Please help me!

[Shelovesthebars]

From my experience with children's sports in general, crazy parents are a given. It's how you, your daughter and the gym deal with it. If I personally were picking a gym that suits my gym philosophy, I would have to pick gym one with the goal to compete level 5. But as MaryA explained, competing level 3 and 4 is going to be what is best for my daughter's personality. You really have to look at your dd and find the best fit. Is she shy, nervous...? This early competition experience is going to help my daughter in the long run. Will it help yours? We decided to compete level 3 this year in lieu of doing the tops program. We could have done both but I felt at 5 years old it was best for my daughter to limit her training hours.

 

[cher062]

Thanks again for all the advice!

I really felt like I wouldn't fit in but it doesn't really matter if I don't fit and if DD does, right?

Oh yes it does matter. Gymnastic Team really is a lifestyle. It's so hard to explain to someone that doesn't live in the team world of gymnastics. But many hours are spent at the gym by your DD. You will be interacting with the parents and coaches on a regular basis. Once the competition season starts and she advances through the levels you will be spending many weekends with these people at meets etc and if you don't fit in with them it can be hard on both of you. Your DD will pick up on the fact that you don't fit in or whatever and it does effect them and their gymnastics too.

I find children adapt easily in a very short period of time. So pick the one that you feel most comfortable with and you think will give your DD the better experience. From your posts it sounds like that would be gym #2 but for some reason you are feeling some type of loayalty to #1 and want to pick them.

As for having kids that go to the same school, well that isn't really that important. It's ok to have several sets of friends in different activities. My DD has her gym friends, her school friends, her girl scout friends and her neighborhood friends. The only place there is an overlap is with her neighborhood friends and her girl scout friends.

Is it possible for her to try a week with the team she woul be on at each gym before you make the final commitment and see how your dd does and how you feel about the team parents, coaches and program?

 

[mayestra12]

Yes, I'm sure she could try a team practice with Gym #2. The fall practices start 8/30, a week before Gym #1 starts. The mini-team for Gym #1 is being picked now and will start 9/7. After camp at Gym #1 they told me DD would be picked. In fact, she has done some team practice already at Gym #2 as the coach as picked her out of camp to work at with team but I'm not sure how many level 3 girls she has met at camp.

I hate that I got myself and DD is this position. I only put her at Gym #2 for the summer so she could do gymnastics when school got out in June until her camp last week (in preparation for mini-team). What's also hard is that she honestly loves both places so I can get any real feedback from her.

DD is NOT shy and in fact only set the goal of getting on the team because she wanted to compete. She LOVES the spotlight and shines! Gym #1 does compete level 4, but the level 3 mini team only competes against themselves. I'm not really sure if she needs the experience of competing level 3 or not?

I guess I don't really feel a loyalty to either but it's hard not to think Gym #1 is the better program when they are so well known in the area and have been around so long. Since this will be her first year of competitive gymnastics I really want it to be a positive experience!

 

[cher062]

just remember a gym that has been around doesn't mean it's better just that its been around for awhile. The Gym my DD just left we were with for almost 15 years with my son first then both my son and dd. They have been around for years too but I wouldn't say they are better than any other gym that is newer. In fact one of the newer gyms now has the same "competive" label as the one we left (Basicly always trying to have 1st place gymnasts and 1st place teams) - My dd just didn't fit into their new team coaches "new" philosophy" and was asked to leave so we had to find a new gym. We did that and boy I wish I had done it years ago. It really turned out to be the best thing ever for everyone. So older doesn't mean better keep that in mind when choosing. look at what both have to offer - try to be objective and really look and see what would be best for you and your DD.

 

[mayestra12]

So, I've done some more homework and talked to a co-worker of mine (who coaches team gymnastics part-time) and Gym #1 has the best reviews. My gut is telling me it is a good fit for us. DD still has another week of camp at Gym #2 (next week) so will still learn more about their program before the final decision.

Maybe DD shouldn't go there for camp next week?

 

[bogwoppit]

So, I've done some more homework and talked to a co-worker of mine (who coaches team gymnastics part-time) and Gym #1 has the best reviews. My gut is telling me it is a good fit for us. DD still has another week of camp at Gym #2 (next week) so will still learn more about their program before the final decision.

Maybe DD shouldn't go there for camp next week?

Of course she should go to gym camp. It is just camp and she is a little kid who loves gym.

My girls often did summer camp at gyms other than theirs, they loved it, made new friends and look back very fondly at those weeks.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks for that.

I guess I'm too worried about what the coach will think or that he will think I was lying or something and that I never wanted to send my child there at all.

Hopefully they will understand that with Gym #1 being so much closer it's just a better fit during the school year.

