Parents Poor Grades, Should I pull her our????

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I am kind of on the same page as Empowered. Not every child will be a straight A student. In my opinion that is okay, AS LONG as they have a good attitude. Number one for me is behaviour. I truly believe that school at this level should be where kids learn how to learn, and learn where their real interests and passions lie.

Getting a C in third grade math is going to have no bearing on anything when Suzie is applying for College or applying for her first job. But what I think will have an impact is whether good work habits, kindness and compassion toward her peers, and respect for her teachers and coaches was instilled and reinforced during these formative years.

All that being said, lower grades would not cause me to pull my dd from gym, but poor behaviour, back talk, refusal to do what she is being asked to do are all grounds for a day or two off gym to think about the kind of behaviour she should be displaying. Maybe a little gym "time out" is a reality check she needs to get her in line.

Good luck!

 

[Aussie_coach]

I would also suggest you keep her In Gymnastics, for a few reasons.

1. Sports like gymnastics use a variety of different muscles and brain patterns which increase learning ability and memory. Her gymnastics training will actually be improving her learning at school. If you stop the training it will most probably have a negative impact on her learning ability.

2. She is very good at gymnastics its a place where she experiences success, if you take that away she is left with school where she is struggling. Her self esteem and confidence will plummet.

3. She is only 7, parents can get frustrated when their 7 year old is not motivated in school, but why should they be? A seven year old is not yet able to delay gratification or even realise that one day she will be an adult. Kids are motivated by fun, not by long term goals.

 

[maryRS]

I agree with a lot of what people have said, oddly people on both sides of the issue. Theoretically I agree that school comes first. It sounds to me though, that it's not necessarily gymnastics that is the problem, as she already had these problems before gymnastics. I would probably start by setting small goals/requirements and go from there.

My daughter is 13 and very head strong and not the best student. Oddly she does best on the days she is busy. Her best two semesters this year were 1st and last, they were the ones where she played soccer in the fall for school (practice 5 days a week after school and then gym practice 3 nights and saturdays), and track (same schedule. She did not do an additional winter sport in school and her grades during those marking periods were lower, and her work ethic suffered. She would come home from school and feel she had all the time in the world to get things done. She was not like that when she played a school sport, because she knew she had so little time. So what this left us was me having to really work with her and be on top of her to make sure she got her work done. I don't really like that dynamic because it leads to unpleasantness! So I started with small changes. I told her on the days she has gym, she had to come home and start her homework by 4:00 (she got home at 3 and had gym at 6). She balked a little, but it only took me not letting her go to practice a few times for her to understand I was serious. For us, it would not have worked for me to just say, you have to get good grades, because for one, if she wasn't doing the work, by the time she took the test, it would be too late.

In our case, pulling her out of gymnastics entirely would be counter productive. It is the one place that she truly loves, it is a positive place in so many ways, and she is probably NEVER going to be that self motivated top notch student, or if she is, it is going to have to come from her. I cannot make her do that. She would be miserable without an activity to keep her busy and how good is that for a pre-teen/teen? But there are certain expectations that she must comply with. She is not going to just not do her work, get bad grades and get a free ride on any activity.

 

[wallflower]

I would also suggest you keep her In Gymnastics, for a few reasons.

1. Sports like gymnastics use a variety of different muscles and brain patterns which increase learning ability and memory. Her gymnastics training will actually be improving her learning at school. If you stop the training it will most probably have a negative impact on her learning ability.

2. She is very good at gymnastics its a place where she experiences success, if you take that away she is left with school where she is struggling. Her self esteem and confidence will plummet.

3. She is only 7, parents can get frustrated when their 7 year old is not motivated in school, but why should they be? A seven year old is not yet able to delay gratification or even realise that one day she will be an adult. Kids are motivated by fun, not by long term goals.

