Parents Parent Observation Policies

[happychaos]

I think some of these "parent" issues can be attributed to poor communication from the coaches. It seems that many coaches hide in the gym and have the attitude that parents are a liability and inconvenience instead of an asset and ally.

When there is an absence of information provided by coaches, it is no wonder parents look to other parents to fill in the gaps. I'm not suggesting that coaches should have to explain every little thing to parents, but some regular communication, especially when groups or levels are changed, would prevent much of the speculating and gossip.

I think coaches would garner more trust from parents if they would make regular communication a priority. Something simple like a conference once per year, and making themselves available before or after practice on a regular basis, or a quick e-mail every couple of months. It's easier for parents to mistrust coaches who are distant, removed, and non-personal. A friendly "hello" in the lobby, and a few quick words or e-mail about ones DD really goes a long way.

Most parents just want to know that the coach has their DD's best interests at heart, and be informed about issues/changes at the gym. If coaches could keep this in mind, the crazy CGM will not have as many parents willing to listen to her rant.

 

[twinmomma]

It's interesting that dunno indicates that this is the behavior in 1/2 the gyms nationwide when there seems to be a significant cross section here who have all said they've never seen it. It says much more to me about a gym/HC/gym owner who is unwilling to confront a parent clearly interfering in coaching and would rather create some blanket policy ruining it for everyone than it says to me about the parent.

I've seen all sorts of crappy baseball parents armchair coaching their kids from the stands but they don't ban all the parents when a parent acts up - as parents we have to sign a "code of conduct" for our kids to be in little league. If we violate it, we get kicked out. Why not do the same at the gym. Specify - no coaching from the stands. No pulling a child from class except when prearranged or handled through the front office, etc...It's not that difficult. Then... ENFORCE IT. Shoot, if you're that afraid of confrontation, the first contact with an offending parent can be via email. Often just the fact that someone's noticing is often enough to get people to get their you know what in check.

 

[profmom]

I think there is a continuum of bad parent behavior, and I agree that the extremes are, well, extreme and unusual. But that maybe means one or two a year at a typical gym, which would not be anyone's favorite thing to address.

The problem is how do you deal with more typical problematic behavior. Not the parent who's pulling the kid aside during practice and changing the drills or texting the coach daily with helpful suggestions, but the parent who's always watching intently, not necessarily saying anything during practice, but then going over each practice with the child afterward. The parent who's videoing skills not to show Grandma her grandson's latest cool thing on Facebook but to critique the skills with Coach's Eye or some such in detail over the weekend. The parent who gives corrections if the child is working on drills out of earshot of the coach. The parent who undermines the coach subtly by asking the child to provide a full justification for every drill and progression and explain the differences between what s/he did and what her/his teammates did, and then criticizing the differences. Or just the parent whose very presence distracts the child and makes it difficult for the child to focus on and absorb what the coach is teaching or demonstrating. None of these things in isolation would probably be enough for a coach or owner to feel justified in kicking a parent out of the gym, but I sure can see how if they became norms practiced by multiple parents, they would drive a coach around the bend in pretty short order.

The gymnast at practice should be doing the skills, drills, and routines for the coach's consumption and analysis, and the parent's interest/pleasure should be a far, far distant second.

 

[LJL07]

I think some of these "parent" issues can be attributed to poor communication from the coaches. It seems that many coaches hide in the gym and have the attitude that parents are a liability and inconvenience instead of an asset and ally.

When there is an absence of information provided by coaches, it is no wonder parents look to other parents to fill in the gaps. I'm not suggesting that coaches should have to explain every little thing to parents, but some regular communication, especially when groups or levels are changed, would prevent much of the speculating and gossip.

I think coaches would garner more trust from parents if they would make regular communication a priority. Something simple like a conference once per year, and making themselves available before or after practice on a regular basis, or a quick e-mail every couple of months. It's easier for parents to mistrust coaches who are distant, removed, and non-personal. A friendly "hello" in the lobby, and a few quick words or e-mail about ones DD really goes a long way.

Most parents just want to know that the coach has their DD's best interests at heart, and be informed about issues/changes at the gym. If coaches could keep this in mind, the crazy CGM will not have as many parents willing to listen to her rant.

