Parents Parenting Crisis Here...

[SamIam]

I sure hope this works out for you and your daughter. I have never seen anything like this in our 6 years of gymnastics. It's sad and I agree with the leave the gym comments.

I can tell you while my daughter would not go back to this gym, I would go back- one more time- and I would be waiting at the gym when the coach was getting there or getting ready to leave. We would definitely have a "one on one" conversation.

 

[gym law mom]

If I saw a report come across my desk about hair pulling, yelling and scrapes/bruises on legs, I would tell someone they need to go investigate----it meets all of the requirements for child abuse in my jurisdiction(and many others).

As others have said, leave now. Don't take your child back to that gym. Get her someplace where there are cairing coaches. It will no doubt take some time before she'll learn to trust again.

Your dd deserves better than to be bullied and abused all in the name of a sport.

 

[MdGymMom01]

And PLEASE do not get caught up in "We are at the best gym in the area". Just because it may be the "best gym in the area" does NOT mean that they have the BEST COACHES. What you described is ABUSE (mental, emotional and physical) and should NOT be tolerated. Get your dd out of that gym NOW.

My dd was in an emotionally abusive coaching environment (lots of yelling, name-calling and intimidation) when she was 7 and it took YEARS to get her self-esteem back up and for her to feel comfortable and trust coaches again. I would not wish that experience on anyone.

Please find another gym.

 

[cher062]

no, you said,



This is not about a kid not "cut out for team." This is about an adult in a position of POWER over a 7 year old little girl and physically and verbally abusing her. Perhaps you didn't read the OP's original post well. To call what this coach did anything else (or to not mention his role at all) is saying Coach's abusive behavior is o.k. You went as far as to put his abuse on the kid (perhaps she's not cutout to take the pressure). Again, that is not pressure, it is abuse.

I think the fact that her DD doesn't want to quit gymnastics proves her mettle and her being "cut out for team."

I don't believe that my post suggests that at all but if that is how you read it nothing I can do about it.

 

[Clover]

I am just reading this, and of course, I agree with what everyone else is saying. That coach is abusive and you need to get your DD out of there asap!

We had a girl come from a program not too long ago where the coach was very abusive and almost destroyed the girl's love of gymnastics. She came to our team very unsure of herself and scared. Luckily our coaches are AWESOME and she is now absolutely thriving and has her self-confidence back.

What you are describing is not how team gymnastics is supposed to be. I am at a very successful gym, yet I am sure those types of abusive tactics would not be tolerated.

Best of luck. Let us know how things turn out for you and your DD.

 

[SamIam]

I don't believe that my post suggests that at all but if that is how you read it nothing I can do about it.

You have had to defend your first post now twice. So that would say that more than 1 has mis-interpreted your meaning.

team really isn't like a rec class - not alot of high 5's

can't relate to this either. The optionals at our gym get high 5's, Low 5's, hugs, "very good's", and even constructive criticism, but no hair pulling, yelling or belittling.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Well after the incident with the BHS on the trampoline I would have pulled her out immediately, spoke to owner of gym and walked out never looking back. Your dd is never going to be a good gymnast at this gym - they have ruined it for her there. This gym will never be able to gain her trust again. You need to switch gyms immediately. When you do get to a new gym, have a serious talk with the owner/coaches (actuallly before you commit) and explain the history of abuse to her. Finding a good gym that treats their gymnasts nicely and respectfully is key and once there your dd will likely thrive. It will take a long time for her to trust a new gym and coaches but hopefully it will be a happy place at least where she can become a great gymnast and have fun and be a postitive environment.

 

[Empowered]

Chiming in a little late here but... Seriously get the heck out of this gym NOW!!

My daughter can be the ultimate PITA (pain in the you know what for anyone missing that acronym). She can be very immature in the gym for her age at times, gives this look of death at corrections she doesn't like on a cranky day and is also very slow to make corrections, especially form corrections. She could literally drive the most tolerant coach on the planet nuts...

That being said, even at the gym she left I have NEVER seen a coach treat her or any child the way you described. Has she gotten talked to sternly? Yes, many, many times. Has she been sent to drill a station by herself because she just wasn't making the correction? Absolutely.

