Parents Secret meets

[3rd_time_around]

I'd love to hear opinions on coaches taking Gymnasts to special meets and making them keep it a secret and also keeping the whole thing a secret from the rest of the team. Does it bother you? Hurt morale? Make you wonder? Cause divisions and jealousy? Cause unnecessary drama? Is it wrong? Or does it really even matter?

 

[Seeker]

Hmmmm....does this happen a lot. Never happened at our gym. And is it really a "secret" or is the information just distributed on a "need to know" basis?

 

[gymmomtoo]

I can't imagine this happens much. Would be a huge issue here as our booster club is able to pay all the meet fees--if one gymnast got more benefit than another, parents would be in an an uproar. If parents paid all fees and coaching expenses, I know people would still be upset ("why is that child getting more opportunity than mine?!?") and the secrecy would bother me, but wouldn't care as much. Is it happening at your gym a lot??

 

[bogwoppit]

Certainly not the way to run a gym. Results are public and people will find out and not be amused if only one child was singled out for extra meets. I have seen the ugly side of this.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

shhhh....secret classic....shhhh...

 

[GymBee97]

Honestly its none of my business what the coaches do with other gymnasts. There is no such thing as a "secret meet". Just because the coach didn't pass out all the info that a specific gymnast is going to a meet alone doesn't make it secret. And it drives me crazy when I hear parents upset or jelous about what is happening with someone other than their daughter. That feeling parents have that they should know every thing that is happening with every gymnast on the team is what I see as causing more mama drama than any thing else.

It isn't common but it does happen enough that I've seen it several times usually its because a girl needs to qualify for something and there isn't another meet before she needs to qualify. Usually that happens because for one reason or another the girl can't make the event that would qualify her. Its just a coach trying to do the best thing for the members of their teams.

No one should feel bad, slighted, or what ever because what happens to one girl on the team is no ones business but the parents, gymnasts and coaches. So long as my DD is getting what I'm paying for, isn't ignored during practice gets what she needs for training, I could care less what the coaches are doing or not doing with the other girls on the team. Let them take them to what ever meet they feel they need to where ever they want.

 

[Quadqueen]

Like GymBee97, the only time I've heard of a meet like this is when they're bringing a girl to a sectional when she needs to quality for states, or whatever. It's never really a secret though...it's just that the people that need to know, need to know. I've never felt slighted that my DD hasn't gone to an extra meet, because in our gym, it only means you haven't gotten where you need to be through the meets that are on the regular gym schedule. They're doing what they need to do for that particular gymnast.

Now, if the so-called secret meet is because the girl is outstanding and they feel she would do well at some big meet the rest of the meet isn't going to, that's a whole different situation. I'm not really sure about that.

 

[bogwoppit]

What of it was your dd that was singled out to go to a special invitational, along with the coaches kids? What if it wasn't about qualifying or advancing levels. What if it was secret as they are special. What if you were told to keep it quiet?

Just saying, it's not about jealousy. Sometimes is is about favouritism, and mine was that kid.

 

[lhmom]

The level 10 at DD's gym went to a separate meet from the other girls, but that was to attempt to qualify for the Nastia Liukin Cup. But everyone knew about it well beforehand and no one had a problem with it. Why keep it a secret anyway?

 

[GymBee97]

I don't think anyone keeps these things a secret its more like the folks that need to know get the info and those that don't need to know don't get the info. I don't think it's meant to be and intentional secret. Why should a gym, parent, coach, gymnast have to announce every plan for that gymnast that really only involves them to the whole gym when it isn't anyone else's concern? Honestly so long as I get what I'm paying for - my kid is getting the training, meets or what ever I don't really concern myself with what someone else is getting or not getting
.

 

[Quadqueen]

What of it was your dd that was singled out to go to a special invitational, along with the coaches kids? What if it wasn't about qualifying or advancing levels. What if it was secret as they are special. What if you were told to keep it quiet?

Just saying, it's not about jealousy. Sometimes is is about favouritism, and mine was that kid.

that's different, and it's not right.

 

[krisnkids]

What of it was your dd that was singled out to go to a special invitational, along with the coaches kids? What if it wasn't about qualifying or advancing levels. What if it was secret as they are special. What if you were told to keep it quiet?