Amen! Very poor and inconsistent communication at our last gym drove me (and a few other moms) to act like semi-CGMs. The coaches were avoidant and were overly communicative with some parents but refused to communicate with others. Then they would tell one parent one thing and tell another parent the opposite like they were trying to gauge what the parent they were speaking to right at that moment really wanted to hear. Our rec soccer coach who was a parent volunteer communicated more professionally than this gym.

The coaches at our current gym are accessible by email or phone and don't act shady. Very up front about what they are doing. As a result, I rarely feel like I need to speak with them and most of the parents are pretty content. We are allowed to watch, but I don't think they are crazy about the parents watching every practice as there are a couple of parents who question every move. I think those parents would be unhappy anywhere though.

I only have experience at the two gyms, but I would imagine it's the norm to have one CGP at any given gym. It's a pretty extreme sport.

 

[happychaos]

Amen! Very poor and inconsistent communication at our last gym drove me (and a few other moms) to act like semi-CGMs. The coaches were avoidant and were overly communicative with some parents but refused to communicate with others. Then they would tell one parent one thing and tell another parent the opposite like they were trying to gauge what the parent they were speaking to right at that moment really wanted to hear. Our rec soccer coach who was a parent volunteer communicated more professionally than this gym.

The coaches at our current gym are accessible by email or phone and don't act shady. Very up front about what they are doing. As a result, I rarely feel like I need to speak with them and most of the parents are pretty content. We are allowed to watch, but I don't think they are crazy about the parents watching every practice as there are a couple of parents who question every move. I think those parents would be unhappy anywhere though.

I only have experience at the two gyms, but I would imagine it's the norm to have one CGP at any given gym. It's a pretty extreme sport.

Yes! It is an extreme sport! Coaches need parents who are willing to let their kids spend long hours in the gym away from their families, parents who are willing to spend many hours driving, and parents who are willing to pay tons of money. It is not reasonable to then expect these same parents to remain uninformed and unconcerned about what is going on in the gym.

 

[Midwestmommy]

I would not bring my daughter to a gym with a strict non viewing or set-hours policy. However, it is unhealthy for child and parent for parent to watch every practice. Plus I would not want my customers staring in the window of my office all day. However, without exception, I respond to every call and email within 24 business hours. And I make pertinent information I know customers need easily available online.

I agree with the other posters that the vast majority of craziness is preventable with good communication and mutual respect. there are always one or two in the bunch though. When I go watch every once in a while, I try to remember to give up my spot to a rec parent. I kind of feel in that way team parents should view themselves as being good representatives of the gym and welcoming so rec kids keep coming. There are some parents who have been around a long time who view themselves more like gym aristocrats, but that is the small minority.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I've seen all sorts of crappy baseball parents armchair coaching their kids from the stands but they don't ban all the parents when a parent acts up - as parents we have to sign a "code of conduct" for our kids to be in little league. If we violate it, we get kicked out. Why not do the same at the gym. Specify - no coaching from the stands. No pulling a child from class except when prearranged or handled through the front office, etc...It's not that difficult. Then... ENFORCE IT. Shoot, if you're that afraid of confrontation, the first contact with an offending parent can be via email. Often just the fact that someone's noticing is often enough to get people to get their you know what in check.[/QUOTE]



perhaps we don't want to spend our weeks, months or years policing and enforcing parents,,,
Sooner or later a parent realizes that what is best for them may not be best for the child.
my parting post from this thread,

 

[xrachx]

We're lucky that at DDs current gym, the two gyms are actually upstairs from the waiting area. If you want to watch you can either go upstairs to the small viewing room (you can get maybe 3 people in there comfortably but it's not a pleasant place to be), or there is a tv downstairs which streams videos from the gyms (but you have to stand close to it to be able to distinguish which your child is).

I've only seen 2 CGM there. One who watches her child intently on the TV, raves about how amazing he is (he is rec kid who can barely do a handstand), and then critiques him when his class finishes. The other, DD was assessed for team, and when the HC said she didn't make it, CGM went nuts, shouting at the HC and at other parents about how rubbish the gym was not to see her DDs talent. But out of the hundreds of kids there, 2 CGM isn't bad!

