WAG rewarding the team with allergenic food

[CoachGoofy]

Wow, I am kind of shocked (and a bit disappointed) at how many people think that excluding kids with allergies from food centered activities (and so much in the US is food centered-celebrations, socialization...there's food everywhere. Look at all the snacks people send for whatever reason!) is acceptable. The team fundraises for all the kids, not just the ones who can eat whatever, right?

We have kids with allergies at my gym, and a couple who keep kosher. Surprisingly enough, every parent has been able to keep track of the restrictions (we send out a list) so that all the kids can participate in any food celebration. Because we expect it. We do not present it as 'special treatment' or as something we have to grudgingly do. It's something we do because all our team members should feel welcome and appreciated. Belonging means always belonging, not just when it's no effort.

 

[gymdog]

Wow, I am kind of shocked (and a bit disappointed) at how many people think that excluding kids with allergies from food centered activities (and so much in the US is food centered-celebrations, socialization...there's food everywhere. Look at all the snacks people send for whatever reason!) is acceptable. The team fundraises for all the kids, not just the ones who can eat whatever, right?

We have kids with allergies at my gym, and a couple who keep kosher. Surprisingly enough, every parent has been able to keep track of the restrictions (we send out a list) so that all the kids can participate in any food celebration. Because we expect it. We do not present it as 'special treatment' or as something we have to grudgingly do. It's something we do because all our team members should feel welcome and appreciated. Belonging means always belonging, not just when it's no effort.

Well, unfortunately many people just don't know about these things. I provided gluten free cupcakes for an event recently, in a sealed plastic container (I am not GF but also was providing for my own restrictions...indeed I could NOT eat the GF ones). But despite my instructions the people serving took them out and then served gluten cake next to and around them so they were no longer suitable for someone with celiac.

Also, the average person ordering pizza does not know the size of a GF pizza or that it's smaller. Or they may not keep it away from other pizzas. It just isn't on their mind.

Also, being able to have one or a few things is different than entirely simulating the menu (often impossible). Even if people said sure, we'll provide GF dishes for the potluck, once they go home and use their contaminated dishes and ingredients, it's no longer GF. No one I personally know with celiac would trust that...they always arrange their own food or eat marked, sealed food.

I ALWAYS provide food for everyone, because I have these restrictions too. But when I provide for celiac, I provide store bought, certified gluten free sealed foods.

 

[MaryA]

I was thinking, "well, maybe there could be a booster club position in charge of this." One parent who keeps track of who is allergic to what and tries to make sure that, at team functions, there is at least something there for everyone. Of course there would have to be some money in the booster club budget set aside for this. But then I thought that this is a job I would be terrified to undertake because what if I provided something that I thought was safe and it wasn't? Besides just feeling awful if something I gave a child made him/her sick, I would be concerned about liability.

 

[AdamSvensson]

In my club we do have a lot of evenings where the kids eat together.

There is a lot of alternatives that works well.
Tacos is easily changed to all the kids allergies. (We have celiac, milk, lactose, soya, nuts, all vegetables and pretty much ever single allergy you can think of
Pizza works but when you have a lot of diff allergies it tends to be to expensive.

If we only have 1 or 2 people that can't eat a dish then we normally ask the parents to supply it.
This is mostly the celiac girl that is asked to bring for ex. pancakes she can eat.
Mostly because its cheaper and more environmental friendly if they bring it from home made of items they already have.
Compared to that we have to buy large packs of the ingredients and then have to throw it away...

Sometimes we chose to give candy for ex in the end of events.
Not everyone can eat it, but not everyone can do everything in life.
If you always tries to make rewards/treats that fits everybody, you kinda leaving out the majority that can eat for ex. candy.

Yes i do have allergies myself and i can't do everything cause of handicaps, should i then force the rest not do it?
I think as long as you try to include everyone as much as possible, it ok if you don't do it all the time.

 

[Aussie_coach]

It is great that you posted this. Coaches do often need to be far more aware of food issue's. it really is becoming innapropriate to use food rewards at all.

its not just the gluten free too.

We could have kids with Anaphalaxis, diabeties, celiac, PKU, serious allergies, food intolerances and so on.

Also many parents don't want their kids eating this junk and mast kids are adversely affected by the chemicals to some degree.