Has a coach ever laid a hand on her in a rough manner, pulled on her hair or screamed at her? HECK NO!

This in my mind amounts to not only physical abuse, but mental abuse. She's is 7 for crying out loud. What a freak of a coach... Glad I wasn't there cause I'd probably be waiting for my husband to bail me out of jail for assault right now... I'm only half kidding

 

[sportsmommy]

I am glad you mentioned you would be in jail shark. I was reading this and all i could think about is jumping out of my chair and grabbing the coach. I was thinking that i must be violent. Kidding aside, i would not only leave the gym but i would definetly discuss it with the gym owner.

 

[flipper's fan]

Your poor little gymmie! Please spend some time talking to her about the situation. Sometimes kids don't understand our interventions. She needs to be told, probably many times, that you made this decision for her, that you don't want her to be in that situation and assure her that she will have many new friends at her new gym and she will like the new coach, you are sure of it. Lots of times kids interpret the intervention as a failure on their part, and think that they did something to provoke or deserve the abusive treatment. By being around it for awhile as your daughter has, she may see it as "normal" and since she is the one being moved against her will ( at least that might be how she sees it) she may see that as failure or punishment. It's important to take a step back and see it through the eyes of a little girl and how she feels about it. And assure her that she will get to see her old friends from the old gym at meets and maybe even they can get together ( in all of their spare time hahahah). And because little kids are so resilient, in a few short weeks, or even days, she is going to be so happy at her new gym!

 

[lhmom]

Poor little kiddie! My daughter is at a gym where the coaches are very strict, but not once have I observed what you have described (yanking the ponytail, berating a child). Seeing my child's ponytail get yanked would've had me on the floor with that coach immediately. I do think that you honestly know what you need to do now. I bet she will thrive and improve once you get her away from this coach.

 

[AlwaysCuriousMom]

I'm so sad to hear that your DD is miserable. Rather than trying to make sense of it all, just focus on your DD and find her a better place to rebuild her confidence. Whether it's at a new gym, or in another sport, nothing is more important than making your DD whole again.

I just wanted to share my experience with my DS (though a little unrelated.) He used to go to a school where he was a C/D student. The teachers kept telling me (and him) that it was perfectly normal for him to get D's on everything because they had a harder curriculum and were more "advanced" than most schools. He truly thought it was the best he could do, and he had little self-confidence. Well, we switched schools this year and now he is not only on the honor roll, but he walks with his head up, tries out for sports, is learning to dance... I just can't believe the change in him after only a few months. I can't really make sense of it, except that I found the right place FOR HIM.

Good luck with everything. Best wishes to you little DD. Sorry to hear about the damage that was caused, but there's nowhere to go but forward! I hope she sticks with gymnastics

 

[cher062]

You have had to defend your first post now twice. So that would say that more than 1 has mis-interpreted your meaning.



can't relate to this either. The optionals at our gym get high 5's, Low 5's, hugs, "very good's", and even constructive criticism, but no hair pulling, yelling or belittling.

I can't help how folks interpret the post. I have clarified it here as to what was ment but if foks want to dwell on this and rake me over the coals for how they read it - again not much I can do about it.

If you can't relate to the team not being like rec class with the high 5's etc thats fine YOUR experiences are different from mine. I just stated MY experience with different clubs I have seen and yes there are high 5's but not like I see in rec class thus the "not alot of high 5's" (it doesn't mean there arent any nor should it have been read that way but if you want to dwell on it not much I can do about that either)

 

[bookworm]

And PLEASE do not get caught up in "We are at the best gym in the area". Just because it may be the "best gym in the area" does NOT mean that they have the BEST COACHES. What you described is ABUSE (mental, emotional and physical) and should NOT be tolerated. Get your dd out of that gym NOW.

My dd was in an emotionally abusive coaching environment (lots of yelling, name-calling and intimidation) when she was 7 and it took YEARS to get her self-esteem back up and for her to feel comfortable and trust coaches again. I would not wish that experience on anyone.