DDs old gym however, the waiting area was actually open plan next to the gym, so kids were constantly coming out of their group because CGM had summoned them over, and I'd reckon maybe 50% were CGM. Unfortunately the coaches gave up trying to stop the kids and parents, so it was considered normal to most

 

[Moxiegrl83]

I feel really lucky we don't see this behavior at the gym. Our floor plan is completely open, separated by a half wall. Beam is the only event parents can get fairly close, but there is no glass to sit behind. I have to say, I only see the rec parents trying to coach from the wall or correct behaviors. We have signs up that said " please do not coach your children from the wall". Not for team, but for rec. and telling rec parents they can't watch really doesn't work. The one nice thing about the "open plan", it keeps all the coaches accountable for what they say and how they act. When the staff knows everything they say or do can be potentially heard by the parents, they are always on their best behavior. ( again, I'm referring to rec)

 

[Deleted member D3987]

It's interesting that dunno indicates that this is the behavior in 1/2 the gyms nationwide when there seems to be a significant cross section here who have all said they've never seen it. It says much more to me about a gym/HC/gym owner who is unwilling to confront a parent clearly interfering in coaching and would rather create some blanket policy ruining it for everyone than it says to me about the parent.

I've seen all sorts of crappy baseball parents armchair coaching their kids from the stands but they don't ban all the parents when a parent acts up - as parents we have to sign a "code of conduct" for our kids to be in little league. If we violate it, we get kicked out. Why not do the same at the gym. Specify - no coaching from the stands. No pulling a child from class except when prearranged or handled through the front office, etc...It's not that difficult. Then... ENFORCE IT. Shoot, if you're that afraid of confrontation, the first contact with an offending parent can be via email. Often just the fact that someone's noticing is often enough to get people to get their you know what in check.

there are approximately 5200 private gymnastics clubs nationwide. i dare to say that i have been in more than half of them. the observation areas that i have been in have been some of the most AWFUL places i have ever been in. only IV drips dropped from the ceiling containing a strong psychotropic medication could possibly cure what i have seen and heard. and then you have gymnastics competitions. sometimes i think i'm at cheer competitions. and those parents are just stone cold nuts. only a propofol drip could tame them.

the "significant cross section" that you think exists here are really just a small sample. probably less than 100 gyms if i were to make an educated guess. i'm sure Bog or JBS have better numbers that exist here than i. but i'm confident i'm close.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I feel really lucky we don't see this behavior at the gym. Our floor plan is completely open, separated by a half wall. Beam is the only event parents can get fairly close, but there is no glass to sit behind. I have to say, I only see the rec parents trying to coach from the wall or correct behaviors. We have signs up that said " please do not coach your children from the wall". Not for team, but for rec. and telling rec parents they can't watch really doesn't work. The one nice thing about the "open plan", it keeps all the coaches accountable for what they say and how they act. When the staff knows everything they say or do can be potentially heard by the parents, they are always on their best behavior. ( again, I'm referring to rec)

can everybody see what this implies? i'm dumbfounded just by the implication and at how many times i have heard this before. imagine...they are on their best behavior when they can be potentially heard/seen by parents...APOCALYPSE!

is this not what parents say when indicating sexual abuse? just replace "they say and do" with just "do". and i mean no disrespect or insult to anyone here when i say most of the world has gone bat**** crazy. but i have stated before that there are programs that have coaches working for them that are some of the most disreputable people to ever walk the planet. and the PARENTS at these gyms (this also includes other sports and their venues) KNOW IT. now...how do you all explain that these parents are still willing to give their hard earned money to ANY program that they KNOW employs a s*i*t*bag as a coach (again, and not just in gymnastics...i'm referring to all sports)?? how do you explain?? is it because you think if you can observe "them" they won't harm your child? and i suppose "viewing" could be a deterrent, or that you feel that it is just by having the right to do so, but you can't possibly think that viewing is a cure all? and i get that sometimes you want to watch so that when your kid comes home and says "Tkatchev" you know what they are talking about. but today? in real gymnastics?? the kids are putting it to their phones, posting it up and chatting about it until the next day. just ask them.

