Parents Parents with unhealthy obsession with their gymnast

[Peachy88]

I keep hoping that some younger gymnasts will be invited to my daughters team so she will have friends her own age, competition, learn sportsmanship, etc. It is hard to learn those lessons when the girls are so much older.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I mean, we are all on this website together, and not because we are aloof gym parents, so none of us can exactly cast stones.

Luckily my daughter’s gym is so low key that there is about zero competitiveness with each other. Two of my daughter’s teammates have competed directly against her this season and we parents all clap, take videos, and compliment each other’s kids, and it’s 100% sincere. The girls all hug and hold hands on the podium and are so excited to be competing together- and these are teenagers, so cattiness surely isn’t a foreign concept. I think the difference (because we’ve seen the opposite situation) is that no one is competing for anything but the medals on a given day. No fights to move up or get scholarships or anything like that at all.

 

[3cats]

I think a gym (or other youth sport program) can set the tone for the sport as well. A coach can plant the seeds and once a parent get stars in their eyes about getting early exposure and to be the first to get a verbal commitment then suddenly the whole message of the sport changes.
And parents start to treat their kid as some sort of trophy to hold up. Online. In the gym. Etc.

Where as if the message continues to be work hard have fun. Play by the same college rules as everyone else. And your athlete will have plenty of time to forge their own successes.

My motto with all kid things is if it is meant to be it will happen. No matter how much I flaunt my kid I'm not going to change their destiny.

 

[mommyof1]

It seems more rampant with only child parents though, not enough perspective and they think they know everything.

Hey, now.

 

[Flyaway]

Hey, now.

I'm an only child. I think what doublestrike is seeing that parents of only children have only one basket to put all their eggs in, so to speak. And they also only have one place to divert all their time and money. So it can appear extreme to those that have more than one child. But to be honest, I don't think it actually makes them MORE crazy than anyone else. Just more noticeable.

 

[GymDadWA]

Seems like the better the team does the more their is internal competition between teammates. Underdog teams and their families seem to band together and root for each other, but the super teams from the "top gyms" have the hyper competitive families that don't look at each other and only clap for their gymnast etc.

 

[RTT2]

Seems like the better the team does the more their is internal competition between teammates. Underdog teams and their families seem to band together and root for each other, but the super teams from the "top gyms" have the hyper competitive families that don't look at each other and only clap for their gymnast etc.

I don't know. I think it's more, as a poster above noted, the tone the gym sets. There was a lot more craziness at our old gym, and new gym is far more competitive, but is run by excellent coaches who don't play favorites or pit the girls against each other.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

Always been there in youth sports now made worse with social media insta stars ...and things like this 13 year old soccer player turned pro, 5 years till the kid can play ...... parents will now add Nike contracts to list.

Olivia Moultrie is a pro soccer player, a former UNC commit and 13 years old

She eventually became the first girl to play on a male team in the U.S. Soccer Development Academy, the nation’s highest level of youth soccer. She's also now a pro.

www.dailytarheel.com

Seeing that little child in the picture is so depressing. It's really driving it home how completely ridiculous it is for 8th graders to be recruited to college. The college part is beside the point. They don't know anything about the college or what is has to offer or what they might be passionate about learning. They are being sold to a team.

 

[Dahlia]

Definitely not just gymnastics. I see it a lot in baseball with my son. Especially with kids whose dad is the coach. We have one in my son's league that is really bad (dad is egotistical and lives through his son. I hate playing their team! It's painful to watch). On the other hand, there are plenty of parent coaches that have totally healthy attitude.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Far too many places.

All it does is make me glad that my kid is not in this for high level gym. And that she has a really awesome gym and gymmie friends.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And sadly many parents can't separate their "stuff" from their kids "stuff".

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

I don't know. I think it's more, as a poster above noted, the tone the gym sets. There was a lot more craziness at our old gym, and new gym is far more competitive, but is run by excellent coaches who don't play favorites or pit the girls against each other.

I agree that I see this as more related to gym culture and less about gym success.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I don't know. I think it's more, as a poster above noted, the tone the gym sets. There was a lot more craziness at our old gym, and new gym is far more competitive, but is run by excellent coaches who don't play favorites or pit the girls against each other.

