Parents Perseverance

[Tmacs]

A dad of a very successful gymnast who was having some setbacks recently said that he's more interested in seeing how his daughter responds to adversity than seeing her consistently succeed. I love that.
Last meet, my L6 dd went over on her low bar kip cast handstand. After collecting herself, she got back up and did a beautiful high bar kip cast handstand for the first time. Her score was a point lower than the week before but she remarked how proud she was of her bar routine and competing something new even after a fall. I am so proud of her- major growth to see the positive even when she didn't place AA (and had won the week before).

 

[Janneke]

Agree. My daughter had a disastrous start at one if her competitions last year. She fell of the beam twice and fumbled on floor. I think she may have started on bars actually, which also wasn't great. She was able to re-focus herself and vaulted straight into second place. It wasn't the placement that I was proud of, but the way she managed to put the previous three apparatuses behind her and end on such a high note

 

[TheXcelMom]

My daughter fell off the beam during comp the first time in the four years she's been competing. Got back on the beam and finished.
Did she get over the score?
Is she still baffled and disappointed? Yes to all.
Perseverance is long-haul. We'll see how she manages from here.

 

[catchingupmom]

DD had a terrible time (fell three times and didn't get all elements required) at a recent competition, and it left her devastated. She'd never really performed that badly before (although she had slipped and gotten a no score on a vault in the past) and was so disappointed in herself. She was convinced that it was an ongoing failure, not just a bad event and bad day. Her coach and I both talked to her afterwards indicating how her other scores were good and it was just something to put in the past. I assured her that I was so proud that she got up and finished despite the falls because some would have scratched after a bad warm up, and others would not have finished routines. She kept her composure, didn't even frown when getting awarded last place AA. Everyone she's talked to about it has been so supportive, and kind but she's going to take a bit to get over it I'm sure as this is the one thing she expects so much from herself on. She never said anything nasty about her competitors, and was supportive of teammates and composed until we were safe in the car. To me, that is something to celebrate. She didn't want to attend the next practice, but I made it clear that wasn't acceptable. She had a great practice and said I guess I can do it after all. I admire her resilience above all else.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I think when speaking of perseverance with specifics as it concerns gymnastics it’s important to note how old and what level a gymnast is.

Sorry as a parent of a kid now a decade in the sport. Getting over not getting a medal at a young age, is a maturity thing and that’s very different then perseverance.

Coming back from fractures is preseverance. Dealing with a mental block for over a season and grinding through and competing and watching your scores tank, and overcoming. That’s perseverance. Being one of the last kids to get a skill and just keep working is perseverance.

Being in the bottom half of most meets as a compulsory gymnast, to finishing occasionally on the podium in optionals and still doing gymnastics long after shining stars finished when they no longer “shined”. That’s preseverance.

And yes I agree, there is much more to be learned and gained from things not coming easily.

 

[catchingupmom]

@Deleted member 18037 , not sure if you meant OP, or someone else, or for me, but since you asked, competing L8, 16YO, and training up. I can and will only speak to my child's journey. I personally don't feel it is maturity thing in her case, in fact basically your third and fourth paragraphs apply, with the exception of "Being in the bottom half of most meets as a compulsory gymnast". My daughter started late and stuck with it despite being the oldest in many of her lower levels, and starting with zero flexibility.

She's had many areas of her life where she has had significant struggles and had to overcome obstacles (learning struggles, mental health struggles, having to work a job in addition to her gymnastics to assist in fees), but admittedly her gymnastics path has been pretty linear, with the exception of injuries. It has always been an area where she has worked so hard. She regularly adds in elements that potentially cost her points because they are more difficult than the required minimum. She's placed that pressure on herself. So, was there a bit of grief? Yes, and a whole lot of self-reflection.

I want her to do well at everything she tries, but I really don't care about the medals or scores, I'd rather she were a supportive teammate and nice person, but it isn't my journey - it's hers. I do feel that supporting your child to work through their feelings and helping to provide balance and perspective is valid for your whole life, we all need that at times.

You don't need to apologize (unless of course you are Canadian). I could perhaps have articulated myself better. I struggle with taking things negatively, and am trying to work on that, so I'm going to trust that your comment wasn't meant to debase. Sorry for being long-winded, and if I got a wee bit defensive (I am Canadian, lol).

 

[Deleted member 18037]

@Deleted member 18037 , not sure if you meant OP, or someone else, or for me, but since you asked, competing L8, 16YO, and training up. I can and will only speak to my child's journey. I personally don't feel it is maturity thing in her case, in fact basically your third and fourth paragraphs apply, with the exception of "Being in the bottom half of most meets as a compulsory gymnast". My daughter started late and stuck with it despite being the oldest in many of her lower levels, and starting with zero flexibility.

She's had many areas of her life where she has had significant struggles and had to overcome obstacles (learning struggles, mental health struggles, having to work a job in addition to her gymnastics to assist in fees), but admittedly her gymnastics path has been pretty linear, with the exception of injuries. It has always been an area where she has worked so hard. She regularly adds in elements that potentially cost her points because they are more difficult than the required minimum. She's placed that pressure on herself. So, was there a bit of grief? Yes, and a whole lot of self-reflection.