and do you reconcile this fact in your mind as a parent by stating that you will not go to any program that does not have a viewing policy because having such a policy suggests that "they must have something to hide" or something that you must automatically "distrust"? do any of you have any idea how many programs there are that produce awesome gymnasts year after year, decade after decade, that have "no viewing"? and that these programs have been doing so in good standing longer than some of you have been on the planet?? and certainly longer than any of you have been married??

and then you send kids to churches and youth groups, daycare's, schools, after school activities, field trips and other organizational activities and you don't attend to observe those every time they are there?

then in contrast, a certain percentage of parents that home school, and some that i know personally, do so believing that they will help their child in not exposing their kids to some of the evils of the public school systems and the world? as if this will "protect" their kid somehow??

and the plausible explanation you will give for gymnastics is that you must be there so that "you can see and hear what is going on" when in reality you have NO IDEA what you are listening to or what YOU'RE OBSERVING"?

and then if you do recognize "see" it and "hear" it and finally know what it is you think you have seen and heard, you come to this site to ask if what you think you have seen and heard is healthy for your kid?

in a REAL PROFESSIONAL GYMNASTICS CLUB, the coaches are professionals, whether parents watch or not. we don't care if a parent hears what we have to say because what we have to say is coaching. what we do is coaching. what we are is coaching. we are as normal as any of you think you are yourselves. but when we don't want to talk to you about "when will Suzie get her" whatever because we are tired and have had a long day just like yourselves, and want to get home to our families, well...now we are just bad apples and are "non communicative".

CB is a relatively small sample. but that small sample can reasonably be extrapolated to some of the systemic problems/issues that we have in our industry that are commonplace in any workplace. but i can assure you that our industry is still safer than most other things that kids do. i can say this because i am old, experienced and well traveled. and communication with your child can never be replaced by viewing or lack there of.

looking back, you know what night(s) i used to dread the most? PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE. i genuinely felt bad for THEM. and they taught longer days than my wife and i. and they had families of their own. and in many instances, they had to put up with crap with students and their parents...the likes of which would be thrown out of most
gyms. i couldn't help asking them every time..."are you enjoying your job?" and is teaching my child hindering your "enjoyment"? they would look at me in disbelief at having asked those 2 questions.

and you know you had to show at those PTC's. you didn't want to be "that"parent".

 

[munchkin3]

I think parents say, 'supervise' the coaching just as an excuse to watch.
Gymnastics is addictive. Parents get crazy. (I know from experience LOL)

I am lucky because the staff and director at our program has ALLOWED me to volunteer to raise money, and organize team events. (I say allowed, because in the 20+ years, the gym has had bad experiences letting parent get involved.) This keeps me very busy, keeps my attention away from my kids, and allows me to feel good about giving back to the program.
There is never enough time for the coaches and staff to teach, AND MAINTAIN the program. Sometimes just offering to take pictures, or handing out flyers is SUCH a big help.
The deal is no questions asked. I am a mere helper. I really LOVE helping this way.

 

[BachFlyer]

In all honesty, sometimes I just like to watch my kid practice here and there, instead of only being able to see her do gymnastics for a total of 3 minutes per meet x 8-9 meets per year. It's fun and interesting to watch her at practice occasionally, because she enjoys practice. Why can't I want to watch here and there? Why shouldn't I want to watch here and there? If a coach tells me I am only allowed to watch at meets, then geez, isn't that sort of putting the focus exactly where you DON'T want it as a coach...on the competitions alone? Gymnastics is not just about meets for my child, it's half of her life at 25 hours a week! I shouldn't have to be cut out of half of her life, for no other reason than it is a part of who she is. Sheesh, I might even learn something NEW about my child by watching occasionally, which is what good parents do.

I am not saying it is healthy to watch every practice or even many, or any if your kid hates it, or to critique and coach from the sidelines...duh. It's about balance for most people. If allowing some viewing makes a few parents out of control and nutty, then that is their fault. Their kids won't last long in the sport. To everyone else, it should be nothing more than an annoyance just like any other annoying customer. You either try to solve the problem by communicating about it, having some reasonable boundaries, or if all else fails refusing to do business with said person. Not by treating all of your other customers like babies.