Please find another gym.

Yes we were at the "best gym in the area" too but you know what, it's not all it's cracked up to be..and did you notice I said we "were" at the best gym in the area (and if you ask the owner , he would say ,in the country but I digress..) . That said, it doesn't give them the right to abuse your child (which pulling her ponytail is) and belittle her and she's only Level 3? Get her out of there pronto or she'll never want to continue and I wouldn't blame her...

 

[mamaoftwo]

First off, Dunno if you read this, your inbox is full! I tried to reply again and had a couple of questions. And one big comment: No, that's not her. I think she's the compulsory director now (?all is a mystery, though). She's got a separate coach that does 3s and 4s, though that person you mentioned was standing right there, talking to DD's coach during the beam episode yesterday. Thanks again.

And thanks, again to everyone else. I feel great knowing you all are here and that I have your support. I am calling other gyms as I type. Only trouble is states are this weekend, so it may be a few days before DD can actually be evaluated anywhere. But, DD will not set foot in that gym again. I do have 3-4 gyms on my radar. I will keep you all posted.

 

[mtbmom]

Glad to here you are shopping for a new gym. You won't regret it!

 

[SamIam]

I can't help how folks interpret the post. I have clarified it here as to what was ment but if foks want to dwell on this and rake me over the coals for how they read it - again not much I can do about it.

If you can't relate to the team not being like rec class with the high 5's etc thats fine YOUR experiences are different from mine. I just stated MY experience with different clubs I have seen and yes there are high 5's but not like I see in rec class thus the "not alot of high 5's" (it doesn't mean there arent any nor should it have been read that way but if you want to dwell on it not much I can do about that either)

Sorry if you felt raked on, and I am certainly not "dwelling" on your posts, but thanks for clarifying another one.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I have been reading your post and the responses and I am just speechless!! So many emotions and thoughts are rambling around in my head.... First off......

And PLEASE do not get caught up in "We are at the best gym in the area". Just because it may be the "best gym in the area" does NOT mean that they have the BEST COACHES. What you described is ABUSE (mental, emotional and physical) and should NOT be tolerated. Get your dd out of that gym NOW

To what MdGymMom said: ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Who the heck cares if it's the "best gym"???? Seriously.... this all has to be taken with such a grain of salt.... if this moniker is based on results of optionals... well, did all these girls really "grow up" in this gym? So many of our local gyms claim to be the best gym... yet they "inherit" girls from other high caliber gyms all the time, then want to claim the girls as their own.

If the girls DID begin their careers at this gym, how many others have dropped out along the way due to the abusive coaching situation? I'm not talking about the normal drop off rate because girls develop other interests... I'm wondering how many have decided not to endure the abuse any longer.

So..... moving along... this is an abusive situation. If we observed this in our schools, we would be required by law to call CPS. No ifs, ands, or buts.

MOVE HER OUT! She needs to be in a gym where she can develop her confidence and have fun. It's ONLY L3/4. Many gyms do not even compete those levels!! It's more important for her to feel successful and have fun and she can develop those skills w/o the pressure of crazy coaches.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

First off, Dunno if you read this, your inbox is full! I tried to reply again and had a couple of questions. And one big comment: No, that's not her. I think she's the compulsory director now (?all is a mystery, though). She's got a separate coach that does 3s and 4s, though that person you mentioned was standing right there, talking to DD's coach during the beam episode yesterday. Thanks again.

And thanks, again to everyone else. I feel great knowing you all are here and that I have your support. I am calling other gyms as I type. Only trouble is states are this weekend, so it may be a few days before DD can actually be evaluated anywhere. But, DD will not set foot in that gym again. I do have 3-4 gyms on my radar. I will keep you all posted.

wow...i'm so disappointed to hear this. it must be due to the reason i (not justifying, just fact) that i told you in the PM. and i'm doubly disappointed that the other, whom i feel is an up and coming enthusiastic coach...did nothing. geesh.

i gave you a couple others. my hope is that they'll do right by your child.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

oooookay Momoftwo. nothing signaled me that my box was full. it is empty now.