Just saying, it's not about jealousy. Sometimes is is about favouritism, and mine was that kid.

My take is probably a bit different than most parents. Coaches are parents and people too. I can only imagine how hard it has to be to go to a meet coach 40 kids over 5 different sessions, and somehow squeeze in cheering, coaching and parenting your own child. I can see a coach's kid saying, 'Mom, why can't we just go to a meet by ourselves?' or 'Dad, why can't we just take Suzy with us to meet and not the entire team?' Whether or not that's happening I don't know, but I do try to believe the best about people until proven otherwise. If my gymmie was invited to something special or got preferential treatment I would discuss it with the coach that was singling her out and be sure of the intentions behind it. My gymmie did get singled out in the past, she was the only one repeating level 4 so when the new 4's moved up she was treated differently because she had all her 4 skills already. The new parents complained to the coach who patiently explained the situation, some understood, others who I considered cgm's still complained behind my back. But to each their own.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I have never heard of this happening at any gym and I would never do it myself.

But... Having said that, I disagree with the notion that all gymnasts should be provided with the same competition opportunities. Each gymnast is different and on a different path, what is right for one may not nessesarily be right for another and so on.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I have taken a few from a group to a different competition. Two had missed the first competition and I wanted them to get a competition in before a bigger/qualifying meet. This competition timed in well with the other comps and I offered everyone the chance to go (involved 4 hours travel). two opted to go and the rest were happy to stay home. If I had a kid who needed to qualify I would give everyone else the choice (assuming it timed with other meets). Everyone in the gym would know because they would all be cheering the kid on in training.

To select one or two with no real reason and not extend the invite is secretive to me. They would be a bad coach in my eyes if they only wanted to show off a few talented kids. Become a better coach, and make the rest of the group good if they don't meet your standards.

 

[Gymdad2]

As others have said, no meet is really secret. Sounds like bleacher gossip to me, of which there is way too much of. Always has been, always will be. If you are happy with the coaching that your dd is getting, IGNORE the rest of it. Doesn't really matter at all. Good luck.

 

[gymmomof1]

I'd love to hear opinions on coaches taking Gymnasts to special meets and making them keep it a secret and also keeping the whole thing a secret from the rest of the team. Does it bother you? Hurt morale? Make you wonder? Cause divisions and jealousy? Cause unnecessary drama? Is it wrong? Or does it really even matter?

What is this "dance moms"?. This is the first I ever heard of coaches secretly taking gymnasts to s meet. If a gymnast at dds club misses a sectional or needs to qualify for something then they would do a meet.

 

[lhmom]

Honestly, I think it's silly to try and keep it "secret" anyway. If it's not brought up by parents, it's likely that the kids will talk about it. I will say this: at DD's gym, we pay meet fees to the gym for a set amount of meets per season and it all goes into one account. I would only be upset if the general meet fee fund was used to pay for one child to go to an extra meet. If the gym wants to take a kid, then that gymnast's parent should be paying for the coaches' hotel, mileage, food, etc. Other than that, I'd have no issue because I understand different gymnasts may need to follow different paths.

 

[lhmom]

What is this "dance moms"?. This is the first I ever heard of coaches secretly taking gymnasts to s meet. If a gymnast at dds club misses a sectional or needs to qualify for something then they would do a meet.

Then why would it need to be kept "secret"? I think that's the point that the OP is trying to make. I would think that if it to try and qualify for something, people would understand. As I mentioned earlier, the level 10 at DD's gym went to a meet alone to attempt qualifying for Nastia Liukin Cup. Everyone at our gym knew about it and no one had a problem.

 

[bogwoppit]

I think the problem arises when parents are told to keep it a secret. For me it should be no different than any other meet. If scores are usually placed on the wall, or the website, they should be listed, if the 9.0 club is celebrated, it should be celebrated. Clearly when it is not talked about, parents and gymmies, are told not to tell people about it, it is because the coach knows it's a little iffy. If the coach knew it was all necessary for an individual child's success then there should be no reason to play games around it. Secrets have their way of leaking out (little kids often blab) and that is when feelings get hurt. Especially when there is no need for the secret, or maybe the meet, in the first place. Sure people shouldn't care, but get real, they do.