 

[Midwestmommy]

My post had nothing to do with any perceived issues related to possible sexual abuse. Wasn't even thinking about that.

I wouldn't send my kid to a gym with a strict no viewing policy because I believe in some checks and balances, but mostly because I just like to watch every once in a while. Moderation and balance.... I too have customers whose number makes me cringe when it pops on the caller ID. I answer anyway. Because I have to, and that's what I get paid for. I also think it's totally fine for a gym to pull team viewing for all parents for a few months if a few parents are being obnoxious, seems like that might be a good way to put a lid on some of the behaviour.

"do any of you have any idea how many programs there are that produce awesome gymnasts year after year, decade after decade, that have "no viewing"?
Yep, left one of those gyms after putting up with awful coaching in the program my daughter was in, for a bit too long. Those successful coaches teaching the huge successful optional teams weren't coaching my kid at the time. The person coaching my kid had less years of experience than fingers on half of one hand, as did most of the coaches coaching compulsory and "prep op" at the time.

Those awesome results-producing coaches who had been around for decades didn't know my daughter's name. They only noticed a couple of the itty bitties who were potential phenoms. They were way too busy with what was on their own plates to notice or care about my kid. I do not believe said gyms are omnipotent or right for every kid. In fact, just as power corrupts (anyone who has studied basic history knows how this has repeated itself over and over and over...it's one of the reasons there are institutional checks and balances in most democracies), success can sometimes lead to complacency. Not always but sometimes. That same gym gained a reputation for being rude to parents who asked about enrolling in rec classes and getting on the waiting list for those classes. I was personally embarrassed after I recommended the gym to a coworker with young kids who lived nearby. Front desk folks were extremely rude to her. They could get away with treating people like that because they were full and were the gym "everyone" wants to go to. That's an example of what I mean by success leading to complacency in a business.

" in reality you have NO IDEA what you are listening to or what YOU'RE OBSERVING"- that's such an extreme statement. Most parents I know aren't complete and utter idiots. I don't know how to coach gymnastics, and stay out of my daughter's gymnastics-- but I am a parent. I can can see, for instance, how great a fit my daughter's current coaches are. They are all quite different, and as a coaching team they are great. I don't watch much, but once in a while I do. And I wasn't too much of an idiot to finally realize how awful a former coach was at that previous gym. I think I would have realized it earlier though if I had watched a little more. Apparently that person is finally now gone, my guess is after large numbers of complaints and people leaving the gym. But it took them a very long time, what with parents being complete idiots and all....

 

[Deleted member D3987]

My post had nothing to do with any perceived issues related to possible sexual abuse. Wasn't even thinking about that.

I wouldn't send my kid to a gym with a strict no viewing policy because I believe in some checks and balances, but mostly because I just like to watch every once in a while. Moderation and balance.... I too have customers whose number makes me cringe when it pops on the caller ID. I answer anyway. Because I have to, and that's what I get paid for. I also think it's totally fine for a gym to pull team viewing for all parents for a few months if a few parents are being obnoxious, seems like that might be a good way to put a lid on some of the behaviour.

"do any of you have any idea how many programs there are that produce awesome gymnasts year after year, decade after decade, that have "no viewing"?
Yep, left one of those gyms after putting up with awful coaching in the program my daughter was in, for a bit too long. Those successful coaches teaching the huge successful optional teams weren't coaching my kid at the time. The person coaching my kid had less years of experience than fingers on half of one hand, as did most of the coaches coaching compulsory and "prep op" at the time.

Those awesome results-producing coaches who had been around for decades didn't know my daughter's name. They only noticed a couple of the itty bitties who were potential phenoms. They were way too busy with what was on their own plates to notice or care about my kid. I do not believe said gyms are omnipotent or right for every kid. In fact, just as power corrupts (anyone who has studied basic history knows how this has repeated itself over and over and over...it's one of the reasons there are institutional checks and balances in most democracies), success can sometimes lead to complacency. Not always but sometimes. That same gym gained a reputation for being rude to parents who asked about enrolling in rec classes and getting on the waiting list for those classes. I was personally embarrassed after I recommended the gym to a coworker with young kids who lived nearby. Front desk folks were extremely rude to her. They could get away with treating people like that because they were full and were the gym "everyone" wants to go to. That's an example of what I mean by success leading to complacency in a business.

