Parents Should non competing injured teammate be excluded/included from victory celebration?

[mariposa]

Definitely talk to the owner. You are not being unreasonable. I would be upset and talking to coach/owner as well. Good luck. I hope the owner stands up to the coach and these girls and tries to help them understand what a TEAM is.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Thank you for your replies. Of course, I felt that was correct, but wanted to make sure I was not just being an overprotective parent. I am not sure what is going on. My daughter and her teammate were injured and unable to attend this meet. The girls were told if they did well they would have a little party when they got back. The coach told the injured girls to be sure to cheer them on because they would be part of the party, too. Well, today coach stood by as the girls told my dd that they had decided not to include them since they did not contribute at the competition. One girl started to deliver the news, but could not get herself to say it, so another finished. She said something like she knows that if she did not compete she would be embarrassed to enjoy the reward so they are saving them from this by saying they are not invited.
My dd believes the coach just simply does not believe they are injured. There are no casts, no braces or anything visible. Both girls have back injuries. (Mine has had two sets of x-rays, a bone scan and MRI and is about to have another MRI next week. This injury was from a very hard fall she took when ice-skating this summer. She has been through PT, seemed to be better, but is now hurting again. Her orthopedic surgeon believes there is a problem and has talked about putting her in a brace.)
The owner is a great guy. He really makes each girl feel important and is very positive. I do not believe he would condone this, but I think he is in the dark. I am trying to figure out how to bring this up with him.

this might be the most outrageous and ridiculous post of 2011. AND IT'S ONLY FEBRUARY! maybe the moderators could have an election of sorts for the most ****** post of the year.

go to the owner. and then have your own celebration/losers party and invite EVERYONE BUT THE COACH! then have a separate and special 'morons' party. ONLY INVITE THE COACH!!

 

[sportzmomov3]

What kind of coach is this? This is wrong on ALL levels.

Part of what is wrong with youth sports these days - no one understands that character counts for WAY more than numbers on a board ANY day. And that includes coaches as well as crazy parents.

Ludicrous that any person in a position of authority would think that manipulating children to do your dirty work is ok - what a complete...you know what!

 

[Gymnasticgrandkids]

Definitely not "team" spirit by any means. If it was the coaches idea to leave the ones out that didn't participate, shame on him/her. If it was the girls, then they need a lesson in what a team is all about...it could have been them and then how would THEY feel?

 

[tgc]

I talked to the head coach/ owner. He knew about the private party and he explained why it was okay. First of all the girls voted for this, it was up to them.

 

[tgc]

Second, after the first meet they were all promised a party if their scores improved by a certain percent over the first set of scores. The other injured teammate scored fairly high on beam and floor at the first meet.

 

[tgc]

The girls had to vote on whether they wanted to try to include their injured teammates by trying to make the percent improvement over the entire group’s scores, minus the help of their injured teammates or drop their scores and only try to beat the scores of the girls currently competing. Of course, that meant that they would be dropped from the party.

Third, this is not really a team thing; its more of an individual girl thing.

Fourth, there is a fine line as to whether they are part of the team.

Sorry if I messed up anything that was said. I had a little trouble trying to follow what he was saying. He was upset about how the information was conveyed. The coach was supposed to tell her, not the girls. Also, it was not supposed to be a “NaaaNa NaNaaaa Na” moment, and it clearly was. The coach will be reprimanded on how the information was delivered.

Sorry this message is broken up. I kept getting an error message every time I typed much.

 

[mariposa]

I still find it wrong. Sorry your daughter has to go through this. And you, too. I don't think any of it made sense from what you said. First of all they were told they would be part of the celebration, then that they weren't.

It seems like neither the owner nor the coach understand the concept of a team, so it is no wonder the gymnasts don't either.

 

[gymjoy]

Can't say I really agree with the owner's reasonings, but it is good he is at least speaking to the coach.
It's a small concession to your dd though...

 

[sportzmomov3]

Still wrong on ALL levels. Nothing in that explanation is acceptable. It doesn't matter if they are injured - were they training as a team member? Were they scheduled to compete as team members during the season? How could there be a "fine line as to whether they were part of the team?" I just don't get how this "challenge" if you will, is helping the girls - again, a focus on scores rather than on improving execution is not helpful, because the gymnast does not control the score, only their own performance. So, a more appropriate challenge would have been, "we'll celebrate if everyone hits their routines" (i.e. no falls or missed connections) - this is a concrete and measurable target. You either do or don't, based on you. Scores from one meet to another as we all know, vary and are not in the control of the gymnast.