I want her to do well at everything she tries, but I really don't care about the medals or scores, I'd rather she were a supportive teammate and nice person, but it isn't my journey - it's hers. I do feel that supporting your child to work through their feelings and helping to provide balance and perspective is valid for your whole life, we all need that at times.

You don't need to apologize (unless of course you are Canadian). I could perhaps have articulated myself better. I struggle with taking things negatively, and am trying to work on that, so I'm going to trust that your comment wasn't meant to debase. Sorry for being long-winded, and if I got a wee bit defensive (I am Canadian, lol).

I wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular. If I was I’d of used quotes like now… But it’s truly fabulous that your daughter has made it to L8 with pretty much clean routines and stuck landings. No wonder it threw her.

My daughter is also a level 8/ 9 and just turned 17. She has had her share of struggles. I’m not going into a long dissertation. So she has not been so fortunate here. Leaving it at that for now. Suffice to say, from the day I laid eyes on her I was like this kid is resilient and it is 100 percent true. She stuns me.

I was more thinking way back in the compulsory lower levels where the skills relatively speaking are easy, and medal placements go out past 50%. Then the skills get harder and the medals given out get fewer. At that point it has to be about more than the bling.

Regarding the lower scorer compulsory gymnast I was remembering my kids friend whose Dad would say why is she bothering if she isn’t winning….. at L2/3/4. Grrrrrr. She turned into a lovely L6 gymnast with podium finishes. Stepped away. Now back competing Excel platinum I think, and went to HS states with my daughter last year. Hopefully qualifying this year as well. They are all looking forward to their senior moments next season. Many younger “super stars“ are long gone.

I just wonder how much they would have missed out on if Dad would have insisted she quit or in my daughters case if she let an injury (and there have been a few) get the better of her.

So that was where I was coming from 6 yr olds getting used to the reality of not everyone gets a trophy vastly different then actual working through ”real” difficulties.

My long winded point was age and level matters when relating a story.

 

[Pokitren]

I wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular. If I was I’d of used quotes like now…Link Removed But it’s truly fabulous that your daughter has made it to L8 with pretty much clean routines and stuck landings. No wonder it threw her.

My daughter is also a level 8/ 9 and just turned 17. She has had her share of struggles. I’m not going into a long dissertation. So she has not been so fortunate here. Leaving it at that for now. Suffice to say, from the day I laid eyes on her I was like this kid is resilient and it is 100 percent true. She stuns me.

I was more thinking way back in the compulsory lower levels where the skills relatively speaking are easy, and medal placements go out past 50%. Then the skills get harder and the medals given out get fewer. At that point it has to be about more than the bling.

Regarding the lower scorer compulsory gymnast I was remembering my kids friend whose Dad would say why is she bothering if she isn’t winning….. at L2/3/4. Grrrrrr. She turned into a lovely L6 gymnast with podium finishes. Stepped away. Now back competing Excel platinum I think, and went to HS states with my daughter last year. Hopefully qualifying this year as well. They are all looking forward to their senior moments next season. Many younger “super stars“ are long gone.

I just wonder how much they would have missed out on if Dad would have insisted she quit or in my daughters case if she let an injury (and there have been a few) get the better of her.

So that was where I was coming from 6 yr olds getting used to the reality of not everyone gets a trophy vastly different then actual working through ”real” difficulties.

My long winded point was age and level matters when relating a story.

Of course, motivation matters, too. If a child studies for medals, that's a weak motivation, in my opinion. It's encouraging enough, though. It seems to me that the desire to do the exercises correctly should be at the heart of gymnastics. And the ability to deal with failure is something I always praise the sport for.

 

[catchingupmom]

Idw4mlo - It sounds like our kiddos have a lot in common!

Suffice to say, from the day I laid eyes on her I was like this kid is resilient and it is 100 percent true. She stuns me.

Love that!

Regarding the lower scorer compulsory gymnast I was remembering my kids friend whose Dad would say why is she bothering if she isn’t winning….. at L2/3/4. Grrrrrr.

Ouch, yes I've heard that at the gym too. I feel so bad when I hear something like that, and hope that it is just venting to other parents not communicated to the child.

Sorry I misunderstood - I did mention I tend to take things negatively, ha ha.

Thanks for your compassionate explanation!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Thanks for your compassionate explanation!

Just is what it is.

 

[Tmacs]

I think when speaking of perseverance with specifics as it concerns gymnastics it’s important to note how old and what level a gymnast is.

Sorry as a parent of a kid now a decade in the sport. Getting over not getting a medal at a young age, is a maturity thing and that’s very different then perseverance.

Coming back from fractures is preseverance. Dealing with a mental block for over a season and grinding through and competing and watching your scores tank, and overcoming. That’s perseverance. Being one of the last kids to get a skill and just keep working is perseverance.

Being in the bottom half of most meets as a compulsory gymnast, to finishing occasionally on the podium in optionals and still doing gymnastics long after shining stars finished when they no longer “shined”. That’s preseverance.

And yes I agree, there is much more to be learned and gained from things not coming easily.

I agree. My gymnast is definitely transitioning from extrinsic motivation (top placements in L2-4) to intrinsic motivation L5 and up. It's fun to do well but I think she's learning that her desire to do gymnastics is deeper than that and she's not thrown off by bad days or mental blocks as much... seeing than as part of the process.