I believe the child in question is 10 years old, not 7.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

IMO It's not about the grades...it's about the effort and the choice of good/bad behavior. I wouldn't hesitate to pull dd from gymnastics for a 'time out' the FIRST time she displayed "attitude" to the coach. Ten years old is plenty old enough to learn that while you may not control how you "FEEL" about something, you have 100% control of your BEHAVIOR. From the OP use of the word "attitude", I picture a kid who whines, talks back, or refuses to do as they are told. Only the parent can teach the child these are unacceptable choices in behavior, the sooner, the better. Sorry if that is not what you meant by attitude.

 

[Committed]

I'm only assuming here, but I'm not sure that taking her out of gymnastics would be motivating. Is she the kind of kid that shuts down when being 'punished'? Or does it truly motivate her? This could just end up being a vicious cycle of getting grades up until she's back into gymnastics, then dropping back down when she gets to go back.

Since she always struggled a bit with school, or just the motivation, I would probably set goals with her. What you expect from her during the school year. It could be a certain GPA or 'C' and higher in all subjects. Or you should simply look for effort, as opposed to grades. Maybe she's putting in a lot more work, but not getting the grades to go along with it.
That's what I would do anyway.

 

[GymBee97]

I never have asked my kids for "good grades" just the best grades they can get. I want them to put their best effort in to what ever they do and so long as they are trying their best what else can I ask for. In the same light "EXTRA CURICULAR" is just that EXTRA! Its not a right but an EARNED privilege. Not having it or taking it away until best efforts are in place (regardless of what the grades are) isn't a punishment at all. Its all about earning the privilege of gymnastics. Just like anything I life the things that need to be done earn the privileges and fun stuff.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

I wont tell you what we do with our dd, but I will ask if youve had her tested? Tested for the attitude and grades. Something is going on if gym is going great, but not grades and the tude. Maybe something is bothering her, maybe shes super inteligent nd thinks she doesnt need to do the work....




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[Aussie_coach]

I believe the child in question is 10 years old, not 7.

My apologies, I must have read incorrectly. But even at 10 the same issue's apply. Most 10 year olds have no idea what they want to do with the rest of their lives. They are not motivated to work hard to get into a good college, so they can get a good job, so they can not live on the streets when they grow up.

I am often flabbergasted at the idea that many people expect pre pubescent kids to be internally motivated regarding school work. I know I certainly wasn't at the age of 10, but by the end of High school I had excellent results, once I was old enough to figure out what it was I was working towards.

 

[dani4]

I think the suggestion to figure out what is going wrong at school, and leave gymnastics out of it (but keep her in it for now) is a good one. The problems existed before gymnastics, and gymnastics is the one area where she is succeeding- that's what seals it for me.

Plus I have a bit of life experience in this area. I was a smart, underperforming child. I just never did my homework, though I did pay attention in school and always did well on tests. Still, I had some ADD issues (undiagnosed) and my work habits were very poor- I can tell you some stories that would make type A personalities cringe! Part of my problem was that my parents were fairly undisciplined people and didn't really try to consistently enforce any kind of discipline in my life. I think a competitive sport like gymnastics would have been GREAT for me. It probably wouldn't have gotten me to always do my homework on time, but I think I would have learned a bit about discipline and commitment and work ethic, from a different angle.

I did get to do competitive swimming for 2 years (4th - 5th grade), which was great for me, but sadly my team fell apart when the coach left and my mother didn't want to drive me to the next closest pool. Plus I think she was not cut out to be a team kid's mom- that whole discipline thing. Anyway I do remember after my first year of swimming my teacher said that I probably should quit swim team because it was getting in the way of my homework. That would have been a tragedy- like your daughter, swim team wasn't keeping me from my homework, my complete boredom and inability to see the point was in the way of me doing my homework.

Lastly- the epilogue- I ended up going to the most competitive public high school in NYC, doing fairly well despite my poor work ethic which still plagues me to this day (still undiagnosed ADD), did pretty well but not exactly up to my potential in HS and College, went to a very prestigious (and expensive, oops) graduate school, and to this day remain a productive member of society who only spends some of my work day messing around on the internet. And I think my story is not that atypical of the bored, distracted, intelligent kid in our society. My biggest regret in life is that I didn't get to continue swimming- I got into sports again in college (not swimming and not on the varsity team level) but I feel that I missed a big opportunity to be part of something great and really work hard and reach my full potential athletically, if not academically.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

A good friend once told me when dd first started gymnastics that gymnastics isnt only about the sport or schooling, its about balance. How to teach our dds how to balance and manage everything.