DD and I went out to lunch today and I asked her thoughts and she picked Gym #1. After she told me she said, can I still go to camp (at Gym #2)?

I don't think she quite gets what's in store for her now that she is a team gymnast but at least I can feel certain that she's had a fun summer and learned lots of new skills!

 

[emorymom]

DD's gym program competes L2 up. I am very happy because it is cheap (Y) and close. However, if I was choosing between two programs that sound as close a call as your two, I would go with the gym that does not compete until L5. DD likes the meets but I don't see how they contribute to her gymnastics progress / benefit her long term, and they are expensive in TIME and money.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks so much everyone!

We have picked Gym #1. It is closer and a better fit for our fall schedule and I feel a better overall program based on the information I have gathered. It is expensive but will probably be less as I don't have to buy anything this year (except maybe a team leo). I will also be saving in gas and miles on my car too!

Hopefully, DD will have a great first year of team training!

 

[mayestra12]

*Update*

DD is unhappy at gym #1 and wants to go back to gym #2. So I guess I made the wrong choice...

 

[Northstar2400]

I just want to add that foam pits are great for learning skills but since i only get to use them every 3-4 weeks. you can progress without them.im training level 8 and barley every get to use a pit. it is possible tolearn things without a pit. I wouldnt say its safer the only time i wasmajorly hurt was doing a drill and even if we would of had a pit i wouldnt have been going into it.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

*Update*

DD is unhappy at gym #1 and wants to go back to gym #2. So I guess I made the wrong choice...

Are you going to move her to gym #2 then? Keep us posted!

 

[Sarah'sMom]

Has she told you why she is unhappy there?

 

[mayestra12]

We are considering a move only because I feel I don't have a choice. I want dd to be happy and the bottom line right now is that she is not and she is starting to dread Tuesdays and Thursdays (her gym days) which were always her favorite.

To be honest I'm not exactly sure why she is unhappy. Something changed for her late October when I went out of town. Since then she has been crying every time I take her to gym for no other reason (so she says) expect that she doesn't want me to leave (she's never done this before ever with anything). It hasn't stopped and it's so out of character for her to be experiencing separation anxiety (especially with gymnastics). Her current gym (#1) has been very understanding but it's been so draining for me to see her so full of worry and have to shove her into to gym each week. NOT FUN! She's normally happy when she gets home but it's never enough to stop the crying the next time. VERY FRUSTRATING! I feel she is having issues with the coach and possibly some girls on the team but can't / won't express them.

I've also come to realize that dd really needs to know the reasons behind certain things she is asked to do in the gym. It's been hard for her to go from recreational classes to team and suddenly every tiny thing is being corrected. My dd (the perfectionist that she is) tends to view it as "I must not be good" which fuels her negativity. It's something she has to deal with as she learns the technicality of gymnastics. Simply, she's just the kid that needs a bit of extra positive reinforcement / praise. She's that way at home and school too.

I don't want her to quit before she gets to see what she can really do in the sport. I believe she has talent and if she's happy at gym #2 she will thrive. It's been really hard and even now I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Sarah'sMom]

I agree that you can't continue with the situation as it is for all kinds of reasons including at the very least hurting her love for the sport.

I was asking if you knew why your daughter gets so upset to find it if it was a problem with the gym or something going on with your daughter, or frankly any combination of those. I just wonder because if you move her to the other gym and have the same issues, what will you do then? It might help to get the why's before you move her, but I would move fast on that and not let this go on.

My 6 and 1/2 year old doesn't always tell me what's going on, and it is hard. I try some open ended general questions like, how do you feel about...... I can't ask her anything that suggests an answer, such as "Is your coach mean?" She might just jump on that, whether it is true or not - like she wants to get the answer right.

I would also ask the coaches what is happening. You say they've been understanding. They must have something that they've observed. Is she getting upset in class, and if so, when is that happening?

Also, is there any way you can stay and watch? That might provide you with some insight. And, have you usually watched, or have you usually dropped her off? Maybe she just wants you there. I'm not pretending to be sure of anything here, just throwing some things out.

Good luck. Take care.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks, I really appreciate being able to talk to someone about this!

I've always dropped off. I grab her off the van at my son's daycare, she changes in the car, has a snack and we are off. I walk her into the gym and send her out to the floor and then leave to get my son (age 2). My husband (if on time from work) picks her up at 6. It's never been a problem until my trip came up at the end of October. I only went away for a day and a half and I haven't had the same kid since. Very strange...but it sparked a separation anxiety issue that was never there before...

I called the coach only after dd reported to me that she overheard him say something to another coach about her and her crying. It was mean, hurt her feelings, but I doubt he said exactly what she thinks she heard. I felt it was time to approach the head coach. He was pleasant on the phone but didn't make me feel like he was trying to understand my dd and the issues we have been facing. He denied saying what my dd heard but didn't offer to make it right with her...even after I said she didn't want to come to the next practice. She got through the next practice (I had to drag her out of the car). She can't let the comment go (even though she knows I talked to him about it). It's a big program and he has lots of little fish in the sea if you know what I mean.

