and whenever she wants (and mom encourages it)

When I coach the girls, it's different - because it's my JOB. Our L3 coach and HC both had me explain things to girls last night... L3 because she couldn't put into words what she needed a girl to do on her FHS on floor over a sideways 8" mat... and HC because she was working with another group and had seen something that needed fixed. LOL, the only thing wrong with me "explaining" right now is that I re-injured my shoulder... and I tend to be animated and SHOW them what I want - not actually doing it, but showing the arm motions .

 

[sce]

for those of you that have not been in more than 1/2 the gyms in the USA, what is described above is the norm for gyms with parent observation areas.

That is sad, and I have not seen any of this at our gym.

I think part of why I've been asking about these policies is my lack of seeing stuff like this. It is unimaginable to me that people act this way. Sad that the crazy few ruin things for all those that just want to enjoy what their child is learning.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Just to clarify, when you say it's the norm, do you mean it's the norm to occasionally have a parent act that way? Or is that normal behavior for all of their parents?

I feel like there is a better way to deal with the few bad apples than to institute a policy affecting everyone. What was described is truly crazy behavior, and that type of crazy will find an outlet no matter what type of viewing policy the gym implements.

Partly due to a lack of space, our parent area is separated from the floor by only a half wall. I could whisper, and my child would be able to hear me. I have never seen parents interfering in that way, and I don't believe that would be tolerated. Eventually, they'd be told to find a new gym. I've seen it happen over other issues.

I would never let my kids train at a gym with a no viewing policy. That being said, I do think that watching every practice is more stressful for everyone involved. My son was only 5 when he started training with the team last year, and I have slowly become more comfortable with leaving him there and going about my business. I used to worry that he wasn't getting skills quickly enough or that he wasn't paying enough attention during class. Now that I don't watch every practice, it's easier to see his progress, and I've just decided that if the coach needs my help dealing with a behavior issue, he'll let me know.

it's the norm to have a parent/parents act that way. it's not occasional. it's consistent and every gym has this problem at one point or another. and just when you think you have rid yourself of this problem, along comes yet another parent with the same behavior. it never ends for club owners. and in some gyms/markets the problem is worse than others.

 

[aerialriver]

Of course it is not 100% of parents 100% of the time. What I notice is gossiping. One bad apple will start telling all the good apples everything they precieve is wrong and essentially spoil the bunch.

You start out with the one complaining her kid is in the wrong group of should be working xyz skill and pretty soon the office is full of people complaining about the same. It just breeds a negative environment.

Personally I couldn't care less if they watch til their eyes fall out but parking is a huge issue at out gym and I wish they'd leave at least from time to time. I'm sure all the preschool age class parents that have to stay would like that too.