Parents Poor Grades, Should I pull her our????

[ambrown777]

My 10 DD is finishing her second year in gymnastics. Her attitude is 100% of her problem along with lack of discipline and consistency on my part. Somewhat in my defense I have 5 other children (22, 7, 5, 3, 1). My 7 year has a very poor memory and needs a lot of extra time with school work. Back to the gymnast. She has a strong-will personality. She only wants to do stuff that is "fun" at times gymnastics isn't "fun" either. She started last year on pre-team, then the next year she started on team, after 1 month skipped level 4 and competed level 5, scratched bars. So during this first year on team, she trained with the other level 6 & 7's and (according to the lead coach) she is right up there with the other girls on her tumbling skills and most everything else. Competed 2 wks ago and scored out of 5. All that to say she is very talented. But there is the problem of school. School was a problem before gymnastics and continues to be a problem. Ok, so I do have a plan, we have all summer to get her caught up on what she has missed in 4th grade. Plenty of time even with 25 hrs of gym this summer. But I'm having a hard time of convincing her and motivating her to do the work. She just doesn't want to do it. So here are my questions? Have you ever pulled a gymnast out because of grades or just plain behavior problems? If so did they ever go back? Did they change their behavior? Is gymnastics good for those who struggle in school? Does it make a bad situation worse? Or does it help in some way?

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Yes !

If pink and Fluffy has something she has to do - Homework, chores etc then its no gym til its done - always has been. Gym is a priviledge and your commitments have to be honnored.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

My 10 DD is finishing her second year in gymnastics. Her attitude is 100% of her problem along with lack of discipline and consistency on my part. Somewhat in my defense I have 5 other children (22, 7, 5, 3, 1). My 7 year has a very poor memory and needs a lot of extra time with school work. Back to the gymnast. She has a strong-will personality. She only wants to do stuff that is "fun" at times gymnastics isn't "fun" either. She started last year on pre-team, then the next year she started on team, after 1 month skipped level 4 and competed level 5, scratched bars. So during this first year on team, she trained with the other level 6 & 7's and (according to the lead coach) she is right up there with the other girls on her tumbling skills and most everything else. Competed 2 wks ago and scored out of 5. All that to say she is very talented. But there is the problem of school. School was a problem before gymnastics and continues to be a problem. Ok, so I do have a plan, we have all summer to get her caught up on what she has missed in 4th grade. Plenty of time even with 25 hrs of gym this summer. But I'm having a hard time of convincing her and motivating her to do the work. She just doesn't want to do it. So here are my questions? Have you ever pulled a gymnast out because of grades or just plain behavior problems? If so did they ever go back? Did they change their behavior? Is gymnastics good for those who struggle in school? Does it make a bad situation worse? Or does it help in some way?

no........................................

 

[wallinbl]

Gym is the reason DD does her homework and does well in school. I'm not sure how I'd handle school with her if the gym carrot was gone.

 

[2G1B]

When you say she has to make stuff up over the summer - do you mean she didn't make the grades to pass 4th grade? If my kids' grades dropped they would not be doing gymnastics or any other extracurriculars. I mean, if they dropped to Bs I'd still let them; but they would have been out of it long before it got to the point of not passing. And definitely if they had to go to summer school or something like that, there would be no gymnastics.

 

[gymmom1974]

My DD is strong willed (also has dyslexia and ADD, which is why we put her in gymnastics in the first place)....however, we don't have the problem with behavior in the gym. She works very hard and tries anything the coach asks of her.

We have always had the house rule that school comes first, and have always explained how it doesn't matter how good of a gymnast you are, if you're not a good student, scholarships won't be there. That being said, my DD is very adamant about having her school work done on time (almost to a compulsive level).

When she gets an attitude at home, we do NOT use gymnastics as a punishment. However, we have no problem taking away cell phones, iPod, television and computer privileges for a week at a time. Or, giving her extra household chores seems to bring her back to "reality".

We feel that if she is allowed to slack on a commitment to her team, that is not a good life skill we want to teach. (Even though I agree that gymnastics is a privilege).

 

[gymmiemom]

I have a different take on this. I am sure I am going to get hammered by some parents, but o well here it goes. I 100% refuse to threaten gymnastics with my DD. It is the ONE thing she loves, and where she has found her niche, so to speak. She is a happier child because of it. Now my DD is only 7, but since Kindergarten has not loved school. Her all around attitude has been much better about school since joining gymnastics a year ago. It helps that our coach emphasizes grades, being responsible with their time, and the importance of school.
Gym is why she is doing so much better in school than she was.

However, if she was having an attitude at gym, if she didn't take it seriously and isn't there to train (and have fun of course) then we would have issues.

With my DD she gets extra chores or being grounded from the very little tv/electronic time she has works well. If I took gym away I know she would just shut down even more and it wouldn't be pretty. She is the most stubborn little thing lol.

ETA: I have 3 other children as well, and they all know that their homework and school is top priority. It is expected to be done well and on time. This hasn't been issue, except with the DD I mentioned.