As far as she says her crying is because she misses me...again so hard because we've never dealt with any kind of separation issue EVER. She's never had a shy or clingy bone in her body which is why I think there is more to it. I can't stay (because I have to get my 2 year old) and even if I did the observation room is small and crowded and I wouldn't be able to see anything. Coach reported that he gets her back to the activity and she does everything they ask (so it's not like she is behind her peers with skills or anything).

Gym #2 invited her to practice this Tuesday with their level 3's. I think I have to let her do it and see. I honestly feel I will have my sparkly, bubbly, little girl back. I've warned her that if we make a move I can't even come in the gym to drop her off. She seems fine with this. I'm naturally worried that something will bother her at the gym #2 and we'll be facing the same problems. I feel better prepared to talk to the coach at gym #2. Not sure what to say to gym #1....If I thought there was any chance I could get her back in the doors I would....she missed practice last Thursday (doctor was worried she had a mild concussion from hitting her head at school) and now will miss Tuesday if I let her try a session with the other gym.

This year has been tough on her in general (first year of full day school) and going from 1 hour a week to 3 at gym....her brother is a terror (he's 2) and she has a hard time with that. Why is he always?? etc. Lots of drama!

Another worry I have is that she only went to gym #2 for summer camp so I don't want her to think it will all be fun and games. Coach at gym #2 really needs to explain the differences to her.

So torn and sad that perhaps I made the wrong decision in August.

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

{Hugs} to you both. It is so hard to see our little ones so upset, especially when it was something that they previously loved.

It's been hard for her to go from recreational classes to team and suddenly every tiny thing is being corrected. My dd (the perfectionist that she is) tends to view it as "I must not be good" which fuels her negativity. It's something she has to deal with as she learns the technicality of gymnastics.

This was a big issue for my dd and it took a long time and a lot of talking and reminding for her to come to terms with. She certainly perceived every correction from the coach as a criticism and felt that she "was picking on me". We had lots of chats about the fact that her coach was trying to help her improve her gymnastics, and that she would not be able to improve if it wasn't pointed out to her the things that she needed to work a bit more on. Her coach always says that she likes to aim for perfection and that is really hard for littlies to achieve The change from rec to competitive was hard for her, it took lots of reinforcing and several months for her to deal with it.

So torn and sad that perhaps I made the wrong decision in August.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I am sure that in August you made the decision that you felt was the absolute best for your daughter based on the facts and knowledge that you had. Now you are asking yourself if it was the right decision? I guess time will tell, but at the time it was what you felt was the right decision for you. It would be wonderful to be able to see into the future and know what is ahead but no one can do that.

Hang in there, hope things work out ok for you both.

 

[bogwoppit]

Have you considered just giving her a break from gym for a bit? It maybe exactly what she needs to restore her confidence in life. She is so young that she can go back to gym at any time and not be left behind.

It seems that there is so much more to this than just gym and it is clear that what she needs is some more time with you to rebuild her confidence. Sometimes that is all it takes with little ones. She has had a lot of big changes this year and maybe the trip you had to take was the straw that broke the camels back.

It doesn't matter whether you made the right or wrong decision in Auguest, what matters most is how you try to help her now. SHe needs you, probably not more change. If she was mine I would just pull her out of gym for the winter and chill for a few months and then in spring I would look at the other gyms.

 

[gymdog]

You could try the preteam program at Gym 2 but it seems like a break or a move back to a shorter rec class is probably the best bet at this point. It doesn't really sound like you feel there are significant problems which should cause this issue in the environment, so I wouldn't expect another move will solve the underlying problems you described. She's only 6, there's plenty of time to do gymnastics if that's what she wants to do. Preteam may be too much right now. There is also a possibility it may not be right in the future, however 7-8 is very different than 6 and the issue could be revisited then if she wants to try.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks. We have considered a break and dd wants to hear nothing of it. Honestly dd really needs the stress / anxiety relief that gymnastics gives her. She just needs to learn how to handle the higher expectations of team and believe in herself. The rec class star to "average" team kid has been tough for her. I think she can get past this in the right enviro


All we can agree to right now is a trial class tomorrow at gym #2. I know she can have the same problems at gym #2 but I have to give it a try. We haven't made any promises and if I don't feel in my gut that it's a good fit than a break will be in store as I don't think she'll want to go back to gym #1 at all. If she had only told us what the real issue was two months ago maybe it was could have properly addressed the issue with gym #1. It's not a separation anxiety problem at all.