" in reality you have NO IDEA what you are listening to or what YOU'RE OBSERVING"- that's such an extreme statement. Most parents I know aren't complete and utter idiots. I don't know how to coach gymnastics, and stay out of my daughter's gymnastics-- but I am a parent. I can can see, for instance, how great a fit my daughter's current coaches are. They are all quite different, and as a coaching team they are great. I don't watch much, but once in a while I do. And I wasn't too much of an idiot to finally realize how awful a former coach was at that previous gym. I think I would have realized it earlier though if I had watched a little more. Apparently that person is finally now gone, my guess is after large numbers of complaints and people leaving the gym. But it took them a very long time, what with parents being complete idiots and all....

not at all, the 2nd part. it took that long for them to find a replacement. THAT is the biggest problem that we have in our industry. we have no coaches.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

I think there is a continuum of bad parent behavior, and I agree that the extremes are, well, extreme and unusual. But that maybe means one or two a year at a typical gym, which would not be anyone's favorite thing to address.

The problem is how do you deal with more typical problematic behavior. Not the parent who's pulling the kid aside during practice and changing the drills or texting the coach daily with helpful suggestions, but the parent who's always watching intently, not necessarily saying anything during practice, but then going over each practice with the child afterward. The parent who's videoing skills not to show Grandma her grandson's latest cool thing on Facebook but to critique the skills with Coach's Eye or some such in detail over the weekend. The parent who gives corrections if the child is working on drills out of earshot of the coach. The parent who undermines the coach subtly by asking the child to provide a full justification for every drill and progression and explain the differences between what s/he did and what her/his teammates did, and then criticizing the differences. Or just the parent whose very presence distracts the child and makes it difficult for the child to focus on and absorb what the coach is teaching or demonstrating. None of these things in isolation would probably be enough for a coach or owner to feel justified in kicking a parent out of the gym, but I sure can see how if they became norms practiced by multiple parents, they would drive a coach around the bend in pretty short order.

The gymnast at practice should be doing the skills, drills, and routines for the coach's consumption and analysis, and the parent's interest/pleasure should be a far, far distant second.

Ah, yes. The covert GCM should not be ignored or excluded from the analysis, and how do you enforce behavior that is not obvious? I'm agreeing more and more with the "no viewing" policy, but really feel that there should be something in place to feed parents a little of what we want, without giving free reign. A recital given for parents and family members, somewhat regular progress reports, I think we all agree that a little of that could go a loooong way.

 

[twinmomma]

and then you send kids to churches and youth groups, daycare's, schools, after school activities, field trips and other organizational activities and you don't attend to observe those every time they are there?

Where your argument fails by bringing this out - I am MORE THAN WELCOME to visit my children's school, daycare, youth group, after school activities, and field trips to observe, participate AT MY LEISURE. I can drop in at anytime. NONE of my child's "away from mom" activities have policies preventing my attendance. In fact, my attendance is welcomed, even 'gasp' INVITED.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i am not attempting to make an argument. i am merely pointing out the inconsistencies in life. and gym is a part of life for some...and is life for my wife and i.

my point is that even when you have all deterrents in place, and this includes viewing policies, you can not predict or prevent ALL bad things from occurring. can some issues be mitigated? of course.

please don't presume that i am against viewing in certain instances. there are a couple of families here that have been to my gym. as well as others who go to gyms who have limited viewing. for some of us, we don't want people hanging around our gyms.

in fact, the less people the better in so much as we can then actually see who may sit in our stands and we can RECOGNIZE THEM. a security deterrent for a gym is less (people) is more (security).

can you all understand this? and don't come back with having parents in the stands is a good thing to help us recognize a stranger. you don't know who everyone is just as we don't.