 

[2G1B]

IMO taking away gymnastics if a kid isn't passing school isn't a punishment, it is life. As a previous poster mentioned, scholarships won't happen if you have horrible grades. If you are doing a sport for school (middle or high school) then you have to keep your grades up in order to participate in sports. IMO, it wouldn't be, "this is a punishment for making bad grades" it would be, "you appear to need to have more time to focus on school. Until your grades come around, they are going to need to be your main focus and you just can not do the hours of gym needed to stay on team."

 

[munchkin3]

DS with ADHD, Dyslexia, in all advanced classes.....(not by parents choice!) he gets good grades because of gym. He was out because of injury, and his grades dropped with all that extra time. DD is doing fine with both....sometimes she takes a day off to lounge and thats fine because she busts her butt when she is there....

Talent alone does not make an athlete. Attitude, health and family support play important roles also. If she loves it, she will shape up. If she does not care, then she should not be there. If she has no goals about school, then there are other issues. But grades always come first.....Gymnastics is a priviledge. Better to teach her this reality now rather than later.....Gymnasts grow up fast.

BTW, Not as punishment, NEVER...but as a a real life lesson.....until school work gets done, then no 'other' things....we have been late many times due to school work. Better to be late than never!!

 

[Twosmiles]

DD1 has a similar attitude of only wanting to do fun things and now that she is 7 we are trying very hard to find ways to internally motivate her. We have simple things around the house to remind her of responsibilities where we tally up points and let her choose a self directed reward when she reaches a target number (movie, special time with friends, etc). Its amazing how much focusing upon the positive and rewarding her when things go well has helped her attitude. She's getting the relationship between doing some yucky stuff so that she can reap the rewards of her efforts later. Along these lines, we have a line item called "Do your best". Points can be earned for good attitude / special events at school / gym/ or home.

DD is excelling at school and I think part of this is due to the fact that she is at a Montessori school. They are more flexible and the learning is centered around the child's interests. So, during reading time (even in first grade), her reading was focused on her particular interest in snow, horses, weather etc versus having to do what everyone else was doing.

Interestingly, we have had to switch schools this year and as a result we are covering the new school's spelling list from first grade. Its only about 300 words and she has 10 weeks to do it, but it is painful and the only thing that is helping is a schedule and consistency. If you have a lot to cover, I would recommend getting advice from someone that homeschools.

From a bottom line perspective, I probably wouldn't pull her out - yet. But I would seriously try to evaluate other options to see if you can internally motivate her in all areas of her life, especially school. These are such foundational years and if she continues to struggle in 5th it could set her back significantly in middle / high school.

Also, if you have one in your area, you might want to check out a montesori upper elementary program. Its actually an incredible fit from a gymnastics perspective as most montesori schools focus on getting the work done at school to create a better balance for the child. Homework is mainly project based (general reading / science fairs / etc) so its easier to work into the weekly schedule.

 

[B&M's mom]

Good grades are non negotiable in my house. Both of my daughters do gymnastics, one is entirely self motivated. Her homework is usually done days in advance if she has the assignment and she frets over a grade that is less than an A. (Her obsession, not mine). The other (also just finished 4th grade), is well, more lackadasical about getting her homework done. She learned this year that if the homework isn't done and done properly, no gymnastics. She started getting up early to get it done. And yes, if she didn't do it and do it well, she would be out. Still working on getting her to do her required reading.

Be prepared, homework in middle school is way more intense than in 4th and 5th grade. So if it's bad now, it may be worse in a couple of years.

 

[ambrown777]

For some reason I can't seem to "like" anyone's replies. Thank you everyone for you input. I just want to add. DD was struggling in school starting with kinder b/c of attitude BEFORE I ever enrolled her in gymnastics and it has been just a snow ball effect leading up to now. If anything I would say that gymnastics helped a little, in addition to her getting older. I even tried homeschooling during 3rd grade and that didn't help. So my 1st problem has nothing to do with gymnastics on the other hand I didn't expect for her to do so well. B/c the plan now is one level 6 meet which she will pass with no problem and then compete level 7 in the Jan season and we are ALL looking forward to that happening.

 

[ambrown777]

(I couldn't edit above post ^^^^) ...once she goes to compulsory which will take place in 6-7 months, for the first time ever she will REALLY be motivated to keep those grades up. By the way, according to her coach, she does have a slight attitude at gym, where it starts getting boring or she is tired of doing repetitions. But it according to her coach it doesn't keep her from being a great gymnast because for her it is natural but it does keep her from being an exceptional one.

 

[Empowered]

I am not going to comment on any else's advice or opinions, I am just going to let you know where I would stand as a parent.

The reality is not every kid is going to be a straight A kid who always has a 4.0 and goes straight to college. Some of the most successful people I know in life weren't "academically" smart, went to junior college before university and took longer to find their way. On the reverse side, some the smartest, highest GPA kids I went to school with are some of the biggest losers now as adults. My point is that from my experience, school doesn't have to define who you are.

I also think that in school these days, kids are often not taught to think or learn but rather just regurgitate info. That's hard for a lot of kids. Once you get into college and into higher learning, being able to think you're own way around or about an argument is praised whereas it's general not before college. Furthermore, I think many, MANY school districts give absolutely ridiculous amounts of homework. I am sorry but I just do not see the value in a child doing 3-4 hours of homework a night every night following a full day of school.