Obviously this is not a gym that will be preparing their girls for NCAA competition, where TEAM is the ONLY thing that matters. Individual achievements are not the priority of a college program - the success of the program is dependent on the TEAM's standings. Ugh, this one really steams me, so I'll just stop.

So sorry you and your DD have to go through such a hurtful situation...I say go with dunno's suggestion!

 

[tgc]

Thank you.

Thank you for your support and understanding. I did not understand the reasoning and my DD did not. She cried her heart out last night. I made things worse for her by talking to her head coach, because she was so much happier thinking he was not involved. To help her process we just decided some adults have bad logic and the girls were faced with a difficult decision. They may have had no party if they included her. Still, she cried herself to sleep. She says every day all she does is condition. And she looks over and they are all having so much fun doing gymnastics and how she wants to lie and say the doctor says go ahead and she feels great so she can start doing fun things again.

Yes, she has trained as a team member the entire time. I have paid for all the meets because we thought she would compete.

Again, thank you for letting me know that I am not crazy and it still feels wrong.

 

[ginnymac]

I am so sorry that your daughter is dealing with this. It is very sad. The lesson that these girls are being taught is unacceptable.

This behavior would make me seriously think over whether this particular gym is a good place for your dd. I think that parents of the other girls should consider this as well. The kids spend many hours over long periods of time at these gyms. If coaches are not leading with good moral character, it would not be a place that I'd want to keep my child.

Another example, a friend of my son's was injured for the entire football season this year. He did not play in one game, but had participated in the preseason clinics and first week of practice. He attended practices, watched games, but could not participate. The team went on to win their division and championships. This boy-who was unable to practice or play-still received a championship jacket and attended the parties,etc...no questions asked. He was part of the team.

 

[Gymnasticgrandkids]

Just happy my DGD's do not go to a gym where the team spirit is not taught and followed....I am so sorry for your DD but it looks like the gym is not going to intercept the problem and try to work it out so the best thing would be to put it behind you and move on or move out (unfortunately, moving out would make you look like a sore loser, which in my opinion you are not)...that gym needs to refocus on what it means to be a team and not set up situations like this one that can and does show that being a team is not what they are training.

 

[Gymdad2]

IMHO its time to look for a new gym. Copmpetative gymnastics is about more than medals and scores. Its about developing physical and mental strengh, its about setting and achieving goals, and its about being part of a team. If this gym is not stressing these elements to the girls then IMHO the owner and coach at this gym are not creating an environment where I would want my dd to be. Remember, its your dd's well-being that must be your number one priority.

 

[NGL780309]

This past season my DD didn't get to compete in a single meet with her team because she was too young, but she was never excluded from anything. She was considered part of the team and participated in every party, she celebrated with them, she was rewarded with the same prized etc that eveyone else got. For example, when every girl competed their ROBHS without a spot in the meet the girls were to have a party. DD was absoluted included in the party. Should she have been since she never did hers in a meet? Nobody even questioned it. She wasn't one of the girls that ever had a spot to begin with, but still technically she didn't meet the criteria since she never went to a meet. If you live in an area with lots of gyms, I'd be moving on or at least looking at other places.

 

[NGL780309]

I just thought of another example of this. When an NCAA team wins a championship they get rings. Everyone gets one on the team, not just the girls whose scores counted. Their are girls who didn't compete one routine at the actual meet because they didn't make the line-ups or because they were injured, but they still get a ring.

 

[kikimom]

I still think it is wrong. The parents of the other girls should be doing something to teach their daughters proper team behavior. If I was one of those parents I would not send my daughter to the celebration. I would have my own and invite your daughter!

 

[mariposa]

I am with Kikimom, my daughter would not be attending to party in protest. NGL made good points and that is really what the concept of a team is. One for all and all for one.

I would be tempted to find another gym for my daughter and upon leaving, print out this thread and give it to all the coaches and parents.

Out of curiosity, what are the parents of the other girls saying? Are they not as outraged? It could very well be their daughters next time.

 

[lhmom]

I was wondering the same thing. Way to promote team bonding there. In all honesty, if there were other options, gym-wise, I'd probably be looking at them. That's still so very wrong to put kids in this position.

 

[3stars]

I'm sorry, but that is wrong. All that coach and owner is teaching those girls is that they are not a team, but a group of individuals. And if the decision truly was left to the girls, I feel sorry that no one has ever taught them about teamwork and that they didn't stick up for their injured teammates. It should have been all or nothing.