Parents Poor Grades, Should I pull her our????

[J&A's mom]

This may just be parenting style, but I'm glad that my parents didn't do anything of the sort and I will never do this for my kids. I believe in letting kids learn that if they don't do their work they will fail. Because if they don't do their work they will own their failure, and on the flip side (haha) if they succeed they alone will own their success. I will help them with strategies and setting up a good homework environment, but that's as far as I'm going.

really? Working with teachers is a bad parenting style?

 

[skschlag]

Working with teachers is crucial. Especially in the elementary grades. In middle school, we are weaning my son of it, but I still communicate with his teachers. And, being a teacher I greatly appreciate it when the parents and I are on the same page.

really? Working with teachers is a bad parenting style?

I wouldn't use gym as punishment, but would make it known that hte other stuff has to get done too. And if not, then they have to stay home until they get it done. Then it is punishment, but puts the responsibility on them to get things done. It is all semantics, but instead of.."If you don't get this done, you don't go to gym" it is "when this is done, you can go to gym". Then they have teh control of what happens.

 

[dani4]

really? Working with teachers is a bad parenting style?

Did I say bad parenting style? I said parenting style, as in, different parents have different parenting styles. My husband is a college math professor, so it's not like we're anti-education or anti-communicating with teachers. But we expect some independence from our kids. Because there are way too many 19 year olds out there who never learned that they alone are responsible for their own learning in the end, and my husband gets them in his class.

 

[Empowered]

I agree with dani on this. When I was a kid I collected my own assignments and got them back to school every day. The only contact between teach and parent was at the bi-annual conference or if I was in trouble. When did kids become so helpless that we have to put every assignment online and parents have to monitor grades daily to make sure everything is done. What are we teaching our kids? To be self reliant? To be responsible? Frankly it seems like a cycle of dependence to me.

This is how we end up with college kids who can't pass basic classes, because they are incapable of taking care of themselves.

 

[Bajanswife]

I think the suggestion to figure out what is going wrong at school, and leave gymnastics out of it (but keep her in it for now) is a good one. The problems existed before gymnastics, and gymnastics is the one area where she is succeeding- that's what seals it for me.

Plus I have a bit of life experience in this area. I was a smart, underperforming child. I just never did my homework, though I did pay attention in school and always did well on tests. Still, I had some ADD issues (undiagnosed) and my work habits were very poor- I can tell you some stories that would make type A personalities cringe! Part of my problem was that my parents were fairly undisciplined people and didn't really try to consistently enforce any kind of discipline in my life. I think a competitive sport like gymnastics would have been GREAT for me. It probably wouldn't have gotten me to always do my homework on time, but I think I would have learned a bit about discipline and commitment and work ethic, from a different angle.

I did get to do competitive swimming for 2 years (4th - 5th grade), which was great for me, but sadly my team fell apart when the coach left and my mother didn't want to drive me to the next closest pool. Plus I think she was not cut out to be a team kid's mom- that whole discipline thing. Anyway I do remember after my first year of swimming my teacher said that I probably should quit swim team because it was getting in the way of my homework. That would have been a tragedy- like your daughter, swim team wasn't keeping me from my homework, my complete boredom and inability to see the point was in the way of me doing my homework.

Lastly- the epilogue- I ended up going to the most competitive public high school in NYC, doing fairly well despite my poor work ethic which still plagues me to this day (still undiagnosed ADD), did pretty well but not exactly up to my potential in HS and College, went to a very prestigious (and expensive, oops) graduate school, and to this day remain a productive member of society who only spends some of my work day messing around on the internet. And I think my story is not that atypical of the bored, distracted, intelligent kid in our society. My biggest regret in life is that I didn't get to continue swimming- I got into sports again in college (not swimming and not on the varsity team level) but I feel that I missed a big opportunity to be part of something great and really work hard and reach my full potential athletically, if not academically.

You have described me exactly! I didn't swim, but I did do other things like ride horses. For a while I was able to work with my grandad's ex-racehorse, teaching her how to jump etc., but then she died.

My poor parents had to pay a ton to send me to college because I didn't do well enough for any scholarships. In the end I got a professional qualification quite easily because I learned the "system" (i.e. how to do well on the exams with minimal study time ). Now I get by at work, most of the time pleasing my boss immensely (though he's shocked at the terrible state of my paper/document management), and only some of the time playing on the internet! I honestly cannot fly from task to task - I get so muddled up. I need to stop and clear my head from time to time with a completely different activity (i.e. internet). I also procrastinate when a job seems too tedious or difficult. All of my kids have inherited this in various degrees, and my poor son also has dyslexia from DH to deal with. We all get by as best we can, and I know my kids aren't likely to be straight-A students. I do work with the teachers in primary school, and a little bit at secondary school (weaning off) because I know how hard it is for my kids to keep track of things (especially my son).

My gymnast has an important placement exam in less than a year and she isn't getting the grades she needs to go to the school she wants, so she's getting some extra help. If this clashes with a day or 2 of gym training then the gym has to go. She'd never quit completely, but she may not get the hours in that her coach would like. But her coach understands - she's BTDT herself. It's only going to be for 8 months.

 

[skschlag]

I guess my thought is that this is not a skill set that comes naturally to all children, therefore, it has to be taught by someone. When we were in school, it was taught by the teachers with parents backing them up. My mom made sure I did my homework, and my teachers taught me the school skills I needed. However, things are different. Teachers teach curriculum. If parents don't teach the kids how to be responsible and organized, how will they learn? They aren't magically going to learn it. So I see it, as the parent, as my job to give them these skills. They are survival skills, that will help them throughout their lives. Just letting them fail and hoping they learn from that is just not a good plan imo. However, I agree that some parents do take it too far. But being in communication with my child's teacher, to me, is just a good idea.

 

[skschlag]

My gymnast has an important placement exam in less than a year and she isn't getting the grades she needs to go to the school she wants, so she's getting some extra help. If this clashes with a day or 2 of gym training then the gym has to go. She'd never quit completely, but she may not get the hours in that her coach would like. But her coach understands - she's BTDT herself. It's only going to be for 8 months.

That is so great that the coach is supportive. I know ours is big on grades! One of our gymnasts learned the hard way that you can be a phenomenal gymnast, and not get into a college due to grades. Hope the help helps!

 

[J&A's mom]

In this situation, where the child is already struggling with school, communication with school is important. I would say the problem is school, not gym, so that is where the change should be made.