I am of the opinion that kids should be well rounded. I think kids can learn just as much, if not more about the realities of life in the gym or on the soccer field or golf course, whatever sport they choose. Additionally it keeps them healthy and strong. Kids don't get PE in school hardly anymore, and even when they do it's hardly aerobically effective. I want a kid who's strong physically and mentally.

The reality is you could potentially take away everything, do nothing but force your child to do work and try and get all A's and she still may not. In fact you may put her in a position where she dislikes school even more if she sees it as a punishment.

This is just my humble opinion. Thanks for reading

 

[GymBeeMom]

Since being in gymnastics has not helped her academically, I would absolutely not allow that privilege (or any other) until her grades and attitude improved. My DD is a talented homeschool gymnast who had to miss gym once when her work was not completed in time for gym. School comes first and there is never any exception, ever. And she knows it. Everyone has there own way of looking at it- I think you have to decide what lesson you wish for her to learn from this experience and decide how to handle based on the lesson you want her to get out of it.

 

[MaryA]

My first impulse is to say "improve the grades or no gym" but really, if she was having trouble in school before, it's not really a case of "she is spending too much time on gymnastics and not enough time on school." I would say that maybe you need to try and figure out what is going on with school. Is there a learning disability that needs to be addressed? I mean, if it's truly within her control... If she worked harder and spent more time on her schoolwork she would get better grades... Then I would say yes, take her out of gymnastics. School should come first. But if there are things going on that are out of her control...an undisgnosed learning disability or something...then it would be totally unfair to take gymnastics away.

Bottom line, if my DD's grades dropped next year, I would probably tell her "bring them up or no gymnatics" because she has always done well in school and I know she has the ability to do well in school. But for your daughter, that may not be the case. My daughter was in gymnatics for 6 years before she got to optionals, and yours only a couple. There are all sorts of different kinds of smart.

 

[sportsmommy]

I think it depends on why your child doesnt get good grades. My dd tries her hardest and doesnt get the best grades. I wouldnt take gym away for that. If she wasnt getting good grades because she wouldnt do the work i probably would. Before you say that you will you need to be 100% on board to carry through.

 

[munchkin3]

I do agree with some.....grades are relative....one kid may be able to pull straight A's and another gets the full range. It depends on your kid and your family.....my little one didn't fully get the gymnastics bug until she whooped some serious butt. Now she is super focused and wants to excell. On her own. (She likes A's)
DS is happier just doing things at his own pace. He does not care about winning, but tries to get on the podium at every meet and he is happy about it. (He is fine with the occasional C)
Gymnastics is just one thing. Part of a bigger picture. If she is talented then go with it, but there is more to life than this ONE THING.

 

[Muddlethru]

So here are my questions? Have you ever pulled a gymnast out because of grades or just plain behavior problems? If so did they ever go back? Did they change their behavior? Is gymnastics good for those who struggle in school? Does it make a bad situation worse? Or does it help in some way?

For some reason I can't seem to "like" anyone's replies. Thank you everyone for you input. I just want to add. DD was struggling in school starting with kinder b/c of attitude BEFORE I ever enrolled her in gymnastics and it has been just a snow ball effect leading up to now. If anything I would say that gymnastics helped a little, in addition to her getting older. I even tried homeschooling during 3rd grade and that didn't help. So my 1st problem has nothing to do with gymnastics on the other hand I didn't expect for her to do so well. B/c the plan now is one level 6 meet which she will pass with no problem and then compete level 7 in the Jan season and we are ALL looking forward to that happening.

(I couldn't edit above post ^^^^) ...once she goes to compulsory which will take place in 6-7 months, for the first time ever she will REALLY be motivated to keep those grades up. By the way, according to her coach, she does have a slight attitude at gym, where it starts getting boring or she is tired of doing repetitions. But it according to her coach it doesn't keep her from being a great gymnast because for her it is natural but it does keep her from being an exceptional one.

I'm a little confused with what your dilemma is. The responses you received seemed to address your questions 1) did you pull gymnast out for poor grades, 2) did they ever change their behavior. 3) is gymnastics good for these who struggle in school or does it make a bad situation worse? Although you did state in your original post that your daughter had this problem prior to gymnastics, you did relate the two situations together. But then you proceeded to state that gymnastics has helped a little. And from the sound of your last two posts, you are having your daughter do gymnastics either way and you are ALL looking forward to it. Further you feel your "daughter may be REALLY be motivated to keep those grades up". Maybe I am missing something but your original questions are no longer relevant and as such what exactly are you hoping to find out?

 

[GymBee97]

School always comes before ANY extra curricular activity in our home. If the kids have homework then it has to be done before anything else (gymnastics, scouts, piano, fun times with friends). Its not a threat but a fact that is life. Work comes before play. They don't have to get straight "A's" (even though they do) but they do have to have passing grades (and I don't mean "D's") For us "its just Gymnastics" and there are more important things in life that must get done first.