Parents Parents with unhealthy obsession with their gymnast

[JumpingQueen]

I'm a crazy gym mom but I also happened to love my kids teammates and moms. Agree that a lot has to do with the gym because we are supportive despite our gym/coach, who can definitely play favorites. IDK, is it playing favorites if it's giving girls extra attention/opportunity, or are they just advancing all gymnasts at their correct pace? Different thread, maybe.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Seems like the better the team does the more their is internal competition between teammates. Underdog teams and their families seem to band together and root for each other, but the super teams from the "top gyms" have the hyper competitive families that don't look at each other and only clap for their gymnast etc.

I’ve acyually found the opposite to be true (been on both sides of that coin).

 

[claudidoll]

Definitely not just gymnastics. I'm in Canada and hockey parents are in a league all their own! I found at our gym the craziness happened more in pre-comp b/c everyone who's invited into the precompetitive program thinks there 4/5 year old has that shot at national stream, so everyone is much more interested in who got skills first, who's been offered more hours, how old is the new girl, why isn't my kid getting to practice that skill too, etc. Once your kid ages out of pre-comp, at the ripe old age of 9, everyone seems much more chill. We have a fairly small gym so there is the small group of national level girls (who have aspirations of representing Canada at some level, some day) while the majority have moved nicely into the provincial stream (JO level 4-9) and parents are very supportive of everyone now. We all cheer for and want the best for the national girls, and we all cheer on our provincial stream girls too (where my DD is) b/c, at this point, parents and gymnastics know the girls are in this for their personal goals and to have fun...but pre-comp, wow, those were some crazy years, lol.

Yep this!!! I have one competitive age kid and one precomp kid and boy are the precomp mamas full of drama! I likely was the first time around! This time just enjoying the ride and loving seeing my girls smiling in the gym

 

[John]

This is an interesting topic. I think the basis of this is competition. Gymnastics and other sports are competition. We can not avoid the traits competition breeds nor pretend competition does not exist. Even in education there is competition, sad but true.

Being a super star in whatever you do is great but it does not mean you will be happy. We have to foster and teach our children good sportsmanship and kindness. Being kind to others and seeing kindness inside yourself is what can lead to life long happiness.

I do my best as a single dad to foster team and take my daughter and her friends to dinner and fun after practice. I like to look at gymnastics a small representation of what life will bring these kids as they grow and mature. As @MILgymFAM said we are all here, I figure use the crazy I feel for gymnastics and my daughter to foster team, build team, and build friendships instead of stress and pressure.

I am here I admit I feel gym crazy from time to time.

 

[SMH]

I definitely think instafame has made the crazies worse. I see parents whose DDs are on Instagram complain about how much hard work it is to build a bigger social media following, but yet when criticized, they immediately revert back to “it’s just for fun.” Yeah, I’m sure those 764 giveaways and promise of shoutouts for more followers are all just for fun.

I think a lot of the insta-gymmies fit into the crazy parent category- especially the parents of the younger ones who are not just doing gymnastics but also selling leotards, athletic wear, energy bars, mattresses, and taking 62826283 pictures a week/modeling on the side...
Don’t tell me it’s just about fun and friends, I just can’t believe that. I cringe every time I see a ‘post’ from an 8 yr old insta-kid that was clearly written by their parent trying to sound like an 8 yr old....

It’s also like crazy amounts of pressure for an 8 yr old who might have thousands upon thousands of ‘fans’ watching their progress.

 

[CLgym]

I'm a crazy gym mom but I also happened to love my kids teammates and moms. Agree that a lot has to do with the gym because we are supportive despite our gym/coach, who can definitely play favorites. IDK, is it playing favorites if it's giving girls extra attention/opportunity, or are they just advancing all gymnasts at their correct pace? Different thread, maybe.

@Rosie -- I was going to say something along the same lines. I am always a little wary of the "playing favorites" narrative. It comes up in our gym all the time. But in my observation, kids progress in different areas at different rates -- and just because a coach is up-training one or a small group of gymnasts faster, that does not necessarily mean the coach is picking favorites. Those kids are just ready for something different. Of course there are some bad coaches out there, but often the "playing favorites" issue is more about the parents than the coaches....

