WAG Potential problem at the gym- help!

[cbone]

We have one gymnast who was a Level 3 last year. She's 10 1/2 and is quite a talent. She's trying to get her kip so that she can go new Level 4 in the fall. The problem is she's been a terror, bullying her old Level 3 teammates and saying rude things. The dad I have been friendly since they joined the gym about a year ago. I can see this being a problem in the near future. My daughter's group (who have been together for 2+ years now) are tight-knit and just won't tolerate a kid being a bully. The parents are the same way. Any suggestions on how to best stop this before it starts?

 

[mommyof1]

My daughter's group (who have been together for 2+ years now) are tight-knit and just won't tolerate a kid being a bully. The parents are the same way. Any suggestions on how to best stop this before it starts?

Of course bullying is never acceptable, but why not wait and see how things play out? Maybe this girl won't get her kip over the summer. Maybe your daughter's group really won't tolerate a bully and will stand up to her if she tries anything. One would also hope that the coaches would put a stop to any bullying. On the other hand, if you talk to the dad ahead of time, you are taking a real risk that he will think you are just resentful of his daughter's success in moving through the levels quickly, and won't take your concerns seriously.

You might also consider reading "Little Girls Can Be Mean" by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert, which I have previously recommended here. It focuses on bullying among girls in grades K-6 and encourages parents to support children in working out their own solutions to bullying when possible. A few of the suggestions are not terribly practical (e.g., writing a letter to the bully), but many of them can be very useful.

 

[Amber]

Kids bully to feel better about themselves. This girl is older and a level lower than your DD and friends, right? Maybe she feels excluded and insecure. You said your DD is part of a tight knit group...I would have your DD and her friends (maybe even some of the bullied girls) offer to share a special treat with this girl after practice. If this girl feels included and possibly liked, then the bullying might stop. If the hand of friendship doesn't work, then I would talk with her dad in a neutral way, like "Is Susie having a good time time at the gym?"...maybe something is going on with her outside of the gym and its manifesting there. Hope it works out.

 

[munchkin3]

Let it play out for a bit. Sometimes kids need to find the pecking order. With all the new routines, everyone is a bit out of place i am sure.....If it continues to become an issue, have the head coach give the entire team a group lecture about team, and respect etc. etc. This way no one is called out and everyone gets the same message.

Kids need to resolve these thing by themselves up to a point.

See if they can figure it out first.

 

[cbone]

On the other hand, if you talk to the dad ahead of time, you are taking a real risk that he will think you are just resentful of his daughter's success in moving through the levels quickly, and won't take your concerns seriously.

This. That has been my concern about saying anything. I don't begrudge any girl success. I just want a non-toxic environment where my daughter can grow at her own pace (whatever that may be).

 

[skschlag]

What is she doing that you consider bullying?

 

[iwannacoach]

I wouldn't worry about passing information, not judgement, on to the girls father. This bullying is probably something done very quietly, and always out of hearing range, so it's almost a certainty that this is news to him.

Give him a chance to be a parent, and if it goes badly you can figure it would have gone bad eventually of it's own accord. So save the both of you some time, and cut to the chase.

 

[BlairBob]

If it becomes an issue, take this to your coach.

If that goes nowhere, take this to either the head program coach or management/owner.

You can try to approach the parent, but I'd go through either of this options first.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

just remember that there are some people in this world that have the benefit of "perfect" children - lord knows I'm not - but hey. These children are physically incapable of wrong and are ususally the "victim" in any given sernario. If this child is a "perfect" child then any suggestion otherwise will fall on deaf ears.

 

[Amusibus]

I agree with Margo, I've had bad experiences getting involved with other people's kids, parents can be very touchy about that. Wait, then try the coaches first.

 

[gymmomtoo]

If the girls won't tolerate a bully, then it sounds like they'll put a stop to it. I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes an issue

 

[Granny Smith]

Same as above. You are worrying about something that is currently nothing and you said yourself that the current group won't tolerate it - don't make this your issue if there is nothing going on.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Maybe this girl feels like the "tight knit" group is a clique and is only trying to fit in. Sometimes kids will use negative attention just to get attention. Ya know what I mean?

 

[gym monkeys mom]

That is an issue for HC/Owner not a parent. If and when it becomes a issue to it to the appropriate coach at the gym and let them handle it. Until then I would not borrow to trouble as my grandma would say.