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[MaryA]

... and to this day remain a productive member of society who only spends some of my work day messing around on the internet. And I think my story is not that atypical of the bored, distracted, intelligent kid in our society.

:laughing:

Love this!

 

[J&A's mom]

My sons know that school comes first. If they can't get school work done, they can't do gymnastics. But they both love school, so that isn't a problem.

I am not sure what I would do in your situation, but I would make sure that if she still is in gymnastics next year, I would work with her teacher(s) to make sure she stays on top of things. Homework folders, daily progress report, things like that. Communication with teachers can go a long way for students who have struggled.

 

[gymstaryaya]

I have a similar problem. My dd struggles with school work and just doesn't like it. She also skipped 2 levels in one year (6 and 8), so, very talented. My decision, and it's what is right for me, is that I will never pull her from gymnastics as a punishment. Some children have special talents and that should be nurtured, and some things that they are not so good at, needs to be worked harder on. All children are different and even though my child isn't so good at school, I try my best to help her with getting better. It's not her choice to have trouble with not learning and focusing as quickly as others, but on the flip side, other children can't do what she does, as quickly or easily, as she does it! She has never had a behavioral problem, so I just wouldn't do it!

 

[Amusibus]

I have a similar problem. My dd struggles with school work and just doesn't like it. She also skipped 2 levels in one year (6 and 8), so, very talented. My decision, and it's what is right for me, is that I will never pull her from gymnastics as a punishment. Some children have special talents and that should be nurtured, and some things that they are not so good at, needs to be worked harder on. All children are different and even though my child isn't so good at school, I try my best to help her with getting better. It's not her choice to have trouble with not learning and focusing as quickly as others, but on the flip side, other children can't do what she does, as quickly or easily, as she does it! She has never had a behavioral problem, so I just wouldn't do it!

"On the flip side..." Ha ha ha

 

[Deleted member D3987]

lol.^^^^^^^^^^^great pun that you caught there!

 

[gymstaryaya]

"On the flip side..." Ha ha ha

Haha...didn't even realize my on pun!

 

[dani4]

I would work with her teacher(s) to make sure she stays on top of things. Homework folders, daily progress report, things like that. Communication with teachers can go a long way for students who have struggled.

This may just be parenting style, but I'm glad that my parents didn't do anything of the sort and I will never do this for my kids. I believe in letting kids learn that if they don't do their work they will fail. Because if they don't do their work they will own their failure, and on the flip side (haha) if they succeed they alone will own their success. I will help them with strategies and setting up a good homework environment, but that's as far as I'm going.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

This may just be parenting style, but I'm glad that my parents didn't do anything of the sort and I will never do this for my kids. I believe in letting kids learn that if they don't do their work they will fail. Because if they don't do their work they will own their failure, and on the flip side (haha) if they succeed they alone will own their success. I will help them with strategies and setting up a good homework environment, but that's as far as I'm going.

That is an interesting strategy - may I ask how old your children are ? Just being curious here.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Since you have her working on catching up this summer, I would work really hard at setting a nonnegotiable schedule with a set time each day for whatever review work she is doing. I know that's gotta be near impossible with your other kids, but I think it['s really important for her to have that structure that she knows she has to do it at a certain time, fun or not. I'd also do whatever I needed to do to rule out learning problems that may be causing her not to like her school work. I think keeping a schedule is really important, as I have a DD who is a just wanna have fun type, and it really helps her.

I'd would definitely not cut the gymnastics. There is so much about hard work she can learn and it will boost her if she does have ongoing difficulties with school, Ultimately, we want healthy happy kids, right? If you want to cut or threaten with something, make it something purely recreational like electronics or tv time or something like that. I'd look at gymnastics as an essential part of who she is. She has a talent for it that should be developed.

The problem existed before gymnastics. Cutting gymnastics isn't going to improve it.