 

[Freddy's Fred]

@Rosie -- I was going to say something along the same lines. I am always a little wary of the "playing favorites" narrative. It comes up in our gym all the time. But in my observation, kids progress in different areas at different rates -- and just because a coach is up-training one or a small group of gymnasts faster, that does not necessarily mean the coach is picking favorites. Those kids are just ready for something different. Of course there are some bad coaches out there, but often the "playing favorites" issue is more about the parents than the coaches....

As a general rule, I don't allow myself to indulge in this kind of "favorites" thinking whether it is a teacher or a coach. Give these professionals the benefit of the doubt and accept the fact that your kid has to take responsibility for their own learning and progress. (Not you CLgym, but in general.)

 

[RTT2]

Playing favorites at our old gym involved outright ignoring and not coaching certain girls, while effusively praising others and negatively comparing girls to the favorite. So, yeah, I found that to be a real issue.

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

Playing favorites at our old gym involved outright ignoring and not coaching certain girls, while effusively praising others and negatively comparing girls to the favorite. So, yeah, I found that to be a real issue.

We just left a gym like that here. Focusing so much on one child that everyone else in the rotation was ignored. Not occasionally - every day. When two girls would both get the same place at a meet, one was praised effusively and the other's accomplishment was either outright ignored or downplayed. And these weren't my kids, so I didn't have skin in the game, except feeling like it was a toxic environment.

 

[Flippin'A]

I'm a crazy gym mom but I also happened to love my kids teammates and moms. Agree that a lot has to do with the gym because we are supportive despite our gym/coach, who can definitely play favorites. IDK, is it playing favorites if it's giving girls extra attention/opportunity, or are they just advancing all gymnasts at their correct pace? Different thread, maybe.

I would draw a distinction between more attention and more opportunity. In my mind the kids should all get roughly equal attention from the coaches during practice (with more given if a particular athlete is having a hard day or struggling.) But tops isn't for every kid, jumping levels isn't for every kid, JO isn't for every kid, elite isn't for every kid. And opportunities should be given out to the gymnasts who are ready for them physically and mentally. I would consider giving more attention during practice as some have described above to be playing favorites, but I think kids need different opportunities that fit the pace of their particular journey. Of course, that's assuming that coaches are being objective in determining how each kid should be paced and not being blinded based on preferences like body type or temperament that might not actually impact their gymnastics. Favoritism can be hard to define, but I think gymnasts tend to know it when they feel it.

 

[JumpingQueen]

Didn't mean to hijack the thread but I love hearing all these perspectives. Like Freddy, I'd like to believe all coaches / gym owners are professionals and have the best interests of every gymnast in mind all the time. I guess there's probably a lot that goes into how coaches make their decisions and, because sometimes it's hard to see all the things, it's easy for parents to question it all. I feel lucky that our coach has been pretty transparent with us so far and I don't have much to question (although I've seen stuff with other kids that makes me wonder so who knows).

 

[sce]

I see this here, and I see it is real life: parents who are incapable of supporting the successes of others. It's a laser like focus on their own child. Everyone else is the competition. And yet these people expect praise and adoration of their child. They think that we should also think their child is the best, the most important, etc. Is this narcissism? Is it worse among gymnastics parents, or is this the sad state of affairs with youth athletics. I am just thinking of it today with all the anxiety around early recruiting. I wonder if these parents start thinking their child could get a better offer as soon as they verbal and hen see that a competitor has an offer at UCLA or Oklahoma. It must be a hard life to live.

I agree, some parents definitely have a skewed perspecive. I kwo one that was upset by her levle 7s floor score. Posted, asked about it. Got honest responses that supported the score. No thank you or toher resposne except, post deleted. Mom only ever posts the good routines and calls a high 36 a bad day. The kid is 8yo! Back off and enjoy the jouriney Tell her she is amazing, Tell her teammates they are amazing. Remember, mistakes are part of learning.

I watched my boy compete at level 10, JO prelims as natioanls. I was sad for him when he made mistakes, because I know he wanted to have great day. But I still feel he is amaizng and told him that. I was also sad when any other boys fell. I want them all to do well. They workd so hard for this.