i have stated that i know stories and first hand information about things that have happened in gyms. ask the folks from Minnesota that have been around for awhile.

it's unfortunate some of the things that can happen. and some of these things happened even when they had someone working the front desk and door...another logical deterrent that can also fail. if someone is hell bent...

i have been in gyms whose lobby's are so crowded, that there is no way anyone could recognize who everyone is. as a club owner and coach, this is one of our primary concerns and responsibilities when we are at competitions and at large venues. personally, they cause me unfortunate but necessary anxiety. sometimes, there are SO MANY people at competitions that i get an instant headache even when one of the kids asks me if they can go to the bathroom which finds them leaving the floor. you can never forget something like the buddy system if they're old enough. or hailing the parent cause they're to young to leave the floor by themselves. you can't ever forget these protocols. ever.

so again, please don't presume what my thoughts are. i have explained before that i am older and have raised my own children in to adulthood. i had the same anxieties as all of you. still have them because i still coach. and i think that i have been pretty forthright when responding to posters who are at their wits end and i recommend they get out of Dodge. i find it more powerful/credible when someone posts or pm's me something that their child told them happened at practice. it's more credible than when you think you saw/heard what you think you saw/heard while viewing at the gym. the child is less analytical and more factual because they are in the environment/culture of the gym. for example, a parent had been posting that the coach kept calling their kid lazy and they could hear it. but the parent thought maybe it was true because she kept seeing her miss turns at bars. later, the parent pm's me and tells me that the kid came home and told both mom and dad that the coach has told her once that she is "f****** lazy" and that the coach usually says that "to the other kids" but has been saying that "a lot lately" and she "doesn't know why". some parents, not all, embellish what they think they saw or heard. but the kid? no way. is it a surprise WHY this kid was avoiding bars? and all the viewing in the world would not have revealed what this child told her parents or why it appeared that she was being lazy because she avoided taking turns. it WAS the communication learned by the kid from the parent. communication that i believe is more important than money can buy. and more important than any viewing that someone thinks will help them.

even recently, the poster that stated that the coach gives his athletes rides...to wherever for whatever reason. what? you see, i have been doing what i do for so long that i assume that everyone knows that allowing that is NOT a good idea. hell, i didn't even allow my own children to do sleep overs. to much risk and anxiety for me. so, i was the bad dad.

i would take bets that it is more likely than not that something bad could happen from all those rides with the coach compared with a gym that has no viewing. if you're knowledgeable and experienced and logical, you'll place those bets with me to win.

 

[sce]

i am not attempting to make an argument. i am merely pointing out the inconsistencies in life. and gym is a part of life for some...and is life for my wife and i.

even recently, the poster that stated that the coach gives his athletes rides...to wherever for whatever reason. what? you see, i have been doing what i do for so long that i assume that everyone knows that allowing that is NOT a good idea. hell, i didn't even allow my own children to do sleep overs. to much risk and anxiety for me. so, i was the bad dad.

i would take bets that it is more likely than not that something bad could happen from all those rides with the coach compared with a gym that has no viewing. if you're knowledgeable and experienced and logical, you'll place those bets with me to win.

Thank you Dunno. All along, I have been wanting to just hear the perspective of those who have a clear strong opinion. It helps to understand. I appreciate your heart and appreciate that you are very concerned for the safety of your athletes. Many of the things you brought up here, I as a parent have thought about. Good to hear a coach has these things in mind. I agree too about giving rides, so many reasons why this is a bad idea on both sides.

 

[Natalia]

My kid started talking AFTER she left the mad house.I asked her why she hadn't said anything before.She was told by the coaches NOT to speak about gym with parents.

10 days after I left,a mom calls me .She had arrived early to take her DD to a dentist appointement.HC had clearly forgotten about this,so the mom went up in the bleachers to call her kid.

She saw her 8 year old being hit,grabbed by the arm and thrown to the ground because the b***h of the HC had " enough of her fears."

There's a big sign on the elevator door that NO ONE is allowed to view practises,EVER!!

@dunnos driving licence is revoked because there are too many idiots on the road.Dunno is a great driver,what a shame others aren't like him.