 

[aerialriver]

Personally it sounds to me like they were considerate enough. Not every one has gluten allergies you said 6 out of 100 so that 6% of the team which mean 94% do not. Also some people are diabetic, some people need low sodium, some people are allergic to nuts, dairy, berries, you name it. It was a kids party not a hospital. I think it was nice of them to try and take care of your needs. You can't please all the people all the time. Sadly if you have allergies or issues with food it is something you will have to consider and be careful of your entire life and not expect people to take care of your needs. I don't think I would have even trusted them at all with getting food like someone else said what if the food got mixed up etc. It might be a BYOF (bring your own food) situation a lot of times.

 

[gymmomof1]

Wow, I am kind of shocked (and a bit disappointed) at how many people think that excluding kids with allergies from food centered activities (and so much in the US is food centered-celebrations, socialization...there's food everywhere. Look at all the snacks people send for whatever reason!) is acceptable. The team fundraises for all the kids, not just the ones who can eat whatever, right?

We have kids with allergies at my gym, and a couple who keep kosher. Surprisingly enough, every parent has been able to keep track of the restrictions (we send out a list) so that all the kids can participate in any food celebration. Because we expect it. We do not present it as 'special treatment' or as something we have to grudgingly do. It's something we do because all our team members should feel welcome and appreciated. Belonging means always belonging, not just when it's no effort.

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe I am more aware working in a school and schools definately make sure there are all types of food available. One poster spoke of bringing food to camp and I thought " I hope they took money off your bill because you paid double for food then ". Imho it is unfortunately too common the children with food allergies and those who are planning the team party usually are made aware by the parents. Op even said they asked what place to buy from! We do celebrate and connect with each other with food so is it really too much trouble to include those with dietary needs?

 

[Faith]

I have mixed feelings on this. While I see your point on inclusivity, it's a fact that very few people are well enough informed to cater for true medical dietary issues.

I don't think your case is helped by the trillions of fad diets out there where people *choose* to eat low carb, gluten free, wheat free, dairy free or whatever, of have various self diagnosed "intolerances". This means the general layman doesn't perceive coeliacs etc as any different, and doesn't understand the difference in medical pathology between a coeliac eating gluten, and Suzie's mom who is wheat free because she thinks it bloats her belly. So they provide as best they can, thinking maybe they can take the cheese off the pizza, or just have one slice of regular pizza, or a small portion of ice cream.

My own perception is that it's the "evening" that's the reward. The going out with team-mates, socialising, having fun. The food itself isn't the reward, that's just incidental as people tend to eat at social gatherings. It's not as if your daughter won MVP and then they said go help yourself to the food now, well done...

I do think if you have a child with coeliac or other medical condition they can't expect everyone to understand or provide at every event. Maybe you'd have been better to get together with the other 6 GF families and stock your own table. Or volunteer to arrange the catering- if they give you a budget, you'll go and get all the food and make sure everyone is catered for. You have experience of medical diet, it'll save them a job, everyone's happy.

If eating a certain way is part of your life, it's not particularly complicated. I've catered gluten free birthday parties and it's no harder than catering a "normal" party. But I have a higher degree in biology- your average gym coach or high school educated mom has probably never even heard of gluten or coeliac, so wouldn't know the stuff you take for granted, like non GF people can eat GF pizza.

I think rather than rant about your kids being left out, which I very much doubt was the intention, get in there and educate. The more people understand these conditions, the easier it will be for them to accommodate your requests in future.

 

[Jenny]

good post ^^^^^

 

[emorymom]

What about the other GF families -- I'll tell you how the other families reacted. None came. None of the other GF and none of the dairy free came. At least 3 of the other gluten free, I am pretty sure were in town. That is what comes when you create a team culture that is based on reward with highly allergenic food. I can tell you I have capitulated when my kids have sometimes not wanted to attend team functions.

Again with the idea that the food isn't the reward -- You may, in your adult mind, not think that pizza and cake is a reward. That is not how my **child** athletes perceive it. They think it is a reward from the coaches for the clique of the lucky. The do not have awareness of the complexity of booster club volunteers, etc. They want to be rewarded by their team. They do not want to be rewarded by me, but if that's all they're going to get, of course they want the substitutes I provide (if I get any notice).

Do you guys really want to risk sending the completely avoidable message to the team that some of the team is worth buying pizza for and the rest of the team should buy their own pizza? Do you tell the kids that team is their second family? Well is it?