I think its a question of likes attracting likes.....

My brother is in law enforcement and he finds bad LEOs hard to believe because its not how he is wired, so it boggles his mind that other cops or the bad cops partner would put up with it. Because he wouldn't. I tell him, a guy pushing the envelope would never pick you as a partner. Water seeks its own level..

The crazies will find the crazies. The folks who don't want to deal with the crazies will move on to a place that's not crazy.

And "crazy" is not the same for everyone. We have had folks take their kids out of our gym because they want their kid in a highly competitive all gym all the time program. And we have had folks leave because we are too competitive and serious for their gymmie.

 

[RTT2]

I think its a question of likes attracting likes.....

My brother is in law enforcement and he finds bad LEOs hard to believe because its not how he is wired, so it boggles his mind that other cops or the bad cops partner would put up with it. Because he wouldn't. I tell him, a guy pushing the envelope would never pick you as a partner. Water seeks its own level..

The crazies will find the crazies. The folks who don't want to deal with the crazies will move on to a place that's not crazy.

And "crazy" is not the same for everyone. We have had folks take their kids out of our gym because they want their kid in a highly competitive all gym all the time program. And we have had folks leave because we are too competitive and serious for their gymmie.

No doubt there is some level of this- birds of a feather and all, but I do think gym environment is a factor. For example, the coaches at abusive former gym used to play favorites a lot, which created more tension between teammates, and they ignored instances of bullying. They also strongly pushed private lessons, so that there was difference between the kids who were there all the time for private lessons and the kids who didn't do them at all. The coaches at our awesome current gym do not play favorites, never pit the girls against each other, address any issues of bullying, and do things like creating "gym families", and having the girls play games and have fun together, that makes it a very different environment. I think without the sense of favoritism or the ability to try and vie for an advantage through constant privates, the parents are less inclined toward craziness. Or maybe we just got lucky at the new gym where the parents tend to be more chill, even with very talented kids.

 

[lovofu]

Another facet of all of this is OTHER adults obsession with talented gymmies. Directing gym changes, routine composition, future goals (or trying to) and acting like a friend to the Mom of said gymmie. THEN, when you don't follow all their recommendations, cuts off all communication and moves on to the next talented gymmie whose mother is thirsty for help and support. It is INSANE.

 

[FlippinPrincess]

You put into words exactly what I was thinking after reading some crazy stuff on one of those FB pages dedicated to gymnast parents.

I can't even handle those sights. I lasted for less than 1 day before I left for good - and have never looked back!

 

[TumbleTimes4]

I definitely think instafame has made the crazies worse. I see parents whose DDs are on Instagram complain about how much hard work it is to build a bigger social media following, but yet when criticized, they immediately revert back to “it’s just for fun.” Yeah, I’m sure those 764 giveaways and promise of shoutouts for more followers are all just for fun.

 

[Mom2Chickadee]

Definitely not just gymnastics. I'm in Canada and hockey parents are in a league all their own! I found at our gym the craziness happened more in pre-comp b/c everyone who's invited into the precompetitive program thinks there 4/5 year old has that shot at national stream, so everyone is much more interested in who got skills first, who's been offered more hours, how old is the new girl, why isn't my kid getting to practice that skill too, etc. Once your kid ages out of pre-comp, at the ripe old age of 9, everyone seems much more chill. We have a fairly small gym so there is the small group of national level girls (who have aspirations of representing Canada at some level, some day) while the majority have moved nicely into the provincial stream (JO level 4-9) and parents are very supportive of everyone now. We all cheer for and want the best for the national girls, and we all cheer on our provincial stream girls too (where my DD is) b/c, at this point, parents and gymnastics know the girls are in this for their personal goals and to have fun...but pre-comp, wow, those were some crazy years, lol.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

And I'd like to add that my experience at my gym that has a good number of upper level optionals is very very supportive and then girls all cheer for eachother like crazy and are genuinely happy about each other's successes. The parents are also friendly and happy for everyone. It's good for the team when someone does well. It's also good for the team when there is great team spirit.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

THEN, when you don't follow all their recommendations, cuts off all communication and moves on to the next talented gymmie whose mother is thirsty for help and support. It is INSANE.

That's called grooming