On the issue that not all kids can be accomodated by shared kitchens, etc -- Obviously there are some sensitivities that are extreme but let's not let hard cases make bad law. Saying "we can't do this because we might not know how to feed Suzie safely" means you're going to exclude 90% of these kids because you can't help 10% be full team members? Ask your families if the kids can be accommodated when the team buys the team food. Every Mellow Mushroom in the southeast US can give you a celiac safe gluten free pizza, a dairy free soy cheese pizza, a dairy free cheeseless pizza, etc. Other chains here have similar options. I assume the Southeast is not unique, though I know in extremely small towns the options may need to be worked out ahead of time. Throughout medium to large cities in the Southeast, it involves simply picking one of the right chains and actually (gasp) ordering something for all the kids. In our case the restaurant used was a simple non-chain neighborhood pizza place. I don't trust them to the point I trust MM or Uncle Maddio's where they have more institutional training, but if I say to them "this is for a very sensitive X, please change gloves and pull from new containers onto a new pan" they will.

The parents are more than happy to help out with ordering and logistics. Believe me we are.

I'm sorry that some of you think a team accommodating child athletes who've given their heart, souls and blood to the team is asking for special treatment. I'm sorry you can't see it from the kids' perspective. I'm also baffled by the repeated reference to accommodating *me* (I'm not on the teams though of course I work hard at my part). In the case yesterday that I used to illustrate, I just had the I think reasonable expectation that since they were getting GF pizza and I had RSVPd twice that I was happy to and wanting to buy (parents paid cash for their slices, kids' pizza was included in their team membership) GF slices like the other parents were buying pizza, that I would not have to make special arrangements for my own dinner. Which didn't work out.

 

[mimi]

I do agree that if booster club money is being used to buy the items for the rest of the team, then booster club money should be used to buy the food for the kids who are allergic as well. It isn't their fault that they have an allergy and should get the same rewards as others on the team.

However, as the parent of an allergic child you should be the one to order the items, transport them, and serve them. It is the only way to ensure that the food is not contaminated and that there is enough, etc. That's just the way it is. Feel lucky that there are so many wonderful alternatives that are gluten-free, casein-free, dairy-free, and peanut free that are out there to help people with allergies feel like they can still have "normal food". Years ago when I received my diagnosis there was very little of this, and you certainly had a hard time finding a pizza restaurant that served gluten free crust!

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have a dd that has multiple food allergies. While it is frustrating that most teams/classrooms/birthday parties/church events will not accommodate her specific issues (while working hard to accommodate nut allergies) I know that it is expensive to do so. When I take my family out to eat it frequently costs twice if not 3 times as much for me to feed my dd a safe meal than it does for anyone else. Unfortunately the cost of things definitely comes into play. I imagine the people ordering the pizza thought that when they ordered 1 gluten-free pizza that it would be the same size as the other pizzas they ordered - which would have meant that it was enough. People that don't deal with food allergies personally just do not and frankly CAN NOT understand.

I know it is frustrating, I have been there time and time again. But it is my job as a parent to make my child feel ok regardless of how others behave. I have a freezer stocked with safe items that my dd can have. I keep safe treats in my purse for her. I bring my own unless I am told specifically ahead of time that there will be food for her. Honestly I would rather have it this way because then I know she isn't accidentally getting something she shouldn't have.

Your children are going to pick up on your feelings about this and it will change the way they feel about it. I am very casual about it and my dd shrugs it off. She knows I will take care of her. I go out of my way to buy her special things that she can eat. If I find a restaurant that is safe for her we frequent it. She might have to do without a little because of her allergies, but she knows she gets a lot of special things because of them.

There are so many different allergies and issues that people deal with these days. They cannot possibly accommodate all of them all the time. Yes they should have ordered more pizza, but I bet it was an honest mistake. Next year help them figure out a place where they can buy 6 gluten free donuts every wednesday morning and see if they will start getting them from there. Or ban together with the other GF families and take turns bringing your own. Hopefully you will figure something out. I guess I am used to it and have decided to not let things like this bother me. It is just easier for me to deal with privately with my dd.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Whilst I understand your point I do hold issue with your description of "Highly Allergenic Food". There is nothing wrong with the food on offer per se.

I cannot eat milk or cheese - well I can, if I want to spend all night bringing it and my other stomach contents back up again.

Pink and Fluffly has eczema brought on by artificial flavours and colours.

I have eczema, asthma and pollen, dust, fur and feather allergies. I understand a body reacting to stimuli in an un-natural way.

However its my problem, not the rest of the world. Pollen is not to blame, nor milk or dust or fur, my body is. Whilst you may feel slighted by the team it was not done intentionally, or with malice, its just not their problem.

 

[wallflower]

No, I haven't. They feel left out because they are being left out of an important aspect of team culture. And let me tell you, I've done almost 2 years now of bringing the close as possible to identical substitute, but that doesn't address the problem. They feel left out not because they aren't eating a cookie (I can provide a cookie with sufficient notice) but because their team doesn't care to get them a cookie.

So again, learn from it or not.

Apparently they did care enough to order then their own special pizza. But you still managed to find something wrong with that because it wasn't big enough. It seems like you aren't happy no matter what. It seems to me that they did what they could. Gluten free cakes from my experience are expensive and have to be ordered from a special place. I assume your kids are swimming because they enjoy it and they should take accomplishment in their achievements without the slice of cake to celebrate. If a slice of cake makes them not feel part of the team them there are bigger issues here.

 

[Bajanswife]

This is a tough one. Yes it is ultimately your responsibility to make sure there is food that you and your kids can eat. But at the same time when the team is providing food for its members as a reward, it sucks that you have to do extra to make sure your kids are catered for. Food allergies/sensitivities are not fun. My dad has so many food allergies it is hard for most people to cater to him, so he eats before he goes anywhere unless he knows for sure that there is enough safe food for him.

In your scenario I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Whoever was organizing the food knew enough to order GF pizza, but didn't consider the cake. You arrive starving after picking your kids up from their activities and there's nothing for you to eat because the GF pizza is so small. If you had known that GF wasn't really being catered for in any major way, you would have been more prepared. So maybe in future you need to go on the assumption that any GF that might be provided won't be enough or won't do for some reason, and have back-up. Or don't let yourself or your kids ever arrive at an event starving. A safe snack to eat in the car on the way there would have meant that you all could have shared that one little pizza because you all wouldn't have been as hungry. I know hindsight is 20/20, but it's these experiences that teach you how to operate next time. People who don't deal with food issues on a daily basis don't always get it right when they do have to cater to them, so don't assume that people will always get it right when they try.

 

[Granny Smith]

Not to sound like Debbie Downer, but with all of the allergies that various kids have these days, I'd just can the whole reward with food days if it's being provided by the gym/institution and I was the owner. It's obviously not worth it. The institution might come to this conclusion on their own as well. You will never be able to please everyone all the time and if it is taken as offending someone, it's easier to just end for all. I guess it's a good thing that I do not own a gym or any other institution that does these types of things, cause I'd be the big party pooper!

 

[cbifoja]

To me, this issue is about graciousness and kindness. No, you aren't required to go out of your way for another, but how wonderful if you choose to do so.

 

[wallflower]

To me, this issue is about graciousness and kindness. No, you aren't required to go out of your way for another, but how wonderful if you choose to do so.

Unless I can't read, they did go out of their way and ordered pizza. I feel very strongly that these types of team get togethers after a season are not about the food. Food is served, but its really about being together with your teammates and getting awards. Bring your own cake, tell your kids to enjoy their friends because after all this is really what it's about. This comes from a family that eats gluten free as well. A potluck is always a good way to go as well. Otherwise you can't possible accommodate everyone's needs.

And while I understand its a food intolerance because we deal with it as well, I also have a picky child who won't eat meat, dairy, most veggies, and she can't eat gluten. I would never expect an organization to cater to her needs even if it was purchased from booster club funds as a reward for the kids. It is what it is so you deal.

 

[cbifoja]

I mean this issue as a whole, not necessarily just to the OP's experience. I agree that efforts were made, even if not as extended as they could have been.

DD attends a peanut free school because of a child with a severe peanut allergy. It is hard as DD can be difficult when it comes to food but to me, and this is just my opinion, if it means a child can attend school with her peers and all my kid has to do is forgo peanut butter sandwiches during the week.....well, it's worth it for this little girl and doesn't hurt me other than a little inconvenience and extra effort to find something DD will eat.

Again, it's just my viewpoint. But yes, there are some parents who have actually said...out loud....."why should my kid have to go without (peanut containing food) just because of so and so. So and so should be homeschooled if it is that bad." I'll admit that this statement really bothered me and made me sad that this mom felt this way.

 

[gasrgoose]

The reward is not the food. Your kids might think it is because they constantly have to consider what they eat, but it's not. My oldest child doesn't like cake. She's 15 and never has and doesn't eat it. She has been to hundreds of birthday parties, banquets, end of the season parties, etc... I've never thought anyone should provide her an alternative to cake. She just doesn't eat cake at theses events. She still goes and still enjoys, she just doesn't eat the cake. And yes most of the time she doesn't like the food either (she's very picky and skinny). We often have to feed her before or after because she is very thin and has a very high metabolism. But it's our responsibility, not anyone else. Sure it would have been nice through the years if people would have noticed and provided for her. That would have made her feel good and been easier on us.